Health: Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair,... - FML

By bushwhacker - United States - Wichita

Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair, skin and nails vitamins. The only thing growing noticeably longer, faster, stronger, and healthier are my pubes. I've never sheared a sheep before, but I imagine the maintenance I just did was comparable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29672

You deserved it

3287

Tweet

Share

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Kids will be kids

Fun for all the family

By Anonymous - United States - Newtown

Today, I was at my friend's Bar Mitzvah. After he finished his long-winded speech, I sarcastically did the mockingjay sign from the Hunger Games. It took a couple of seconds before I realized how that looked, and a couple more for me to be shouted down and kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18575

You deserved it

34780

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my refrigerator defrosted itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41722

You deserved it

5770

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, just 1 month after giving me a bracelet with an infinity symbol on it for Christmas, my boyfriend of three years ended everything out of the blue. That was a short infinity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24025

You deserved it

2022

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/12/2020 02:02

Heartbreaking

Today, I ran into a childhood friend for the first time in years. It turned out her mother died of COVID a few days ago. It was heartbreaking to see her close to tears all the time we talked, but due to distancing I couldn't even hug her to make her feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1238

You deserved it

107

Tweet

Share

By :/ - United States - Moreno Valley

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26012

You deserved it

3266

Tweet

Share

By fmlfmlfml - United States

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

96758

You deserved it

251412

Tweet

Share

By idiot - United States

Today, I was sitting in my car waiting my shift to start. I must've fallen asleep because I woke up to a call from my boss firing me. I was in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12027

You deserved it

23412

Tweet

Share

By FenderBender - Canada

Today, I was driving home from work and noticed the car behind me was tailgating me pretty badly. I was starting to get angry with the driver, and kept glancing in my rear view mirror at him. While I was doing so, the traffic ahead of me stopped, and I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11481

You deserved it

43449

Tweet

Share

By Jesusman

Today as I helped my boss set up catering at our café, she was stressing about having enough time for everything when the DJ chimed in with "Why don't you ask him to help?" It got awkwardly quiet as they looked at me and he realized I was a girl. Then he tried saying "by him, I mean Jesus". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2732

You deserved it

269

Tweet

Share

By seriously wtf - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, in my architecture class, my professor's lecture consisted of a list of movies and books which feature characters who are architects. I couldn't leave because I needed the attendance points, and it lasted 45 minutes. I paid out of state tuition for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27426

You deserved it

4080

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom made me teach my delusional gran web browsing. I barely made it to YouTube before she sneered at me, and told me to "stop pissing about before I smash your face in." Two hours and multiple slaps later, she still doesn't get what a URL is, and I fear for my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29158

You deserved it

3031

Tweet

Share

By Millar - Australia - Carlton North

Today, I witnessed a postal worker with an important parcel stopping before knocking on my door, shrugging, getting back in his van, and driving away. I couldn't get the door open quickly enough before he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2811

You deserved it

163

Tweet

Share

By notakeeper - United States - Orlando

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a long poem that ended with, "Please don't get another mister / I regret I screwed your sister". FML

I agree, your life sucks

56976

You deserved it

4644

Tweet

Share

By Matt

Today, I got a call saying I was successful in my interview to be a pizza delivery driver. As I picked up my contract and got in my car, I reversed sideways into a pole and ripped off my front bumper. The manager came out and helped jam the bumper in so I could make it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1564

You deserved it

640

Tweet

Share

By PublicToiletEspionage - United Kingdom

Today, I was desperate for a pee so I used some public toilets which were full of obviously underage girls drinking. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through my business when I looked up to see two of them leaning over the top of the stall taking pictures with a mobile phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57608

You deserved it

4236

Tweet

Share

By catlady - United States

Today, my cat was in the bathroom when I was undressing to get into the shower. I realized that he was the only male to have seen me naked in the past two months. Then he started scratching the door for me to let him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55498

You deserved it

9001

Tweet

Share

By tsardaukar - United States

Today, bouncing at a local bar. I I.D.'d a girl with a group of people. I told her that next time she used a fake I.D., she at least should get one with a picture that looked like her. She started crying and ran off. A guy told me that she had been in a car wreck, and had been badly disfigured. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57462

You deserved it

72448

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, a customer asked me if I was English, because I was struggling to understand what he saying. I said yes. He then called me a liar, and said I must be "one of them Polish immigrants." Oh, and he also had a thick Scottish accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1511

You deserved it

133

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got pulled over for speeding and got a $200 ticket. After I pulled away, I decided to warn the next car about the cop up ahead by flashing my headlights. The next car was another cop. He didn't appreciate my "help". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40611

You deserved it

25432

Tweet

Share

By Wrongtoilet - Singapore

Today, I was at a new shopping mall. After an hour, I desperately needed to use the bathroom. Spotting one, I ran inside, locked myself in a cubicle and relieved myself. The toilet paper was out so I knocked on the cubicle beside me to ask for some. A lady's voice answered. She needed some too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35763

You deserved it

5439

Tweet

Share

By justinherass - Canada

Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend and she was grabbing the fat on my stomach I said to her "stop touching my fat". She replied "so don't touch you at all?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

55800

You deserved it

24934

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19852

You deserved it

6699

Tweet

Share

By Christin Deason

A Tale of Two Nutritionists

Today, a friend criticized my detox method, calling it "unhealthy and unsafe." Recently, she made a post bragging about her dieting method, which is also very unhealthy and unsafe. I told her she was being a hypocrite. She unfriended and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1249

You deserved it

362

Tweet

Share

By too eager - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I had a date with an amazing girl so in the shower I wanted to make sure I was extra clean. With the soaped up shower puff in hand I tried to get as much of my back as I could which led to me pushing too far and dislocating my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14909

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2936

Tweet

Share

By ugly - United States

Today, I saw a facebook status that said, 'Wedding today. Ugly people belong together.' I'm getting married today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41397

You deserved it

3745

Tweet

Share

By Karen - United States

Knackered

Today, in the middle of sex my boyfriend asked if he could use the bathroom. It would've been fine, if he didn't fall asleep on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27455

You deserved it

3066

Tweet

Share

By Jason Brazil

Hypochondriacs of the world unite!

Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my wife frantically saying something about her having scabies, and that I had to take her to the ER. It turned out to be eczema. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1367

You deserved it

118

Tweet

Share

By Erin - 22/4/2021 17:01 - United States - Pompton Plains

Gratitude walks

Today, after drawing a huge portrait of a homeless man to raise awareness about homelessness, I showed it to him. When I told him I was glad he liked the drawing, he groped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

879

You deserved it

177

Tweet

Share

By mmmtortilla - Spain - Portugalete

Today, while putting on a load of laundry, I squeezed the detergent bottle and it made a noise like a woman's orgasm. After laughing, I realised that I'm probably too immature to be washing my own clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12327

You deserved it

28419

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that I was one point away from passing a state science exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37571

You deserved it

11438

Tweet

Share

By jc2011 - Australia

Today, after months of grueling training and countless early mornings, I finally began the race I had been preparing for over the past year, only to slip and break my leg in the first 450 meters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39198

You deserved it

3026

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Montrose

Today, I got my car cleaned. As I drove home, the passenger of the van in front of me vomited out the window. The vomit sailed back and splattered all over the front of my car. A waste of £10 and a mental image that will never go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41141

You deserved it

3403

Tweet

Share

By violatedinden - United States

Today, my next door neighbor told me that he liked the carpet in my bedroom. I live alone. He's never been in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45442

You deserved it

2392

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Berwyn

Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29197

You deserved it

2567

Tweet

Share

By thanks hun

Overheard musings

Today, my husband came out of the bathroom and screamed, "Call 911 because I just murdered this motherfucking toilet!” then laughed hysterically at his own stupid joke. I was on a Zoom meeting at the time. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1774

You deserved it

219

Tweet

Share

By miss Suzanne - United States

Today, I got a brand new couch. My husband told me to keep our puppy off of it so we could keep it nice. She jumped on it, and as I picked her up to put her back on the floor, her claws dragged across it and ripped 2 of the cushions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26392

You deserved it

9569

Tweet

Share

By fffmmll - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

I agree, your life sucks

33891

You deserved it

56124

Tweet

Share

By amilia

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy at a seafood restaurant. I explained to him that I am deathly allergic to shrimp. When the waiter took my order, he interrupted me and said, “She’ll have the shrimp," while looking me dead in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3265

You deserved it

305

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, my mother in law basically said I deserve my breast cancer, all because I declined to take part in one of her "March Against Cancer" events a while ago. I guess donating money to cancer research instead of going on a meaningless march really messed up my karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28780

You deserved it

1770

Tweet

Share

By oh great - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, my brother let me fly his two day old, expensive drone. Within a minute I had crashed it into a potato field. Four hours of searching and we still haven't found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22397

You deserved it

11378

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By xlord | 27

#6222927 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:29

Those tablets seem pretty baaad

By michaelaranda | 28

#6222931 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:31

You should check out the forums of popular health websites. They give really good advice that tell you what anything youre taking will actually do to you.

COMMENTS

By xlord | 27

#6222927 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:29

Those tablets seem pretty baaad

Reply

evilscorpi | 29

#6223834 - Saturday 7 March 2015 1:16

it doesn't only grow the hair on your head

By ThirteenThirteen | 27

#6222929 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:29

Your wording is impeccable.

By gordjess1 | 19

#6222930 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:31

Sounds like a baa-ad situation

Reply

Stillo | 25

#6223119 - Friday 6 March 2015 14:01

Don't get why people are down voting this :D it's fun!! :D

By michaelaranda | 28

#6222931 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:31

You should check out the forums of popular health websites. They give really good advice that tell you what anything youre taking will actually do to you.

By bearstyle22 | 11

#6222933 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:31

Was I the only one reading the list of how the pubes are growing in a daft punk tone.

Reply

1dvs_bstd | 41

#6222957 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:40

yes, captain Solo, yes you are.

Reply

bearstyle22 | 11

#6222973 - Friday 6 March 2015 10:10

I guess I have sick tunes in my head at all times then.

Reply

1dvs_bstd | 41

#6223050 - Friday 6 March 2015 11:53

Would that be the imperial march?

Reply

bearstyle22 | 11

#6223055 - Friday 6 March 2015 12:00

on occasion yes. so touche sir, touche

By sicksadworld1317 | 30

#6222936 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:32

It's time to quit those vitamins. It's good to take a multivitamin daily; but for your hair you could use a volumizing shampoo and deep conditioner. There are also strengthening top coats to help your nails grow. Good luck, OP!

By khoov19 | 20

#6222938 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:32

keep up the good fight and keep that lawn manicured

By 8Dirty1 | 24

#6222944 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:35

you got the buckwheat

By bab3ruthl3ss | 16

#6222951 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:37

Huh, I assume OP is taking Biotin? It's done pretty awesomely for me, especially with my hair growth. Maybe they should try a different brand.

Reply

sweetnsourrr | 11

#6223198 - Friday 6 March 2015 14:47

I wish it would have done the same for me, but that didn't happened. Instead of helping my skin, it made worse by giving me back acne and tones of ance on my face and I had to stop using that asap.

It done fucked up my hormones.

By nkb94 | 18

#6222953 - Friday 6 March 2015 9:38

I feel your pain. I'm taking those and they're making me grow hair on my neck!

Reply

bab3ruthl3ss | 16

#6224163 - Saturday 7 March 2015 8:01

Were you taking biotin or something else? I'm a big advocate for Nature's Bounty Hair, Skin, & Nails vitamins. They've worked awesomely for me so far over a month & a half.

Reply

nkb94 | 18

#6224611 - Saturday 7 March 2015 19:34

They are the Nature's Bounty gummy vitamins. They were working fine at first.

Reply

bab3ruthl3ss | 16

#6225197 - Sunday 8 March 2015 5:32

That's so strange, I wonder if they could have been interacting with something else you were taking? I have no idea.