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The all-time greatest FMLs

By vin_dex - 05/12/2013 05:40 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was gushing about my love for Disney princesses when someone told me I "definitely needed to calm down." By whom? A four-year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 702

You deserved it 33 227

vin_dex tells us more.

vin_dex 8

Friday 6 December 2013 6:45

OP, hi! I can definitely be talkative sometimes, but that's actually not what happened here. I was at my friend's house and we were trying to pick a movie to watch when I noticed they had Aladdin. We got into a silly argument over whether to watch that or some action flick when I started dramatically singing and talking about all my favorite Disney princesses for laughs. Little did I know, during that time, my friend's little sister had wandered in and was staring at me. The whole room quieted down and then we heard that little bit of sass- "You definitely need to calm down." We all laughed so hard we cried.

By Zizi - 04/07/2015 13:18 - Norway - Mosj?en

Today, I got punched in the face, had hair ripped out of my skull and broke a tooth on the pavement when I fell. Some guy mistook me for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 701

You deserved it 1 765

By SocialAnxietyNightmare - 09/02/2012 16:42 - United Kingdom

Today, my social anxiety got so bad, I nearly had a panic attack when too many people joined my World of Warcraft party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 700

You deserved it 17 206

By Anonymous - 02/12/2011 21:54 - United States

Today, my boss announced that instead of holiday bonuses being on the cards, the company is going under and we'll all be out of a job next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 700

You deserved it 2 275

By RIP - 07/10/2012 18:34 - Finland - Espoo

Today, I had to call the cops to break up a fistfight at my mother's funeral. It turns out my two brothers care more about having a pissing match over their favorite football teams than they do honoring our mother's memory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 700

You deserved it 1 837

By AdamFoundHisEve - 25/05/2010 19:08 - France

Today, I had a dream about toasting with champagne. Whilst asleep, I extended my hand to toast, then brought my hand to my mouth to "drink the bubbly." I knocked over the glass of water I keep on my bedside table. My iPhone is now ruined, and in shock of my wet arm, I jerked backward headbutting my wife's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 698

You deserved it 7 610

By faceless_sailor8 - 31/08/2011 16:25 - United States

Today, my wife compared me to Sid the sloth from Ice Age. Same smile, same eyes, same belly, same big feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 697

You deserved it 5 737

That's not my name

By noname - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Alexandria

Today, I found out that my fellow marching band mates all refer to me as "The short girl with big tits" because none of them can remember my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 697

You deserved it 4 596

By anonymous - 14/01/2012 11:42 - Australia

Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 696

You deserved it 3 655

TMI

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 08:05 - Australia

Today, I took my daughter to the library instead of the pool. I sat her on the counter and, while I reached for my library card, she turned to the librarian and said, "We didn't go to the pool today because Mum has hairy legs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 696

You deserved it 13 493

By Renter - 24/03/2011 14:54 - United States

Today, I received a bill for damage to my old apartment. The same damage caused by the maintenance guy when he came to fix the pipes about a week before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 695

You deserved it 2 769

By Anonymous - 30/09/2010 17:13 - United States

Today, I was playing basketball in our company gym. I took a shot from half court, and at that exact moment, an executive walked into the gym with an important potential client. My shot bounced off the side of the backboard, off some bleachers, and right into the client's head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 695

You deserved it 3 718

By thestudent - 18/02/2011 09:30 - Philippines

Today, my math teacher brought his laptop to tally up all our scores for our report card. He then displayed the results on a big screen in front of the whole class. The ones who failed were marked yellow. I was the only one marked yellow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 694

You deserved it 21 007

******

By anonymous - 04/09/2015 04:40 - United States - North Hollywood

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me. I got ahold of the girl he was cheating on me with. She was as oblivious as I was of each other's existence. Apparently, the fucker told her he lived with his "sister," who's "a bitch and makes his life impossible." He was referring to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 694

You deserved it 2 272

By pottie69 - 07/09/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that I'm now afraid to add people on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 693

You deserved it 7 186

By -___- - 14/09/2012 23:06 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 692

You deserved it 3 359

By Rach - 08/06/2010 14:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my cat knocked over a cup of scalding hot tea - but don't worry, the carpet wasn't damaged. It went all over my leg instead leaving a nice big scar for my holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 689

You deserved it 4 395

By sopissed - 13/06/2012 18:13 - United States - Laurel

Today, I went to take my driver's test, and I did almost everything perfectly. The last thing was to back into a driveway. As I went to put my hand on the passenger seat to look over my shoulder, I got so nervous that I hit my instructor in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 687

You deserved it 3 638

Jumping to conclusions

By el211 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend ran accidentally head-first into my face and left me with a giant black eye. My mother is convinced I had a seizure in a park somewhere and won't listen when I tell her she's wrong, and everyone else thinks my boyfriend is abusive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 687

You deserved it 2 876

Creepypasta

By running scared - 08/04/2016 09:40 - Norway

Today, I found out that my violent ex has moved to my country for the sole purpose of tracking me down. I know this because my former boss called and told me she gave him my address. She loves the idea of us getting back together because, "You're such a cute couple!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 686

You deserved it 1 827

By ausmill12 - 19/11/2012 06:18 - United States - Pensacola

Today, I witnessed a robbery as a teenager ran out of a Walgreens with stolen goods in his hands. The manager was running after him. Trying to be helpful, I pulled forward to block the thief from getting away. The cops showed up and arrested me for hitting a pedestrian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 684

You deserved it 5 222

By sleeping on the floor - 27/01/2015 01:47 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. It wasn't until the huge fight which ended with us breaking up did I realize that I was snowed in with him. One day down, two to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 684

You deserved it 4 440

By janice - 03/06/2011 23:23 - United States

Today, my boss called me to his office, and played back a recording of me telling a co-worker that if I still worked there in a year, I would hang myself. He then bitched me out for unprofessional conduct. The taped conversation took place over a year ago, with my recently ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 683

You deserved it 7 735

By Anonymous - 18/01/2015 21:29 - United States - Augusta

Today, I went to a job interview. It was my last shot of getting a job before my savings run dry. It all went well until I was asked why I wanted to join the company. I got flustered and stuttered, "Because I um, I like money?" The guy gave me the most insincere "We'll be in touch." ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 683

You deserved it 9 384

That was quick

By dumbdad - 08/09/2010 00:25 - United States

Today, my estranged dad drunk-dialed me at 4 a.m. to apologize, and to make amends. After crying and forgiving, we hung up. Minutes later, he called back to retract everything he said after remembering how I was rude to him at a party 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 683

You deserved it 3 297

By sore - 21/01/2009 01:08 - Australia

Today, I sliced my arm open on the weekend, patched it with a fabric bandaid. Had an allergic reaction to the bandaid, arm now swollen, blistering and keeping-me-awake itchy. Pharmacist's advice? "Oooh, that looks bad. Better put a bandaid on that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 683

You deserved it 2 497

By WolfAvenge - 21/05/2015 08:01 - United States - Phoenix

Today, it was the first time a guy has shown any interest in me by calling me pretty. I was so shocked that instead of saying thank you, I hid behind the nearest object and promptly giggle-snorted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 682

You deserved it 6 079

WolfAvenge tells us more.

WolfAvenge 22

Thursday 21 May 2015 20:59

I actually do have his number! We go to film school together but haven't hung out much. We were at a shoot for a fashion show. I totally plan on talking with him more, maybe asking to go out on a date soon too ;) Since I joined the film club we will be seeing a lot of each other from now on anyway. I just want to hang out with him more first though, but I'm definitely interested if he still is XD

By edhere4u2nv - 06/06/2012 18:51 - United States - Ozone Park

Today, I got into a fight with my mom, and stormed out of the house. I walked two blocks before realizing that I have no place to go, and no friends to vent to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 681

You deserved it 7 558