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This was my post! To clarify, I worked a night shift and woke up early in the morning. I guess someone told my work ( I work at a hospital) that I was covering their shift so I was supposed to come back in that night but never heard about it. People change schedules without notifying everyone a lot lol. And that would suck! if my boyfriend called to break up with me I'd just get out of the tub and go beat him up since we live together :p

By youre dumped shitforbrain - 19/08/2012 16:52 - Sweden - H?lleforsn

Today, my boyfriend again accused me of cheating on him. This time, it was because I delayed replying to his text message so I could feed my pet. Apparently I'm fucking my pet toad now. Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 763

You deserved it 5 483

By msizziec - 14/12/2015 23:09 - United Kingdom - Tiverton

Today, I got a concussion at work. Our resident schizophrenic decided to test how gravity worked by dropping a torch over the bannister directly onto my head. I'm still seeing stars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 707

You deserved it 1 383

msizziec tells us more.

msizziec 15

Wednesday 16 December 2015 0:13

Hello, OP here! I work in a mental health and learning disability care home, so when I say resident I mean in the sense they live there. He's normally absolutely lovely, very quiet and calm, however something clearly snapped that day. I'll never know whether it was on purpose or not unfortunately! It was only a small torch (flashlight) but it was dropped about 10 ft directly onto my temple which was incredible aim if nothing else. It's not a locked unit so he's allowed stuff like that, however I did "misplace" it after the incident. A trip to the hospital emergency department after my shift proved there's no long lasting damage other than a mild concussion. After that though I've kept my distance from him... just in case!

By Dirty - 23/02/2017 14:00 - Canada

Today, I grabbed a fresh hand towel from the drawer in the bathroom. I wiped my hands and noticed they smelled like shit. My 6-year-old had wiped poo from his finger onto the dark grey towels. I guess he sometimes helps the poo out. Good to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 380

You deserved it 563

Judge Judy

By TJ. - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Lacey

Today, while doing my job as a cart clerk, a gentleman went around the parking lot and picked some trash up, trying to help out. Faith in humanity: + 1. About an hour later, I saw a woman pick a bug off of her windshield and eat it. Faith in humanity: - 200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 975

You deserved it 2 941

Boozed up

By speechless - 13/07/2013 14:32 - United States - Mitchell

Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 358

You deserved it 4 655

By Anonymous - 12/07/2013 05:19 - United States

Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 132

You deserved it 12 257

By Hi_Five - 03/12/2015 20:48 - United States - Wake Forest

Today, I spoke to a highly recommended therapist for my special-needs child. After 45 minutes of describing our challenges, heartbreaks and other very personal information, she told me that her schedule was permanently full. But she invited me to go through the phone book to find someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 297

You deserved it 1 784

Hi_Five tells us more.

Hi_Five 7

Monday 7 December 2015 5:12

OP here - uh, no. You are making things up out of whole cloth. I would never self-diagnose my kid. We have been through years of trying to get the best help we can find, and that does not include charlatans, vaccine-deniers and the internet. Try again.

Fast and Furious 17: Hot cross buns in the city

By Stan017 - 13/03/2017 02:00

Today, I'm fasting for Lent. I'm a copywriter and my current client is a food company. I have to research about, and look at pictures of food all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 801

You deserved it 1 505

By Ballhugger - 06/12/2009 20:42 - Canada

Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 620

You deserved it 11 183

By Aldric - 10/06/2016 10:46 - Germany - Munich

Today, I was an extra in a movie and I had to play a corpse. At the make up stand, they painted my mouth blue. I then asked the make-up artist why they didn’t do more : "You’re so pale it looks like you’re already dead". FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 127

By divorce? i think so - 21/07/2012 02:12 - Canada - Markham

Today, I found my husband's journal, and along with it the real reason he took so long to show up to our wedding rehearsals last year. According to the journal, it was because he was too busy wooing a married mother of five and sticking his "slut-banger all up in that fat booty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 332

You deserved it 3 323

Doofus

By wobbles - 04/12/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I spent 30 minutes trying to find my glasses. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I was wearing them the whole time, or that my girlfriend played along and helped me look for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 941

You deserved it 34 369

Overcooked

By poopiemanlol - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I realized that you should never teach your 6 year-old child how to use the microwave, unless you want to be cleaning melted pet fish for about half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 172

You deserved it 11 944

By Anonymous - 04/04/2017 09:07

Today, coming home after a hard day's work was so relaxing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 791

You deserved it 497

Worst argument ever

By desigirl - 10/11/2015 01:03 - United States - Johnson City

Today, my boyfriend told me I should stop talking about his major gambling problem because he still loves me even though I gained weight. Apparently that evens things out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 287

You deserved it 3 448

By alicemassie - 15/05/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I told my parents I wanted them to meet my new partner. My mom went into a rant about how she had known I was gay for a while and asked how I was going to tell my husband. I am straight, madly in love with my husband, and was referring to my business partner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 448

You deserved it 3 729

alicemassie tells us more.

alicemassie 0

Friday 15 May 2009 22:07

Okay, (it's OP) I need to make a couple of clarifications. I didn't include this part because there wasn't enough room in the FML submit thing, but after I told my mom I was referring to my business partner, she told me that she thinks I'm a lesbian not because of her fantastic maternal intuition, but because she thinks my husband is too much of an "ass bitch" for me to actually love him, and because I'm athletic. I wanted her to meet my business partner because my parents are involved in my business

By 6xrv - 08/04/2017 14:00

Today, while at the mall, I was traveling up the escalator on my way to the food court. When I neared the top, the handrail severely shocked me, causing me to drop a bag of China I had just bought, which fell to the bottom of the escalator and shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 509

You deserved it 542