Intimacy: Today, while taking a slow night at my waitressing job, I thought...

By koanroak - 22/06/2015 03:08 - United States - Carrollton

Today, while taking a slow night at my waitressing job, I thought I heard the sound of crying coming from the kitchen. I rushed in, thinking something terrible had happened. Nope, the bus boy was just watching porn on his phone with no headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 730

You deserved it 2 372

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/04/2017 00:00

Today, working midnight at a coffee shop, I had a customer set down his phone on the counter to pay. Screen up. Still playing his, "Ebony Rimjob" porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 352

You deserved it 401

By Anonymous - 08/06/2019 00:24 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I was babysitting my friend's 12-year-old son while his dad was having an emergency procedure at the hospital. I walked into the den to see if he wanted to go out to dinner, only to find him watching Pornhub on my iPad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 579

You deserved it 415

Class dismissed

By Anonymous - 27/05/2021 08:01

Today, I was watching porn with no headphones, because my roommate had left for work. He didn’t fill me in that his girlfriend was, one, even over at our place, and two was using the room next to me to teach her third grade class. Yeah. I’m going to get headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 1 164

By wowthatwould - 04/12/2011 21:39 - United States

Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 408

You deserved it 46 711

By danesy - 10/03/2009 02:04 - United States

Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was around 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on homework. When I took my headphones off to readjust them, I heard some grunting. I looked over at the man across from me to see he was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 252

You deserved it 3 790

Talk to me baby

By fizzie101 - 18/10/2014 21:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 505

You deserved it 4 697

Wanker

By fired - 09/08/2013 22:17

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 252

You deserved it 7 486

Listen up

By Ryan - 01/09/2022 21:00 - Canada - Quesnel

Today, after getting off the phone with a client, I got horny so I put on some porn and cranked one out. After I'd finished, I realized I hadn't ended the call and neither had my client. They heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 2 037

By Anonymous - 21/10/2013 19:07 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came into my room, looked at my laptop, and said he could hear the porn I was watching all the way from his room. I wasn't watching porn. We soon realised it was actually coming from his mobile phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 856

You deserved it 4 486

By Anonymous - 12/09/2014 13:17 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 560

You deserved it 7 485

hayleybee44 12

Monday 22 June 2015 18:09

I hope he washed his hands afterwards...

runninggirl8 16

Monday 22 June 2015 18:08

at least nothing terrible happened

Comments

sorainu 18

Monday 22 June 2015 18:07

When I accidentally comment on the wrong fml >.>

Miss_Chevious 37

Monday 22 June 2015 18:17

what a waste of a first comment

runninggirl8 16

Monday 22 June 2015 18:08

at least nothing terrible happened

Rinat_fml 26

Monday 22 June 2015 18:38

It was terrible, for OP.

zahidnasir 22

Monday 22 June 2015 19:42

i think its ok for a lady like you

jforren 14

Monday 22 June 2015 23:17

Okay, but why would it be okay to say that?

hayleybee44 12

Monday 22 June 2015 18:09

I hope he washed his hands afterwards...

iPixelCheese 19

Monday 22 June 2015 18:09

Umm. I have no words, sorry that you had to witness that OP

pooldude 24

Monday 22 June 2015 18:54

you just said you had no word! Then you go ahead and... this is why i have trust issues

dakatabg 31

Monday 22 June 2015 18:09

Killing some time on the phone

Misskreher 30

Monday 22 June 2015 18:09

A mans gotta do what a mans gotta do

Tournesol143 28

Monday 22 June 2015 18:11

I imagine the people hearing that while waiting for their food must think the cooks are pretty passionate about their jobs!

extrasnipes 22

Monday 22 June 2015 19:10

Oh yeah oh yeah milk it milk good. Not to fast though. Mhmm oh yeah that's amazing. Oh Mhm cum on, where's the special sauce.

Sandsh8rk 36

Monday 22 June 2015 18:11

I guess **** can't wait for anything.

satanic_fml 13

Monday 22 June 2015 18:14

sounds like the start of a porno

archnarquibquib 21

Monday 22 June 2015 18:27

Who watches **** at work? What the ****?

katydid91 31

Monday 22 June 2015 21:23

Right?! Especially in the food industry!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 097

You deserved it 7 572

Today, I was on my way home from a friend's house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know I was on my way. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 074

You deserved it 6 726

The Top

Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 282

You deserved it 13 928

Today, I called work crying, telling them that I wouldn't be able to go to work tomorrow due to my grandmother's sudden and tragic death. After hanging up, I walked into the midnight release of Grand Theft Auto 5. I had no idea my boss was also an avid gamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 084

You deserved it 99 082

Today, I was taking a bath after a long day at work. I closed my eyes and listened to music. My cat thought this was the perfect time to come out of his hiding spot and jump in the bath. Once he realized it was filled with water, he freaked out and dug his claws into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 791

You deserved it 2 319

Today, at work, due to a mix up, I had to call an answering service. I am also from an answering service. We got the problem fixed but I couldn't hang up due to company policy. She couldn't hang up either. We both had to get our supervisors for permission to hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 192

You deserved it 3 588

Today, I'm on vacation with my best friends. We went to a club and I drunk texted my girlfriend of 1 year about how nice everything is and how much I miss her. She responded by breaking up with me because she likes me more as a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 858

You deserved it 233

Today, my daughter asked me for permission to go to her boyfriend’s studio apartment without any supervision to “watch a soccer game and eat pizza.” I said no because she thinks I was born yesterday. She proceeded to throw a tantrum and told me that she hopes my breast cancer kills me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 204

Same thing different taste

Class dismissed

Talk to me baby

Wanker

Listen up

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