Miscellaneous: Today, I asked a woman to take a picture of me and my girlfriend... - FML

By Tyguy3000 - 19/06/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, I asked a woman to take a picture of me and my girlfriend kissing on the beach. When I looked up, the woman and my phone were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 090

You deserved it 2 932

Sorry…

Compassionate management

Great family you've got there

By Nicks - 03/07/2013 15:10 - United States - Las Vegas

Spicy

Today, my mother-in-lawyer threatened to sue me unless I took my professional wedding photographs off Facebook as she did not like that they made her look fat. She is over 300 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 228

You deserved it 4 791

By Churizmo - 19/07/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, I was at a party and I really had to use the bathroom. There were 30-40 people talking outside the door, so I thought it would be ok to make some noise. Just as I'm about to begin having explosive diarrhea, everyone falls silent as my dad begins to pray for our meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 632

You deserved it 5 441

Whoops

By chubbs - 28/05/2014 21:07 - United States - Vacaville

Today, after waiting 2 hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 154

You deserved it 3 762

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 03:42 - United States - Ocoee

Today, I was talking to people around school to make new friends. I met an amazing guy and we really hit it off. He was fantastic in every way, but decided to end our conversation with, "We shall meet in the afterlife!" I don't know if I should be scared or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 596

You deserved it 1 672

Moving

By Anonymous - 16/05/2020 05:00

Today, I realized timing really is everything. I met the man of my dreams less than a month before I’m relocating for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 331

You deserved it 225

By bri_sci94 - 26/09/2014 06:56 - United States - Madison

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up. He greeted me with a winning smile, a belch, and the words, "Nice tits." I'm beginning to lose hope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 112

You deserved it 3 679

By ShellShocked - 30/03/2013 04:06 - United States

Today, I turned 18. My parents got me a pineapple and a pair of socks. I'm allergic to pineapple, and the socks are too small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 745

You deserved it 3 053

By JAMjessie - 20/09/2016 16:54 - United States

Today, I found out that my boss's ex-husband is my company manager. They are one office space apart and constantly shouting about one another. I'm in that one office space between them. In the office across from me? Their daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 313

You deserved it 860

By FFFFF- - 02/03/2011 17:12 - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend's best friend told me she was in hospital after having made a suicide attempt. In shock, I had a panic attack and ended up in the hospital myself. Turns out it was all a lie to see whether or not I was committed to the relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 997

You deserved it 5 175

By Rants - 01/05/2019 16:00

Today, we've had some auditors with us and I chat with some of them during the day. It's Friday so I asked one of them until what time they were working. It was late and I loudly exclaimed, "That's so late! Your bosses have no hearts!" The auditor then points to their table where the boss is sitting. Glaring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 533

You deserved it 728

By Anonymous - 02/08/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I hurt my arm in a scooter accident, when my dad came to pick me up instead of taking me to the hospital like a normal dad, he took me directly home where he spent a hour shaving and taking a shower so he would "look nice" when he went to the hospital while I clutched my arm in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 728

You deserved it 4 124

By Imslow - 05/04/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn't sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won't believe me when I tell them I'm a 4.0 GPA student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 503

You deserved it 3 570

By Tag - 31/08/2013 04:30 - Australia - Perth

Today, a woman screamed at me for five minutes, demanding to know how long I'd been having an affair with her husband. I explained for the second time that she'd dialed a wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 890

You deserved it 2 719

By love_letter - 29/08/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a over a year broke up with me. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't written him a long letter about how much I love him, and that I'm so glad we're together and so glad that he promised he would always be there. He'll be getting it in a few days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 706

You deserved it 3 799

By WasteOMoney - 04/07/2011 01:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in the toilet. How? Trying to videotape his anus while taking a dump. I pay $80,000 a year just to hear he took a dump on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 670

You deserved it 6 225

Sexless in Seattle

By Anonymous - 02/10/2019 16:00

Spicy

Today, it's become clear I might have married the only man on the planet who doesn't care about sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 914

You deserved it 450

By joe1234 - 17/07/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to put a pretzel on my forehead while I was sleeping on the beach. I now have a pretzel-shaped tan line in the middle of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 778

You deserved it 9 710

By Anonymous - 01/10/2018 15:30

Today, I learned that one should not sleep with their roommate's friends, especially the ones that never go home. I spent the whole weekend in my room just to avoid the awkwardness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 3 415

By WorstMedicalBill - 20/11/2009 14:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 123

You deserved it 21 737

Bad hair day

By Andrew7847 - 22/04/2012 05:24 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I discovered I have really bad dandruff. I learned this when I went indoor mini golfing and my whole upper body lit up like a Christmas tree underneath the black light. Among my friends I'm now known as the abominable snowman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 092

You deserved it 4 422

By STOP - 08/05/2014 13:55 - Australia - West Hoxton

Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 193

You deserved it 8 841

By Anonymous - 29/10/2013 18:57 - Zimbabwe

Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 774

You deserved it 13 834

By Notre_Dame_714 - 08/04/2015 21:17 - United States

Today, I went to the gun range for a birthday and got shot in the foot by my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 394

You deserved it 4 419

Get away from me

By Anonymous - 19/10/2021 11:00 - United States

Today, my mother snapped and took her frustrations out on me. Whenever she has a problem with other family members, it falls on me because she can't show them her true face to them. And she wonders why I hide away all the time… FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 74

By tLee - 19/07/2011 04:04 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 345

You deserved it 4 532

By congrats grad - 08/06/2013 05:12 - United States - Panorama City

Today, it was my high school graduation. Everything was going fine until everyone saw my family fighting over where we would go afterwards. Security had to pull them apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 938

You deserved it 3 394

By AlexK - 18/06/2009 23:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was browsing my computer to find naked pictures of my ex-girlfriend. I decided it'd be funny to photoshop a penis onto one of the pictures. I'm straight and the new picture turned me on more than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 151

You deserved it 65 271

By notgay - 25/12/2009 19:34 - United States

Today, my entire extended family was over for Christmas. I opened a gift to see that it was a fruitcake and saw everyone looking at me, smiling. This is their way to tell me that they know I'm gay and that they accept me. I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 927

You deserved it 3 784

By Kat - 22/06/2009 02:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went out to dinner with my brother. There was a very attractive man sitting a few tables away who kept glancing at me. When my brother excused himself to the bathroom, the man worked up the courage to come over and introduce himself to me. He asked me if my brother was single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 910

You deserved it 5 175

By ashily24 - 07/02/2018 15:00

Today, I went and had my first ultrasound done. My husband said he had a meeting at work, and couldn't come. As I was leaving, I saw him at the doctor's office with another heavily pregnant woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 217

You deserved it 514

By Anonymous - 27/08/2009 23:49 - United States

Today, while driving, I realized I had left my phone on top of my car when I was getting in. Panicking, I drove back to look for it. I found it in the middle of the street, still intact. Yay! When I went back to my car, I noticed I had locked my door. And the keys were in the ignition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 087

You deserved it 38 505

By Anonymous - 28/09/2009 20:36 - United States

Today, I went to my cousin's farm with my family. First I was pooped on by a goose, peed on by a puppy, bit in the face by the mother dog, fell through the floor of the barn loft, and without knowing it was electric, rested my hand on the horse fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 532

You deserved it 9 308

By Anonymous - 23/04/2011 21:26 - United States

Today, I had to climb over a tall gate. Getting to the top wasn't a problem, but falling face first on the way down wasn't what I'd had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 073

You deserved it 10 648

By moe - 19/10/2010 19:15 - United States

Today, the man who has been my stepfather for six years, has forgotten how old I am. However, he remembers exactly how much my real father owes him for child support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 553

You deserved it 2 849

By a268 - 02/02/2009 09:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home early from work and discovered my husband wearing a black babydoll nightdress, black stockings and high heels... He says it helps him to relax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 209

You deserved it 3 296

By Anonymous - 23/02/2017 13:00 - United States - Cypress

Today, my mother-in-law threw bricks at my car. Her defense? I shouldn't have parked in her brick throwing spot, in my own driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 699

You deserved it 447

By Anonymous - 03/07/2016 23:22

Today, after months of planning and saving for our honeymoon in Italy, my wife and I were turned away at the airport because my passport only has a month until it expires, even though it's only a five-day trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 090

You deserved it 3 873

By HeadStillHurts - 26/10/2016 11:43

Today, I tried to impress a group of friends by jumping a set of stairs on my skateboard. I didn't realize the ceiling dropped down towards the bottom of the stairs and knocked myself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 643

You deserved it 8 738

Summer's here and the time is right…

By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 18:30

Today, I was on my way to work and wearing a tank top when I suddenly walked through 10 feet of sprinklers and got completely soaked. A cop flagged me down in front of a bunch of people, because apparently I matched the description of a "suspect". He stared at my boobs the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 149

By frenchgirl - 23/11/2009 06:59 - United States

Today, I saw one of my favorite hockey players in public. I had met him once before, and to my shock, he remembered me. I was pretty excited until he started talking to his friend in French. He didn't seem to realize that I'm fluent in the language. He basically called me "ugly psycho bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 603

You deserved it 6 785

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Monday 19 June 2017 12:21

You may not have a picture to remind you of this moment but I'm sure you'll never forget it!

almost_there44 26

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Monday 19 June 2017 12:15

How long were y'all sucking teeth for both of y'all not to see or hear her walking away?

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almost_there44 26

Send a private message

Monday 19 June 2017 12:15

How long were y'all sucking teeth for both of y'all not to see or hear her walking away?

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Monday 19 June 2017 12:17

Well, I don't think it's quite fair to say you deserve your phone going missing, but really.. that's kind of lame forcing a moment like that, and subjecting a random stranger to it. Still not cool for her to steal it though. I'd probably oblige if asked... But cringe like fuck inside while taking it.

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Monday 19 June 2017 12:18

With a giant unimpressed look on my face.

boredoutofmyfmind 18

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Monday 19 June 2017 12:18

That's why I'm always afraid to ask people to help out with pictures.

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Monday 19 June 2017 15:45

Ask someone who has children with them and it will be unlikely that they will run off with your camera or phone. If they do, just trade them their slowest kid for it.

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Monday 19 June 2017 12:21

You may not have a picture to remind you of this moment but I'm sure you'll never forget it!

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 19 June 2017 12:57

You ought to call her -- it's the easiest phone number you've ever gotten from a woman.

Darkness_Hate 29

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Monday 19 June 2017 20:21

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2l4dieIcyNY Starts at 1:00 min.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 43

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 25

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 78

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 31