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February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

#21060563
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56449) - you deserved it (5383)

On 02/14/2014 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by accident (man) - United States (California)

Today, I accidentally asked the cashier at Wendy's how much their 99 cent chicken nuggets were. I guess he is still laughing at me. FML

#21056193
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36003) - you deserved it (18852)

On 02/10/2014 at 10:40am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

#21050725
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35987) - you deserved it (40542)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:48pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon after I had explained to her how scared I was of the exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

#21054343
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43066) - you deserved it (5839)

On 02/08/2014 at 12:13pm - misc - by so scared - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was waiting in line at a clothes store when someone cut in in front of me, and the gentlemen in front of me. I shouted, "Hey! Queue starts back here!". He responded by pointing out the "gentlemen" in front was actually a very realistic mannequin. FML

#21056589
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34503) - you deserved it (15427)

On 02/10/2014 at 7:45pm - misc - by QueueJumper (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I opened up a snapchat from my best friend. I received a full and detailed view of her and her boyfriend having sex. All I wanted to know was how her Valentine's Day dinner went. FML

#21060866
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50719) - you deserved it (8826)

On 02/14/2014 at 10:21pm - intimacy - by waymoreiwanted (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to pick up my goddaughter while her mother went to work. She was being fussy, and I was surprised when she was quiet in the car; I just figured she'd fallen asleep. I got to my house and realized I'd never put her in my car, she was still sitting in my friend's driveway. FML

#21062639
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19874) - you deserved it (46026)

On 02/16/2014 at 5:44pm - kids - by lyss - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I have Hello Kitty band-aids on my nips because I dozed off while tanning and burned them extra crispy. FML

#21062623
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22412) - you deserved it (39547)

On 02/16/2014 at 5:23pm - health - by extra crispy or original recipe (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML

#21064082
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54552) - you deserved it (4857)

On 02/18/2014 at 12:45am - love - by fiercehawk (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boss fired me. I can't really explain the slap I gave him for it, though. FML

#21072136
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22848) - you deserved it (33735) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/26/2014 at 4:45am - work - by sistermonster (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend kept starting fights with me, and why my best friend kept telling me to break up with him. It was so they could turn their affair into a proper relationship, then twist it around to make me look like a bitch for dumping him. FML

#21058247
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61449) - you deserved it (4562)

On 02/12/2014 at 4:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, as usual, I stress ate. After having my exams prolonged for an extra week, I ate three extremely large packs of Skittles, and then threw them all up. Taste the rainbow, puke the rainbow. FML

#21048665
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38383) - you deserved it (14287)

On 02/02/2014 at 10:26pm - health - by Sad Student - Canada (Ontario)



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