By lynn_27 - 2/5/2020 08:00

Hammertime

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to tell me he couldn't take it anymore because my legs were too hairy. I shaved yesterday. FML

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The end of the road

This is fine

Non-baby fever

By slavelaborsux - 29/8/2011 23:59 - United States

Today, it was my first day on the job as a first grade teacher. One student pushed another, so I asked him to apologize. His response? "If you boss me around, I'll tell Daddy you touched me somewhere you shouldn't have." I think I'm now this kid's slave. FML

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40593

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By JeezAndAges - 24/11/2018 05:00

Today, I walked in on my nineteen-year-old stepson masturbating into a pair of my panties. His excuse? He thought they belonged to my 17-year-old daughter. FML

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4497

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419

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By ilovesocks - 20/1/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML

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31672

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2013 03:45 - United States - Portland

Today, my parents have kept their bet going about not turning the heat on all season. I woke up this morning to it being the same temperature inside as it was outside. It's snowing out there. FML

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33440

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By billy - 31/3/2015 10:54 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, I dislocated my toe while putting on my socks. FML

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31843

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5351

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2012 06:24 - United States

Today, this girl I liked made her Facebook status "Nobody texts me anymore, message me numbers?" I commented that I texted her. She deleted it and changed it to "Nobody that I care about texts me anymore, message me numbers?" FML

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43835

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By fartypants - 18/6/2015 22:53 - United States - Winter Park

Today, as I finished my piano recital and took a bow, I farted into the microphone. FML

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32969

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By Heyhey - 8/12/2008 08:46 - France

Today, I met someone with the same name as me for the first time ever. I'm 20 years old, he is 97. FML

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25381

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 00:02

Smash the Patriarchy!

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that yes, girls do get armpit hair, we just have to shave it. FML

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1417

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185

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By assholedad - 21/6/2013 18:05 - United States - Dayton

Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML

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46108

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2009 10:10 - Netherlands

Today, I ran into my crush of three years ago. We used to always walk our dogs together. He still remembered my dog's name. He didn't remember mine. FML

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55048

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By Brett - 3/4/2017 22:00

Today, Club Penguin finally shut down. I then got a call from one of my employees, who said that he needed to take a day off from work to, "emotionally deal with the issue." FML

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4997

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397

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, my boss asked me how my parents' divorce affected me as a child. This is a sensitive subject, but I thought he was trying to connect with me so I told him how much it hurt. Turns out he wants to leave his wife and wanted to know if his kids would turn out "messed up" because of it. FML

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By j0hn - 23/2/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I saw my mom sneaking meat into her spaghetti sauce. She told me she sneaks meat into most of the food she cooks. I've been a vegetarian for 8 years. FML

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52872

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By dadadoo - 6/2/2012 04:09 - United States

Today, while on the bus, I watched a homeless man pop a pimple on his arm and eat it. FML

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33760

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By andjusticeforall - 15/2/2009 13:28 - United States

Today, I ran over a beer bottle which popped my car tire, which then caused me to swerve into a police cruiser. FML

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61524

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By Zippyzoo - 3/2/2009 22:16 - United States

Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML

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41206

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By hopeless - 14/2/2015 20:04 - Canada - Halifax

Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30630

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By poorbastard - 30/8/2014 08:35 - Canada - Longueuil

Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML

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46370

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By dating walter white's gf apparently - 6/4/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58661

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By gymnasticscoach - 25/3/2009 04:45 - United States

Today, a kid I coach on a regular basis was talking to me about what I did outside of work. After we were done with the conversation, she told me with a straight face that I need to get a life and get a boyfriend. She's 10. And she's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57845

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 15:20 - United States

Today, my husband was planning on getting me my favorite movie as an anniversary present; I ended up buying it. He had to give me the money and leave because he is severely arachnophobic and couldn't even pick up the box. I have to hide the movie for fear of it being destroyed. Again. FML

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19482

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By fallen - 15/5/2017 16:00 - United States - Merion Station

Today, I came into work feeling good about myself and my upcoming plans. I left before noon with a box of my belongings and uncertainty about my future, having been suddenly laid off. FML

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4833

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278

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By Nick - 22/8/2010 23:33 - France

Today, I got tased, with the same taser I bought my girlfriend to use on people trying to rob her. FML

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27921

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By Oh... - 26/7/2019 16:00 - Australia

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3446

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216

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By atsukobo - 23/2/2012 07:59 - United States

Today, my husband and I went to our first counseling sessions, where the main focus was communication. When the therapist called us in together to discuss techniques we could use at home, my husband looked around, rolled his eyes, and responded with, "Uh huh" to every question. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26488

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By Anonymous - 11/5/2011 14:10 - Australia

Today, I discovered my boyfriend is incredibly ticklish on the bottom of his feet. Trying to be a bit flirty, I slowly slid two fingers down his calf and mockingly tickled his feet. He reacted by inadvertently elbowing me in the nose, nearly breaking it. FML

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11831

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By Depressed and clueless - 24/10/2018 15:00 - United States - Manhattan

Today, after months of being told I'm just being paranoid, my hallmates admitted and proved that there really is a dorm-wide conspiracy to socially isolate me. I don’t know what I did wrong. FML

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3442

You deserved it

184

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By AlwaysAfraid - 16/10/2018 22:00

Today, I went on a date for the first time in almost a year. To keep things casual, he had a couple of his friends join. Oh and by a couple of friends, I mean a party of people from his church. I'm not religious. The date wasn't even half over before I was being preached to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3065

You deserved it

260

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By Lauren - 20/8/2012 03:53 - United States - New Market

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37532

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By nuerrotticc - 6/1/2011 08:58

Today, I had a panic attack at 2am because someone decided to throw a snowball at my window. FML

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25447

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By Username - 13/4/2011 07:05

Today, I got attacked by my own dog. I don't know what will be harder, telling everyone how my dog thought I was a robber or explaining to them why a 25 year old man owns a poodle. FML

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27246

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By somethingblue - 16/9/2013 21:11 - United States - Lowell

Today, it's my wedding day. Almost a year ago I was in a terrible car accident that nearly left me paralyzed, but I worked my ass off to be able to walk down the aisle. After a lot of blood, sweat, and tears I made it to the big day... and woke up with food poisoning. FML

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70011

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2015 15:18 - United States - Muncie

Today, I was called a fascist and accused of being "racist" against poor people, all because some crazy meth-mouthed bitch couldn't afford some booze and expected me to cut the price by almost 40% so she could. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30640

You deserved it

2202

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By Anonymous - 31/5/2016 16:11 - United States - Tyrone

Today, my dad asked my brother not to use his shaver so late at night. That wasn't him, and it wasn't his shaver either. FML

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14474

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 18:00 - Canada

I don't understand!

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4576

You deserved it

571

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By FML - 12/8/2010 16:19 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend's mom and dad walked in on us while we were playing naked twister. FML

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22078

You deserved it

36140

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By cane - 5/3/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, my mom needed coffee so I drove to Starbucks to get her some. She let me drive the Porsche, which has never happened. Upon coming home I picked the coffee up out of the cupholder so it wouldnt spill. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I spilled the coffee and crashed the car into the garage. FML

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22158

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By JMU - 6/7/2009 19:34 - United States

Today, I saw a major accident then stopped to help the drivers. I was on my way to a rest stop to use the bathroom so as we were waiting for police I went into the woods and I come out to the police arresting me for public urination. One of the drivers said I was "using the woods for a bathroom." FML

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46265

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By - 17/11/2008 08:53 - France

Today, my 10-year-old brother won the poem contest at his school. Since then he won’t stop bugging me with them. FML

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26496

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Top comments

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7902643 - Saturday 2 May 2020 12:47

I think he's a jerk but if you really do get hairy after one day, might be worth considering hair removal treatments like laser or ipl

By Ehhhhhh | 2

#7902724 - Saturday 2 May 2020 20:01

Tell him to grow up and keep going 😂😂😂

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7902593 - Saturday 2 May 2020 8:33

You just have to shave every day, Sasquatch.

Beackers675 | 11

#7902943 - Sunday 3 May 2020 17:43

Sounds like her boyfriend and you BOTH belong in the trash with the other greasy garbage.

RichardPencil | 28

#7902945 - Sunday 3 May 2020 17:57

Whatever you say, you hairy-footed Hobbit.

By Kurliez408 | 32

#7902643 - Saturday 2 May 2020 12:47

I think he's a jerk but if you really do get hairy after one day, might be worth considering hair removal treatments like laser or ipl

FireMars | 13

#7902664 - Saturday 2 May 2020 14:33

Her razor might just be blunt and needing replaced, usually affects the quality of shave obvs lol

By ahabsfan | 14

#7902648 - Saturday 2 May 2020 13:03

Were you on top? Was he having trouble breathing?

By bloopaloop | 27

#7902666 - Saturday 2 May 2020 14:35

Was it a full moon that night? Rawr!

By chandinz | 11

#7902686 - Saturday 2 May 2020 16:10

Get the Braun silk pro ipl system and problem solved

By Ehhhhhh | 2

#7902724 - Saturday 2 May 2020 20:01

Tell him to grow up and keep going 😂😂😂

By JackWood | 10

#7902755 - Saturday 2 May 2020 22:20

Tell him to suck it up butter cup.

By Susan Yee | 9

#7902773 - Saturday 2 May 2020 23:19

That’s why you wax. Maybe he feels the fuzz, they are pokey.

By Nothuman0 | 3

#7902787 - Sunday 3 May 2020 2:19

Maybe lose some weight?

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7902804 - Sunday 3 May 2020 5:28

There is such a thing, albeit rare, known as the werewolf disease. :D Still, sorry about that, OP. Your boyfriend sounds kind of shallow...

kfchicken_fml | 26

#7902894 - Sunday 3 May 2020 13:42

ya but this doesn't really sound like that