Today, it's my birthday. I'm a pastry chef by profession. Not...

By peter - 11/9/2009 04:33 - Indonesia

Today, it's my birthday. I'm a pastry chef by profession. Not only did my family buy a cake from my bakery, I had to make it myself and inscribe it with 'Happy Birthday Dad'. The worst part is, they asked money from me to pay for it. FML

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Miscellaneous

Nice neighborhood

Banished

In my day…

By eatmywords - 5/7/2011 07:06 - Singapore

Today, I laughed when I saw my ex-girlfriend in her overall uniform, thinking she'd got a job as a janitor. Turns out she's as professional marine welder. She's 22 years old and earns my monthly salary in three days. My current girlfriend who was there with me called me a loser in front of her. FML

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By SayItToMyFace - 11/11/2015 17:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend asked me to text him when I got home after driving 40 miles in bad weather from his house back to mine. When I did, he broke up with me. FML

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By noname - 13/12/2008 05:48 - France

Today, my wife, in her magnificent wedding dress, had her period during the ceremony. How did I find out? The same way everyone else did. FML

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By d - 26/3/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, when I was trying to break up with my boyfriend, I told him how I needed space and time to think. His response was, "Ok, we're out of condoms anyway." FML

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By me - 19/5/2012 02:41 - United States - Wyandotte

Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML

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By (._. ) - 6/8/2013 20:35 - United States - Alburnett

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd ask his dad if it was okay. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "come on, dad" and "but why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

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By xUnluckyx - 18/3/2010 05:45 - Canada

Today, I was working, ripping siding off a house. I pulled off a sheet that was over my head. I got rained with what I thought was woodchips that was behind the siding. Turns out they were dead grasshoppers. Guess what I found in my bra after work. FML

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By BlueMacaw - 16/9/2015 06:53 - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd patronized for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2020 17:00

Fairytale ending

Today, as something cute to do, me and my boyfriend dressed as Snow White and the Prince so we could photograph the moment he kisses me and I wake up. He thought it would be funny to use his penis, so now there’s a picture of us dressed up with my dumb self kissing his penis with my eyes closed. FML

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By brylynn - 26/8/2012 01:58 - United States

Today, I fainted during my sister's wedding because my dress was too tight. When I woke up, she slapped me hard across the face. Why? Because I "took all the attention away" from her. FML

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By jab43 - 23/7/2011 00:57 - United States

Today, after returning home from a camping trip, I found a leech on my love spuds. I ended up having to call my dad in to help me get it off. FML

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By Alyssa - 19/10/2009 19:37 - United States

Today, my manager mentioned that she'd hired a "cute boy" to help me out at work with paperwork. The "cute boy" was my ex-fiancé and now I have to be with him in an office for 30 some hours a week while his current fiancée brings him lunch everyday. FML

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By t.hughes - 1/4/2013 14:50 - United States

Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML

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By fishoutofwater - 3/12/2015 04:22 - United States - Radcliff

Today, in an attempt to broaden my horizons in another sport besides swimming, I succeeded in getting a frisbee spiked into my face. FML

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By apparentlyunattractive - 7/6/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, someone left a note on my car, saying "You're gorgeous. Call me. #######." I called the number and they said they saw me in the store I was in, telling me "You were the ONLY attractive person in there." We decided to meet up. He walks over, I say hi, he says "I think I put my number on the wrong car." FML

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By I'm Trading Up For A Dog - 14/12/2014 20:28 - Finland - Pori

Today, I finished a painting I'd spent 3 weeks working on for an exhibition. When I came back from lunch, my cat was perched above it on my desk. He looked at me, then down at the painting, then jumped down onto it. He slipped and smeared the wet paint everywhere, ruining the whole thing. FML

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By Concussed - 17/1/2010 06:22 - Australia

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

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By GuessImWalking - 13/5/2017 16:00

Today, I found out I will be without a car for two weeks because my mother volunteered to let my grandparents use mine while theirs is being repaired. They've been in 4 accidents over the last year. FML

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By CrescentSelene - 23/12/2019 20:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Without me

Today, I saw my mom's Facebook profile picture for the first time. It had all of my family members in it. I was cropped out. FML

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By NotYourTracy - 30/10/2018 13:30

Today, while on the bus, I started a conversation with the person next to me. After a little back and forth, she finally said, "Do you think people will stop talking to me if I say I have aids?" FML

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By CAchickadee - 29/5/2011 04:27 - United States

Today, I was singing while unloading my dishwasher. I heard a knock on the door and went to answer it only to find the police telling me they received noise complaints from my neighbors. I live next-door to my parents. FML

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By honey, no boo-boo - 12/11/2014 17:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend threatened to break up with me if I don't satisfy his "needs." By "needs", he means me wearing a diaper during foreplay. FML

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By Andy - 18/11/2008 21:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a smoke out on the balcony of my apartment. When I was walking back into the house, I walked straight into the large glass sliding door, loudly whacking it with my forehead, subsequently waking up my 2 other flatmates at 2.30am. FML

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By anon - 31/7/2014 03:12 - Canada - Goderich

Today, my father tripped over the dog and hit a wall. He was so convinced his arm was broken that we waited for 3 hours in emergency to find out he had a bruise. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2019 16:00

Today, it's my birthday, I received two cards, one from my mum and one from my son, that my mum gave to him to give to me. My entire family said they couldn't be bothered going out for dinner for my birthday. My two 'friends' didn't even send a card, never mind a gift or want to meet up. FML

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By Atropos - 1/6/2019 00:00

Today, I went to the campus health office because I had some VERY strong pains in my side. I thought my appendix was about to burst. I asked the receptionist for a doctor, but she said they were all out of the office until later, and kindly offered to make me an appointment for mid June. FML

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By BatWife - 29/3/2017 19:00 - United States - New London

Today, my husband cleaned out our fireplace and found a very dead, mummified bat. After chasing me around the house with it, he set it atop the mantel. He refuses to get rid of it, and calls it "Henry". FML

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By emergencyroom - 15/3/2014 12:21 - United States - Parkton

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

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By diskdude13 - 15/10/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, I just let out all my feeling for a woman that I have loved for 22 years. When I finished she said "You're so funny" and walked away. FML

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By LonelyBoy - 1/2/2011 13:05 - Australia

Today, I was going through the history on my computer. Apparently, while I was at school my mother used my computer, and I now know my mother wants to learn how to make her breasts look larger, amongst other things. FML

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By Rojo - 14/8/2018 03:30

Today, I was notified that my work is cutting my pay almost in half. I just renewed my long-term lease on an expensive apartment because I was able to afford it before this morning. Now I have no idea how I’m going to pay for it. FML

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By foreversingle - 30/6/2013 18:09 - Netherlands - Helmond

Today, I bought some makeup supplies at the supermarket. The cashier snorted and muttered, "Not enough in the world for you." FML

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By Anon - 26/12/2015 02:03 - United States

Today, I thought my mom and I could put aside our differences and open our Christmas presents. When she opened mine, she turned to my dad and said she didn't want the present, so I could give it to someone else. 'Tis the season. FML

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By sick - 21/9/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I decided I would call in sick to work after working 60 hours the week before just so I could have a day off... My body responded this morning with vomiting and diarrhea so I had to call in sick and didn't get to have much fun... Karma 1 Me 0. FML

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By katiebell - 4/10/2019 12:00

Crossed purposes

Today, while I was walking home, a homeless man saw me and didn't ask for change, but how much I charged. FML

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By Mike - 16/10/2012 08:07 - United States

Today, I got a call from my son's school saying to pick him up because he'd shat his pants. He's in high school. FML

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By _TaToRtOt_ - 18/7/2011 13:08 - United States

Today, my step dad stole over $400 worth of savings from me. He spent it on alcohol, fireworks, and a very large sombrero. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2009 19:07 - United States

Today, I had the Monday meeting that I have had every week for 8 months. We had new people joining today. One of my bosses went around the room introducing people, and he forgot my name. I've been sitting across from him with a nametag for 8 months. FML

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By News to Me - 21/10/2018 15:30

Today, I went to switch my phone number to a new carrier. During the credit check, I was told that I couldn't because I already had an active account. This came as a surprise, as I've never had an account with that carrier. Time to file a fraud claim. FML

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Top comments

By unfortunate_13 | 5

#555568 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:24

the fact that they bought it from your bakery is a good thing! it means they think your cakes are the best, so take it as a compliment!

the rest still sucks though...

By ydi_bitch | 0

#555596 - Friday 11 September 2009 13:02

The Cake is a LIE !

COMMENTS

By tingting1 | 0

#555511 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:03

aw that sucks..... birthday to remember....

whyowhy26 | 3

#555516 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:05

YDI for causing the war in Iraq

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#556415 - Friday 11 September 2009 21:29

Whyowhy, I apologize deeply for that.

B_Foxy | 0

#556797 - Saturday 12 September 2009 0:00

Today's my birthday too C:

albert17 | 0

#884449 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 5:57

you were born on 9/11?

FreakingFYou | 13

#2313423 - Friday 8 April 2011 8:10

wtf? I'm pretty sure he did not do this on his bday.

rcbarnes | 24

#4085702 - Saturday 25 February 2012 10:19

Makes me appreciate my birthday spent alone and without human contact all day...

By BeTePoK | 10

#555513 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:04

Agree with #1. Can't believe they asked you to pay for it...
FYL

shamille | 5

#556143 - Friday 11 September 2009 19:34

tell me you refused!

By st87 | 0

#555520 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:06

wow.. dude. That sucks to the max!

By Imrickjamesbitch | 0

#555522 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:07

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

xoxokelsey11 | 5

#3790845 - Monday 26 December 2011 20:39

whoah, chill out

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#555524 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:07

awww, happy birthday
http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e58/wtolwwtt/birfdai.jpg

TheBigDawg | 8

#556489 - Friday 11 September 2009 22:02

Best.
Image.
Ever.

By Th217 | 2

#555541 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:13

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

KittyKatGirl | 14

#555550 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:18

it was the OP's birthday, if you read the fml, his familly (most likely children) had him make his OWN cake, and paid with HIS money

omg_moments | 0

#555713 - Friday 11 September 2009 14:37

"since it is in fact, your father, shouldnt you have just made it out of the kindness of your heart? wow your an asshole" by Th217

are you stupid?? he MADE HIS OWN birthday cake. and payed for it. so that makes him an asshole?? no, your comment makes you an idiot.

By wtfismyfml | 0

#555557 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:21

at least you got the cake you wanted

By Intellectualist | 0

#555558 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:21

So you're going to be that guy.

By unfortunate_13 | 5

#555568 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:24

the fact that they bought it from your bakery is a good thing! it means they think your cakes are the best, so take it as a compliment!

the rest still sucks though...

fancymega | 7

#2541519 - Saturday 21 May 2011 3:27

it's not his dad it's him! it says it's his birthday. when they say dad they mean from his children to him

By SquareBox39 | 0

#555580 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:32

YDI for eating a banana instead of frosted flakes last Thursday

Jmido | 0

#555726 - Friday 11 September 2009 14:47

Stupid attempt at being funny. Try again next time.