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The all-time greatest FMLs

Deez nutz hurtz

By Anonymous - 11/03/2020 15:01

Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 132

You deserved it 540

Don't touch my stuff

By Anonymous - 08/07/2020 08:02

Today, I found out where all my favourite things have been disappearing to: the garbage bin, one item at a time, courtesy of my girlfriend, who it seems wants me in a suit reading the Financial Times on a Saturday, instead of my favourite Jedi dressing gown reading Game of Thrones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 132

You deserved it 675

What?

By Richard - 07/08/2018 18:30

Today, my friends and I were kicked out of a Red Robin after the manager told us that our server accused us of making "sexually suggestive gestures" towards her. The gesture in question was the circle game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 131

You deserved it 1 511

Doomed

By SweptWolf - 06/06/2020 23:02

Today, my fiancée handed me her engagement ring back and told me she felt like she's pressuring me into marriage, so to make me feel better about it we’re no longer engaged. On top of this, I found out she’s started talking to her ex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 131

You deserved it 200

By Keira - 27/03/2019 22:00

Today, the modeling program I'm required to use for school started inexplicably crashing. Reinstalling doesn't even fix it. The company that owns the software doesn't provide students with tech support, and my teacher just told me I won't pass if I can't fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 131

You deserved it 155

Crazy ex's girlfriend

By nil mil - 23/09/2019 22:02

Today, I sent my ex's mom several pics of the kids from our recent outing. Being the kids' grandmother, she loved them. Later, I got a barrage of angry, insulting and threatening texts from my ex's new girlfriend, saying that since he and I are no longer together, I should have no contact with his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 131

You deserved it 246

Nice try

By hkbaer - 27/09/2019 22:00 - United States

Today, my dad tried to charge me $3000 for a car that my dead grandma, his mother, left to me in her will. I have to live with this asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 131

You deserved it 131

Thanks for nothing

By booboo300 - 22/12/2018 02:00

Today, I picked up my Gardasil 9 HPV update shot that my doctor prescribed, only to discover that not only do I need three of them, they are $200 apiece. The guy I was dating who was the reason I needed the booster broke up with me on Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 130

You deserved it 294

By Tyguy3000 - 19/06/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, I asked a woman to take a picture of me and my girlfriend kissing on the beach. When I looked up, the woman and my phone were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 130

You deserved it 3 030

By Jim - 31/07/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, I went to the hospital for wrenching pains in my abdomen. It turns out I have the largest "non removable" kidney stone my doctor has ever seen. It's the size of a fucking walnut. I have to pass the thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 130

You deserved it 127

Never send nudes

By Anonymous - 20/03/2022 00:01

Today, I received a call from my employer. They found that some of my nudes have surfaced on the internet. Personal nudes and videos I took exclusively for my boyfriend. He denies he put them out there. Then who did? How stupid does he think I am? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 128

You deserved it 614

By dragonstooth257 - 20/08/2018 15:00

Today, I confessed to my husband that I quoted Lightning McQueen in an interview and got my dream job because of it. He wont stop laughing and telling my friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 128

You deserved it 761

Hammertime

By lynn_27 - 02/05/2020 08:00

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to tell me he couldn't take it anymore because my legs were too hairy. I shaved yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 128

You deserved it 332

Priceless

By Anonymous - 04/11/2022 05:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I got back from my honeymoon. Return flights from Australia to New Zealand? $1,800. A week’s accomodation in another country? $1,500. Busting my new husband finger banging a barmaid by the public pool? Fucking priceless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 128

You deserved it 206

Business savvy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff

Today, my nephew, who I was assured had previous experience, was closing jobs down on the computer after dealing with the customers on the phone without processing the payment for any of their orders. He’s been working for me for weeks. God knows how much money I’ve lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 127

You deserved it 634

Like glue

By Anonymous - 08/08/2021 10:01

Today, it's been almost 3 years since my wife has wanted sex, and I get turned down every time I ask. Even when I insist on a romantic date night, we just sit with no idea what to say to each other. How did we drift so far apart? The only thing keeping us together is the mortgage and the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 127

You deserved it 253

Busted

By Anonymous - 05/12/2019 20:00

Today, I received my package. I ordered a vibrator, I was so excited to use it, but when I was finally ready to use it, I found out that it broke during the delivery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 126

You deserved it 273

Roommates from Hell

By Snoodist - 06/05/2019 20:00

Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 126

You deserved it 158

Nice.

By crunch time - 01/01/2018 19:30 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 125

You deserved it 6 695

By maisumepg - 17/02/2019 04:00

Today, it’s the third month of my diet. Every dream I’ve had since I started has been entirely about junk food. Every. Single. One. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 125

You deserved it 313

Chili beans

By Caroline Ballard Turner - 22/12/2019 14:00

Today, I woke up to find that there has been a water main break in my neighborhood and there is no running water until the break is located and fixed. I had chili with beans late last night and it is wreaking havoc with my lower gastrointestinal tract, and the toilet won't flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 125

You deserved it 242