The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

TMI FML

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 06:01

Today, I had to take a photo of my asshole after I sat on a rusty nail, causing considerable pain. Thankfully, no major damage was done. Unfortunately, the photo synced up to my mum's iPad, since it's linked to my Apple ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 396

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 552

You deserved it 2 908

How would that work?

By minnie - 23/10/2019 04:00 - Australia

Today, my fiancée suggested a 'Back To The Future' - themed wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 413

Ivory pissed, too

By Anonymous - 25/10/2019 00:01

Today, it was my 14-year anniversary. I'd spent weeks picking out a new gold wedding band for my husband. What did he get me? Nothing. Not even a happy anniversary text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 747

You deserved it 260

Cover up

By Anonymous - 12/12/2023 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband and my sister have never gotten along, always slinging insults, getting in screaming matches, even getting in physical fights on two occasions. Well apparently it’s all been one massive act to cover up the fact they’ve been fucking behind my back for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 187

By TheNerd - 12/05/2011 02:01 - United States

Today, I was riding my long board. A few feet from me an attractive girl was riding one too, in the same direction. We made eye contact right as I slammed into a light pole. She then fell because she was laughing so hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 581

You deserved it 9 817

It's not what you think

By youmindyourownbusiness - 15/02/2013 05:53 - United States - Genoa

Today, I walked past a few of my coworkers sitting outside smoking. As I got a whiff of the smoke, I coughed. They immediately started to defend their habit, and I was told to "mind my own fucking business." I wasn't trying to be rude; I'm actually allergic to cigarette smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 566

You deserved it 4 197

By bonedregardless - 15/09/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, at my cashier job, I got written up for accepting obviously photocopied coupons. Last week, I got written up for "inadequate customer service" because I refused to accept the same bogus coupons from the same customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 697

You deserved it 2 437

Got a little a carried away there, Skippy

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 14:00 - Canada

Today, one of the houses had actors with chainsaws. I ran away screaming and slammed into a wall. So much for being macho this Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 1 375

By RZ - 07/03/2012 15:42 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was complaining of being stressed, so I mentioned having heard that sex relieves a lot of that build up of stress. She replied, "I think I'd rather stay stressed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 102

You deserved it 8 059

Pissed

By Anonymous - 23/06/2021 04:01

Today, I discovered that my cat will not use a litter box if it has a lid. How did I discover this? The two weeks of crystallized cat pee coating the floor under my 19th century grand piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 354

Fragile

By HashiManGo - 02/09/2022 14:00

Today, my girlfriend's bastard ex whispered in my ear that, "she used to suck my cock with that mouth, think about that the next time she tries to kiss you." Now it's all I can picture every time she kisses me, and it's lowkey disgusting, and turns me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 2 027

By tongue tied - 11/02/2013 08:57 - United States - Meadville

Today, I was talking to an attractive guy, but I was so nervous that I got tongue-tied and then blurted out, "Stupid autocorrect." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 923

You deserved it 31 498

By Embarassed - 10/09/2009 05:32 - Canada

Today, I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. At least, I thought I did, until I woke up to my pants, sheets, and boyfriend all soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 634

You deserved it 8 151

Shaving!

By John Doe - 07/01/2020 05:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that if I shaved, my penis might seem bigger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 103

You deserved it 478

Mind your own ****

By Anonymous - 10/09/2022 09:00

Today, I went out to a store. I didn't have a bra on under my shirt, but some stranger offered to buy me one, because she didn't like the fact that my nipples were hard, and her husband was able to see them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 547

By Anonymous - 22/02/2012 19:55 - Canada

Today, I found out that my wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts and screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out and bought a box for her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 176

You deserved it 4 546

Hearsay

By froyo - 26/02/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I knew my girlfriend was having a bad day. I went to bring her frozen yogurt at work because she loves it. When I was in the elevator, I overheard her colleague saying that the reason she was upset was because she had been cheating on her boyfriend with her new intern. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 508

You deserved it 4 424

By Anonymous - 31/01/2014 16:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 992

You deserved it 4 546

By hopelessteej - 28/01/2013 13:55 - Australia - Sydney

Today, someone put a whole packet of glitter on the blades of my ceiling fan. Too bad I only noticed when I turned it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 164

You deserved it 4 100

Weird

By meet Chloe - 19/02/2012 09:15 - Australia

Today, I felt sorry for the weird chick at work that everybody avoids and decided to initiate a conversation with her. She interrupted me mid-sentence to tell me about her vaginal odor problems, before shoving her hand into my chip packet and inviting herself to dinner at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 063

You deserved it 8 577

Next time, I'll just ignore you

By stoopidRUnner - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was running by a school and saw that a deer had caught his antlers in the fence. I felt bad for it so I tried to help it free. Finally, he became unstuck. Then he rammed his antlers into my hip. Now I can't run in the marathon I have been training for a year to race in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 321

You deserved it 13 692

By Anonymous - 23/01/2014 03:42 - Australia - Wheelers Hill

Today, I decided to dye my hair blue. The result is slightly different than I expected: my white bathroom is now blue, and so are my skin and nails. The only thing that isn't blue is my hair, which is now green. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 445

You deserved it 21 320

By Noname - 21/02/2009 07:34 - United States

Today, I was stuck in what I thought was traffic on my way home from work. I started weaving in and out of traffic because it seemed to only be a few cars holding up the line. I get to the front of the line and I'd realized I just weaved through a funeral procession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 132

You deserved it 58 380

By DuCkBuBbLeS - 20/02/2009 21:19 - United States

Today, I returned from a half-month long trip to China with a group of friends. After throwing myself into my mother's arms and bursting into tears, she stops me to say 'Listen...these last couple of weeks have been some of the best I've ever had. Can we try to keep it like that?' FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 796

You deserved it 5 135

By Kev - 19/02/2009 23:42 - Canada

Today, I walked home from work when a woman asked me to come inside for a free meal. It was at a homeless shelter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 246

You deserved it 5 204

Peachy keen

By Justpeachy - 11/10/2022 02:00

Today, I was working at the hospital receptionist desk. A visitor came in, but only knew the patient’s nickname “Peaches” When I explained to her we don’t address patients by nicknames, she demanded to see my supervisor. She ended up spitting in her face and had to be escorted out by security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 83

By RaccoonFever - 10/01/2014 11:15 - United States - La Jolla

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 346

You deserved it 5 791

Training

By Anonymous - 10/04/2011 05:07 - United States

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 474

You deserved it 72 700

By Unhelpful - 07/02/2012 04:27 - United States

Today, I was called an 'unhelpful little bitch' by a customer, after I informed her that we couldn't order a pair of shoes she wanted from the company in her size because it's a discontinued model. This little tirade continued for another few minutes, with her insulting me and my intelligence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 922

You deserved it 2 472

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Shoes Relatable Clothes Food Weird Job interview Work Teenagers Awkward Sex Intimacy Kids Health Medication Ironic Painful Bikes Transportation Cheating Babies Love Surprise Gross Poopoo peepee Facebook Paranoia Jealousy Embarrassing Cute

The Top

Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 185

You deserved it 25 923

Today, my coworker and I got caught having sex in the break-room. It was 6 p.m. and there was only him and me from our department in the office. Apparently, this bitch from another department in another fucking building decided it was the perfect time to make microwave popcorn, and our break-room was the perfect place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 1 087

Random

Today, while on the highway, a guy in a truck sped up to pass me. He was hauling a trailer, which hit me and ran me off the road. I called the cops and followed him all the way into town, where the cops pulled him over. They let him go without even a ticket, because, "He didn't know he hit you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 593

You deserved it 4 031

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "Happy Birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 424

You deserved it 4 283

Today, at WalMart, I saw a guy taping a sign that read "Hide and seek world champs!" over the lost children board. I chased him out of the store, then came back to take it down. As I was trying to remove the sign, a huge crowd began cursing at me and threatening me. They thought I'd made the sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 683

You deserved it 5 044

Today, I woke up in a military hospital, after having all four wisdom teeth out yesterday. A nurse came in with a breakfast trolley full of eggs and bacon, looks at my pleading face, looks at her clipboard and says, "Only non-solid foods for you, private." FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 165

Today, I was having a pretty good day, until my depression decided to ruin it. My depression sporadically "appears" every other day, and when it does, it doesn't go away for the rest of the day, so I'm doomed to spend the rest of the day feeling extremely down in the dumps, and I can't explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 246

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me by testing myself for STIs/STDs and got a positive result for chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 100