Miscellaneous: Today, it's my birthday. I'm a pastry chef by profession. Not...

By peter - Indonesia

Today, it's my birthday. I'm a pastry chef by profession. Not only did my family buy a cake from my bakery, I had to make it myself and inscribe it with 'Happy Birthday Dad'. The worst part is, they asked money from me to pay for it. FML

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Miscellaneous

Walk on the wild side

Rock, hard place

Family ties

By day001313 - United States - Albany

Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML

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By wishihadpockets - United States

Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets. A friend walks up and asks for a smoke. I say "I've got something you can smoke right here", tugging at my shorts. The "friend" then kicks me in the nuts for being a douche. FML

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By fuck off you fucking shitburglar - United Kingdom - London

Today, a tailgating idiot rear-ended me at a red light, then had the balls to say it was my fault for "driving too close" to his car. FML

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By Some Guy - United States - Allen

Today, I was babysitting a 2 year old. He was messing around with a silver fork and I told him it was dangerous. He then got mad at me and started crying and stabbed me right in my foot. Be warned, even though they're little, they can still cause a lot of pain. FML

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By CompleteWithPictures - United States

Today, I was having dinner with some friends at an Applebees. I couldn't decide on what I wanted, and after about 10 minutes of me flipping through the menu, our waiter brings over the braille menu complete with gigantic pictures of all the dishes and says "Here, I thought this might help." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my "best friend" invited me to drink with her and a couple other friends. She told me to "just bring a few bucks for beer". When I got there, no one else had brought money, including her. They only invited me because I'm the only one with a job. FML

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By marquez_jasmine - Canada - Kingston

Today, after feeling a little down about myself and looking for comfort from my boyfriend, he told me that my stretch marks make me look like a tiger. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was kicked out of a comedy club for laughing too loudly. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Oakland

Today, I had my driver's test in rural Maine. I hit a cow. FML

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML

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By crackie - Korea, Republic of

Today, my job as a supervisor has become increasingly ridiculous because one employee doesn't want to do the tasks I give her. My supervisor tells me to keep working with her and giving her work. When she goes directly to him, he tells her she doesn't have to do them. FML

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By zheiraT - United States - South Portland

Today, I walked into my boss's office to ask for a raise, and walked out unemployed. FML

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30092

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By LAME - United States

Today, I was at my ex-girlfriends house, whom I still have a major crush on. After cuddling as we watched a movie, she began to show me several pictures she had taken on her cell, and asked which ones I liked the best. She then sent the pictures I had chosen, to a guy she had met a week ago. FML

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By ovawerkrd - United Kingdom

Today, I finished working a week's overtime managing admin, stock, finances, and three members of staff. I realised that despite all my extra work, I actually earn less per hour than the students who only work on the weekends. FML

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By depressedpreggo - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML

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By Hammy - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML

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29656

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I discovered that I needed to reapply for my job in order to have a chance at keeping it. The applications closed yesterday. FML

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30034

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By PickedOnByDamien - United States - Holyoke

Today, my bully made me cry once again. It's been going on for weeks. I don't know who to turn to; I can't say anything because I'd get into even more trouble. He even stole my Nintendo 3DS and won't give it back. My bully is my girlfriend's son. He's 10. FML

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By samdog37 - 1/12/2020 14:06

Mopping mad

Today, my brand-obsessed sister bought $200 shorts. She was cutting the tag off of them in the kitchen and left them on the counter. I went into the kitchen, poured me some coke, and spilled it all over the counter. I thought the shorts were a rag. FML

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By Single Sally - United States - Brandon

For what occasion

Today, my boyfriend of five years finally gave me "a ring." Oh no, not an "engagement ring." He gave me a "ring to apologize for sleeping with his married coworker." FML

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By allergyssuck

Today, I got a soap that my doctor recommended, because I am allergic to the vast majority of soaps. After driving 45 miles to the only store that sells it and paying $12 for a bottle, I found out I am allergic to it too. FML

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By Ania - United States

Today, I went shopping with my mom. I went into my department and tried on some clothes. After a few minutes, there is an announcement that a child has gone missing. Staff are searching the store. I see my mom and she hugs me in tears and yells, "I found her!" I'm almost 17. FML

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By Foreveralone - United States - Hartford

Today, I was told I'm not invited to my best friend's birthday party. Apparently, being divorced and childless doesn't "mesh" well with the rest of the group. My parents are still watching her kids so she can go away for the weekend. FML

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By notarobber - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Yikes!

Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my dad offered to pay me $40 to wash his car. Needing money to buy a video game, I agreed, and went out in the freezing weather to do the job. I finished the task, only to be paid in Monopoly money. My dad still hasn't gotten over how "funny" his prank was. FML

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By leftout - United States

Today, I was one of five people called up to the front in class to receive a special notice from the school administration. The first four people received awards for outstanding effort in school. Mine was a notice that I had overdue library fines. FML

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By NewRoommateNeededASAP - United States

Today, I skipped class and went to back my apartment early. I found that my roommate had broken into my room and was laying in my bed wearing my underwear, taking pictures of herself. Apparently, she's been doing it all semester. FML

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By dickbag - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, my mom hates my grandmother (her mother-in-law) so much that she's trying to guilt me into not visiting her when I come home for Thanksgiving. I wouldn't be coming home for Thanksgiving in the first place, but my grandmother bought me the plane ticket. FML

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By James - Australia

Today, my front house window was smashed. A note was left, saying 'I want my cat back'. I have no idea what they are talking about. FML

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By No Job - United States - Prairieville

Today, I was supposed to start my new job. I had forgotten I had a doctor's appointment, so I called work early and told them I wouldn't be able to start until tomorrow. My boss then terminated my employment. I got fired before I even started. FML

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By Icy - United States

Today, my crush was talking to me on Facebook. He said, "Did you know that 99% of the time a guy is talking to a girl it's because he wants to go out with her? Yeah, well, this is that 1%." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denison

Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML

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By Meowit - United States - Livonia

Today, it's my birthday, and everyone, family and friends, forgot. Except my dog who left me a present on my bed. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I am 8 weeks pregnant. I have debilitating 'morning sickness' all day. And now I get to add peeing my pants every time I throw up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Asheboro

Today, I received an email from my professor asking me not to jump ahead on assignments as it makes the other students look bad. FML

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47093

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By comet5002 - United States

Today, I played a goth character in my friend's student film with goth clothes, lip ring, eyeliner, etc. We went into Starbucks at break and an elderly man came up to me and said "Your kind is the reason for all the bad stuff in this world" and then spat in my $5 drink. FML

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By ANON - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, one of my ears randomly went deaf. I went to the doctor, thinking I had an ear infection or something. Turns out that your ears can go deaf entirely without reason, and I now have medication to take to see if I can get any of my hearing back in that ear. I'm only 26. FML

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29967

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By thanks google - United States - Naperville

Today, while I was driving, Google said it found a faster route to save me 15 minutes. I hit accept, only be directed into a gridlock on the interstate, adding an hour to my drive time. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went into work and noticed one of my fellow colleagues had a large bunch of flowers on her desk. As soon as I saw her, I immediately said, "Happy Birthday!" Everyone went quiet. It wasn't her birthday; her father had died. FML

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Top comments

By unfortunate_13 | 5

#555568 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:24

the fact that they bought it from your bakery is a good thing! it means they think your cakes are the best, so take it as a compliment!

the rest still sucks though...

By ydi_bitch | 0

#555596 - Friday 11 September 2009 13:02

The Cake is a LIE !

COMMENTS

By tingting1 | 0

#555511 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:03

aw that sucks..... birthday to remember....

whyowhy26 | 3

#555516 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:05

YDI for causing the war in Iraq

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#556415 - Friday 11 September 2009 21:29

Whyowhy, I apologize deeply for that.

B_Foxy | 0

#556797 - Saturday 12 September 2009 0:00

Today's my birthday too C:

albert17 | 0

#884449 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 5:57

you were born on 9/11?

FreakingFYou | 13

#2313423 - Friday 8 April 2011 8:10

wtf? I'm pretty sure he did not do this on his bday.

rcbarnes | 24

#4085702 - Saturday 25 February 2012 10:19

Makes me appreciate my birthday spent alone and without human contact all day...

By BeTePoK | 10

#555513 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:04

Agree with #1. Can't believe they asked you to pay for it...
FYL

shamille | 5

#556143 - Friday 11 September 2009 19:34

tell me you refused!

By st87 | 0

#555520 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:06

wow.. dude. That sucks to the max!

By Imrickjamesbitch | 0

#555522 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

xoxokelsey11 | 5

#3790845 - Monday 26 December 2011 20:39

whoah, chill out

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#555524 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:07

awww, happy birthday
http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e58/wtolwwtt/birfdai.jpg

TheBigDawg | 8

#556489 - Friday 11 September 2009 22:02

Best.
Image.
Ever.

By Th217 | 2

#555541 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

KittyKatGirl | 14

#555550 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:18

it was the OP's birthday, if you read the fml, his familly (most likely children) had him make his OWN cake, and paid with HIS money

omg_moments | 0

#555713 - Friday 11 September 2009 14:37

"since it is in fact, your father, shouldnt you have just made it out of the kindness of your heart? wow your an asshole" by Th217

are you stupid?? he MADE HIS OWN birthday cake. and payed for it. so that makes him an asshole?? no, your comment makes you an idiot.

By wtfismyfml | 0

#555557 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:21

at least you got the cake you wanted

By Intellectualist | 0

#555558 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:21

So you're going to be that guy.

By unfortunate_13 | 5

#555568 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:24

the fact that they bought it from your bakery is a good thing! it means they think your cakes are the best, so take it as a compliment!

the rest still sucks though...

fancymega | 7

#2541519 - Saturday 21 May 2011 3:27

it's not his dad it's him! it says it's his birthday. when they say dad they mean from his children to him

By SquareBox39 | 0

#555580 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:32

YDI for eating a banana instead of frosted flakes last Thursday

Jmido | 0

#555726 - Friday 11 September 2009 14:47

Stupid attempt at being funny. Try again next time.