By lynn_27

Hammertime

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to tell me he couldn't take it anymore because my legs were too hairy. I shaved yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1918

You deserved it

285

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Dangling modifier

Sorry…

This Charming Man

By ryansmithho - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years. I took the whole day to cook a nice meal, and stuck the ring in a cookie that I was going to give to her. In the middle of the dinner I was holding the cookie under the table, about to give it to her. My dog ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40722

You deserved it

14845

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By EFFED4LIFE - United States

Today, I was late to school for the third time this week because my alarm clock didn't go off. I clearly remembered setting it, so I videotaped myself sleeping. It turns out I've been turning off my alarm clock in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59991

You deserved it

13410

Favorite

By willkftw

Today, I backed a van into another car at work, damaging the tailgate in the process. I work at a panel beater. The van I was driving had just had a brand new tailgate put on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1293

You deserved it

1862

Favorite

By arghgffhdfg - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mother screamed at my brother for ages for playing a Nicki Minaj music video. She said it's "terrible, demonic garbage" that'll get us "spitroasted in Hell". I don't even disagree with the first part, but she does this kind of thing every single day when I get home from my night job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22161

You deserved it

2423

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By Anonymous - United States - Silverdale

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34970

You deserved it

7767

Favorite

By suspicious - United States

Today, I received a lovely letter from the council telling me I have to cease the act of "breeding and selling cats" because someone from my Facebook reported me. I'm pretty sure I've never owned a cat or had one in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45078

You deserved it

2937

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32814

You deserved it

11272

Favorite

By vomitingnow - United States

Today, I had a fight with my little sister. Later she apologized and made me dinner to make up for it. I thought it was pretty good until I found out that instead of using Parmesan cheese in the recipe, she used foot shavings from her Ped Egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66118

You deserved it

6912

Favorite

By peacock_mina19 - United States

Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML

I agree, your life sucks

88793

You deserved it

27083

Favorite

By Anonymous - Germany - Berlin

Today, my father-in-law left my wedding reception because he had to feed the dog. This would have been alright, if he hadn't been absent for nearly two hours. Apparently, just feeding the dog and leaving would have hurt the animal's feelings so he stayed to play with him for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17725

You deserved it

1757

Favorite

By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I went to the living room where my mother was so I could ask her about something. I found her lying pantsless on the couch trying to cut her pubic hair with a pair of scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29063

You deserved it

2103

Favorite

By shandrith - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

82310

You deserved it

252371

Favorite

By lonely - United States

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door. Normally I don't give them the time of day, but I was so lonely for company, I let them in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32002

You deserved it

7717

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at the urinal doing my business, my trousers fell all the way to the ground. As I bent down to pull them back up, my boss walked in the bathroom and thought I was mooning him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27875

You deserved it

3787

Favorite

By Heartbroken - United States

She's got it going on!

Today, my best friend told me he had a crush on someone in my house. I got excited, but he told me it was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2338

You deserved it

207

Favorite

By Ben Moy - 2/2/2021 07:57 - United States - Wallingford

Once bitten…

Today, after worrying for years about grinding my teeth after various dentists mentioned seeing evidence. Apparently, this worry manifested as subconsciously putting my tongue in the way at night, to the point where I have an open bite at 39 when I never had a problem before. I can't bite through sushi or sandwiches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

651

You deserved it

Favorite

By lizzie1833 - United States

Today, I was laying down in bed when my puppy decided to bite my ear. As I started laughing and pulling him off I noticed one of my $200 earrings got pulled off with it. And now I wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32733

You deserved it

5506

Favorite

By Rabzouz - France

Today, I opened a packet of cereal and it exploded on my keyboard; now, my keyboard crackles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19669

You deserved it

12201

Favorite

By lindsey789 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my room watching TV when I heard my mother obnoxiously yelling for the dog. Minutes later she stomped into my room, swatted me over the head, and yelled at me for not answering when she called. She actually got my name mixed up with the dog's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38682

You deserved it

3020

Favorite

By kilo1_13 - United States

Today, I was working at my retail job. A customer stopped me on my way to break saying "someone" had broken a snow globe. She showed me where it was and I cleaned it up with her circling me. I finished and put the cleaning supplies away when I heard a 'crash' as the same woman dropped another snow globe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52923

You deserved it

2502

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started a new job. I lost my work keys and had everyone running all over the building looking for them. We found them, hanging in the last lock I had used. They now all think I'm a nut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8549

You deserved it

26141

Favorite

By ~~~~ - Belgium - Hemiksem

Today, my boyfriend added me to his friends' private Whatsapp group, after weeks of asking him to include me in more of his life. It turns out almost all they do is post pictures of their shits and rate them. There is nearly a year's worth of pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11333

You deserved it

5999

Favorite

By failureatlife - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40283

You deserved it

6161

Favorite

By Stevie - United States - Southfield

Today, I kindly explained to a client that she had calculated her CD interest wrong. She kindly responded that, as a nurse, she would never give me medical treatment if I was involved in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7472

You deserved it

610

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By waytootan - United States

Today, I came in to work looking very tan. I took Friday off to go to a friend's funeral, which was outdoors, and I tan very easily. Now my boss and everyone else thinks I lied about my friend's death to get off work on a Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35929

You deserved it

3112

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34348

You deserved it

6111

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I went to the dentist and found out I still have a wisdom tooth. I got all four out last summer... or at least I thought I did. Now I have to go back and get it removed. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3250

You deserved it

181

Favorite

By sandy - United States

Today, I was completely naked in my boyfriend's bed. Suddenly his mom yelled that she was coming in so that she could get to the attic. I pulled a blanket up to my neck, hoping she would think I was cold. She had to step over my bra and panties on her way to the attic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22108

You deserved it

90500

Favorite

By checkthelabel - United States - Fremont

Today, I had a throbbing cluster headache. It didn't help matters when an angry customer yelled at me because a dress was "defective." Why was it defective? It didn't fit her. Why didn't it fit her? It was the wrong size. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13849

You deserved it

845

Favorite

By skrillexblewme - United States

Today, as I sat down in the plane, I realized that for the next seven hours I would be sitting next to a priest who refused to stop praying aloud, and an old man who wanted to tell me the story of how the toothpick came to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26954

You deserved it

2413

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finally got to surprise my boyfriend with a birthday cake. I spent four days planning the perfect one. First thing he says? "Erm, you know I'm 32, right?" I got his age wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30885

You deserved it

36542

Favorite

By easygoing765 - 6/6/2021 11:01

And I oop

Today, I found out the girl I hit on at the store I work at is my second cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

797

You deserved it

208

Favorite

By supras - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, playing soccer, I jumped up to make a header and clear the ball away from our goal. I got the ball but some guy kicked me in the face. I was taken off. All the parents were horrified, saying how badly my nose must have broken. Turns out my nose was fine. That's just how my nose looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41763

You deserved it

3117

Favorite

By beckbr - United States

Today, I asked a little old lady in line at my work why she wasn't out enjoying the beautiful day with all her friends. Her response, "I'd love to, but they're all dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks

18064

You deserved it

29308

Favorite

By fml - United States - Huntsville

Really!

Today, after receiving our marriage certificate, I told my wife about it. She responded with "fml". FML

I agree, your life sucks

1749

You deserved it

225

Favorite

By lostforlife - United States - Camden

Today, I asked my teenage daughter to read off directions from my iPhone while I drove. She went on Instagram instead. We missed the turn by 32 miles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32740

You deserved it

6875

Favorite

By Ignorant

Today, my husband and I had a HUGE fight, but we had amazing make up sex so I figured it was over. When I woke up, I realized my mistake. I was tied to the four bed posts completely naked and a sign was taped on the ceiling. "Repairman coming in an hour. Gave him a key. Have all your clothes. Have fun." FML

I agree, your life sucks

6788

You deserved it

848

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/6/2021 12:01 - United States

Care and sympathy

Today, after taking vacation time to visit her, my mom told me she was glad I was leaving so she could get back to her diet. I'm prediabetic and have been trying to manage the condition. She ordered dessert at every meal and was the only one in the family who did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

742

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous

Next!

Today, my therapist broke up with me after almost 3 years. I can’t pay people to listen to my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1420

You deserved it

260

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent about 10 minutes searching frantically for my cell phone, while holding it up to my ear and talking to my friend about my plans tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11813

You deserved it

42065

Favorite

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Top comments

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7902643 - Saturday 2 May 2020 12:47

I think he's a jerk but if you really do get hairy after one day, might be worth considering hair removal treatments like laser or ipl

By Ehhhhhh | 2

#7902724 - Saturday 2 May 2020 20:01

Tell him to grow up and keep going 😂😂😂

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7902593 - Saturday 2 May 2020 8:33

You just have to shave every day, Sasquatch.

Beackers675 | 11

#7902943 - Sunday 3 May 2020 17:43

Sounds like her boyfriend and you BOTH belong in the trash with the other greasy garbage.

RichardPencil | 30

#7902945 - Sunday 3 May 2020 17:57

Whatever you say, you hairy-footed Hobbit.

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7902643 - Saturday 2 May 2020 12:47

I think he's a jerk but if you really do get hairy after one day, might be worth considering hair removal treatments like laser or ipl

FireMars | 14

#7902664 - Saturday 2 May 2020 14:33

Her razor might just be blunt and needing replaced, usually affects the quality of shave obvs lol

By ahabsfan | 14

#7902648 - Saturday 2 May 2020 13:03

Were you on top? Was he having trouble breathing?

By bloopaloop | 27

#7902666 - Saturday 2 May 2020 14:35

Was it a full moon that night? Rawr!

By chandinz | 11

#7902686 - Saturday 2 May 2020 16:10

Get the Braun silk pro ipl system and problem solved

By Ehhhhhh | 2

#7902724 - Saturday 2 May 2020 20:01

Tell him to grow up and keep going 😂😂😂

By JackWood | 10

#7902755 - Saturday 2 May 2020 22:20

Tell him to suck it up butter cup.

By Susan Yee | 9

#7902773 - Saturday 2 May 2020 23:19

That’s why you wax. Maybe he feels the fuzz, they are pokey.

By Nothuman0 | 3

#7902787 - Sunday 3 May 2020 2:19

Maybe lose some weight?

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7902804 - Sunday 3 May 2020 5:28

There is such a thing, albeit rare, known as the werewolf disease. :D Still, sorry about that, OP. Your boyfriend sounds kind of shallow...

kfchicken | 31

#7902894 - Sunday 3 May 2020 13:42

ya but this doesn't really sound like that