Today, I tried having some girl time with my mom so I could sneakily figure out what to get her for her birthday. All I could think of in the end was a time machine, after her rant about wishing she'd gotten her tubes tied rather than going through the stress of raising me and my sister. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I talked to my mom about hanging out with her. She got out her phone to schedule an appointment. FML
Today, I bought my mom a gift certificate for a spa treatment for two so we could spend some quality time together. She took my sister. FML
Today, it's my birthday and my mom took me and some friends to an amusement park. Looking for a tampon, I found a phone in my mom's purse that I didn't recognize. Turns out my mom is cheating on my dad. Happy birthday to me, I guess. FML
Today, I told my mom I was thinking of having a baby. She told me it was a huge mistake because children cost a fortune, make you miserable, and if she'd had her chance again she would have gotten her tubes tied when she was 18 and saved herself the grief. Gee, thanks mom. FML
Today, my mother went on a misogynistic tirade about how girls are backstabbing bitches, and nothing but trouble. She continued saying how she wishes my sister and I would make more guy friends, and stop being so damn girly all the time. Umm… has she forgotten who she gave birth to? FML
Today, I've been so stressed out that I forgot my own birthday. I only remembered when my mom talked to me to let me know she wasn't planning on doing anything for it. FML
Today, as I was waiting in line to give my mom her birthday present, my dad gave her the exact same gift I'd also bought for her. FML
Today, I called my mom to let her know I was coming home for my upcoming birthday, as I haven’t seen my parents in months. She then stated she hated my birthday because it reminded her she was getting older, and they may have preexisting plans that evening anyways. Really feeling the family love… FML
Today, I realised I will never be as important to my mom as her career. I asked if we could spend the day together on my birthday and she offered to “pencil me in” on one of her slower days in September. My birthday is in August, but apparently that’s inconvenient for her. FML
Today, after telling my mom that I'll be going to Las Vegas with my dad for my 21st birthday, she started ranting about how my dad always wanted to abort me and that she was the only one who actually wanted me. FML
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Top comments
ScratchCatPower 32
It seems like she's not worthy of getting a birthday present from you or your sister.
Tripartita 45
If you get her a time machine and she goes back to prevent your birth, who will get her the time machine?! Tie your temporal loops before worrying about getting to her tubes! Your homework tonight is to watch the original Terminator.
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Comments (40)
ScratchCatPower 32
It seems like she's not worthy of getting a birthday present from you or your sister.
SneakyDeath 15
Ouch. You cannot put a band-aid on that deep wound.
Mathalamus 25
well, no present for her, then.
lexiieeex3 32
Mid-life crisises are hard bro.
Nikkibuh 11
Being a prick, however, is easy.
Tripartita 45
If you get her a time machine and she goes back to prevent your birth, who will get her the time machine?! Tie your temporal loops before worrying about getting to her tubes! Your homework tonight is to watch the original Terminator.
NoThanks999 19
But I hate Terminator
laden_swallow09 35
Bootstrap Paradox! Also… No one asked you, 20.
NoThanks999 19
Still said it #34
thinkaboutit5 17
How about getting her some tied up tubes , like inner tubes or medical tubes, as a gag gift? And another time you might want to show her how much the average family pays to get proper treatment in a nursing home for an elderly family member.
Beautymarked 12
Ahh, I'm very sorry to hear that, I feel you. Sounds like a session with my mother. Don't take it to heart, OP. Some ppl are just assholes, even if they're suppose to be your parents.
TyroneLeBron 24
"Minute physics" has a great explanation about how going back in time to prevent your birth doesn't form a paradox. But either way, your mother seems pretty ungrateful for her kids. FYL
NoThanks999 19
How is that so? if she went back and made it so the person who changed things was never born? how will their actions still exist? everything will undo and some lives will change
pancakebunny 19
I want to know about that too
yenze 18
That sucks time machines are expansive now a days
Paws_Cat 29
I mean if they're expansive why not buy one? More room for expansion!
bolee997 18
Get her an empty box and say "we got you favorite present disappointment"
Lalala579121 28
OP's mother is Murderface.