The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By LagSwitchFTW - 25/01/2013 22:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 095

You deserved it 6 020

Thanks guys

By SIK of everything - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at a party and all my friends started asking me ways they could leave so no one would notice because the party sucked. It was MY party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 290

You deserved it 7 598

Hit and run

By Ava777 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while leaving school to skip fourth period, I hit someone's car in the parking lot. It was the teacher's whose class I was going to skip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 878

You deserved it 60 500

What is it, sweetie?

By WTF - 16/01/2013 07:52

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 596

You deserved it 4 360

Rookie mistake

By Lokimagnus - 25/03/2020 23:05

Today, I was working from home. I felt very sleepy, so I set my online status “Active” and went back to bed. I woke up to 3 missed calls from my boss and an email from him, containing a webcam screenshot of me asleep in bed. I totally forgot he has remote access to my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 3 042

The Boxer

By single - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 3 years. I checked the box with the ring to make sure it was still there, and saw a piece of paper in it. It said, "No." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 818

You deserved it 310

By Jeff - 25/08/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 502

You deserved it 7 061

You've got mail (or not)

By nomail - 26/05/2016 19:55 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, the management office of my apartment building announced it will be keeping packages in the office until you can pick them up. They also posted new hours. There will be someone in the office once a week, for two hours only. I work those two hours, every single week. No more mail for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 707

You deserved it 881

By NotThatKind - 24/08/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 635

You deserved it 42 427

By Boltz719 - 23/08/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 585

You deserved it 3 882

By oh why... - 20/12/2013 14:51 - United States

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 474

You deserved it 4 496

By Anonymous - 31/12/2012 15:44 - Canada - Sydney

Today, while buying paint, I began to help an elderly woman working to lift some heavy boxes. She told me what a nice young lady I was. Then her boss came over, screamed at her for being lazy and fired her. She cried. So did I. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 602

You deserved it 3 326

By Anonymous - 24/01/2012 20:22 - United States

Today, I didn't have plans on shaving my pubic hair. My girlfriend's braces thought otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 717

You deserved it 40 157

By heya - 24/12/2012 10:09 - Australia - Sydney

Today, whilst at my new step-dad's Christmas lunch, my mother spiked my drink so that I would look worse than her in front of her new mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 441

You deserved it 2 553

Surprise

By iamnotfat - 06/02/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 829

You deserved it 4 505

Burn

By Swedishsummer - 08/05/2016 21:54 - Sweden - Floda

Today, we finally got some signs of summer in Sweden and I went to hang out in the sun with some friends. I was wearing sunglasses so I only put sunscreen on my nose and forehead. I now have a dick-shaped area in my face where I didn't completely burn my face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 352

You deserved it 5 564

By involuntary waxing - 15/01/2012 09:00 - Canada

Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: "unusual vaginal secretions". They're unusual alright, they glued my underwear to my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 123

You deserved it 4 326

Screwed

By prince232 - 04/05/2016 04:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after having a second interview with a club I want to work for, the interviewer ignored my work references. Instead, he told me he was going to call the only manager I never got along with, for reference in a job I left 5 years ago, because he knows her personally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 166

You deserved it 1 176

By Ashley - 03/05/2016 04:25 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out why my boyfriend of 5 years won't propose/marry me. He would rather wait for his estranged wife to meet someone, fall in love, decide to get married, and do the filing herself. He doesn't want to pay the couple of hundred dollars for the uncontested divorce filing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 843

You deserved it 2 283

By anonymous - 01/02/2009 10:53 - United States

Today, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style position was fun, it made him wonder what it would be like to rape a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 241

You deserved it 6 330

Cue Rockwell

By liLbob6598 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received a string of blank texts from an unknown number. When I asked who it was, I got a list of every place I've been over the last three days. I'm scared to leave the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 760

You deserved it 2 712

By jazopalchris - 25/11/2013 23:42 - Australia - Mount Gambier

Today, my 7 year old daughter explained to a taxi driver that she was born from my "vagina that doesn't have hair". He winked creepily at me and said, "I bet it doesn't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 050

You deserved it 5 849

Coming soon…

By bieberslayer - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, in my AP Biology class, a student informed us she'd read that Antarctica had completely melted due to global warming, to which my friend gushed, "Yeah! It's been melted for, like, months." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 542

You deserved it 2 292

Creepy

By jeeperspeepers - 02/08/2009 22:03 - United States

Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 140

You deserved it 132 996

By howcanihelpyou - 14/08/2018 20:45 - United States - Wantagh

Today, while working as a receptionist at a doctor's office, my boss asked me to check in one more patient before I left. He paid his $50 copay in nickels and dimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 918

You deserved it 152

By Michelle - 20/02/2011 17:45 - United States

Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 119

You deserved it 4 977

Whoops

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 02:38 - United States - Glen Ellyn

Today, an old friend of mine texted me, saying we should hang out. I thought it was really sweet and was excited to see her again, until she realized that she was texting the wrong person, and canceled our plans immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 619

You deserved it 1 345

No kidding

By huh? - 23/06/2020 05:02

Today, I was ecstatic that the pregnancy test I took was negative. I went to high-five my boyfriend as I told him the good news. Apparently, it’s monstrous, unladylike and weird for a woman to not want children. When I pointed out he doesn’t want kids either, he said, "That’s normal for guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 859

You deserved it 255

Double-edged sword

By Janitoro - 23/11/2012 01:19 - United States

Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 443

You deserved it 9 224

By LittleGina - 04/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Benson

Today, a woman was standing in front of me in line. There was a strand of hair on her back, so to be nice, I pulled it off her. It was still attached to her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 563

You deserved it 7 824

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my mother got remarried. I am now officially older than my step-father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 713

You deserved it 3 151

Today, I got a call from the police informing me that my car was involved in an accident outside my house. At least I can prove I was in another continent when it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 81

Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 760

You deserved it 6 907

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of eight years had cheated on me for the last two. It's been about three years since it happened and I now can't look up porn because it reminds me of the gut-wrenching feeling of this event. It's a good thing, but WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 93

Today, I went to the store to buy some new shirts. I tried them on and none of them fit. When I walked out to return the shirts, everybody was staring at me. I looked down to see why. I'd forgotten to put my original shirt back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 238

You deserved it 24 941

Today, after telling my boyfriend I never achieved an orgasm with any of my past partners, and therefore telling him what I need to get there, he won't even touch me, let alone do anything "down there" because he has never done it on any of his past girlfriends, and thinks it's gross. I make sure to always be fresh and clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 219

You deserved it 291