By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 22:00

Love is strange

Today, I learned that, just like in the movies, your ex-boyfriend can eventually wind up being your stepfather. FML

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Honesty is the best policy

Rich people problems

Night terrors

By wtf - 1/5/2015 22:57 - United States - Elkhart

Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML

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By itwasajoke - 25/12/2016 21:23

Today, I ran into an old friend for whom I used to have feelings. I hadn't seen her in years, so I thought it would be funny if I went up to her and said, "Hey, you look familiar, do I know you?" She thought I had really forgotten her and burst into tears. FML

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By - 7/12/2018 16:00 - United States - Zephyrhills

Today, my mom wanted me to pick up my cousin from work immediately. I'm in my shirt and underwear with no other clothes and I'm also too young to drive. She said "He won't mind, and just take my drivers license, they'll never know!" FML

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By kirsty - 8/4/2012 17:18 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went to a new deli in town. While waiting in line, I hadn't made up my mind on what to order, so I let the guy behind me go instead. Turns out he was the hundredth customer, and they gave him his lunch for free. FML

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By Daryll - 22/1/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I met a girl who had a deeper voice than I do. FML

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By fmll - 17/12/2011 13:17 - Norway

Today, my boyfriend texted me and said I had forgotten my blue bra. I don't have any blue bras. FML

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By Workhorse - 12/7/2014 21:11 - United States - Athens

Today, my boss called me to inform me that I'm being laid off. In my ensuing fit of rage, I deleted the recent project I've been working on for weeks. Pretty soon after, he called me back to let me know it was a prank. FML

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By gerligrl97 - 12/6/2011 18:50 - United States

Today, along with my virginity, my boyfriend took my laptop, iPhone, TV, and most of the food in my fridge. FML

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By StewPit - 16/4/2009 19:44 - United States

Today, I was eating some left over Easter peanut MandMs at work, when I exclaimed "oh cool, they have E's on them for Easter". It took me a couple of minutes, but I eventually realized that I was looking at a regular MandM sideways. Definitely explains my coworkers' uncontrollable laughter. FML

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By stanky - 22/4/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with this guy I've been trying to get for four months. I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom. I walked out, glad that I was quiet about it. Ten minutes later, my mom walks out of the same bathroom and goes "Honey, you need to spray after you make a stinky" FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2016 04:55 - India - New Delhi

Today, while trying to get my boss to reconsider laying off much of my department, I accidentally convinced him to lay me off too. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 03:25 - United States

Today, I discovered why my house smells like death. Apparently, because of the rain, a whole load of worms crawled into my garage and died. They're everywhere. FML

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By music man - 25/2/2012 00:50 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend of two years that I love her. She replied, "Um, I don't mean to be rude, but can you just shut up?" FML

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By joleezad5 - 1/8/2012 02:49 - United States - Nixa

Today, while watching the Olympics, my father found it completely necessary to make a farting sound every single time an athlete jumps or bends over. This will be a very long few weeks. FML

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By Liz - 1/7/2009 17:41 - United States

Today, I took a bike ride to enjoy the weather and stopped for a break on the sidewalk of an overpass, taking in the view of the beautiful hills. I was approached by a cop, who said to me: "Ma'am, I know your life is crap right now, but I'm sure it'll get better. Please don't jump." FML

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By BlueBallMcGee - 11/5/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2019 18:00 - United Kingdom - London

To each their own

Today, taking a piss still gives me more pleasure than masturbation or sex. FML

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By anonymous - 23/12/2014 11:28 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was yelled at in public for staring at a guy in a wheelchair. I was staring 'cause he was so good looking. FML

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By sweetdreams - 18/9/2016 06:39 - United States - New York

Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML

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By The L word - 30/1/2009 15:28 - United States

Today, I found out the girl I've been trying to date for six months is gay. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2011 19:42 - United States

Today, while my teacher was helping me with a problem, the gum he was chewing fell from his mouth and down my shirt. FML

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By limegreengiraffe - 1/11/2014 14:06 - United States - Lubbock

Today, my boyfriend and I went shopping for an engagement ring. We ended up breaking up in the process. FML

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By nbj10 - 31/5/2013 22:42 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my dad went snooping on my laptop, and saw that I'd recently looked up 2 Girls, 1 Cup. It was out of morbid curiosity, but he thinks I'm into "satanic porn", and confiscated every electronic device I own. Now I have to sneak to the library just to check my emails. FML

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By RKE - 5/11/2009 02:12 - United States

Today, I went to our school golf banquet, after being with the team and practicing every day for a few months with them. When it came time to get the certificates, all the names were called out. Except for mine. When I asked the coach where my certificate was, he said "Who are you?". FML

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By ashbox233 - 9/11/2010 04:18 - United States

Today, someone reckoned that I would never be in a relationship. So I made up this whole story about some made up guy named 'Nick' and posted stuff on my Facebook and Myspace that I'm dating him. Now all my friends want to meet him. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2020 23:01

Traditional values

Today, the seemingly normal guy I've been dating for a while told me he is a wolf spirit in a human body to bridge the gap of his ancestors and humans. What?! FML

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By fannylover - 18/2/2010 20:12 - United States

Today, I finished my classwork and my homework early. Since we weren't allowed to leave the room, I decided to draw. My teacher noticed and gave me detention for "goofing off" when I should be doing my work. When I told the teacher I was already done, they gave me a second detention for "attempting to defy them". FML

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By alexis89 - 26/5/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

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By Alup132 - 11/9/2018 22:00

Today, while delivering pizza, a customer got mad at me and accused me of not having a GPS, then cussed me out and hung up. The address he gave me was a parking lot with 6 cars, none of which were his. FML

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By Z - 3/7/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, after a large, dramatic fight with my girlfriend in a parking lot, we stopped arguing altogether and hugged, dropping the issue. Twenty seconds later, I accidentally slammed her hand in the car door, breaking two of her fingers. FML

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By Mofisto - 15/2/2009 10:43 - United States

Today, I started a fight at a lesbian bar and lost. I'm a man. FML

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By i tried so hard - 8/1/2016 15:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried really hard for once on an assignment. I was told it was my worst work yet and that I may as well have turned nothing in at all. FML

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By NotThatKind - 24/8/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML

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By CandlesSuck - 2/11/2009 03:44 - Canada

Today, I invited my girlfriend to come over, telling her I had a surprise. I filled the bathtub and lit a lot of candles to be romantic. She gets here, and we start doing our thing. Until we smell something burning. It was my hair. I now have a bald spot on the back of my head. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2015 15:56 - United States - West Babylon

Today, I found out my upstairs neighbors filed a noise complaint against me for banging on the ceiling every night. They conveniently left out the part where they constantly stomp, shout, and do stuff that sounds like they're dropping bricks to the floor every night. FML

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By confsused - 16/12/2013 17:49 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML

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By asadwa - 5/5/2011 05:38

Today, my mother told me she forgot what a verb is. I'm homeschooled, and she's my teacher. FML

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By spitty - 14/4/2015 21:50 - United States - Willoughby

Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2018 18:30

Hoarders Gonna Hoard

Today, I was helping my uncle clean his house. He's a bit of a hoarder, so I suggested donating some of his pots. We got into a fight and I left. He then called my mom to claim that I stole his pots. After being yelled at he realized that they were in his dishwasher. FML

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By Jesska - 3/9/2010 19:59 - United States

Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML

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Top comments

By bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7851983 - Thursday 17 October 2019 22:17

My stepmom used to try to move in on my sisters and my boyfriends. Kinda creepy and gross. I'm sorry your mom managed to snag one.

By mcsmee | 5

#7852038 - Friday 18 October 2019 2:03

I think that makes him a motherfucker in the technical form of the word.

Comments

By aerith105 | 14

#7851979 - Thursday 17 October 2019 22:04

I'm gonna be honest I need a little more info cuz what

staaacey | 29

#7851986 - Thursday 17 October 2019 22:23

sounds like OPand her boyfriend broke up, then the ex boyfriend started dating her mom

By bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7851983 - Thursday 17 October 2019 22:17

My stepmom used to try to move in on my sisters and my boyfriends. Kinda creepy and gross. I'm sorry your mom managed to snag one.

distortedcognition | 17

#7852034 - Friday 18 October 2019 1:57

Whoa... that chick has ISSUES

By RichardPencil | 28

#7852011 - Thursday 17 October 2019 23:21

You like MILF porn, too?

Good stuff!

By mcsmee | 5

#7852038 - Friday 18 October 2019 2:03

I think that makes him a motherfucker in the technical form of the word.

By Charlie Given | 22

#7852050 - Friday 18 October 2019 2:57

Well depending on age difference your mom might be a closet ChoMo but either way she has serious issues.

By Ashamed_Sister | 60

#7852083 - Friday 18 October 2019 7:43

Either your stepmom is a cougar and found a cub or you might have some daddy issues and like older man.

By slowhandjp | 14

#7852153 - Friday 18 October 2019 13:07

What movie did you see?

By bullsonyourface | 20

#7852178 - Friday 18 October 2019 14:56

that's pretty shitty of your mom, I really hope she talked to you and got your blessing so to speak before she pounced

By ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7852199 - Friday 18 October 2019 16:50

I like older woman too so I'm assuming he was just in the closet while sleeping with you or what if ... You were an excuse?

By A Frenchy in Eire | 31

#7852208 - Friday 18 October 2019 17:28

What movies?