By jeffcarp - 03/06/2016 16:13 - Italy - Bologna
The Top
jeffcarp tells us more.
By crookedteeth - 27/08/2009 17:23 - United States
Classy
By EK. - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States
Miscommunication
By xoxo - 01/04/2020 02:00 - United States
Snek
By snakeboy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia
Appropriate force
By Peppered and Zapped - 07/04/2020 05:00
Love language
By upupandaway - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States
By Crossy - 23/08/2009 06:54 - Australia
Remember this?
By notanerd - 09/03/2010 05:12 - United States
By apparentlythereisnokarma - 01/01/2013 21:00 - Canada - Didsbury
By Username - 27/03/2011 18:09 - United States
Testing, testing, 1-2, 1-2
By Decisions6 - 16/04/2020 05:00 - Denmark - Aarhus
By kneesarethenewdesk - 19/08/2009 22:38 - United Kingdom
Cheap
By SmokeWeedErdayAllDay - 18/04/2020 17:00
By hot_friend - 19/12/2013 06:13 - United States
Night snack
By adventurousnightsbutnotinagoodway - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Leiden
Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…
By ygrowup2fast - 23/04/2020 17:00
So selfish
By Anonymous - 26/04/2020 14:00
Rise and shine
By Anonymous - 29/04/2020 08:00
What the hell did you do?
By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 14:01 - United States - Steele
By MacGrouber - 17/03/2011 00:12 - United States
By marcranger - 06/12/2013 02:30 - United States - Littleton
marcranger tells us more.
This actually happened a couple years ago, and to answer everyone's implied questions, yes he is now my ex, yes this incident was the catalyst, yes I called the cops, and yes I got the car back! After standing outside for a few seconds with my jaw flapping in the wind, then realizing my phone was in the car to top everything else off, I went back inside and had the attendant dial the local cops. Since I knew the make, model, license plate, and rough direction where the cockhole was going, it was pretty easy to track down. He did have the audacity to call me and ask (demand, actually) that I bail his ass out, but I laughed and hung up. I ultimately wound up dropping the charges, since his parents are very well-connected in their hometown, and I knew the lawyer they got him would have been able to get him off on probation or something equally pathetic. But mostly I dropped them because the family was wealthy and vindictive enough that I could have seen them suing me (!!!) to get back the cost of the lawyer's fees, and once it was all said and done, I just wanted a clean break. He had some mental health issues (depression, alcoholism, longtime unemployment) going on way before this, and I'd been weighing my options for getting out for a while. At least his real-life GTA5 enactment gave me the chance I needed!
By Ape - 17/12/2012 23:12 - United States
By emchocolat - 16/12/2012 16:55 - Europe
emchocolat_fml tells us more.
Thanks for your comments and highly original puns ! Just to clear the language issue up: "I was burgled" is correct British English (as opposed to American English) and means "Somebody broke into my house and stole things that belonged to me". "Burglarized" is the American synonym. The site said I come from Europe - I do, but it's a big place. I come from England and I live in Mayotte, a French territory in the Indian Ocean.
By ali456 - 01/12/2013 15:16 - United Kingdom - Dudley
ali456 tells us more.
For those who are saying what he did was 'quite fishy', I have to agree. His excuse was, and I quote, "I only realised I had to pick you up half way through the journey, and there was no point turning back". I'm currently not speaking to him, for pretty obvious reasons, and he's now staying at his parents house. The reason I 'normally wouldn't have minded' is because if I wasn't pregnant, and if it wasn't raining, I easily could've caught the bus or walked home and sorted him out afterwards! He is also friends with his ex, and I've met her and spoken to her on quite casual terms before. And for the people who called me a 'chump' and said that I 'shouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place', thank you - I'll keep it in mind for next time!
By lolzboss - 07/03/2011 19:04 - United States
Don't let it come to this
By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 02:01
Superstition
By OhGodWhy - 23/05/2020 08:00
By lydiacoolness - 08/08/2009 02:27 - New Zealand
Not welcome here
By Imgonnahaveabf - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States
Keywords
Hi OP here! Thanks for the funnies, laugh in the face of adversity I believe! Just to elaborate some more- I'd asked for the meeting, had been asking for a few weeks. I thought something wasn't right as they never responded, but when a time and place was confirmed I thought 'at last!' This sort of thing happens a lot in my job, so I was still none the wiser. I was basically told that there were too many others in the company with the same job title as me, and one has to go and they chose me. I stated that that was quite the opposite of what I thought we would be talking about and that was that. I have a notice period to work and want to check my rights and entitlements in the meantime- I'm hoping there's some sort of payoff! It's not all bad news though, I have another job lined up for me if I want it so I won't be out of pocket. It's strange how life can suddenly change!