Miscellaneous: Today, I walked home from work when a woman asked me to come... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 72

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 37

19/02/2009 23:42

Today, I walked home from work when a woman asked me to come inside for a free meal. It was at a homeless shelter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 151

You deserved it 5 175

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Mama's boy

Wake up call

21/04/2015 13:48

Today, my nurse girlfriend told me she's more attracted to the veins in my arm than any other part of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 555

You deserved it 3 763

Smoked

By Anonymous - 21/09/2020 11:01

Today, I washed my clothes in the shared laundry room. All my clothes came out smelling like smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 109

25/11/2016 08:43

Today, I got to meet the guy that I have been talking to over a dating website. We were having a great time, at least until I managed to randomly fall asleep in front of him. I spent the rest of the day sending text messages trying to explain to him that I suffer from narcolepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 161

You deserved it 1 021

Compassion

By Anonymous - 21/05/2020 20:00

Today, my mum screamed that there is nothing wrong with me, after I literally coughed up blood in front of her. This all started over me getting my medications delivered to our house, as I’m not allowed out due to Covid-19 as I’m high risk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 050

You deserved it 211

12/06/2009 20:04

Today, I woke up feeling like shit after I had spent the whole night taking care of my sick boyfriend. He got up early, feeling great, bouncing around the house. When I finally got up I told him I didn't feel well and he yelled at me for being a bitch in the morning that slows him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 852

You deserved it 5 313

05/09/2011 01:27

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She responded by sitting on the floor, crying like a baby and screaming "WHY?" at strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 228

You deserved it 12 293

"Tubular Bells" starts playing…

By Anonymous - 16/07/2021 22:01

Today, my husband is terminal and insisted on making his last confession. Long story short, the priest came out pale and sweating and told me, in no uncertain terms, that my husband is definitely going to Hell, but won’t tell me why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 498

You deserved it 87

Panic

By not a cancerous pimple - 31/01/2015 00:11

Today, I felt a painful lump on my jaw. After going on Google, I was convinced I either had an infected tooth or jaw cancer. In a panic, I rushed to the dentist and told the receptionist the problem. She pulled the dentist from an appointment, and he felt around my jaw. It was just a pimple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 294

You deserved it 27 297

27/12/2011 09:42

Today, my mom convinced me that she and my dad were getting divorced. I have anxiety problems, so I had a panic attack. She then laughed, and said, "Just kidding, I wanted to see your reaction. It's the best so far." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 990

You deserved it 3 856

17/05/2010 04:10

Today, while I was driving, I saw my driving instructor from high school walking on the sidewalk. As I waved to him, I rear-ended the car in front of me. Guess I really showed him how much I learned from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 909

You deserved it 31 665

23/10/2011 18:05

Today, I uploaded my latest picture onto a photography website. It only got one comment, and even that was from someone advising me to never use the same hideous model ever again. It was a self-portrait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 139

You deserved it 4 657

31/12/2014 01:39

Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 523

You deserved it 18 442

Alexa, play "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye

By notsosexy - 18/07/2020 08:01

Spicy

Today, I attempted to have amazing birthday sex with my boyfriend in his dorm room. Everything was going great until we tried switching positions. I hit my head so hard on the bunk above his bed that I gave myself a concussion, and blacked out. Needless to say, the moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 539

You deserved it 288

21/05/2011 06:42

Today, I called my mom and I got voicemail: "Hello, this is Joyce. I'm not here at the moment, so leave a message and I will call back as soon as possible. Except if it's Sophie. If it is, get the hell out of my life, biiitch." I'm Sophie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 262

You deserved it 5 759

10/07/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up with a carpet burn. From sleeping. Alone. In my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 143

17/12/2010 09:48

Today, after a week of insomnia, I finally managed to fall asleep. Thirty minutes later, my friends decided to bang on my door, yelling at me to wake up and party with them. I'm now wide awake and hallucinating from lack of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 954

You deserved it 3 956

08/08/2016 22:49

Today, after not moving at work all day, I decided to be healthy and walk home. Now my thighs are numb from rubbing together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 788

You deserved it 3 599

29/07/2009 04:13

Today, I was at a water park with my family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and my swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, my swimsuit bottoms fell to my knees in front of tons of kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 554

You deserved it 12 907

02/08/2009 17:12

Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 862

You deserved it 7 530

12/06/2011 13:51

Today, I was stuck in stand-still traffic for 5 minutes, before realizing I had stopped behind a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 165

You deserved it 58 345

11/04/2009 13:23

Today, as I was walking into CVS, two older men outside said to me "Young lady, please consider us on your way out." Thinking they were hitting on me, I rolled my eyes and said "Screw you." When I walked back outside, I realized they were asking for AIDS donations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 504

You deserved it 86 108

13/10/2015 16:20

Spicy

Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 570

You deserved it 6 195

13/12/2008 05:48

Today, my wife, in her magnificent wedding dress, had her period during the ceremony. How did I find out? The same way everyone else did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 737

You deserved it 2 944

03/01/2012 01:10

Today, my daughter brought her new boyfriend over for dinner. I realize now why she said we would get along great: we graduated high school together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 733

You deserved it 3 630

23/01/2009 18:51

Spicy

Today, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 772

You deserved it 9 166

02/04/2011 16:44

Today, my ex fiancée, who left me six months ago, asked if I'd mind if she used the wedding dress I bought her for our wedding. She's just gotten engaged again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 141

You deserved it 3 448

07/04/2009 02:11

Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 898

You deserved it 100 057

23/10/2016 15:23

Today, I was at the local drive-thru with my boyfriend. While we were picking up the food, the asswipe at the window thought it hilarious to copy the scene from "American Beauty" and pretend that we were a couple and that I was cheating on him. My actual boyfriend believed it and won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 968

You deserved it 1 003

26/05/2011 03:19

Today, I finally got the wedding dress I've been waiting months to see. It turns out that my mom ordered the dress 2 sizes smaller than my size, this way it will be "an incentive to lose weight". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 456

You deserved it 6 133

Price of love

By that kind of girl - 02/04/2014 00:02

Today, a man asked me on a date. It's been so long, I accepted immediately. He began quoting what seemed like random numbers to me, and it took me a few minutes to work out what he meant. Not only was I mistaken for a prostitute, I'm also worth, at most, $60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 209

You deserved it 4 928

12/05/2019 00:00

Today, my anxiety has been so bad, I have had vivid dreams of my boyfriend of 6 months cheating on me. This is not the first time these dreams have happened, and I know for a fact he is not cheating. My anxiety is going to turn me into the crazy girlfriend from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 855

You deserved it 293

15/06/2009 10:07

Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 383

You deserved it 3 575

I'm a meme

By karen - 27/09/2019 14:00

Today, as always, my name is Karen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 384

13/05/2009 20:15

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 655

You deserved it 19 924

Separation anxiety

By Anonymous - 21/07/2021 02:01

Today, I’m glad that my friend’s grumpy old cat, who I’m watching in her absence, actually seems to like me. In fact, she likes me so much that she wakes me up at 4 a.m. to not only demand food, but demand my company while eating it. How very flattering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 128

24/10/2009 05:07

Today, as I was driving with my boyfriend, he pointed out what a crappy car I drive. About how the locks don't work, the vents are broken, the windshield wipers are busted, my headlights aren't bright, and a hubcap is missing. Then he said I’m a good match for my car, 'cos we have the same “personality". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 855

You deserved it 3 951

16/08/2012 14:30

Today, I ordered ramen to go. I looked at my order and discovered a cockroach. Disgusted, I showed it to them, and they apologized by "replacing" it for free. Later on, while I was enjoying the delicious food, I once again discovered a cockroach buried under all the noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 626

You deserved it 6 796

14/12/2015 17:21

Today, while I was driving, there was a high speed car chase. The runaway managed to avoid my car but the police didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 699

You deserved it 1 684

29/09/2016 15:07

Today, I got diagnosed with Lyme disease. My whole family thought it would be hilarious to call it, "Lame disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 477

You deserved it 757

09/10/2016 12:16

Today, my cat loves to chase birds. In fact, he loves it so much, he ran out of the litter box mid-poop to chase one, forcing me to wipe his ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 404

You deserved it 1 037

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Friday 20 February 2009 3:20

hey its free food u should go!

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Monday 6 February 2012 10:03

Umm, yeah, not one of those you lol so hard at unless you haven't heard of a good joke before

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Friday 20 February 2009 3:01

hahahahahahaha!!! I just 'lol'ed so hard!! sux to be you!!

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Monday 13 September 2010 3:32

hey it's a free meal quit whining :/

ellybelly_502 4

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Wednesday 26 October 2011 6:49

I dont get it, how is this an FML? The lady was just being nice..

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Monday 6 February 2012 10:03

Umm, yeah, not one of those you lol so hard at unless you haven't heard of a good joke before

EFFyourlifecait 0

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Friday 20 February 2009 3:17

awhhh. hahaha. -_-

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Friday 20 February 2009 3:20

hey its free food u should go!

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Friday 20 February 2009 3:44

Was this woman herself a homeless person? If so, I wouldn't stress it. I live downtown in an area where there are frequent homeless people. They usually ask me for dollars, and to follow them around. Ideally what they want you to do is gain their trust, then pull your wallet out and they'll either grab & run, or ask for more money than you want to give.

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Friday 20 February 2009 4:03

:D

8D_fml 0

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Friday 20 February 2009 4:31

#6 .. it's a guy, can't you tell by his name ?

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Friday 20 February 2009 4:37

men can be dirty pirate hookers too..

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Friday 20 February 2009 6:04

omg i really just laughed so hard. thank you.

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Friday 20 February 2009 10:12

you must have been shuffling up the sidewalk, talking to your pocketwatch with an aluminum foil cap on. --just kidding-- actually, most of the homeless people i have met are really cool and willing to help people out. maybe you just looked like you could REALLY use a meal? i wouldn't be offended until the staff starts asking you questions about your mental stability. but, like a few others said, you should have gone. a few of the most interesting conversations i have ever had took place in homeless shelters or soup kitchens. get out, buddy...make some new (pungent) friends.

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Friday 20 February 2009 10:21

You sound cute. Not kidding. You have a beard and shaggy hair? Mmmmmmmmm.