Today, it's my birthday. I'm a pastry chef by profession. Not...

By peter - Indonesia

Today, it's my birthday. I'm a pastry chef by profession. Not only did my family buy a cake from my bakery, I had to make it myself and inscribe it with 'Happy Birthday Dad'. The worst part is, they asked money from me to pay for it. FML

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Miscellaneous

Serious times

Not gonna happen

Craft beer bores

By joyness - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running my hands up and down my friend's leg sexually to creep him out. I woke up and I realized that I was running my hand up and down the leg of the old man sitting next to me. FML

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By stuckonrepeat - United Kingdom

Today, I received the results of the exams that I re-took in order to improve my grades. I got exactly the same grades as before in all four exams. Point for point identical. FML

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17340

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By diskdude13 - United States

Today, I just let out all my feeling for a woman that I have loved for 22 years. When I finished she said "You're so funny" and walked away. FML

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36530

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By anon - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, my father got out of rehab for his alcoholism. This would be great if he hadn't started drinking the moment he got home. FML

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By Laura - United States

Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML

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32433

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By HouseMdFangirl - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my best friend. While waiting for it to start, I went on to describe this guy I really liked and how badly I wanted to do him. Just then the girl sitting behind us leans down and says "That's my little brother. So you're the creeper he talks about." FML

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By firedofbirthday - France

Today, I was fired. Why? Because I called in sick on my daughter's birthday, even though you cannot "abandon work for personal affairs". My boss's favorite employee got to skip work on his wife's birthday two weeks ago. He still works here. FML

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By oicwydt - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to go to a car show. I told him to hold on, I had to ask my mom. I quietly asked her to say no for me. She said "Sure!". FML

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By Matt L. - 30/7/2020 14:02

Thanks, I hate it

Today, my car insurance called about "the car I hit" on Monday night. Monday, I'd gone to the girl I’ve been seeing for a month's house for chicken parm and to meet her parents. I parked on the street. Her dad ran into the back of my car, leaving a dent. I never got the chicken parm either. FML

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By SuperCoolGurl - Australia

Today, the cute guy in my class asked if I wanted to come over to his house to "study" on Saturday for our finals. I went to his house expecting a good time. He actually wanted to study. FML

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By sharkiewarkiemoosey - Switzerland - Gossau

Today, I tried to catch a train to get to my new job. I was stopped and told that I needed a pre-purchased ticket to enter the platform. The only way to get the ticket, they said, was by buying one on the platform. I arrived by taxi nearly an hour late for my first day. FML

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40388

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By "The Cat Tickler"

Today, I took a flight from Seattle to Oregon but missed my flight back home to California because the flight attendant came in late and delayed our flight take off time. Then I was told the only way to get California was to go back to Seattle and fly to California from there. FML

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1804

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By nerdlette - United States - Newport News

Today, I was feeling really down and insecure after a friend joked about how small my boobs are. When my grandma got me to tell her what happened, she reassured me that all the girls in our family were late bloomers. I said "Really?" and she replied, "Oh no dear. Quite the opposite." FML

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39026

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By myheadhurts - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I got a concussion. It was when an entire shelf of bicycle helmets tumbled onto my skull. FML

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42026

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3114

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By Xpload - United States - Lake Orion

Today, I woke up with a skull-splitting headache. I braved the wind and freezing temperatures to get to work. Today is also the day my boss thought it would be cute to let the elementary school band play at our office. FML

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45360

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were in his car when he burst out crying, I thought it might have been because we had gotten into a huge fight and he felt bad. No, he cried on my shoulder for a half hour because he misses his ex-girlfriend. He's been writing songs about wanting her back. FML

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38437

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3944

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By iannie - United States

Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML

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29326

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By Nadaz - United States - Charlotte

Today, while talking to my girlfriend, the subject of Darth Vader came up. That's when she asked me, "Aren't Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker the same person?" I don't know what's worse, the fact that she asked me that, or the fact that I got upset over her lack of Star Wars knowledge. FML

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25236

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By Miko - United States

Today, my friend caught me watching a movie on Oxygen instead of the Super Bowl. I'm a guy. FML

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10227

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By 8 Legs plus 1 - 8/5/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom

Spider-Maaaaaaan

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She went to the bathroom momentarily, only to be greeted by a 'huge' spider, which disappeared under a cabinet. Due to her chronic arachnophobia, this instantly turned her off and caused her paranoia all night. I essentially got cock-blocked by a spider. FML

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1754

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By hakuna matata - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML

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28887

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By everyonesdivorced - Iraq

Today, my husband of five years told me he's leaving me and will be gone when I return from Iraq. When I told him I love him and asked him not to go, he said he won't file divorce papers just yet, but he's moving out-of-state because "we need time apart." I've been gone for most of the year. FML

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47471

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By fulloshit - United States

Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML

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35948

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By ApparentlyBadDriver - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I got into a fight with my parents when they called me a bad driver. Imagine their smugness when I had to call them two hours later and tell them that I drove into a pole. FML

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17681

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By SLOMan90 - United States

Today, my college professor handed every student a note card and told us to rate his looks from 1 to 5. Is this what I pay $20,000 a year for? FML

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33244

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By Daddy - United States - Hialeah

Today, I discovered an effective form of body hair removal. I discovered that my three-year-old daughter is strong enough to pull off a major clump of my leg hair. FML

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13523

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

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42055

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By Anonymous

Today, while on vacation, I got fired for not working a shift I wasn't scheduled for. Even after texting my boss a copy of my vacation approval letter, she still fired me. FML

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6894

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By Username

Today, my ex-girlfriend moved out. I came back to a sparsely furnished home, she even took the shower head, my beard trimmer, and the soap from the bathroom. FML

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36986

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By thanksbro - United States

Today, I came home from school and ran to the nearest bathroom to go #2. In my hurry, I forgot to shut the door so I asked my older brother who was walking by to close it for me. After a while he didn't respond, so I looked up to see not my brother, but his best friend watching me take a crap. FML

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32738

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By Yo mom - United States

Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML

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8662

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, if it wasn't already embarrassing enough to tell my boyfriend I was on my period, I had to explain what a period is in the first place, how it works, and why it means nothing can happen during that time of the month. He's twenty. FML

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49229

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By SolaceInRage - United States - Wilmette

Today, I tossed half a sausage to a dog sitting beside a park bench. It wasn't until he lunged for it and dragged the man beside him off of the bench that I realized it was a seeing eye dog. FML

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34081

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By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, I went into hospital for knee surgery. When I awoke, I was surprised to find a bandage wrapped around my throbbing head. The nurse explained that a student observer had fainted in the operating room and his head had smashed against mine on the way down. FML

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44342

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By Anonymous

Today, I got yelled at for not taking an order correctly at work. I've been washing dishes all day and haven't taken a single order. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15060

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862

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By jazzie7719 - United States - Arlington

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

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36898

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By ohdamn - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the dentist. I parked my car in what I thought was the dentist's car park. It was actually the car park for the business next door. I had to watch them clamp my car from the dentist's chair. FML

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32647

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By moron - United States

Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a Youtube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML

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31262

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, my grandfather was counting all the grandchildren he had and saying how fortunate he was to have all of us. When I pointed out that he'd forgotten to count me, he turned and said "You're adopted, you don't count as a real grandchild" FML

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93072

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a surveillance camera in my room. FML

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53145

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Top comments

By unfortunate_13 | 5

#555568 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:24

the fact that they bought it from your bakery is a good thing! it means they think your cakes are the best, so take it as a compliment!

the rest still sucks though...

By ydi_bitch | 0

#555596 - Friday 11 September 2009 13:02

The Cake is a LIE !

COMMENTS

By tingting1 | 0

#555511 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:03

aw that sucks..... birthday to remember....

whyowhy26 | 3

#555516 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:05

YDI for causing the war in Iraq

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#556415 - Friday 11 September 2009 21:29

Whyowhy, I apologize deeply for that.

B_Foxy | 0

#556797 - Saturday 12 September 2009 0:00

Today's my birthday too C:

albert17 | 0

#884449 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 5:57

you were born on 9/11?

FreakingFYou | 13

#2313423 - Friday 8 April 2011 8:10

wtf? I'm pretty sure he did not do this on his bday.

rcbarnes | 24

#4085702 - Saturday 25 February 2012 10:19

Makes me appreciate my birthday spent alone and without human contact all day...

By BeTePoK | 10

#555513 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:04

Agree with #1. Can't believe they asked you to pay for it...
FYL

shamille | 5

#556143 - Friday 11 September 2009 19:34

tell me you refused!

By st87 | 0

#555520 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:06

wow.. dude. That sucks to the max!

By Imrickjamesbitch | 0

#555522 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:07

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

xoxokelsey11 | 5

#3790845 - Monday 26 December 2011 20:39

whoah, chill out

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#555524 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:07

awww, happy birthday
http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e58/wtolwwtt/birfdai.jpg

TheBigDawg | 8

#556489 - Friday 11 September 2009 22:02

Best.
Image.
Ever.

By Th217 | 2

#555541 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:13

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

KittyKatGirl | 14

#555550 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:18

it was the OP's birthday, if you read the fml, his familly (most likely children) had him make his OWN cake, and paid with HIS money

omg_moments | 0

#555713 - Friday 11 September 2009 14:37

"since it is in fact, your father, shouldnt you have just made it out of the kindness of your heart? wow your an asshole" by Th217

are you stupid?? he MADE HIS OWN birthday cake. and payed for it. so that makes him an asshole?? no, your comment makes you an idiot.

By wtfismyfml | 0

#555557 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:21

at least you got the cake you wanted

By Intellectualist | 0

#555558 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:21

So you're going to be that guy.

By unfortunate_13 | 5

#555568 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:24

the fact that they bought it from your bakery is a good thing! it means they think your cakes are the best, so take it as a compliment!

the rest still sucks though...

fancymega | 7

#2541519 - Saturday 21 May 2011 3:27

it's not his dad it's him! it says it's his birthday. when they say dad they mean from his children to him

By SquareBox39 | 0

#555580 - Friday 11 September 2009 12:32

YDI for eating a banana instead of frosted flakes last Thursday

Jmido | 0

#555726 - Friday 11 September 2009 14:47

Stupid attempt at being funny. Try again next time.