Love: Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy...

By 1suckatL1fe - United States

Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my ex-girlfriend's number. She texted back, "One of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29716

You deserved it

72214

Favorite

Love

Messed up

Freak out

Smooth criminal

By hannamacintosh - Canada - Toronto

Today, I knew my relationship was basically over when my boyfriend invited me over, and I was more excited about seeing his dog than seeing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10649

You deserved it

1560

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I tried to stage an intervention for a friend who abuses drugs. I ended up with my hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32299

You deserved it

4237

Favorite

By Lauren - Australia

Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full time job at one work place would be too 'depressing'. I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49404

You deserved it

8662

Favorite

By DeadBroke - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years because I was tired of his childishness and anger, so he decided to send me 540 random text messages of scrambled letters in order to mess up my phone as well, as make me pay 20 cents for each message. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31448

You deserved it

5707

Favorite

By publicenemy - United States

Today, I was first in line at a stoplight. After five minutes, with a line of cars behind me, the light was still red. People behind me started honking, so I decided to just go. Halfway across the way, I was greeted by a camera flash. Nobody else went. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13599

You deserved it

54926

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, in the bathroom during the ACTs, my hair got stuck in the electric hand dryer. I had to rip my hair out. For future reference, hair + hand dryer = dreadlocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38104

You deserved it

12617

Favorite

By Seline

Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38490

You deserved it

4296

Favorite

By Kate - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

65576

You deserved it

8221

Favorite

By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, my son told his teacher that she "has a nice rack." He's four. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32871

You deserved it

11695

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, I gave my boss a report I wrote on my own time, full of suggestions on how to increase productivity and profits at our company. He said my ideas made "about as much sense as pistol-whipping a ghost" and that I was impressing no-one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12938

You deserved it

2438

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Honolulu

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

I agree, your life sucks

88958

You deserved it

9218

Favorite

By karmaiguess

Today, I saw the guy I bullied during elementary school and tried to apologize to him. Instead, he took out a knife and stabbed me. I'm currently in the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2313

You deserved it

5041

Favorite

By Danno - United States

Today, I was playing GTA4 and went on its fake dating site to email a girl to go on a date with. I've never had much luck with dating in real life, so I figured the game would be more kind to me. After a while I went back to check my email, and the fake girl I'd propositioned told me to get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24821

You deserved it

7367

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I woke up from celebrating my 29th birthday. I guess it's true that tolerance drops quickly as you age, because I stayed in and only drank a few beers with my husband and spent the entire day retching so hard I puked up blood. My partying days are definitely over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2381

You deserved it

374

Favorite

By insomnitude - United States

Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41701

You deserved it

13769

Favorite

By lovebigmacs - United States

Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML

I agree, your life sucks

16101

You deserved it

41895

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/2/2021 23:01

You just had to be special

Today, all of my friends are complaining about weight gain due to the pandemic. Instead, I have remained the exact same size, but completely unable to sleep or digest my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

721

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, we had a meeting at my job and we had to introduce new ideas to our boss. Earlier, I was talking to one of my close friends who also attended the meeting about my idea. As we start the meeting, she decides to steal my idea and take complete credit for it. My boss loves "her" idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41281

You deserved it

6805

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

It's a mystery

Today, I got my first speeding ticket. Looking it over, I was surprised to see that the officer listed my height accurately despite never having seen me standing. I complimented his uncanny ability and asked if it was part of police training. He then informed me that he read it on my license. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8025

You deserved it

61065

Favorite

By NNTA - Netherlands - Maastricht

WTF, dude?

Today, as I was driving back home from my grandma's, I looked over at the guy in the lane beside me, only to witness him with a sandwich between his teeth and his cock in his free hand. Now I know why I don't leave the city, or even drive, more often. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44206

You deserved it

4500

Favorite

By paula123 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my ex-husband just had a baby with his new partner. We only split up a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38179

You deserved it

2382

Favorite

By Charitable - United States - San Francisco

Today, I donated to a charity website. My card was repeatedly refused by the website but when I went on my account, I was charged for each time I tried. I was scammed by a charity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56492

You deserved it

8822

Favorite

By uvagirl - United States

Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41157

You deserved it

3816

Favorite

By sparklethelette - United States

Today, I put a blue toilet cleaner square in the back of toilet. My fiancé called me later on freaking out because he couldn't get the "blue water to go away" when he flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27945

You deserved it

3479

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Boston

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48627

You deserved it

5893

Favorite

By The Joker? - United States

Today, two guys proclaiming that they were both Batman attacked me on the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32829

You deserved it

3449

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking to bed in fancy panties and a tight black tank top. My husband exclaimed, "This is the best part about being a grown up!" He was talking about the ice cream he was eating in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34568

You deserved it

4791

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to explain to my little sister that not all guitars are supposed to have a hole in them, that when I was talking about "breaking it in" I didn't mean I'd smash a hole in it, and that she shouldn't have taken a hammer to my expensive new guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29493

You deserved it

2817

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/2/2021 22:59 - United States - Oakland

That's a funny word, mom

Today, I wanted to teach my students about history with dominoes. I thought the online video would be wholesome or relevant to history. Nope. The last domino was captioned "HENTAI." Students now get to explain to their parents that I exposed the word Hentai to their vocabulary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

295

You deserved it

791

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 05:01 - United States

Egg IRL

Today, I was eating out with my family. I have 2 brothers. Our waitress comes and says, "Look at those 3 handsome young men." I didn't think of it until my 5-year-old brother shouted, " She's a girl!'" FML

I agree, your life sucks

794

You deserved it

Favorite

By makiju - France - M?zi?res-sur-seine

Today, I was severely chewed out by my boss because, according to him, I look down on him too often. I'm 6ft5. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28439

You deserved it

1958

Favorite

By dangyo - United States

Today, my dad learned how to use the parental controls. I now have an 11 o'clock curfew. I am 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23321

You deserved it

7046

Favorite

By Anonymous - Germany - K?ln

Today, my husband showed up late to my mother's funeral. He swaggered in, happily finishing off a half-eaten taco. His excuse for why he was so cheerful: "She was an in-law, honey." Good to know I married a piece of shit in disguise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45030

You deserved it

5479

Favorite

By LegallyBored - Canada - Regina

Today, my roommate went away for the weekend so she could hook up with a guy from Tinder that she's never met. This wouldn't be a problem if we hadn't already made plans for my 18th birthday, which is also today. Here's to a night of Netflix with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7880

You deserved it

653

Favorite

By Sticky floor

Today, my best friend and roommate has decided to "stop being controlled by society" while at home. This involves him walking around naked, masturbating whenever he wants, and not cleaning up his guys. I've stepped in it three times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4739

You deserved it

367

Favorite

By notastoner - United States

Today, I left early from a trashy dance and bought a soda at a Shell station. The clerk asked me if I had been smoking weed. When I replied "No", he said "You mean you always look like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35532

You deserved it

5578

Favorite

By Completely Innocent - United States

Today, a coworker told my manager that I and another girl were plotting to get her fired at the end of the month. She actually believed her. Now we're suspended without pay for two weeks for conspiracy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30480

You deserved it

2807

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/4/2021 11:00

Motivation

Today, I had a job interview today after being unemployed for months. I left early but a stranger's giant SUV had me blocked in for over 2 hours. I called to explain the situation in the hope that I would be given another interview slot later in the week. I was told I clearly didn’t want the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1083

You deserved it

186

Favorite

By Cecilian - 6/3/2021 00:30

Stand up guy

Today, I found out why my fiancé has been treating me like garbage lately. He thought that me getting fed up and dumping him would save him the unpleasant task of having to confess to the affair he’s been having with his coworker. We’re expecting our baby girl in 4 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1090

You deserved it

Favorite

By Milo - Canada

Looks to Die For...

Today, my six-year-old son told me my makeup looks like his grandmother's did in the casket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6071

You deserved it

865

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Tsukasa_fml | 0

#169227 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 0:51

You're better off without her if she can't appreciate that.

By JBiz_fml | 0

#169240 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 0:52

I never new there was a star wars day ...

COMMENTS

By Tsukasa_fml | 0

#169227 - Tuesday 5 May 2009 0:51

You're better off without her if she can't appreciate that.

tisiphone_fml | 0

#727856 - Sunday 20 December 2009 4:24

Agreed, FYL. I am a woman, and I think that's awesome, and sweet. :) I'll have to remember it.

UnearthlyEnemy | 9

#816179 - Monday 1 February 2010 19:17

.hack ftw!!

The Fourth of what?

blankaex | 0

#900560 - Sunday 28 February 2010 15:51

hes probably an idiot who never realised it was "May the Force be with you"

youandme4ever_fml | 0

#967027 - Wednesday 24 March 2010 1:12

may duhhh

caelun | 0

#981779 - Monday 19 April 2010 14:27

phone book?

caligurls | 0

#1073350 - Thursday 8 July 2010 7:51

hahshahaga WHAT kind of a dork celebrates Star wars day???? hahaha ad what the crap IS that???? haha and add a stupid joke to top it off!!! hahaha fail fail I would do the same as that ex!!

Hummbinger | 5

#1118548 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 8:58

#336 "May the fourth be with you" is a play on words. May the fourth is the date, while he says it like the phrase in the movies.

yuop77 | 0

#1296666 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 21:44

344 is right, you are SUCH a fucking nerd LOL

Brendan3693 | 0

#1315111 - Sunday 29 August 2010 7:05

344

shut the crap up. your probably a fanboy covering it up. don't insult people 4 no reason.

FYI be nice to nerds because someday you'll end up working for them.

TXjuggalo972 | 6

#1886829 - Friday 24 December 2010 17:38

maybe she's a serous woman but op deserves it for having here in there if she's a bi/tch

twilightluver347 | 7

#2498155 - Thursday 12 May 2011 12:51

Who DOES appriciate that?? Its so stupid!

22cute | 17

#4512761 - Saturday 2 June 2012 18:33

I appreciate that!
I'd appreciate having a man with that sense of humor! In fact, I even take a secret fiendish delight in knowing OP included his Ex....tee hee hee