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By SpanishInFrenchClass - 06/12/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 793

You deserved it 5 446

By Addicted2FML303 - 06/12/2010 22:50 - United States

Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 790

You deserved it 5 273

By mhmohyeah - 10/11/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I was jumping on every crunchy leaf on the sidewalk. I went especially far out of my way to step on one only to notice it didn't crunch right. I looked closer, it was a dead bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 789

You deserved it 18 481

The downside of nepotism

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Cornwall

Today, I thought my dad was finally showing interest in the business I started last year when he asked about my next event. Nope, he just wanted to know if I would hire his step-granddaughter. Her first question? "So, I won't have to do any like, real work right?" Gee, thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 787

You deserved it 2 411

By Anonymous - 22/02/2015 18:52 - Malta - Naxxar

Today, I got really anxious thinking I was going to piss off the guy behind me by not moving off at a stop light fast enough. It got so bad that I had a panic attack right there in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 787

You deserved it 7 061

By bushwhacker - 05/03/2015 23:34 - United States - Wichita

Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair, skin and nails vitamins. The only thing growing noticeably longer, faster, stronger, and healthier are my pubes. I've never sheared a sheep before, but I imagine the maintenance I just did was comparable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 787

You deserved it 3 319

By Anonymous - 20/06/2012 16:41 - United States - Naperville

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 784

You deserved it 3 799

By wrestling probs - 26/05/2015 02:24 - United States

Today, I was wrestling in a tournament. I was in the finals about to win when the kid threw up on me. They thought I'd hit him in the stomach hard enough to make him throw up, so they disqualified me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 783

You deserved it 2 019

By roomingwithevil - 09/05/2012 23:26 - United States - Slinger

Today, I found out who my randomly assigned roommate was. Out of 10,000+ people, I just happen to get assigned a girl who threatened to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 783

You deserved it 2 075

By trashcanned - 06/04/2009 11:47 - United States

Today, it was really windy and rainy causing me to trip and knock into a little kid. While still gathering myself, I apologized and patted the kid on its head. Then I see people around me starting to laugh. I turn and look at the kid, and discover I've been interacting with a trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 782

You deserved it 52 243

By must.not.itch. - 02/06/2012 23:25 - United States - Hayward

Today, on the bright side, my boobs grew a size. Unfortunately, this was only after bed bugs decided to attack my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 781

You deserved it 3 198

By ivegotapackage - 05/01/2015 23:47 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I got a notice on my apartment door that I'd received a package when no one was home, and it was left at the backdoor. I don't have a backdoor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 781

You deserved it 2 090

Haunted by you

By Tech Savvy - 20/09/2011 00:20 - United States

Today, my ex, whom I haven't seen in two years, contacted me. She was great company back in the day, wild in bed, the most attractive person I've ever dated, and totally uninterested in a serious relationship. She wants me to fix her computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 780

You deserved it 5 001

By Anonymous - 03/09/2015 01:33 - United States - Hayward

Today, the priest at my wedding farted. Everyone thought it was me. The guests, my bride, even the priest himself looked at me in disgust before continuing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 780

You deserved it 1 755

By 1suckatL1fe - 04/05/2009 19:04 - United States

Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my ex-girlfriend's number. She texted back, "One of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 780

You deserved it 72 393

By Nana - 22/10/2012 15:39 - Sweden - Skellefte

Today, I showed my friends the picture I drew picturing the four of us in a 'zombie apocalypse' setting. Turns out they never saw me as their friend, and I'm creeping them out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 778

You deserved it 8 527

Hyperrealism

By Anonymous - 24/11/2012 01:29 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was rejected for a dream photography job that involves travelling all over the world, because according to the interviewer, half the photos in my nature portfolio were "blatantly photoshopped." I guess reality isn't realistic enough for some people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 777

You deserved it 1 908

By Anonymous - 01/09/2012 23:15 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, a dog attacked me. Its owner, instead of apologizing and helping me, said it was my own fault for making it think I was an attacker by running past them. We were on a jogging track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 776

You deserved it 1 982

Date night

By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 22:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my husband that I wanted to take advantage of the alone time we would have while our kids are visiting my parents. My idea? A nice dinner out and kinky sex all night long. His idea? Chinese buffet and subsequent dutch ovens in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 775

You deserved it 4 043

By stupid_world - 24/12/2009 06:02 - Canada

Today, I learned that while anybody can call me a bitch, my husband got mad at his aunt for calling our dog a mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 773

You deserved it 3 746

By koanroak - 22/06/2015 03:08 - United States - Carrollton

Spicy

Today, while taking a slow night at my waitressing job, I thought I heard the sound of crying coming from the kitchen. I rushed in, thinking something terrible had happened. Nope, the bus boy was just watching porn on his phone with no headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 773

You deserved it 2 378

By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 17:23 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 773

You deserved it 3 472

Public freakouts

By BrakesNotBumpers - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Reading

Today, I was rear-ended. While I was yelling, "WHAT THE F...?" the lady who hit me completely freaked out and drove into me again. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 772

You deserved it 2 507

By Anonymous - 19/04/2015 15:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was so sleep-deprived, I thought a white car driving toward me was a polar bear. I screamed like a little girl and started panicking. I live in California. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 771

You deserved it 7 916

By anonymous - 19/02/2015 16:06 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, whilst walking to a primary school to give pupils a lesson on cleanliness, I tripped and landed on a dog turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 770

You deserved it 3 275

By MC Turtledick - 15/02/2012 01:28 - United States

Today, I walked out and saw four kids mercilessly keying my car. When I questioned them on it, they said "Oh, that was your car? Oh well at least we didn't pee on your door handles too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 769

You deserved it 2 170

By Anonymous - 01/10/2010 05:43 - Canada

Spicy

Today, in an attempt to spice up our relationship, I tied my boyfriend up and did a striptease for him. I pulled my skirt down over my heels but tripped as I tried to step out of it. Not only did I pull a muscle in my leg but I elbowed him in the groin. So much for spice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 768

You deserved it 9 203

You Muppet!

By Branski - 29/07/2011 00:27 - United States

Today, at a campfire, I whipped out my guitar to serenade this girl I like with a Nick Drake song. When I was done, she said it was nice, but that my singing voice sounded a bit like the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show. A couple of people nearby burst out laughing in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 767

You deserved it 7 021

By Ajax_Teh_Great - 20/10/2015 07:49 - United States

Today, I was stabbed because a mugger got mad that I was broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 766

You deserved it 2 039

Ajax_Teh_Great tells us more.

Ajax_Teh_Great 19

Wednesday 21 October 2015 8:36

Hey Everyone, OP here. Thanks for all the support and making me laugh. Luckily he hadn't taken anything of value, although he had taken my shoes(ridiculous, I know). I was walking home from my job because my bike was also stolen. Again, FML. I had accidentally left my wallet at my house which is lucky for once. After being stabbed, someone had seen me bleeding, so they called 911. I'm no longer in the hospital as the wound wasn't serious, so I'm doing slightly better. Again, Thanks for the support.

Freak out

By use your brain mother - 16/06/2015 05:47 - United States - Springville

Today, I told my mom I was going hiking with a couple of friends and wouldn't be back for four or more hours. Not even two hours later, she called the cops and reported us as missing. She didn't realize that we wouldn't have service up the canyon so we could call her back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 766

You deserved it 2 370

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Today, I realized my morbidly obese sibling's favorite bathroom to use is whichever one is closest to me during the day. Three floors of living space and the monster wants to drop a nuke where the odors are certain to waft to my nose three times a day. Every. Single. Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 706

You deserved it 314

Today, I decided to cook dinner for my wife and kid. After a long day of preperation and cooking I asked them what they thought of it. My 12 year old son then says, "I would say it tastes like shit but not even shit tastes this bad!" My wife then laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 723

You deserved it 5 848

Today, I got pulled over for speeding and got a $200 ticket. After I pulled away, I decided to warn the next car about the cop up ahead by flashing my headlights. The next car was another cop. He didn't appreciate my "help". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 713

You deserved it 25 541

Today, I found out why a boy I like has been ignoring me since we went out for drinks the other night. I accidentally got too drunk and remember nothing except that I decided to play on my phone for awhile. The next day he wouldn't even talk to me and when I asked why, he told me that I had drunkenly revealed to him that I had multiple crushes, all of their names, and had showed him all of my conversations with them on WhatsApp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 349

You deserved it 7 412

Today, after months of at least trying to diet and exercising three times a week for roughly a year or two, I got put on the generic for Lipitor because my LDL is too high. That's what I get for celebrating my mom's birthday literally two days before I had to get my lipid panel taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 185

Today, I pulled out of my parking lot to head to physical therapy and the alleyway was blocked by some traffic. I nudged over to allow a garbage truck to pull in and my passenger window shattered against a dumpster handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 92