By lynn_27 - 2/5/2020 08:00

Hammertime

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to tell me he couldn't take it anymore because my legs were too hairy. I shaved yesterday. FML

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Triage

Bad news

Boom, headshot

By Anonymous - United States - Lewis Center

Today, the kids I was babysitting somehow found a pair of my underwear. They asked if they could use them to go parachuting. FML

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By Kate - United States - Exton

Today, my dog showed me her latest kill. Too bad it was the stuffed animals my dead grandmother had given me as a child that had a lot of sentimental value to me. FML

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2049

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By MedChew - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I dropped my phone between my legs and tried to catch it with my thighs. Instead, the phone fell through just as I crushed my own balls with my legs. FML

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By Yoir mom - United States - Port Richey

Very bad idea

Today, I realized I was late for work, so I rushed out of bed only to accidentally step onto my dog which then promptly bit my leg and now I'm in the ER. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 17:02 - United States

Mansplaning #2764

Today, I got mansplained for trying to help a guy secure a machine to a trailer. Not only did he bring the wrong trailer, he tried to ratchet it onto the axle. I load and unload trailers at least once a week. FML

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By hazyshadows - 18/3/2020 17:02 - United States - Edmond

Too many cooks, etc.

Today, I tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich for myself, but as soon as I started, my mom rushed into the kitchen and criticized me for making it "wrong". She then made the sandwich for me. It tasted significantly worse than when I make them. FML

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1582

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By scarlet5000 - United States

Today, there was a traffic accident on the highway which I normally take. I couldn't resist laughing at the driver since he was stupid enough to rear-end someone on the highway. What I didn't realize is that I forgot to pay attention to the road and rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

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6204

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By NoticeTheLackOfNumbers - United States

Today, I was at the store when I saw that a cart in the checkout line next to me was starting to roll away and the owner hadn't noticed. I tried to help by reaching out to stop the cart from moving, but when the owner saw me with the cart, she began to hit me for trying to steal her purse. FML

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42652

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By Just wanted a cigarette - United States - Lagrangeville

Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML

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By DonPedro - United States

Today, I took a crap at work. When I go to flush the toilet, it clogs and begins to overflow. I leave the bathroom the way it is and as I walk out, my boss comes in. FML

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By hushed - Canada - Leduc

Everyone's A Critic

Today, I was hushed in a theatre during a play. I would normally appreciate a discreet silencing in the audience, but I was saying my lines. FML

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By Volume_control - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML

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9796

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By Ananimus - United States - Peekskill

Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML

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25421

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By everybodysfool - United States

Today, after having an amazing intimate encounter with my boyfriend of 2 years, I put on an old pair of boxers I still have from when I was heavier. He thinks I am cheating on him and doesn't believe I used to be fat. Now he won't talk to me. FML

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25912

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By nicole - United States

Today, I saw a hot guy at the laundromat. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, I tossed a pair of my red underwear into his washer. What I didn't realize was that he was washing his whites. Thanks to me, he now has an entire load of pink shirts and boxers. FML

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By Banana_Lord - United Kingdom - Arbroath

Today, I rode my new bike for the first time. I made it less than 100 feet from my driveway before I was almost flattened by someone driving on the wrong side of the road. Upside: I managed to get out of the way. Downside: I did it by slamming my brand new, expensive bike into a wall. FML

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24349

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By bcoper - United States

Today, I was in pain due to overdoing it at the gym yesterday, so I thought a hot shower might help. Not only was there no hot water because of my sister's hour long showers, but I slipped getting out and hit my head. Now the pain is worse. FML

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25302

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By muffdriver - United States

Today, I realized that every day without fail, the muffins I've been making and giving to my husband for work have been hitting speeding cars' windshields. FML

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26191

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By mirandatheunicorn

Today, I was having a beautiful lucid dream when a telemarketer called at 5AM, waking me up. I silenced my phone and went back to sleep, and was somehow able to resume my lucid dream. Then my phone vibrated me awake. It was the same telemarketer, this time calling at 7AM. FML

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3128

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

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58079

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By Bill - United States

Today, I discovered that my new college roommate not only makes casual conversation about his bowel movements, he also names them. FML

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28526

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By BigKid - 28/1/2021 21:30

Grow up

Today, I threw a tantrum because my younger sister ate my chocolate. I'm almost 18. FML

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By Worky Workerton - United States - Oakland

Today, I was fired without warning from my job because I was not consulting my boss about things like washing dishes and throwing away garbage. Basically, I was fired for being too good at my job. FML

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11696

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By Carrie_Chaos - United States - Fresno

Today, I started dating my best friend, who is Hispanic. I told my family the good news and all my father had to say to me was, "I will allow you to date him, but you should really think about settling with someone your own kind." FML

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13980

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By Dr_Gip - United States

Today, I was so engrossed in a phone call that I drove off without pumping gas after I'd prepaid $50. FML

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8900

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By verbaltodomestic - United States - La Crosse

Today, I took my girlfriend to a public place before confessing that I've been seeing another woman, to avoid a dramatic scene. After being rushed to the hospital with a concussion and broken nose, I think it's safe to say my plan didn't go very well. FML

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21885

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By NotAsToughAsHeThinks - United States

Captain Badass

Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML

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16113

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By bluedevil26 - United States

Today, I got my eyebrows waxed for the first time in a few months. Once she finished, she handed me the mirror and asked, "How does it feel to look human again?" FML

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49448

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By Anonymous - United States - Romulus

Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML

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40958

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2020 14:01

America's Funniest Home Videos

Today, I found out that a guy who works overnights had secretly been videotaping me singing and dancing to my favorite songs while I worked my own graveyard shift. My new nickname at work is 'Prancy'. FML

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1121

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By mockable - United States

Today, I was informed that one of my store managers does a "great" impression of me. No one will tell me what it is, but apparently it's really funny. FML

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23438

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By Divorce?

Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML

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3942

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By double trouble

Today, I found my bike that was stolen a week ago in front of someone's house. Now this wouldn't have been a problem if my husband didn't steal it to go meet with his girlfriend. FML

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35762

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By Anonymous - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

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50487

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By Anonymous - United States - Caldwell

Today, I realized how nice it was that, after moving into my ground-floor apartment, I no longer have to worry about being too loud walking on the floor at night. Today, I found out that my upstairs neighbors do not have any qualms about shouting or stomping their feet loudly at night, either. FML

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39123

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By I hear everything...

Today, I can now identify which of my four roommates is using the washroom, based on their grunts. I just love having a bedroom beside the bathroom. FML

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4000

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280

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By LonelyStudent - United States - Chicago

Keep it down!

Today, while at a grocery store, I told my mom I had some good news. She exclaimed, "You finally got a boyfriend?!" No mom, just an A on my math test. FML

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1523

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By - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I've reached a level of tired I didn't think was possible. I've had less than 3 hours sleep in the last 72 hours and have not slept more than 20 minutes each stretch because my newborn is so unsettled. The baby has been peacefully sleeping for the last 3 hours and I can't sleep. FML

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1930

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258

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By Ohfknhell

It's a sign...

Today, I received a package from Amazon that was supposed to contain the book I needed for my open book final exam tonight. They must have mixed up my order, because the box contained a large pink dildo. I think the universe just told me to get fucked. FML

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4546

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By HistoryHasEyes - 4/9/2020 23:01

That makes sense

Today, I was working in the produce department at my work. A lady came in to return some mangos. I asked her what the problem with the mangoes was. She said she didn't like the way they were talking to her. FML

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Top comments

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7902643 - Saturday 2 May 2020 12:47

I think he's a jerk but if you really do get hairy after one day, might be worth considering hair removal treatments like laser or ipl

By Ehhhhhh | 2

#7902724 - Saturday 2 May 2020 20:01

Tell him to grow up and keep going 😂😂😂

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7902593 - Saturday 2 May 2020 8:33

You just have to shave every day, Sasquatch.

Beackers675 | 11

#7902943 - Sunday 3 May 2020 17:43

Sounds like her boyfriend and you BOTH belong in the trash with the other greasy garbage.

RichardPencil | 29

#7902945 - Sunday 3 May 2020 17:57

Whatever you say, you hairy-footed Hobbit.

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7902643 - Saturday 2 May 2020 12:47

I think he's a jerk but if you really do get hairy after one day, might be worth considering hair removal treatments like laser or ipl

FireMars | 14

#7902664 - Saturday 2 May 2020 14:33

Her razor might just be blunt and needing replaced, usually affects the quality of shave obvs lol

By ahabsfan | 14

#7902648 - Saturday 2 May 2020 13:03

Were you on top? Was he having trouble breathing?

By bloopaloop | 27

#7902666 - Saturday 2 May 2020 14:35

Was it a full moon that night? Rawr!

By chandinz | 11

#7902686 - Saturday 2 May 2020 16:10

Get the Braun silk pro ipl system and problem solved

By Ehhhhhh | 2

#7902724 - Saturday 2 May 2020 20:01

Tell him to grow up and keep going 😂😂😂

By JackWood | 10

#7902755 - Saturday 2 May 2020 22:20

Tell him to suck it up butter cup.

By Susan Yee | 9

#7902773 - Saturday 2 May 2020 23:19

That’s why you wax. Maybe he feels the fuzz, they are pokey.

By Nothuman0 | 3

#7902787 - Sunday 3 May 2020 2:19

Maybe lose some weight?

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7902804 - Sunday 3 May 2020 5:28

There is such a thing, albeit rare, known as the werewolf disease. :D Still, sorry about that, OP. Your boyfriend sounds kind of shallow...

kfchicken_fml | 28

#7902894 - Sunday 3 May 2020 13:42

ya but this doesn't really sound like that