By Anonymous

Love is strange

Today, I learned that, just like in the movies, your ex-boyfriend can eventually wind up being your stepfather. FML

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2016

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129

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Reliable

Rock and a hard place

So you had a bad day…

By anon

Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML

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31921

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By The fuck, junior? - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

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56891

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By Anonymous

Bad news

Today, I was hanging out with my friends and my sister, we were all wasted and I was making jokes. My sister then gets a phone call, I leave the room to get a drink and I hear everyone go a bit silent I come back in and all of the sudden everyone looks at me. My friend says, "Um… I'm so sorry, your mom passed." FML

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2398

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127

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By mr_p - United States

Today, I was waiting to take a dump in a gas station restroom. A 300 pound man walked out, shook his head, and said "I'm sorry" to me. FML

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38143

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By bad timing - United States - Monterey Park

Uncomfortable

Today, at work, my manager accidentally bumped into me, brushing my behind with the back of his hand. He was a bit embarrassed, so I jokingly said, “You could at least buy me dinner first!” He went to HR and told them I made him uncomfortable. I was just trying to lighten the mood. FML

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1811

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend was complaining of a scorpion sting on his leg. I told him to stop whining and get over it. Later, as I went to sleep, I felt a sharp pain in my arm. As I flipped on the light, I saw a scorpion crawling over the blankets. Now my entire arm is numb and I can't stop crying. FML

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By NoSacredSpace

Today, I can finally say there’s no part of my body that hasn’t had a pimple show up. I found a zit on my clit. FML

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4857

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497

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By iGreen - Canada

Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML

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35452

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By Crypticbeerbelly

Today, I was reading a recipe list on my tablet. I moved a little, and one of my fat rolls came into contact with a button which closed the tab. FML

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5207

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3709

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By WonderWall09 - United States

Today, I had a terrible dream where my boyfriend cheated on me with his ex. I woke up almost crying and called him just to tell him how much he means to me. Turns out my dream gave him that little extra push he needed to confess he's been cheating on me. With his ex. FML

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84660

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By balancestrikesagain - United States

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML

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43330

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By syl - Canada

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

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25172

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By Anonymous - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "happy birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML

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40248

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair. FML

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72192

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By megmo7 - United States

Today, my roommate who stays out til 4 or 5 in the morning each night got her key to the dorm fixed. I've been having to stay up nightly to let her in (my normal bedtime being 12:00) How'd they fix it? Turns out it was never broken she was just putting the key in the slot wrong. FML

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28354

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By Reasondon - United States

Today, I found out my cousin had moved to Texas. I would have been okay with it, were it not for the fact that not only did I loan him $3,500, but I was supposed to go with him too. FML

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29248

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By gimmeabreak0_o - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend and thought it would be cool to rip off my shirt while we were making out. It wasn't. Her bed was under a bookshelf and my shirt didn't even come off. I busted my head while she busted up laughing. FML

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15232

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By sigh - Singapore - Singapore

Lovely parents

Today, my parents forgot it was my birthday. They ordered me to scrub the common bathroom, and when I asked if they remembered, my dad's reaction was "Oh! Really?" My mom's was "I thought that it was next week." What lovely parents I have. FML

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2208

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168

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By newmoongirl1036 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I really like. At the last minute he informed me a friend would be tagging along. To keep his friend from being a third-wheel, I kept up a conversation, and managed to piss my date off. He thought I would be a better match for his friend. FML

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26866

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to watch the Movie "UP." At one point in the movie I got really sad and started to cry a bit. The 7 year old girl next to me noticed and told me to shut and man up. FML

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46666

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By tirf

Today, while correcting essays, I spilled ketchup on a student's paper. I managed to successfully turn it into a happy smiley face but when proudly looking at the result, noticed it was right next to the big "F" that I had graded it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

What a wonderful life

Today, I felt really depressed so I decided to go to McDonald's, get a sundae and cheer myself up. I got pulled over by the cops on the way, and was given a ticket for an expired registration. McDonald's was closed. FML

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29920

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By guest - United States - Agoura Hills

Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML

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60646

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By rhartnett11

Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML

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27628

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By sigh - United States - North Branford

Today, I gave the guy I've been seeing a copy of my newly published book, because I know he loves writing. He started reading and commented on how amazing it was. Then he gave it back. He didn't realize it was a gift. My awkward self didn't correct him. I'd written him a sweet letter inside. FML

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19275

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4864

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By Anonymous - United States - Greensburg

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

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25123

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2720

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By clairebear99 - 8/6/2021 08:01

Mask confusion

Today, my coworker screamed at me for once again calling her by a different coworker's name. They have the same hair, skin color, and body type, so I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to tell them apart. FML

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330

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1340

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By Megan - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I was doing my laundry and I saw a dollar bill at the bottom of the washer. I excitedly dove in to retrieve the money, and promptly hit and broke my nose on the washer. FML

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10731

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25909

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By achoooo - United States

Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML

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35336

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2991

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By justdoingmyjob - United States

Today, I was meeting the mayor of a major city as part of an internship program. Seated directly in front of him during his presentation on the budget crisis, he unleashed an enormous, foul fart in front of the entire audience. And then blamed it on me, everyone believed him. FML

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56323

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3123

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By crutchy - United States

Today, at the age of 16, I'm recovering from hip surgery. My friends took me out to the movies to cheer me up. They thought it would be hilarious to steal my crutches and leave me stranded and alone in the mall, multiple times. It wasn't. FML

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45411

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4057

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By BlueSteele220 - 29/7/2020 17:01

Too late

Today, someone stole a package off my doorstep. Too bad, it was the video doorbell to prevent my packages from being stolen. FML

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1609

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100

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By Anonymous

Impossible

Today, I ran into an old high school friend while out with my husband. When she inquired who I was married to, I pointed to my husband, who was looking at shirts. She laughed and said, "No really?", insinuating that I couldn't get anyone that good looking. FML

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40113

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4109

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By ThatsIncentive - United States - Granite Bay

Today, I stooped to pick up an earring back off the ground. It was actually a spider. FML

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6893

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1114

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By Fought The Law - United States

Today, my elderly neighbor called the police because my cat was in her yard. I now have a citation and a court date. Apparently, there is a leash law for cats in my town, and it is taken very seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31098

You deserved it

6127

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By Username - United States

Today, I found out that when my room-mate agreed to babysit someone's two year old kid for money, what he really planned on doing was dumping it with me. The kid won't stop crying and screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32187

You deserved it

3914

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I dropped my blackberry, but thanks to the protective gel case that I just purchased for it... it bounced and fell right into a sidewalk drainage sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45277

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5597

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By biglady - Canada

Today, I downloaded an application for my phone that reads whatever you type out loud. I started making it say things like "You like it when daddy spanks your tight little ass don't you?" Just as the message was playing back out loud, my mom walked up the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11488

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55396

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By Anonymous - United States - Norristown

Today, I have a stomach bug. I went to go downstairs, and my cat decided to dart between my legs, causing me to trip and fall down the stairs in a pinwheel of vomit. FML

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22038

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1773

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By davidthegreat - Japan

Today, I had to come to terms with the fact that I'm getting older because my pubic hair is turning white. FML

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38776

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5878

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Top comments

By bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7851983 - Thursday 17 October 2019 22:17

My stepmom used to try to move in on my sisters and my boyfriends. Kinda creepy and gross. I'm sorry your mom managed to snag one.

By mcsmee | 6

#7852038 - Friday 18 October 2019 2:03

I think that makes him a motherfucker in the technical form of the word.

COMMENTS

By aerith105 | 14

#7851979 - Thursday 17 October 2019 22:04

I'm gonna be honest I need a little more info cuz what

staaacey | 29

#7851986 - Thursday 17 October 2019 22:23

sounds like OPand her boyfriend broke up, then the ex boyfriend started dating her mom

By bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7851983 - Thursday 17 October 2019 22:17

My stepmom used to try to move in on my sisters and my boyfriends. Kinda creepy and gross. I'm sorry your mom managed to snag one.

distortedcognition | 17

#7852034 - Friday 18 October 2019 1:57

Whoa... that chick has ISSUES

By RichardPencil | 30

#7852011 - Thursday 17 October 2019 23:21

You like MILF porn, too?

Good stuff!

By mcsmee | 6

#7852038 - Friday 18 October 2019 2:03

I think that makes him a motherfucker in the technical form of the word.

By Charlie Given | 23

#7852050 - Friday 18 October 2019 2:57

Well depending on age difference your mom might be a closet ChoMo but either way she has serious issues.

By Ashamed_Sister | 60

#7852083 - Friday 18 October 2019 7:43

Either your stepmom is a cougar and found a cub or you might have some daddy issues and like older man.

By slowhandjp | 16

#7852153 - Friday 18 October 2019 13:07

What movie did you see?

By bullsonyourface | 20

#7852178 - Friday 18 October 2019 14:56

that's pretty shitty of your mom, I really hope she talked to you and got your blessing so to speak before she pounced

By ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7852199 - Friday 18 October 2019 16:50

I like older woman too so I'm assuming he was just in the closet while sleeping with you or what if ... You were an excuse?

By A Frenchy in Eire | 31

#7852208 - Friday 18 October 2019 17:28

What movies?