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February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML

#21073034
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18067) - you deserved it (57606)

On 02/27/2014 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was throwing rocks into a pond while our class was on a field trip. The teacher started to pass around an old rare civil war bullet. As the bullet got to me, I threw another rock in the river, only to notice a rock in my hand and the bullet gone. FML

#21062817
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22285) - you deserved it (56828)

On 02/16/2014 at 9:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML

#21050614
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38278) - you deserved it (7176)

On 02/04/2014 at 8:03pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my dogs freaked out and started getting violent because they thought the sound of my vibrator was the other's growling. FML

#21048300
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43452) - you deserved it (11022)

On 02/02/2014 at 4:50pm - animals - by foops (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found a Google search for "erectile dysfunction" in my browser search history, along with pages about treatments for it. I'm a woman, and I live alone. FML

#21049445
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45280) - you deserved it (3433)

On 02/03/2014 at 4:16pm - misc - by jai90 (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

#21054738
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55792) - you deserved it (6342)

On 02/08/2014 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by O_o - United States (California)

Today, I threw an eraser at my brother to get his attention because he couldn't hear me over his music. Being in a bad mood, he thought I was trying to aggravate his bad mood and responded by throwing a small desk cactus back. FML

#21071018
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39024) - you deserved it (13775)

On 02/25/2014 at 4:31am - misc - by ThatGuyWithFMLs (man) - Japan (Osaka)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey on my breast. To be fair I decided to give him a hickey on his chest. He was so worried about catching shit from the guys on his swim team that he dislocated my jaw trying to get me off him. FML

Today, at work, a customer asked me to unlock the restroom for them. I honestly couldn't figure out which gender they were, but I didn't want to be rude and ask, so I took a chance. I unlocked the wrong one. FML

#21056381
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44148) - you deserved it (5233)

On 02/10/2014 at 3:48pm - work - by elizabethkalyn (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, the guy I was sexting asked me to stop including my face in the pictures. FML

#21050596
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53036) - you deserved it (21540)

On 02/04/2014 at 7:41pm - intimacy - by khfhjfsb (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, in public, one of my mom's friends asked me how on earth did I get so tall, my mom happily scampered to my side and shrieked: 'TWO YEARS OF BREAST MILK'. FML

#21073837
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41911) - you deserved it (3777)

On 02/28/2014 at 4:06am - kids - by Ohgodmother (man) - Australia (Tasmania)

Today, I was back home from work drinking coffee when I heard someone open the door with a key. It was my boyfriend, who obviously didn't expect to see me home. We don't live together, and I never gave him a key. FML

#21067356
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47186) - you deserved it (3767)

On 02/21/2014 at 4:59am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Russian Federation (Lipetsk)



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