By Anonymous - 20/06/2012 16:41 - United States - Naperville
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It may have been. In my case, my husband changed his mind a bit into our marriage and decided he wanted kids. It was something we had to work through together. I told him before we were married that I was most likely unable to have them. I was told this young and was ok with it. After a few years, he went back to his original stance. However, during that time we did look at all possibilities even though I had not changed my mind. I felt the information couldn't hurt. It only became a sore spot in the marriage when I started feeling pressured into changing my mind. But communication worked.
63 Ty. But the early diagnosis was right. We compromised with cats and dogs. And my niece and nephew get extra spoiled. All too often this can be a sore spot in a marriage when one person changes their mind. While I think couples need to talk about it, I do feel bad for the men. It can be hard to approach the topic without making the wife feel pressured. A lot of times, the woman has to give up more for a child and may not be ready. We did try but when med costs got too high I said enough. I've always been the type that felt if it happened then great if it didn't then great. There are positives to both though. Good luck to op and wife on open discussions and hearing out and considering the other's side so a decision is made that they both can feel comfy with.
Actually there have been studies that have found that, in a lot of cases, getting hit in the testicles is just as painful as childbirth, if not worse. The female body is built to bear children, which would make sense. Not saying childbirth isn't painful, but have you SEEN the face of a guy that just got hit in the balls?
125, My apologies, after checking what I wrote there I realise 'surrogate mother' isn't the word I was looking for. I was trying to suggest he hit it off with the wife's sister, get her pregnant and raise a child with her, while still being in a relationship with his wife...An interesting love triangle if you will. I don't know how I made the connection to surrogate mother, but there it is.
145- ugh, I think you should read my comment carefully, and take the stick out your ass. I was referring to Alycions commen. To me it seemed like she was talking about her possibilities (or lack thereof) on her reproducing, but she wasn't really clear on whether she didn't want children because she just doesn't want them, or because she knows she can't reproduce. I was simply suggesting that if a family can't reproduce, adoption is a possible solution.
131 we did consider that as well. It was about that time my health issues showed up. It's not fair for me to take in a child when I have days I can't take care if myself. It's funny how things fell into place for us. I hope op and wife have the same luck. Maybe if I get better ill revisit adoption. There are so many older kids who need a good home.
129 - firstly, there are no such studies and you know it. Who would volunteer to get hit in the balls for a study? And how can pain be measured objectively? It cannot Secondly, labour of childbirth lasts 10-24 hours or more. Now perhaps if you were hit in the balls every 15 minutes for 10-24 hours then, yes, it would probably feel just as painful as childbirth. I can tell you this for a fact: the bowling ball passing through feels like a wonderful RELIEF after 10 hours. That's not even the painful part.
187 - Quite frankly, I don't really think you have the right to talk about the feeling from being struck in the testicles if you are a female and have never experienced it before. But it goes both ways. I don't really think males have the right whatsoever to discuss the feeling from childbirth either, of course, from the lack of experience.
@ 55: I know, right. I am a huge Nirvana and Neil Young fan, and I hate when people mistake the original author of that quote! Both men were and are brilliant and have so many incredible lyrics/quotes to choose from--I just wish people would credit them to the correct person!
Maybe she'll warm up to the idea eventually. At this point, I don't want kids (now, or ever).
25 and all the other idiots with the "YDI for not talking about it before getting married" comments, there's nothing anywhere to say he didn't. Assuming they had discussed it prior to marriage it is not unreasonable to change your mind on such topics as you mature, but it is EXTREMELY unreasonable to say someone deserves being assaulted for broaching the topic with their partner. Even if they hadn't discussed it prior to marriage he still doesn't deserve her bullshit response. If he didn't discuss it before marriage then he deserves to not get his way now. If he did discuss it before marriage he has the right to change his mind - as does she - and be able to discuss this with his partner in a safe environment. The only way he deserves this is for marrying a bitch in the first place.
Or maybe she could convince him to not bring another person into this crazy overpopulated planet. Adoption is always an option, but at the same time a sweet, loving, caring woman who attacks ones testicles for bringing up the idea of creating another life might not be mothering material. On the other hand she might not be willing to destroy her body for a child, still leaving adoption as a good option.
85, I never understand why anyone thinks adoption is a good substitution for having kids... I get it, its great to be able to nurture and raise a child and all, but unless you generally like other peoples kids anyway it will never be a good enough substitute. If you aren't interested in having kids of your own, the idea of raising someone elses kids is like a slap to the face.
134...I clearly said it's a good thing. It's right there. It's my second sentence. I said I don't really see how it's a good substitute for having a child of your own. The obvious exception being when you are physically incapable of having kids, but it doesn't say anything about that here.
The rational some people have is that bearing a child ruins the mothers body. Although it is a shallow reason it still works. If the biggest reason a woman doesn't want a baby is because she is vain, adopting a kid is a way around that. Some people would rather adopt than have their own kid because the kid up for adoption doesn't have the choice. They would rather nurture someone who already needs parents than create someone new. Go on YouTube, adoption isn't just a human thing. When an animal loses it's mother it's not uncommon for another mother to take it's place. I've seen all sorts of videos of unlikely parents within the animal kingdom.
If she really didn't want a kid and you forced her to, all she really have to do is get an abortion (not that Im for it, js it) before she give birth. And there is no reason to kill an innocent kid like that. If he really wants a kid, he will just have to talk it out with her and try to convince her. Definitely not force her.