Today, I returned from a half-month long trip to China with a... - FML

By DuCkBuBbLeS - 20/2/2009 21:19 - United States

Today, I returned from a half-month long trip to China with a group of friends. After throwing myself into my mother's arms and bursting into tears, she stops me to say 'Listen...these last couple of weeks have been some of the best I've ever had. Can we try to keep it like that?' FML

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Proactive

Fashion Police

My body, my choice

By maggotsinmycarpet - 12/7/2010 20:56 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room when I found a nice surprise from my cat. While I was on vacation, she killed a mouse. By the time I found it, there were maggots crawling in my carpet. FML

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By LasagnaRawks - 9/11/2009 10:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend only stayed with me because he didn't want to "be alone," and now that he has a new girlfriend, apparently he won't be. We were together for three and a half years. FML

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By themanzz - 8/10/2010 12:08 - Canada

Today, I was helping my Dad pick up the pieces of bark that came off the tree that we'd just cut down. I bent over to grab a dark looking piece of bark. Turn out it was my dogs crap. Fresh, warm, moist piece of crap to be exact. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2012 21:10 - United States

Today, I asked my professor what happened to the assignment I gave him several weeks ago. Turns out he lost it, and graded me zero as a result. Now if I want a mark, he says I'll have to hand-write it all over again, but that I "probably shouldn't bother," because it was "a bit shit, really." FML

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By ewwy - 10/10/2010 06:54 - United States

Today, I returned a friends jacket after borrowing it. I made sure to wash it and keep it clean. When he went to put it on, a pair of my granny panties fell out of the sleeve. FML

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By thefuckman - 14/9/2012 19:50 - United States

Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML

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By TKDConnor92 - 22/7/2011 10:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a 7 year old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2017 18:00 - Australia

Today, I'm a youth worker. I drove 7 hours to visit a teenage girl I have been working with, and who recently moved. Due to roadworks, it took me 2 hours longer than expected. When I arrived, she told me to fuck off and closed the door in my face. FML

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By Annie - 22/11/2009 22:07 - Mexico

Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2009 10:11 - United States

Today, I found out that a co-worker of mine that I had originally hired, trained, and mentored to work in my department for the past 4 years had just got the promotion that I had applied for. He is now my boss. FML

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By alwaysxgettingxshitxon - 3/7/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, I was working at the library. Some punks thought it would be funny to shit in a book, close it and return it in the drop box. The fact that it was sitting outside in the ninety degree heat for a couple hours did not help the stench; it was everywhere and I had to clean the mess. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2010 20:20 - United States

Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML

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By Phoebe - 18/7/2009 08:15 - Singapore

Today, my husband and I were in bed when the alarm on his phone went off. He then told me that he had to 'sound the horn' and went over to his laptop. Wondering what that meant, I peered over at his laptop. It turns out hunting for mice on Facebook is more important than procreating. FML

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By surfer - 21/7/2014 17:14 - United States - New York

Today, I went surfing, got a few rides, then realized I had my phone in my pocket. FML

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By nevermind - 13/8/2019 00:01

Today, while planning for our trip next spring, my friend told me that she's decided that her mom is coming with us. It’s non-negotiable. FML

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By Bewildered - 10/9/2009 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my teenage son called me at work and started screaming abuse at me. He told me how he never wants to see me again and hopes I die a gruesome death. Why does he feel this way? I beat his high score on Bejewelled 2. FML

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By Jfly25 - 23/1/2018 01:30

Today, while on my way to work, I had a tire blowout. I got the car towed and borrowed my mom’s so that I could still get to work. Her car seized and died on the expressway ramp. It’s not in any tow truck’s jurisdiction. FML

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By Jaayoung23 - 14/1/2010 15:47 - France

Today, my sister won a bet. She bet my best friend a burrito that I wouldn't lose my virginity within a year. I am twenty and have to drive my friend to Del Taco so he can buy my sister her victory burrito cause I didn't get laid. FML

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By applegreen - 16/2/2017 15:00 - Ireland - Limerick

Today, while getting a breast exam for some suspicious lumps, I was lying on the table with my boobs exposed and I learned my doctor is afraid of wasps. I had to chase the wasp out whilst topless. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2009 01:33 - Australia

Today, my bank card was skimmed (copied electronically) and my account was totally cleaned out. I had only just got paid and don't get paid again for 4 weeks. The bank says it will take 21 days minimum to resolve. They offered me a credit card with a huge interest rate to help me get by. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 18:30 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

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By Dump Tump - 29/3/2019 22:00

Today, my flute broke. I have an exam coming tomorrow and all repair shops are closed. I guess I’ll have to lose £150. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me explaining that he is getting married this weekend to a woman he met on Craigslist. Why? Because I won't marry him, and he'll make an extra thousand dollars per month having a wife since he is in the army. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 00:03 - Germany - Mannheim

Today, my car is still in the shop, so I asked my psycho brother to drive me to the mall. He sped up to nearly 20km over the speed limit, so I shouted for him to stop before he got us both killed. He hit the brakes in the middle of an intersection, and wouldn't move again until I got out. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2010 02:57 - United States

Today, I started a new job. I lost my work keys and had everyone running all over the building looking for them. We found them, hanging in the last lock I had used. They now all think I'm a nut. FML

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By hahahaha090114 - 30/1/2010 18:59 - United States

Today, I found out I was getting a divorce. My wife is leaving me for my brother, saying that now that he has money there is nothing that can stand in their way. I recently decided to send him money to help him get back on his feet. FML

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By Breezie - 14/10/2019 20:00 - United States

Hi Zach!

Today, at work, a customer commented that I look like Zach Galifianakis. I'm a girl. FML

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By mafiaguy800 - 27/8/2019 14:00

Today, I woke up to see my four year-old brother with a sharpie, trying to play “Connect the Dots” with my acne. FML

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By peppergirl - 30/12/2020 20:00

Sewing project

Today, I was doing a sewing project in class. My friend said we should get the teachers to model our designs. I said that I did not think I would have enough material to make clothes for one of the teachers. I said this in front of the whole class very loudly, while the teacher was right next to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2012 13:54 - Greece - Athens

Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML

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By horribleawfulnogoodverybadweek - 15/11/2019 05:00

Artificial teeth

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over text because she discovered from my mum that my teeth aren't my natural teeth, and she feels disgusted kissing me. FML

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By stupidgirl - 30/9/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, I changed all my plans, after months of him begging me to, so I could go to the same university as my long-term boyfriend. After I sent in my deposit, he told me we couldn't live together in college because I was "invading his space." FML

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By FatalxDesire599 - 5/3/2010 15:39 - United States

Today, my mother stormed into my room shouting about how I never go anywhere and then tells me to go out "NOW" and do something. As she is pushing me out the door, her boyfriend walks in. FML

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By xo007 - 4/11/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, as I stepped into the shower, I slipped and fell over the edge of the tub, pulling the shower curtain down with me. I called my roommate to help me up as I put on a towel over me. But before she could help me up, she grabbed her phone to take a picture. The picture became a mass text. FML

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By Ash - 27/5/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I saw this tourist almost get hit by a cab. After he walked away I complained to my boyfriend about how idiotic people like him just deserve to die. After 5 blocks of my ranting the tourist turns around and says "I'm right in front of you bitch." I hid behind my laughing boyfriend. FML

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By Ms Yeins - 26/4/2019 14:00 - Belgium - Mechelen

Today, I was changing my tampon in a public toilet. When I threw away the used one and opened a new one, it turned out that it had no thread on it! I took another one out. Again, defective! It was the last one I had with me, and it was the second day of my period. FML

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By Broken - 29/6/2018 19:00

Today, the ex of my boyfriend of 18 months called me and put her phone in her purse. I heard my boyfriend say he's sick of me, he hasn't been happy for a year, and he's afraid to leave because he feels sorry for me. He bought her a ring. I got earrings. FML

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By Chat - 4/3/2018 19:00

Today, my only day off this week, my cat decided that she wanted feeding at 5am and wouldn’t stop meowing till I filled up her bowl. She then refused to eat it. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2013 12:02 - United States - Belmont

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he didn't trust himself not to cheat on me. What? FML

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By GaymerLink - 12/8/2018 23:30

Today, my boss reprimanded me for not meeting my sales goals and is sending me to a two week training program. I don’t work in sales. FML

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Top comments

By Cloudy_fml | 0

#4699 - Saturday 21 February 2009 3:12

I get that you missed your mom --- and that's natural! But full-on sobbing and throwing yourself into her arms IS a bit much... It just sounds like you might be a BIT overly dependent and clingy towards her. That makes it understandable that she might like a nice break from tending to you every now and again... Her phrasing could have been a tad less harsh though, I suppose.

Also:
http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/4915/futuramawr6.gif

By Edmund_Dantes | 0

#5248 - Sunday 22 February 2009 6:58

half-month? Are you trying to hide the fact that you cried after two weeks away from your mom? Grow up.

COMMENTS

By shamille | 5

#4651 - Saturday 21 February 2009 1:34

wow your mom is mean!

By Apex_fml | 0

#4654 - Saturday 21 February 2009 1:36

Wow man that is pretty bad. You should find friends who wouldn't know that sort of thing.

Reply

michelleJ11 | 25

#5924348 - Thursday 24 April 2014 3:17

What?

By wtf_fml | 0

#4667 - Saturday 21 February 2009 1:51

#4 and #5 are total cunts

By Amkii | 0

#4668 - Saturday 21 February 2009 1:52

#4 - Chill out. Females cry at stuff. It happens. Hell, I cry at certain episodes of Futurama!

Anyway, your mom is definitely a bitch. Reminds me of something my mom would say!

Reply

UserOfTheMind | 24

#6475860 - Wednesday 2 December 2015 19:26

To be fair, everyone cries during the episode where Fry finds his old dog.

By Dr_Phil | 0

#4676 - Saturday 21 February 2009 2:12

Maybe if you were a better child your mom would love you more.

Reply

ComaWhiteLove | 18

#5763897 - Friday 22 November 2013 10:43

Wow what an arrogant asshole. "Better than you"? what a fucking joke..

By kier31 | 0

#4692 - Saturday 21 February 2009 2:58

Wow. I love how people are so very heartless. I would miss my mom too.
And your mom is ridiculous.

By shadow356 | 0

#4695 - Saturday 21 February 2009 3:08

oh wow that totally sucks. your mom is a b*tch for sure.

By Cloudy_fml | 0

#4699 - Saturday 21 February 2009 3:12

I get that you missed your mom --- and that's natural! But full-on sobbing and throwing yourself into her arms IS a bit much... It just sounds like you might be a BIT overly dependent and clingy towards her. That makes it understandable that she might like a nice break from tending to you every now and again... Her phrasing could have been a tad less harsh though, I suppose.

Also:
http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/4915/futuramawr6.gif

Reply

ComaWhiteLove | 18

#5763900 - Friday 22 November 2013 10:47

The thing about it though is that we don't know how old OP is. She could be a teen for all we know. That would certainly validate a potential dependent and possibly clingy relationship she may or may not have with her mother.

Reply

evilamoebaattack | 20

#5833016 - Monday 20 January 2014 10:42

yes, but still. i'm 17 and i LIVE alone at college.. havent seen my mom in a few months. crying at two weeks seems a bit much.

By greenman_fml | 0

#4703 - Saturday 21 February 2009 3:24

you were adobted

Reply

izzybizzy3098 | 3

#4187888 - Monday 19 March 2012 22:14

adopted***

By uncletom_fml | 0

#4759 - Saturday 21 February 2009 6:30

i would love to high-five your mom. she seems to have a great sense of comedic timing.