Today, it was really windy and rainy causing me to trip and knock... - FML

By trashcanned - United States

Today, it was really windy and rainy causing me to trip and knock into a little kid. While still gathering myself, I apologized and patted the kid on its' head. Then I see people around me starting to laugh. I turn and look at the kid, and discover I've been interacting with a trash can. FML

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The opposite of a good idea

Caught red-handed

Booty pic

By Electro - United States - Nashua

Today, I found out how painful it is to static shock the tip of your dick. FML

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By Why Me - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

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By whatgoesaround - United States

Today, being a big believer in karma, I found it fitting that a girl that was always a bitch to me in high school is now fat and ugly. After sending one of her recent pictures with a mean caption to a few of my friends, I tripped and sprained my wrist falling up the stairs. Karma. FML

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By sara - United States

Today, during gym class, my teacher insisted that everyone should relieve some stress by throwing a basketball at the wall. I wound up and hurled the thing at the wall, it bounced back and hit me in the stomach. I began to vomit uncontrollably. Even my teacher laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2020 05:01

Helping hand

Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kannapolis

Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend confessed his desire to have sex while I'm on my period. He calls it "bloody victory." FML

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By Birthday1313

Today, my mother learned a new expression and uses it in every sentence. Her special, new expression is "boom diggity." It's apparently "hip." FML

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By Davios - United States

Today, I crossed a one-way street after looking for oncoming traffic only to be hit by a car driving in reverse. FML

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By haunted - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML

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By FourKnees - United States

Today, I accepted an internship in Chicago and finished my final exams. I decided to play some pick up basketball one last time before summer. Within 2 minutes I got undercut going for a rebound and shattered my knee cap into 3 pieces. My summer in Chicago will be spent in a full leg cast. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on a train when we hit and killed a person. We were stalled for 4 hours. The guy sitting next to me asked what I did for a living, so I told him that I'm a vet tech. Then he showed me his infected elbow. FML

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By jill - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about some recent family drama my sister has been causing. He quickly lost interest and started jacking off right next to me. FML

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By SendHelpAndBleach

Today, I decided to surprise my parents who I haven’t seen in a while. They weren’t home, but I still have a key so I let myself in. When I went to my old room to put down my bags, I was greeted by a sex swing. FML

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By shadow - United States - Osceola

Today, my mother-in-law told my fiancé that I had to leave and wasn’t allowed to live there anymore. I own the house. She’s mad because I locked the door so she couldn't walk in anytime she wanted. FML

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By types - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided he is going to narrate everything I do. I can't get him to stop. FML

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By - Australia - Frankston

Today, after a recent move into my new apartment, I woke up early to study for an upcoming exam. I hadn't left my bed yet or made a sound, when my neighbor texted me and asked why I was awake. No one in the building has my phone number. FML

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By anonymous - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was yelled at in public for staring at a guy in a wheelchair. I was staring 'cause he was so good looking. FML

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By hitintheeye - Canada

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ceiling fan was rocking violently so I turned it off. I stood under it trying to figure out what the problem is, it fell on my face. FML

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By sambo99 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. So far I have received: the news that my parents are divorcing, a dead bird and a pile of shit left on my bed (courtesy of the cat), a rash all over my face, and some slippers from my boyfriend. FML

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By NotAsGoodAsATruck - United States - Ludington

Today, after my boyfriend had been away for months, I invited him over to have sex. He said he hurt his back too badly to do anything. Don't worry though, it doesn't hurt enough to stop him from working on his truck for several hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were telling eachother secrets and I told him i've shaved my upper lip. He said "I know, it's prickly when we make out." FML

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By dawg3360 - Canada

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

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By depressed - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while stocking shelves with canned goods, a kid no older than ten ran down the aisle, knocking down everything in his path. He was followed by his mother who was laughing hysterically. FML

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By Sam - United States

Today, I overheard my parents in the kitchen talking about how they wanted to try anal tonight. There is over three and a half feet of snow outside, leaving me no way to escape the horrible sounds and mental images yet to come. FML

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By onlywantuanyway

Today, my boyfriend again told me how he wants to have an open relationship. Of course, this means he can do what he likes with anyone, but if I so much as kiss someone else, I'm a cheating slut. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up and realized I have experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I am a 24 year old male who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML

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By Sarah - Canada - Penhold

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2020 05:32 - India - Mumbai

Haircut, haircuuuut

Today, I came to the decision that I needed some variety in my life, so I decided to get a haircut. My mom insisted that she could do it and that she had experience because she cuts my dad's short hair. I had thick, long hair. Now, my hair is uneven, ugly and short. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up after being sick from the flu and tried to get out of bed. I forgot I was in a bunk bed and broke my ankle in the fall down. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2020 05:02

Stiff

Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I called my daughter a wimp and insisted her pain can't be that bad. She left in tears. Later, I got a call from her doctor informing me that she has trigeminal neuralgia, one of the most painful diseases known to man. I'm an asshole. FML

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By awkward.. - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, my boyfriend complimented me on how he liked my freckles down below. I didn't have the heart to tell him that they were just razor rash. FML

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By Starchyld - Canada

Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like eachother. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says: "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML

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By scarredforlife - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after taking my little niece out onto the balcony of her family's new apartment to enjoy the view, we watched as a man jay-walked across the street down below and was run over by a car. My niece is pretty much traumatized for life now. FML

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By Brilee Bruxvoort - 31/5/2020 23:00

Don't give up

Today, after finally putting my foot down and trying to kick my husband out for his alcoholism, I got a lecture from his parents about how much of a piece of shit I am for "giving up" on their son. I've been trying to get him to get help for the past three years. FML

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By Crap - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML

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By jaivolétonnez - France - La Courneuve

Today, in a train, I did the old "I've got your nose" trick for a kid. He got off at the next stop, then waved something at me from the platform, then yelled, "I've got your keys!" FML

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Top comments

By Epoch | 0

#87861 - Monday 6 April 2009 23:19

hey that's not that bad.
at least you didn't mistake a kid for a trash can.

By Alex_Marie | 0

#87881 - Monday 6 April 2009 23:22

I don't even think a blind person would confuse a trash can for a kid.

YDI.

COMMENTS

By Sylenthias | 0

#87851 - Monday 6 April 2009 23:17

Fail

Reply

Swiftly | 0

#3981772 - Thursday 2 February 2012 14:50

I think she needs to invest in some glasses!

By summertimeblues | 0

#87852 - Monday 6 April 2009 23:17

LOOOL!

By Epoch | 0

#87861 - Monday 6 April 2009 23:19

hey that's not that bad.
at least you didn't mistake a kid for a trash can.

Reply

chaos753159 | 4

#902775 - Monday 1 March 2010 4:58

LoL 

By nomadxx7 | 0

#87866 - Monday 6 April 2009 23:19

How the hell do u mistake a metallic, cold, inanimate trash can for a warm-blooded, living breathing person? Wow YDI for not realizing the difference.

Reply

apfunction | 0

#888916 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 17:35

how do you not think of a person as a cold, metallic, inanimate object?

By PTERONOPHOBIA | 0

#87867 - Monday 6 April 2009 23:19

LOL #3

By featherhead | 0

#87879 - Monday 6 April 2009 23:22

ahahah that was weird.

By Alex_Marie | 0

#87881 - Monday 6 April 2009 23:22

I don't even think a blind person would confuse a trash can for a kid.

YDI.

By braFTW | 0

#87889 - Monday 6 April 2009 23:23

LOL

By nomadxx7 | 0

#87891 - Monday 6 April 2009 23:23

"Today, it was really windy and rainy causing me to trip and knock into R2D2. While still gathering myself, I apologized and patted R2D2 on his metallic top. Then I see people around me starting to laugh. I turn and look at R2D2 only to discover that I've been interacting with a trash can. FML"

Reply

TheDarkCynder | 2

#2565279 - Thursday 26 May 2011 2:52

lol

Reply

Cartera | 10

#4537097 - Thursday 7 June 2012 20:15

No. Just no.

By Bhetti | 0

#87896 - Monday 6 April 2009 23:24

Has stuff like this been happening a lot? Possibly seek medical help.