Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee... - FML

By Anonymous - 4/5/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29737

You deserved it

75797

Tweet

Share

Body issues

Big baby man

Everyone's an expert

By JordanVilleneuve - 28/1/2011 03:35 - Canada

Today, I went to the park and sat down on a bench to enjoy my coffee. I heard a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was. I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64074

You deserved it

7495

Tweet

Share

By CARnage - 21/5/2010 10:11 - Australia

Today, I hadn't been out in two weeks, and I was looking forward to going to the beach with my friends. Instead, I rear-ended someone at a roundabout and had to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11309

You deserved it

23560

Tweet

Share

By sickmom - 21/1/2014 11:07 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51484

You deserved it

5494

Tweet

Share

By not a dick-man - 12/8/2014 17:05 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48528

You deserved it

31275

Tweet

Share

By Username - 20/8/2011 09:20 - United States

Today, the girl of my dreams that I've been dating for months called me. Apparently she's been having recurring nightmares of me cheating on her. She dumped me "just in case." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37303

You deserved it

2658

Tweet

Share

By skywayavenue - 19/3/2009 05:09 - Canada

Today, I went to my friend's house. While she went to the kitchen, I noticed a little pink pastry on her desk. It looked really good, so I decided to take a bite before she got back. As I bit into it, a sizzling noise started, and foam overflowed in my mouth. It was a bath bomb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12173

You deserved it

99314

Tweet

Share

By fml - 10/8/2013 10:48 - United States - Perry

Today, my new husband and I were called up to have our first dance at our wedding. While I rested my head on his shoulder, he whispered the most romantic thing to me: "Your breath stinks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51502

You deserved it

12221

Tweet

Share

By anonynous - 27/6/2015 15:01 - United States - Charlotte

Today, while watching a family movie, my mother made every effort to make sure I covered my eyes during a kissing scene. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise, since she still forces me to put my phone in her room every night as she makes me go to bed at 8:30 PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28565

You deserved it

3589

Tweet

Share

By poor teacher - 23/9/2013 17:54 - United States - Syracuse

Today, at my job as a fourth grade teacher, I realized that most of my students have far nicer and more expensive phones than I can afford. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50281

You deserved it

3836

Tweet

Share

By someone - 29/7/2011 18:26 - United States

Today, while walking home, the gods were kind enough to grace me with the sight of an old man jogging past me in nothing but a pair of short shorts. The image of his balls swinging to and fro underneath like a pendulum has been forever burned into my retinas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34662

You deserved it

5335

Tweet

Share

By thenewone - 19/11/2009 20:09 - Brazil

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. Later on, his mom pulls me aside and tells me to back off, saying he will never marry someone like me and he should be with a nice girl like his ex. They broke up after he found her in his bed with his roomate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39634

You deserved it

2188

Tweet

Share

By Scooter - 25/9/2018 05:00

Today, I replaced the battery in a closet’s electronic keypad door lock, and I accidentally locked myself inside. My family was traveling, so I had to call a neighbor. He got me out, but took pictures and posted to social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2482

You deserved it

681

Tweet

Share

By LonelyStranger - 2/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Lake Stevens

Alone

Today, I was really excited to go to a party because I need to make more friends. Too bad a snowstorm hit right before I was going to leave, now I'm alone with no power. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2291

You deserved it

195

Tweet

Share

By explanations - 14/6/2013 06:48 - United States - Des Plaines

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80416

You deserved it

7849

Tweet

Share

By al - 15/4/2012 03:02 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I had to admit that I hate the wedding dress that I've designed. My wedding is in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10030

You deserved it

30441

Tweet

Share

By cantcloselegs - 20/10/2013 12:39 - United States

Today, I was using my new curling iron to curl my hair. I was sitting down. Suddenly I dropped the iron and, as a reflex, I caught it between my bare thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49723

You deserved it

6119

Tweet

Share

By achoooo - 7/11/2009 05:34 - United States

Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35284

You deserved it

2898

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/3/2015 04:26 - United States

Today, I tried shaving my bikini area for the first time. I ended up cutting myself several times. I now have impressive razor burn, and it's incredibly painful to even wear pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30871

You deserved it

6301

Tweet

Share

By blahblah - 27/6/2013 01:57 - United States - Richardson

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28360

You deserved it

35615

Tweet

Share

By OakStake - 8/12/2013 22:07 - United States - New York

Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60111

You deserved it

3404

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/5/2017 02:00

Today, I had to pick up my brother and his girlfriend from the bar at 2:00am because they were too drunk to drive themselves and had no money for an Uber. Five minutes into the ride, they started going at it in the back of my new car. I don't think I'll be doing favors again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5321

You deserved it

501

Tweet

Share

By buggingout - 26/7/2011 10:33 - United States

Today, it's the first day of my Hawaiian honeymoon. We found out that the pool is under construction and our room is infested with roaches. We are paying $375 a night for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42998

You deserved it

4457

Tweet

Share

By paulinapo - 30/5/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50173

You deserved it

9790

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/2/2012 17:45

Today, I was attacked by a bird at 3 in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No-one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27886

You deserved it

2193

Tweet

Share

By ohEw - 9/11/2017 10:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, while doing my laundry, I found a very clean but presumably used ribbed condom in my freshly washed and dried sheets. It was not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3865

You deserved it

239

Tweet

Share

By Prego my ego - 23/7/2009 17:39 - France

Today, I had my first date with this guy I really like, who came to pick me up. Once I got into his car, my uncle comes out of the house and yells "Remember, pregnant girls aren't allowed to drink." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47922

You deserved it

7830

Tweet

Share

By hoplessG - 24/12/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I told her best friend the plan the day before. I got reservations to a restaurant on the beach, and we were going to arrive via boat. She never showed. Her parents called me asking why she left town to go to Paris. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37537

You deserved it

3284

Tweet

Share

By mikmak - 20/12/2015 13:26 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I had fallen asleep in the back of a friend's car on the way home from a night out. When I woke up, they were in the middle of a full-on make out session. I had to pretend to be asleep for 20 minutes until they decided to "wake me up". FML

I agree, your life sucks

20446

You deserved it

3079

Tweet

Share

By evenmybodyhatesme - 15/5/2016 06:47 - United States - San Jose

Today, after spending a day in the ER and a day in hospital, I was recovering from emergency surgery. My boyfriend left to eat and didn't come back. He texted me 4 hours later that he was drinking with his friends and that he loved his "brown eyed girl". My eyes aren't brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16337

You deserved it

1217

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/10/2019 22:00

House rules

Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for months. Not knowing where the date would take us, I shaved my pubic hair. Later, in the middle of making out with the guy, my dad storms into the room to tell me, "I had to get some Draino, your pubes clogged the shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1942

You deserved it

1031

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 14:35 - Taiwan

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35325

You deserved it

4514

Tweet

Share

By scooterbyrd - 6/11/2016 06:08

Today, I saw a photo on Facebook of all my best friends from high school together at a 50th birthday party I wasn't invited to. I knew the birthday guy for longer than any of them and introduced everyone in high school. They wouldn't even know him without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9843

You deserved it

992

Tweet

Share

By Lawrence - 6/8/2009 04:55 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike to the local grocery store to pick up some supplies for dinner. On the way down, traveling down a hill, I hit a drain with no lid. I went to grab hold of the nearest object to soften my fall. That nearest object was a barbed wire fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51530

You deserved it

3678

Tweet

Share

By Lovenotes - 17/10/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, my secret crush, who sits next to me in Bio, asked if he could borrow my notes. I agreed. It was only after he drove away, with my notebook, that I realized that in the back of my notes, I had written his name 100 times, surrounded by little hearts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17313

You deserved it

42802

Tweet

Share

By Lonely - 24/7/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, I went out for coffee with my sister and my crush. I spent the majority of the date flirting with my crush, and when he dropped us off at home, I told him I had fun on our date. He looked at me surprised and said he'd thought I'd tagged along on his date with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45275

You deserved it

9371

Tweet

Share

By Mug - 24/4/2012 20:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss made me work a longer shift than usual. Not because he needed me in, but just so I'd finish at the same time as his brat of a son, and give him a lift home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28592

You deserved it

2130

Tweet

Share

By Byebye - 24/5/2012 19:30 - Netherlands - Sappemeer

Today, the mailman delivered my new phone to my neighbour's house. This was okay, because he left a note in my mailbox informing me so. Now my crazy neighbour won't give me the package because, "*I* signed for it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26076

You deserved it

1801

Tweet

Share

By kimosabe - 2/3/2009 19:58 - United States

Today, at work a woman came up to the check out counter and when I greeted her she said "oh honey, you are so beautiful!" I immediately smiled and thanked her, then she looked at me and said "oh, not you." and then pointed to her ear. She was on her bluetooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51787

You deserved it

6674

Tweet

Share

By gassy - 12/2/2013 14:18 - United States

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15108

You deserved it

35509

Tweet

Share

By thatguy - 26/12/2009 23:46 - United States

Today, I was feeling proud of myself because I finally quit World Of Warcraft. I later found out about the gift my dad's family gave me. It was a 12-month subscription to World Of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32365

You deserved it

8473

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By wordly | 0

#169234 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 0:52

Win :D Those candles are awesome.

By greasy_broad | 0

#169306 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 1:03

I don't understand why someone would invent a flammable object that can't be put out.

Comments

By wordly | 0

#169234 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 0:52

Win :D Those candles are awesome.

Reply

xander2347 | 0

#986243 - Wednesday 28 April 2010 7:48

fake

Reply

hunterluv1 | 20

#1580033 - Thursday 21 October 2010 6:21

140? what do you mean fake?

Reply

mydgmax | 0

#2205551 - Saturday 19 March 2011 17:28

haha I've had those candles for my bday. me and my 5 friends helped me blow all these candles so many times. it was fun n unexpected

Reply

I_lost_the_game | 25

#4142152 - Saturday 10 March 2012 1:02

I can imagine this happening

By affa99 | 0

#169239 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 0:52

lol noob

By Morokea | 0

#169242 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 0:53

Probably should've made sure it was completely out before tossing it... ouch.

Reply

lxclark | 17

#971529 - Wednesday 31 March 2010 2:53

These candles go out, then re-ignite after a few seconds XD
OP had no way of knowing (besides reading the box)

---> I just bought some of them :O

Reply

TheBitchOfChuckN | 7

#4779348 - Monday 6 August 2012 13:08

I dont think you understand the concept of "re-lighting candles".

By FBIWarning | 0

#169245 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 0:53

nice one

By mouseintern | 0

#169246 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 0:53

You deserved it, but the mental image I got made my day. Thanks!

By 88bellydancer | 0

#169250 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 0:53

haha too funny!

By daisydukeduchess | 0

#169255 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 0:54

lol
epic fail!!!!!!!

By ILoveJace01 | 0

#169260 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 0:54

Lol!!! Wow. Be more careful next time.

By kkiwib | 0

#169265 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 0:55

i hope u put the fire out!

Reply

18drakerad | 18

#6340473 - Sunday 5 July 2015 2:17

As apposed to what? Letting it burn his house down?

By MsSippi | 0

#169275 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 0:58

who lights birthday candles when they are bored? it doesn't sound very entertaining. but considering your post, i guess it could be highly entertaining.