Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair,... - FML

By bushwhacker - 5/3/2015 23:34 - United States - Wichita

Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair, skin and nails vitamins. The only thing growing noticeably longer, faster, stronger, and healthier are my pubes. I've never sheared a sheep before, but I imagine the maintenance I just did was comparable. FML

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Serious times

Thanks, I'm cured!

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

By Anonymous - 30/6/2016 14:14 - United States - Coldwater

Today, I am one year away from getting a university degree. Unfortunately, my parents just kicked me out because I wouldn't drop out and work for free at our family's gas station. I'm now broke, homeless and have no way to pay for school. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 02:49 - United States

Today, I celebrated my birthday. When asked last week, I said I wanted a keyboard. When I opened the present, my parents went into hysterics. It was an electronic Dora the Explorer keyboard. I've been studying music composition and theory for six years. They think my major's a joke. FML

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By Old? - 14/1/2009 23:20 - United States

Today, a student of mine used the phrase "well, you know, like back in your day" about defining "going out". I'm only 24. FML

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By Username - 13/5/2011 08:13

Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML

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By dragonstooth257 - 25/2/2019 16:00

Today, my child is so super clingy and needy, I have to sit and watch her bounce on the trampoline attentatively or else face hours and hours of whining. She's like the Screamapillar from the Simpsons. FML

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By onlyme123 - 27/6/2018 15:00

Today, I got a phone call. I thought it was just one of these toll free numbers that were always calling so when I answered the phone, I said, “City morgue: you stab 'em, we slab 'em! How may I help you?” It was my college calling to discuss my grades. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2014 02:04 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone interview with a company. Excited, I prepared for the interview and conducted extensive research on the company. The interview ended within a minute. They'd got the wrong person. FML

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By nabru - 6/7/2018 15:00

Today, I automated a task at work and a day-long procedure ran in a few hours. My boss was completely unimpressed because "I'm not paid to automate stuff, I'm paid to work". FML

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By applegreen - 16/2/2017 15:00 - Ireland - Limerick

Today, while getting a breast exam for some suspicious lumps, I was lying on the table with my boobs exposed and I learned my doctor is afraid of wasps. I had to chase the wasp out whilst topless. FML

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By jane - 9/10/2009 14:04 - Australia

Today, I was pretending to be a monkey for a "documentary". The branch snapped and I fell out of the tree and onto a car roof. It was after school, I fell onto the dean's BMW. The video was on facebook before I regained consciousness. FML

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By missalexa - 3/8/2010 18:13 - United States

Today, upon getting out of the shower, I discovered the towel I grabbed off the rack had dried poop on it. Apparently, during my sister's birthday party yesterday, we'd run out of toilet paper. FML

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By firehurts - 8/6/2015 23:38 - United States - Wallkill

Today, I threw a bonfire for my birthday. My boyfriend managed to set my leg on fire by throwing his liquor bottle into the fire. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By Cheyenne - 11/7/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, I found out I'm the only one in my family to wash their hands after they use the bathroom. FML

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By fml9124 - 20/9/2019 14:00

Hidden

Today, I saw a scorpion crawling across the kitchen floor. While trying to swat it towards the middle of the floor to prevent it from escaping as I looked for something to kill it with, my cat came to investigate. Kitty thought I was playing with a new toy and joined in by batting the scorpion under the oven. I know it's plotting its revenge. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2015 13:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my school had to make an official announcement that students were not permitted to go home due to Zayn Malik leaving One Direction because so many girls were claiming they couldn't focus on school with such a dramatic event occurring. FML

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By FilthyIke - 21/8/2009 20:17 - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the rash I've been getting in my underarms, behind my knees and sometimes on my face. Turns out I'm allergic to sweat. I'm a varsity rugby coach, gym teacher, and I just shelled out a stack of cash to get a sauna and steam room installed in my house. FML

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By theflasher - 13/8/2015 21:10 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, a woman who works in the clinic across the road told me that my glass isn't frosted enough and she and all her patients can see me when I shower. FML

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By technodont - 11/5/2015 14:37 - United States

Today, my rental car had an automatic rear hatch. That sounded helpful until I used it and it emptied $60 in just-purchased groceries for the week on the parking lot pavement. The jars and jugs weren't ready for the leap. FML

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By Knottywoman - 3/9/2017 23:15

Today, I dreamt my fiancé was rolling frozen potatoes onto my bed to wake me up. In reality I woke up screaming to intense cramps in my legs which almost reduced me to tears. I could barely walk for two hours. FML

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By nobrows - 6/4/2012 17:11 - United States - Malvern

Today, my sister gave me a makeover. I protested, but she insisted it'd look great. After an eternity of eyebrow plucking, she handed me the mirror. I now have extremely badly-drawn sharpie eyebrows. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2011 02:39 - United States

Today, I politely complimented a stranger's excellent posture. She responded by saying "I have a metal rod in my back." FML

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By OytoBeAfather - 16/5/2012 03:05 - United States - Nesconset

Today, my 20-year-old son's external hard-drive stopped working. He's crying on my shoulder now, not because of the movies, porn, work, or music he probably lost, but because of the now irretrievable complete series of Digimon that he'd collected. FML

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By anon - 28/9/2015 03:27 - United States - Orange Park

Today, I thought my wife and I would reconcile after being separated for eight months. We ended up sleeping together after a dinner date, but she told told me afterwards that she still wanted a divorce. FML

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By Dartfrogger - 12/2/2015 19:16 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I announced to my friends that my grandmother is dying. My best friend pulled out his phone and casually announced, "Technically, everyone is dying." FML

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By fuck my liBLARGHSLJNAdlajdSzxz - 5/9/2013 16:39 - Sweden - Solna

Today, after my grandma did some early Halloween costume shopping, I witnessed her modeling a "sexy nurse" outfit. After seeing her bare thighs and most of her ass, I don't think I can eat cottage cheese ever again. FML

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By Imslow - 5/4/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn't sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won't believe me when I tell them I'm a 4.0 GPA student. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 20:31 - United States

Today, my girlfriend tried to cover my eyes while I was driving on the main street, all because she caught me looking at an ad featuring bikini-clad girls on the bus ahead of our car. FML

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By jannister - 13/8/2012 19:25 - Germany - Bad Blankenburg

Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 20:02

Mixed signals

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2016 12:31

Today, I found a "white power" bumper sticker on the back of my car. I don't know what idiot thought it'd be funny to put it there, but now my neighbors think I'm a proud racist. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2018 12:00 - United States

Today, I got fired because I abruptly hung up on my boss while being pulled over for talking in a hands free zone. I also got a $300 fine. FML

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By Namaslayed - 16/10/2015 18:04 - India - Mumbai

Today, I tried to make a move on the cute guy who sits opposite me at work. In theory, I was going to start a game of footsie with him. In practice, I screwed up and managed to yank his computer's power cable out. He lost his unsaved work. FML

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By Discostu80 - 6/6/2009 10:24 - Australia

Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered in my wifes ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud because I was embarrassing her. FML

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By maddie - 15/5/2020 05:00

Gross

Today, while I was working the drive-thru window, a customer sneezed into his hand and then handed me his money. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2019 00:01

If only they hadn't learned to read…

Today, I was hosting my kid's birthday party. I had a bunch of small trinkets, so I grabbed the first container I could find to put them in. It wasn’t until I went out and someone yelled, "I’ll take a heavy flow!" that I realized it was an empty tampon box. FML

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By just great... - 22/2/2011 08:38

Today, I found a picture my husband had saved on the computer. It was of me, and he had named it "Fatter". FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2011 12:40 - Australia

Today, working at a daycare centre, when packing up the kids' beds after sleep time, I slipped and landed in a puddle. Of urine. I had no spare pants. I had to wear them for the rest of my shift. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2012 02:11 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I had to very clearly explain to my mother, in public, why you cannot get cancer from eating too much ketchup. FML

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By badboyfriend101 - 12/5/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was continuously telling me how great my best friend smelled the other night and how I should wear some perfume that smelled like that. I have the same exact perfume and have been wearing it for months. FML

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Top comments

By xlord | 27

#6222927 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:29

Those tablets seem pretty baaad

By michaelaranda | 28

#6222931 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:31

You should check out the forums of popular health websites. They give really good advice that tell you what anything youre taking will actually do to you.

COMMENTS

By xlord | 27

#6222927 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:29

Those tablets seem pretty baaad

Reply

evilscorpi | 29

#6223834 - Saturday 7 March 2015 1:16

it doesn't only grow the hair on your head

By ThirteenThirteen | 27

#6222929 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:29

Your wording is impeccable.

By gordjess1 | 19

#6222930 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:31

Sounds like a baa-ad situation

Reply

Stillo | 25

#6223119 - Friday 6 March 2015 14:01

Don't get why people are down voting this :D it's fun!! :D

By michaelaranda | 28

#6222931 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:31

You should check out the forums of popular health websites. They give really good advice that tell you what anything youre taking will actually do to you.

By bearstyle22 | 11

#6222933 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:31

Was I the only one reading the list of how the pubes are growing in a daft punk tone.

Reply

1dvs_bstd | 41

#6222957 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:40

yes, captain Solo, yes you are.

Reply

bearstyle22 | 11

#6222973 - Friday 6 March 2015 10:10

I guess I have sick tunes in my head at all times then.

Reply

1dvs_bstd | 41

#6223050 - Friday 6 March 2015 11:53

Would that be the imperial march?

Reply

bearstyle22 | 11

#6223055 - Friday 6 March 2015 12:00

on occasion yes. so touche sir, touche

By sicksadworld1317 | 30

#6222936 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:32

It's time to quit those vitamins. It's good to take a multivitamin daily; but for your hair you could use a volumizing shampoo and deep conditioner. There are also strengthening top coats to help your nails grow. Good luck, OP!

By khoov19 | 20

#6222938 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:32

keep up the good fight and keep that lawn manicured

By 8Dirty1 | 24

#6222944 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:35

you got the buckwheat

By bab3ruthl3ss | 16

#6222951 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:37

Huh, I assume OP is taking Biotin? It's done pretty awesomely for me, especially with my hair growth. Maybe they should try a different brand.

Reply

sweetnsourrr | 11

#6223198 - Friday 6 March 2015 14:47

I wish it would have done the same for me, but that didn't happened. Instead of helping my skin, it made worse by giving me back acne and tones of ance on my face and I had to stop using that asap.

It done fucked up my hormones.

By nkb94 | 18

#6222953 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:38

I feel your pain. I'm taking those and they're making me grow hair on my neck!

Reply

bab3ruthl3ss | 16

#6224163 - Saturday 7 March 2015 8:01

Were you taking biotin or something else? I'm a big advocate for Nature's Bounty Hair, Skin, & Nails vitamins. They've worked awesomely for me so far over a month & a half.

Reply

nkb94 | 18

#6224611 - Saturday 7 March 2015 19:34

They are the Nature's Bounty gummy vitamins. They were working fine at first.

Reply

bab3ruthl3ss | 16

#6225197 - Sunday 8 March 2015 5:32

That's so strange, I wonder if they could have been interacting with something else you were taking? I have no idea.