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Tuesday 7 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I lost a bet with my grandma, and now she's coming with me on my next date. FML

#21020870
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32758) - you deserved it (29831)

On 01/07/2014 at 11:21pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML

#21027576
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39885) - you deserved it (4061)

On 01/14/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I found a great recipe for dinner, and emailed it to myself with the subject "Dinner tonight". Hours later, I'd forgotten all about it, opened my emails, saw the subject line, and thought someone was asking me out to dinner. I got really excited until I saw the sender address. FML

#21019190
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43480) - you deserved it (13258)

On 01/06/2014 at 3:57pm - misc - by Mels (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

#21020397
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47287) - you deserved it (4298)

On 01/07/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I puked up an anti-nausea pill. FML

#21026645
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46799) - you deserved it (3991)

On 01/13/2014 at 3:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, to avoid a guy who's been creepily following me around school lately, I ducked into the girl's bathroom. After few minutes, he stuck his head in with his eyes closed and asked if I was done yet. FML

#21021456
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57467) - you deserved it (3795)

On 01/08/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by stalked - United States (Florida)

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

#21023350
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39938) - you deserved it (4701)

On 01/10/2014 at 6:15am - animals - by RaccoonFever - United States (California)

Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML

#21023843
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43739) - you deserved it (6194)

On 01/10/2014 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by lukas (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

#21025897
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50123) - you deserved it (6310)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:00pm - health - by foreveralone - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was asked to go to a ball by the guy I like. The theme is masquerade. He made me a Robin mask; he's wearing a Batman mask. FML

#21021762
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36731) - you deserved it (10109)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:54pm - love - by Unfortunately Me (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I joked with a pregnant girl in a state juvenile correctional facility where I work that eating a lot of candy would damage the unborn baby's teeth. Without batting an eye, she responded that she would simply "eat some toothpaste after the candy." FML

Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML

#21024175
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43100) - you deserved it (4818)

On 01/11/2014 at 12:55am - love - by rollergirl13 - United States (Alaska)

Today, I took a nap in my car right after finishing up at work. I was woken up by a hobo sitting in the passenger seat, watching me sleep. Apparently, he'd managed to unlock the door with a wire hanger. FML

#21027083
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43963) - you deserved it (4923)

On 01/13/2014 at 10:31pm - misc - by ShelterForTheHomless (woman) - United States (California)



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