Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, at 2am, I heard a strange sound coming from the hallway. I walked over, only to discover my drunk boyfriend pissing in the closet. On my favorite shoes. FML
Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML
Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, I was working at 5 am at my office desk when I heard trickling water. I ran to the foyer, turned on the light, expecting to see my incontinent 16 year-old golden retriever. Instead, I witnessed my still drunk, high and comatose husband standing at the top of the stairs pissing on the carpet stairs. Again. FML
Today, I came out of the bathroom and caught my husband peeing against a tree in the backyard. I told him how disgusting that was. He said, "Fine. Back to peeing in the sink." FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend full-on peeing into our tiny trash bin. The trash bin was basket material, so the pee was all over the floor. Once he'd finished, he went to bed, passed out and left me to clean it all up. FML
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Top comments
softrally 15
What drawer was he intending to pee into? O.o
_GoodGuy 11
That would "piss" me off.
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Comments (106)
softrally 15
What drawer was he intending to pee into? O.o
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Obviously the pants drawer so he can piss his pants.
Horsempeg 25
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
My boyfriend just did that!!! He was drunk and thought it was a bathroom though..
graceinsheepwear 33
24, he did piss his drawers.
_GoodGuy 11
That would "piss" me off.
Athleticism 11
That pun was used a couple thousand times about 2 FMLs ago.
CallMeMcFeelii 13
I don't know why people don't say peed instead of pissed. No one ever says "that must of really peed you off", so it's original.
Athleticism 11
I think you just started something sir.
bacincheeseburge 9
#41 Because if you say "that really peed me off", people will think you are saying "P'ed me off". Like a shortened form as in "Ef you", or "shut the Ef up".
Athleticism 11
Would you rather us say, "You urinate the crap out of me."?
marcranger 28
Considering that sounds like some kind of unorthodox enema, 65, I'd certainly rather not phrase it that way!
Epickiller 21
Sounds like urine a pissy situation.
RivetingTaleChap 6
I reckon he's looking for Narnia.
rich443 22
that would be if he pissed in wardrobe
gracehi 31
So he can pee on it? Unwise. Azlan's not a fellow you want to piss off.
SaveCowEatCarrot 14
Well, you know what they say OP. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
ImAFaker 29
Well, she can beat him. Just get out the baseball bat...
CallMeMcFeelii 13
And if the baseball bat doesn't work she could always use her hand.. Haha.
Olympiakos10 15
Hahahaha 56 that was so funny! Now leave...and never post another comment on FML...
Pwn17 25
5 Are you seriously suggesting that she pee in the drawer with him?
CallMeMcFeelii 13
Relax pal, it was a comment gone wrong. You can shove your self entitlement right up your ass, next to where your head must be.
iAlissa 34
75, that was a dick comment. Toot toot, all aboard the douche train ._.
JasonUMN 15
Well, urine for a treat when he wakes up tomorrow.
threer 30
Overused much?
phoughto 5
Would you have preferred the bed stand?
arsenicalhumor 30
How about the candle holder?
PimpdaddyCJT 13
Is there ever a wrong drawer when no drawer is right?
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
miiiinnddd fuuuucck lol
PimpdaddyCJT 13
That's what I was going for
threer 30
Um, yes. That's not a mindfuck at all. If none of them are right, all of them are wrong. There is a wrong drawer.
Jac_d_ipper 10
I reckon his top drawer is MT.
Treveyon56 14
Well........ sucks for you. Next time hide all the beer in the house and his wallet so he can't buy more.
lilhellian 26
Right, create trust issues and break apart a family. The beer isn't the issue, the issue is moderation.
punkyboy 11
Wow that is way to far especially the part about taking away all the money from his wallet. For all we know this could be a one night thing. If not she should have a talk with him about drinking In moderation
joleigh 6
I think this would create more problems than fix anything. If someone took my money trying to "help" I'd feel the need to bitch slap them.
Omniprism 14
That's hilarious. I've had to redirect someone from from closet to the bathroom before and I've heard of some crazy stories about people peeing in places.
AshleyScruggs 14
Yeah, I heard of one guy who likes to piss on his dad's car.