Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair,... - FML

By bushwhacker - 5/3/2015 23:34 - United States - Wichita

Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair, skin and nails vitamins. The only thing growing noticeably longer, faster, stronger, and healthier are my pubes. I've never sheared a sheep before, but I imagine the maintenance I just did was comparable. FML

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The opposite of a good idea

Great boyfriend

Headache

By Anonymous - 16/6/2018 15:00

Today, after massive bouts of diarrhea, vomiting, and doctor visits lasting weeks, I finally got a diagnosis... from my puppy's vet. I got Giardia from my dog. FML

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By oops - 2/3/2013 18:32 - Netherlands - Nieuwe-niedorp

Today, after spending almost an hour in the dentist's waiting room, watching other people get called in for their appointments, I finally lost my patience and asked the receptionist what was taking so long. I'd forgotten to sign in. FML

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By BeanThereRuinedThat - 22/3/2017 12:00

Bean.

Today, my partner proposed to me during an anniversary dinner at a small, quiet Italian restaurant near where we live. We'd never been before, but the food was great, and the staff lovely. It all would have been perfect, if not for the dozens of pictures of Mr. Bean which covered every wall. FML

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By sillyfox4lyfe - 7/5/2011 07:08 - United States

Today, I realized that I frequently argue with myself and respond back. FML

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By cheersdaddy - 8/6/2011 14:51 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad was given 2 VIP tickets to see my favourite band in concert next week. You can now find them on eBay. FML

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By John - 15/11/2009 06:08 - Australia

Today, I parked my convertible in the 5 minute bay at the post office. When I came back out I noticed a bum in the front seat pretending to drive it. After shouting at him and pulling him out, he stumbled off. I was then slapped with a ticket for being parked longer than 5 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/8/2011 16:45 - United States

Today, I got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. I called AAA, and they said it would take 2 hours to get there. They called 2 hours later saying they got a flat tire and would be there in another 2 hours. FML

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By duckthehack - 28/1/2011 14:25 - Poland

Today, my 14 year old son got suspended and I had to pay for the damage after he sprayed "FUCK THE POLICE" on the back wall of his school. I'm a policeman. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2015 12:42 - United States - Clifton Park

Today, I was forced into accepting a "promotion" for a position that pays less than what I get right now. FML

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By Mandy - 26/3/2012 22:21 - United States

Today, I learned why the phrase "seafood taco salad" terrifies everyone in the school's cafeteria. What happened to me after eating it made Saw III look like a Disney movie. FML

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By homewrecker - 8/11/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, I drove 600 miles to be with my boyfriend of two years for his uncle's funeral. He didn't want me to come because I am seven months pregnant and flying is dangerous in the third trimester. When I got there I don't know who was more suprised to see me: him, his wife, or their kids. FML

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By dead - 18/3/2016 19:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I've been awake for 4 days. My doctor recently put me on enough sleeping pills to kill a small country, but when I take them it's like a shot of adrenaline. I'm wide awake and tired as all hell at the same time. FML

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By ojskyguy - 11/10/2014 23:04 - United States - Pearl

Today, I knocked over and broke one of two very expensive wine bottles. As I was using the mop to clean it up, the handle knocked over and broke the other. FML

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By anonymous - 23/1/2016 01:56 - United States - Indiana

Today, my boyfriend picked his nose and tried to stick his booger up my nose, claiming that it was time to plant his "seed." FML

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By ProudASDmom - 30/3/2016 02:39 - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, my son's first impression of our new neighborhood was to be yelled at by the first kid he tried to introduce himself to, because my son was on the edge of their lawn. Half-an-hour later, I got a lecture at the corner store, because the clerk thinks vaccinations caused my son's autism. FML

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By Thesuz - 6/9/2013 03:27 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my neighbour was practicing his opera singing, drunk. FML

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By thatcreepyteacher - 17/2/2016 04:27 - United States - Mchenry

Reported!

Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML

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By stupid drunk bitch - 24/2/2016 18:37 - United States - Cobleskill

Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML

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By :^( - 7/12/2013 17:30 - Bahrain - Isa Town

Today, a lady told me that I should sue whoever screwed up my "nose job" so badly. This is the nose I was born with. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2009 22:53 - United States

Today, I was looking at my recommendations on Amazon, which included several vibrators. Just a few days earlier I was looking at books on anger management. Amazon thinks I need to get laid. They're right. FML

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By raaquel - 25/1/2011 06:10 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years has been cheating on me with a Realtor. The same Realtor who helped me sell my condo so I could move in with my boyfriend. FML

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By jennahh - 10/7/2019 22:00

Today, I had a sexual dream about my ex, and I woke up after saying his name. My boyfriend was awake, and heard all the dirty talk and me moaning my ex-boyfriend's name. FML

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By virginkiller - 3/3/2012 13:23 - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend revealed to me that she has primeisodophobia. What is primeisodophobia, you may ask? Well, it's the fear of losing your virginity. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2013 20:26 - United States - Houston

Today, I took my girlfriend of nearly 2 years out to dinner so I could propose. When the waiter brought the check, I caused a bit of a scene to get everyone's attention. When I got on my knee and proposed, she said no and asked if I could hurry up and pay, because she was embarrassed. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2019 12:00

Today, after almost a year of dating and getting dumped out of the blue, I found out my ex-girlfriend wants to get a restraining order against me. I guess dropping a box of her things on her porch after she wouldn't answer her phone is considered stalking. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2010 13:33 - United States

Today, I was babysitting. The kid said he had to use the bathroom. When I told him to go ahead, he said he just did. He was on my lap. He wasn't wearing pants. FML

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By PiZzA_FaCe - 29/5/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I was working at a day care center. A 5 year old boy came up to me telling me he wanted to eat my face. Confused, I asked him why. He said, "Because your face looks like pizza." FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2012 09:45 - Canada - Thompson

Today, at a concert, I got into a fight with a man in a banana suit. FML

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By maturity - 8/4/2013 00:30 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML

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By gabby - 13/12/2009 17:30 - Canada

Today, I was on the bus and a woman got on with her 3 young children. I offered her my seat so they could all sit together. When I went to get off the bus I realized I left my bag underneath my old seat. When I tried to get it back the woman hit me and yelled at me for trying to steal her purse. FML

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By -.- - 20/9/2013 23:58 - United States - Lakeside

Today, while riding the bus, the person next to me broke into a coughing fit. Fortunately, he covered his mouth. Unfortunately, he used my arm. FML

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By colts609380 - 17/5/2012 21:07 - United States - Corona

Today, I finally gained the nerve to ask out the girl of my dreams. She responded by saying, "You need to lower your standards." FML

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By anonymous - 26/6/2016 03:50 - United States - Knoxville

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to his house. I was planning on breaking up with him while at his house. Turns out, it was a proposal party. I'm now engaged because it would've been rude to say no in front of his family that had flown in. FML

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By randomdude3890 - 11/2/2015 04:58 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my caring way too much about proper grammar got out of hand when I corrected my girlfriend during a talk about her dying grandmother. FML

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By FriutlessApple - 11/10/2013 15:18 - United Kingdom

Today, feeling bored and lonely, I drove into town to wander around the shops and go to Subway for lunch. While there, I picked up two trays and put one on the opposite side of the table, along with some of my rubbish, to make it look like I was with someone. FML

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By kay - 3/12/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, I received an e-mail from my stepmom. It was a picture of a boy that she said she thought I might like to know. Next to the picture was the message "he comes from a good military background". My love life is so pathetic that my stepmother feels the need to try and set me up. FML

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By Clueless - 24/5/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML

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By powsser - 11/3/2009 13:38 - United States

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

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By collegekidproblems - 30/6/2016 19:35 - United States

Today, I have put in many job applications and had many interviews for a variety of positions all of which I am highly qualified for. Today, I heard back from all but one that I am overqualified. Welcome to Walmart. FML

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By drurbanXVII - 25/5/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, while playing The Sims 2, I realized I had a virtual person's whole life planned out, and have nothing planned out for myself. FML

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Top comments

By xlord | 27

#6222927 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:29

Those tablets seem pretty baaad

By michaelaranda | 28

#6222931 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:31

You should check out the forums of popular health websites. They give really good advice that tell you what anything youre taking will actually do to you.

Comments

By xlord | 27

#6222927 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:29

Those tablets seem pretty baaad

Reply

evilscorpi | 29

#6223834 - Saturday 7 March 2015 1:16

it doesn't only grow the hair on your head

By ThirteenThirteen | 27

#6222929 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:29

Your wording is impeccable.

By gordjess1 | 19

#6222930 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:31

Sounds like a baa-ad situation

Reply

Stillo | 25

#6223119 - Friday 6 March 2015 14:01

Don't get why people are down voting this :D it's fun!! :D

By michaelaranda | 28

#6222931 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:31

You should check out the forums of popular health websites. They give really good advice that tell you what anything youre taking will actually do to you.

By bearstyle22 | 11

#6222933 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:31

Was I the only one reading the list of how the pubes are growing in a daft punk tone.

Reply

1dvs_bstd | 41

#6222957 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:40

yes, captain Solo, yes you are.

Reply

bearstyle22 | 11

#6222973 - Friday 6 March 2015 10:10

I guess I have sick tunes in my head at all times then.

Reply

1dvs_bstd | 41

#6223050 - Friday 6 March 2015 11:53

Would that be the imperial march?

Reply

bearstyle22 | 11

#6223055 - Friday 6 March 2015 12:00

on occasion yes. so touche sir, touche

By sicksadworld1317 | 30

#6222936 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:32

It's time to quit those vitamins. It's good to take a multivitamin daily; but for your hair you could use a volumizing shampoo and deep conditioner. There are also strengthening top coats to help your nails grow. Good luck, OP!

By khoov19 | 20

#6222938 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:32

keep up the good fight and keep that lawn manicured

By 8Dirty1 | 24

#6222944 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:35

you got the buckwheat

By bab3ruthl3ss | 16

#6222951 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:37

Huh, I assume OP is taking Biotin? It's done pretty awesomely for me, especially with my hair growth. Maybe they should try a different brand.

Reply

sweetnsourrr | 11

#6223198 - Friday 6 March 2015 14:47

I wish it would have done the same for me, but that didn't happened. Instead of helping my skin, it made worse by giving me back acne and tones of ance on my face and I had to stop using that asap.

It done fucked up my hormones.

By nkb94 | 18

#6222953 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:38

I feel your pain. I'm taking those and they're making me grow hair on my neck!

Reply

bab3ruthl3ss | 16

#6224163 - Saturday 7 March 2015 8:01

Were you taking biotin or something else? I'm a big advocate for Nature's Bounty Hair, Skin, & Nails vitamins. They've worked awesomely for me so far over a month & a half.

Reply

nkb94 | 18

#6224611 - Saturday 7 March 2015 19:34

They are the Nature's Bounty gummy vitamins. They were working fine at first.

Reply

bab3ruthl3ss | 16

#6225197 - Sunday 8 March 2015 5:32

That's so strange, I wonder if they could have been interacting with something else you were taking? I have no idea.