By hkbaer - 27/9/2019 22:00 - United States

Nice try

Today, my dad tried to charge me $3000 for a car that my dead grandma, his mother, left to me in her will. I have to live with this asshole. FML

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Age ain't nothing but a number

No one likes a smart-ass

DINOSAURS!!

By not funny but :( - 28/3/2013 16:24 - United States - Wooster

Today, while on vacation, I think I met my soul-mate, and quite possibly the love of my life. My vacation is to celebrate my 8-year anniversary with my husband. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2013 17:35 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I reconnected with my best friend from childhood, and after a tearful confession, found out that for most of my engagement to my husband, she was repeatedly connecting with his penis. FML

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By asstomouth - 29/5/2010 18:20 - France

Today, I wasn't feeling well, so I took my temperature with a thermometer from my sister's bathroom. I later found out that I actually used my sister's rectal thermometer. At least I don't have a fever. FML

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By forever_young - 13/5/2016 13:03 - United States - Rochester

Today, despite being in high school, I'm still shorter than the average 3rd grader. FML

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By typical - 13/4/2013 23:49 - United States - Cheshire

Today, I fell down the stairs. My mom came running from the other room because she thought it was the dog. She rolled her eyes and walked away when she saw it was me. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2020 20:00 - Australia

Itchy and Scratchy

Today, I put a collar on my dog to get rid of his fleas. Good news? He doesn't have fleas anymore. Bad news? They've moved onto the rest of my family. FML

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By JulleandCici - 31/1/2009 15:03 - France

Today, I had dinner on my own. My cat came and sat on the chair on the other side of the table. We stared at each other during the whole meal. Pathetic. FML

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By D: - 19/2/2015 20:45 - United States - Denver

Today, I was on my way to work when my ex-wife drove past me in the car she got from me. She fucked me over so hard in the divorce that I have to ride my bike to work while wearing a full suit. FML

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By jking2z - 13/3/2015 22:39 - United States

Today, I tried to boycott an 80's theme party by wearing my regular clothes. Everyone said they loved my costume. FML

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By other woman - 21/10/2013 16:42 - United States - Riverside

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend jokingly talks about his other girlfriend, he isn't actually joking. FML

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By SuperCoolGurl - 17/12/2011 13:30 - Australia

Today, the cute guy in my class asked if I wanted to come over to his house to "study" on Saturday for our finals. I went to his house expecting a good time. He actually wanted to study. FML

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By whoops - 8/7/2015 16:30 - Taiwan

Today, while visiting family in Taipei, I came across a large button that said "PUSH" on it. I was curious and pushed it. A deafening alarm then sounded for the next 10 minutes, attracting concerned neighbours and finally a security guard who informed me that I'd pushed a panic button. FML

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By CaddyWhack - 18/11/2016 20:57

Today, after a couple of months of enjoying an informal parking arrangement with a local bank, I found out they sold their extra lot without telling me. The new owner's towing company heard about the deal, though. FML

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By aurelj1 - 3/8/2016 19:59 - United States - Colleyville

Today, I went out to dinner with my mom and several of her friends. My mom spent the entire night gushing about my Ivy League school and med student boyfriend. I attend a state university and am single. She threatened to cut me off if I didn't play along. FML

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By Rob - 18/12/2013 17:47 - United States - Franklin

Today, while looking for some socks in my mom's dresser, I found a male g-string and an edible bra. FML

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By stalkered - 22/7/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, I finally figured out who has been stalking me for the past 5 months. And we're related. FML

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By Hellohaileyexoh - 27/8/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I went to get food, I was late so my friend ordered for me. I took a few bites and it was getting hard to breathe. I realized it's a bluebery muffin, I'm deathly allergic. I look to my friend, she was laughing saying she wanted to see if it was true. I just got out of the hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2017 01:30

Today, while pulling out of my work parking lot, I had a piping hot coffee tossed at me through my passenger window. I don't know if I was more amazed by this guy's exquisite aim or the fact that his coffee was so sweet I tasted the diabetes. FML

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By Unluckiest Guy of the group - 28/9/2011 19:26 - United States

Today, my friends and I were having a conversation about which mythical creature would be the most unlikely to exist in the real world. They all collectively agreed that it would be a girl who is attracted to me. FML

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By DeathPopStar666 - 19/8/2019 14:00

Today, my grandma calls me, accusing me of theft. I was home all day and watching Orange Is The New Black. When I asked what I stole, she said her car keys. I don’t even have my license. I told her to look in her purse. She found them. FML

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By cunting cunts - 29/5/2012 17:10 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, I was driving home, when some kid on a motorbike shot in front of me from the pavement, almost running me off the road. When I confronted him, he screamed, "Watch where you're going next time!" If I could flush every last one of these human turds from the toilet of life, I would. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2012 14:52 - United States - Medway

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

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By FranchezDeVista - 30/8/2015 18:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was talking to my mom about my issues with my girlfriend. While she was sympathizing, she slowly picked up my wallet, took $100 and left. FML

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By CooBerry3851 - 28/8/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pounds father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 22:47 - United States

Today, I attended my son's Christmas concert. When I went to sit down in the last available seat, a woman said she was saving it for her husband. Having nowhere else to sit, I stood in the back, for an hour. The seat remained empty for the entire concert. FML

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By Annoyed - 4/10/2013 02:56 - United States - Accokeek

Today, after watching an episode of New Girl, my boyfriend became obsessed with the "Cotton-eyed Joe" song. He won't stop playing it. FML

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By megamonster99 - 7/11/2016 15:06 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I helped my hoarder grandfather clean out his garage. Not only did I step on a nail, I also slipped in a puddle of used oil that's been sitting out for two years, and broke my nose. He didn't pay me since I wasn't able to finish the job. FML

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By ugly me - 24/10/2010 00:50 - United States

Today, I was sitting on a plane waiting for everyone to get on. A cute guy around my age had the option of sitting next to me or an old guy. He gave me a horrified look and immediately sat next to the old man. I got to sit next to his mother. She evil eyed me the whole time. FML

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By LadyJ - 21/3/2012 00:23 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I had to tell a parent about her son kicking a boy in his class. She blamed me for not watching him. I wasn't watching him because I was turned around to care for another boy he had hit right before that. FML

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By Tank - 16/7/2016 23:14 - Canada

Today, my roommate is being evicted. Since we had some very good memories together I was sad to come home and see all of her stuff gone...and half of my stuff, too. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2014 21:08 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I woke up, only to find my Xbox missing. Thankfully I have a security camera discreetly wired up in the tree on my lawn. Checking the tapes, I saw my brother park outside my house, let himself in with his spare key, then drive off with my missing equipment. FML

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By Rescheduled - 28/5/2016 08:44 - United States - Daly City

Today, after waiting months for an appointment with a doctor who specializes in the disease I have, I showed up at his practice, only to find the cops executing a search warrant. FML

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By Shock - 21/3/2016 20:12 - United States - Littleton

Today, while working for a hospital security company, I had to assist in restraining a male patient while the nurses put a catheter in him. All I will say is that it looked like a worm trying to swallow a straw. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2015 00:06 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML

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By jzidar24 - 22/10/2015 02:37 - United States - Bloomfield Hills

Today, at school, I got in trouble for plagiarizing on a paper. The subject of said paper was where I see myself in ten years. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2015 18:17 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

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By Nighty-nitrogen - 10/5/2016 00:07 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was trying to sleep, when I felt someone rattling my bed from underneath. Petrified from shock, I lied there for what felt like hours, waiting for a murderer to spring out. I must've finally fallen asleep, and when I woke up in the morning, I found out it was a minor earthquake. FML

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By a_boring_snuffkin - 16/5/2020 02:00

Honestly?

Today, my friend needed to talk out bad feelings. Then she urged me to open up as well. I hate doing it, but it only seemed fair, so I confessed my deep insecurities. Not only did she agree with everything, but she also helpfully added that I'm boring, have no life and all my dreams are unattainable. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2009 20:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend's 11 year old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML

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By Username - 1/2/2011 15:40

Today, a snow storm rolled into my small town, leaving my car stuck under 3 feet of snow. I called my boss to tell her I couldn't drive to work. Her reply? "Walk." FML

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Top comments

By MidnaLink | 32

#7846821 - Friday 27 September 2019 22:13

If he keeps trying, seek legal help. If it’s legally yours by her decree, you shouldn’t have to pay a cent other than transferrals.

By ViviMage | 38

#7846840 - Friday 27 September 2019 23:58

Pay him $1 for the title transfer. That's it. That's all you legally could owe.

I suggest you go to your grandmother's lawyer or executor of her estate for legal advice. Including fraud and mishandling of inheritance.

Comments

By MidnaLink | 32

#7846821 - Friday 27 September 2019 22:13

If he keeps trying, seek legal help. If it’s legally yours by her decree, you shouldn’t have to pay a cent other than transferrals.

By ViviMage | 38

#7846840 - Friday 27 September 2019 23:58

Pay him $1 for the title transfer. That's it. That's all you legally could owe.

I suggest you go to your grandmother's lawyer or executor of her estate for legal advice. Including fraud and mishandling of inheritance.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7846847 - Saturday 28 September 2019 0:59

That's quite expensive for parking!

Your dad is a savvy businessman.

By Misthickums_fml | 1

#7847995 - Wednesday 2 October 2019 17:06

Call her lawyer.. can’t argue with a will.