Love: Today, the priest at my wedding farted. Everyone thought it was... - FML

03/09/2015 01:33 - United States - Hayward

Today, the priest at my wedding farted. Everyone thought it was me. The guests, my bride, even the priest himself looked at me in disgust before continuing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 678

You deserved it 1 737

Sorry…

Vulture

Compromises

02/10/2011 22:14 - United States

Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 972

You deserved it 7 924

11/12/2014 18:20 - United States

Today, the power went out at school. As a senior, I don't show up until third period. When I got there, I signed in as usual. The office secretary waited until I signed in to tell me that if I hadn't, I wouldn't have to attend classes that day. Now I have to sit in class doing nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 990

You deserved it 3 553

13/05/2010 06:01 - Canada

Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she "didn't want Twix to suffer alone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 650

You deserved it 4 815

08/09/2009 14:04 - United States

Today, I was sitting with my boyfriend watching the Super Nanny. He watches the show regularly and said he has learned some of her techniques. Apparently, he uses them on me when I'm acting irrational. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 918

You deserved it 47 454

17/11/2014 02:26 - United States

Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 558

You deserved it 3 978

27/07/2009 17:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that my wife had an affair with another guy. She met him while we were on a trip in another state for marriage counseling. The reason we were in marriage counseling was because she had no desire for sex, and we had gone for two years without it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 639

You deserved it 4 785

Just checking

By whytoday - 21/05/2012 14:59

Today, I read an article on babies dying after being accidentally left in cars in the sun. On my lunch break, I decided to walk around the parking lot, checking to see that no kids were abandoned in cars. A guy gave me a smack for looking through his car window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 054

You deserved it 44 803

23/01/2018 01:30

Today, while on my way to work, I had a tire blowout. I got the car towed and borrowed my mom’s so that I could still get to work. Her car seized and died on the expressway ramp. It’s not in any tow truck’s jurisdiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 995

You deserved it 285

25/01/2010 15:27 - United States

Today, the toilet at my apartment still hasn't been fixed. I have to straddle the bathtub for number 1's and go to Walmart for 2's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 238

You deserved it 3 226

02/07/2015 19:16 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I told my parents I'm pregnant. I got a long lecture from my mom about using protection. It would have been fine hearing all that, but I'm turning 22, I've been moved out for a few years, have a full time job with great benefits, and am getting married next summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 439

You deserved it 4 435

06/04/2009 03:19 - United States

Today, I was hungry and decided to nibble on some cheez-its I had in my room. After I had enjoyed some of them, I looked into the box to see how many I had left, where I noticed a lot of little black moving dots. Apparently I wasn't the only one enjoying the crackers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 474

You deserved it 16 884

27/02/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, I hit a car while trying to answer a phone call from my mom. I quickly answered the phone and shouted "What!?". To which she replied, "I just had a bad feeling in my gut about you so I wanted to make sure you were ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 786

You deserved it 16 854

10/09/2016 17:11 - India

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me via a Whatsapp group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 912

You deserved it 798

A Natural Snack!

By Anonymous - 20/02/2017 17:00 - United States - Charles City

Today, my husband argued with me for an hour, because he believed that loaded potato skins grow naturally on a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 805

You deserved it 776

15/09/2009 05:35 - New Zealand

Today, I was at work, and some people came in looking for a particular couch. After looking for over an hour on the wholesalers website my boss walks over, makes me take my lunch break and then calls over the couple and takes all the credit for the sale. We work on commission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 535

You deserved it 3 107

No chuds, thanks

By Anonymous - 15/10/2020 20:01

Today, I found the Instagram account belonging to the guy I've been seeing. That's how I found out he's one of those nitwit asshole Proud Boys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 362

27/06/2016 02:00 - United States

Today, marks three days since I was supposed to follow the moving truck to my new home. Instead, I got super sick and my dad drove away without me. I've been laying on a dog cushion the entire weekend because my bed is 500 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 735

You deserved it 940

03/12/2010 21:18 - Argentina

Today, a guy I've liked for a while asked if he could talk to me during break. He'd never done that before, so I was excited and said yes. As soon as we both sat down, he asked if I'd help him get a date with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 518

You deserved it 3 280

22/05/2013 17:10 - United States - Pomona

Today, my mom took me to a bar to cheer me up after being dumped. Two cute guys around my age kept looking over at us the whole night. When I told my mom, she said she was going to get them to come talk to me. Instead, she ended up leaving with both of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 903

You deserved it 5 124

Brotherly love

By I Hate My Brother - 09/10/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I'm in hospital because of my brother. He followed me and my boyfriend around a fair yesterday dressed as a gorilla, and whenever we showed some sort of affection towards one another, he rugby tackled me. The final tackle caused me to break my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 868

You deserved it 176

14/11/2016 03:20

Today, I was complimented by my guests about the great of service I was giving them. They then left me a $2 tip on a $50 tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 278

You deserved it 1 186

Another great day to be alive

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 21:59 - Germany

Today, I didn’t get much done because I woke up late and therefore didn’t have much time. No wait, that was yesterday. Today I didn’t get much done because I woke up EARLY and was miserably tired and good for nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 325

Same

By Anonymous - 08/01/2015 14:24 - Estonia - Tallinn

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 849

You deserved it 6 050

07/05/2009 20:27 - United States

Today, I was at the library. I went near the computer section when I saw this man cursing and pounding his fists on a computer. He left. I thought I'd check it out. As I sat down, a librarian came over with the security guard and pointed at me. I'm now being fined for destroying public property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 779

You deserved it 15 618

01/05/2013 18:41 - United States - Downey

Spicy

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 805

You deserved it 58 695

Almost father

By Anonymous - 12/02/2020 14:00 - United States

Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 172

You deserved it 109 108

Wild Child

By epic flash - 02/10/2017 20:00

Today, my daughter's quirkiness and eccentricities may have gone to a whole new level when her school faculty described her as "no stranger to LSD". She's 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 028

You deserved it 244

Spooky

By Anonymous - 29/04/2020 17:00

Today, I work as a RGN in an old victorian-style nursing home. Due to Covid-19, we've lost many residents, one passing just the night prior while I was with him. This morning, the TV turned on its own at nearly 4 a.m. in the lounge, and one of the HCAs reported stuff falling off in the corridor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 550

You deserved it 138

10/06/2013 15:55 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I was in the bathroom at work when I ran out of toilet paper. There was another guy in the restroom so I asked him if he could hand me a roll. He laughed, called me a dumbass, turned off the lights and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 139

You deserved it 6 010

Run away, fast

By wtf babe?! - 10/08/2021 22:01

Today, even though we were together every day of quarantine, now that I’m working my boyfriend has become a completely different person. He’s now jealous, insecure and makes wild accusations. He’s called and showed up to my new job so many times the managers are threatening to let me go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 987

You deserved it 75

20/12/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered "nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 084

You deserved it 30 053

31/08/2018 22:00

Today, I got a call from "No Caller ID", which usually only shows up when someone calls from my house phone. Thinking it was my kids, I answered imitating a cartoon voice. It wasn't my kids. It was the district attorney's office calling about the job I applied for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 542

You deserved it 1 454

20/02/2018 23:00 - United States - Winchester

Today, I received a random message on a dating app. It was the girl I'd always wanted to marry, but who disappeared from my life when we were younger. She went on and on about how much she missed me... and how much she wanted me to meet her husband and 3 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 282

You deserved it 438

08/05/2015 21:32

Today, and for the first time in months, I woke up feeling well rested and ready to face the day. At 7pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 222

You deserved it 3 693

Burning down the house

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 18:01 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I got some ingredients ready for a stew in the slow cooker, planning to turn it on when I left for work. Well, my dumb, un-caffeinated ass turned it on, but put it on high instead of low. For 13 hours. It was completely charcoal by the time I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 275

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anja - 03/02/2021 03:30

Today, I was having a horrible day and messaged a friend to vent. She replied with, "Eat a cookie" and proceeded to send me a picture with a "motivational" quote from her buddhistic spiritual leader. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 215

05/03/2013 20:19 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 493

You deserved it 5 963

16/05/2010 04:08 - United States

Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 899

You deserved it 10 681

05/08/2009 13:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was in the middle of an intense orgasm when we heard the panicky voice of his little sister saying there was an emergency downstairs. He jumped up and left to see what the matter was. The big emergency? The Wii remotes had dead batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 981

You deserved it 9 402

27/04/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, I was giving my crush a lift home from a mutual friend's house. When he got in the car, my mom asked in French, "Is this the guy you won't stop talking about? You can do so much better!" Of all the things I've told about him to my mom, I forgot to mention he's French as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 830

You deserved it 12 707

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Top comments

shewenttojareds 16

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Thursday 3 September 2015 16:41

He let out the Holy Ghost. You're blessed LOL.

Miss_Chevious 37

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Thursday 3 September 2015 17:07

How do you know it wasn't your wife?

Comments

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Thursday 3 September 2015 16:41

HOLY FART Blessing in disguise LMAO

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Thursday 3 September 2015 22:24

Blessing in disgust. YEAHHHHHHH!

shewenttojareds 16

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Thursday 3 September 2015 16:41

He let out the Holy Ghost. You're blessed LOL.

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Thursday 3 September 2015 16:43

Did it smell?

Lalala579121 27

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Thursday 3 September 2015 21:26

Farts don't have noses, so no.

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Thursday 3 September 2015 22:27

I am from the future, #38. You are going to be a school teacher. One day during class, a student will ask you if he/she can go to the bathroom. You will reply "I don't know, can you?"

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Thursday 3 September 2015 16:44

Guess the priest just had to release the demon.

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Thursday 3 September 2015 16:44

I think it was a bad omen...very bad.

danm_1 28

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Thursday 10 September 2015 10:36

Don't jinx their marriage! I'm sure that OP, and his now wife, will grow old together. sometimes sh*t just happens. Excuse the pun

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Thursday 3 September 2015 16:44

Sorry that happened OP, it's messed up to be blamed for such things.

Mpii 11

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Thursday 3 September 2015 17:33

Im sorry i accidently downvoted your comment!

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Thursday 3 September 2015 22:04

I purposely downvoted your comment

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Thursday 3 September 2015 16:46

People don't seem to understand that farting is natural, like burping or taking a piss. Sure, it's noisy, but come on, guys! Farting is as natural as having sex: it can be loud, it can be quiet, but still natural ;).

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Thursday 3 September 2015 16:55

but there is a time and place for everything, you don't go having sex in public.

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Thursday 3 September 2015 16:59

Yeah but sex is something you control. If you have to fart, you can't really hold it in for the entire ceremony, and you really shouldn't try. It's bad for your health

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Thursday 3 September 2015 20:11

Yes. Because farts that are held in travel up to your brain, and that's where shitty ideas come from.

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Thursday 3 September 2015 20:41

You don't? Where is your sense of excitement?!?

derangedplanet 23

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Thursday 3 September 2015 22:37

Well things would certainly have been more interesting if the priest had had sex on the alter rather than farting, who do you think it'd be? op or his wife? talk about having a naturally fucked life

MooseKnuckle503 11

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Saturday 5 September 2015 12:57

Yes. There is a time & place for that aswell obviously

slothysarah37 19

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Thursday 3 September 2015 16:48

"Holy shit." At least he didn't do THAT at your wedding

Psycocharger 19

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Thursday 3 September 2015 16:50

See, even priests aren't honest sometimes

ShadowlessSpear 21

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Thursday 3 September 2015 20:16

Don't you mean ever?

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Friday 4 September 2015 5:54

"It was YOU! CONFESS!!"

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Thursday 3 September 2015 16:50

Real classy op, blaming the priest. ?

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 43

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 111