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By Kaluhaluha - 14/12/2018 17:30

Today, after having my car back for a few months after a $2,000 repair, I got in, only for it to not start. Don't worry. It's not the battery. It's the engine, which was fine yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 441

You deserved it 231

No kinkshaming on FML

By Anonymous - 31/07/2013 16:28 - Belgium - Ieper

Spicy

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 731

You deserved it 9 339

The usual?

By Cian_1 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Herne Bay

Today, it has got to the point that I don't even have to ask for my booze in the local off-licence, they just hand me my bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 626

You deserved it 6 882

By UghNo - 14/02/2017 06:00 - United States - Clarkston

Today, my first client as a freelancer screamed at me and threw a notebook at my head. I quit my job to become a freelancer because my boss would often scream and throw things at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 466

You deserved it 601

By HobblinGoblin - 18/12/2015 06:34 - United States - Eureka

Today, I finished polishing a song I was working on for my girlfriend. The next words out of her mouth when we next spoke: "I want to break up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 936

You deserved it 2 067

HobblinGoblin tells us more.

HobblinGoblin 11

Friday 18 December 2015 22:24

to clarify, she never heard the song. I practiced maybe a half hour a day for about a week, usually at night after she'd gone home.

By getmeoutofthiscountry - 19/07/2013 19:06 - United States

Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 180

You deserved it 4 095

Out in the sticks

By NoStarbucks4Me - 21/02/2017 02:00 - Germany - Mühldorf

Today, the area I live in is so rural that the nearest Starbucks is a one-hour drive away. And in another country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 467

You deserved it 1 322

By fionna_fiamma - 12/12/2015 13:33 - Slovenia - Maribor

Today, my boyfriend came to my house for the first time. Today was also the day my body decided to throw up violently for four hours while he awkwardly sat beside me, waiting for his ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 516

You deserved it 1 645

By TheCerealKiller - 07/08/2012 09:19 - United States - Northridge

Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 329

You deserved it 2 727

Talk about not getting the picture…

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 19:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I finally worked up the courage to break up with my boyfriend. His parents weren't able to pick him up for 5 hours. I ended up taking him to a movie to kill time and end on a positive note, but now he thinks we're cool and back on track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 494

You deserved it 2 031

Romance

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 03:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said, "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 915

You deserved it 4 675

Treacherous weather

By Dopamin3 - 20/03/2019 06:00

Today, as I was driving to a conference two hours away, a giant piece of ice fell off a truck and did severe damage to my car's hood and busted the front light. The car was a few months old with around 5000 miles on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 269

You deserved it 157

By askprussia - 27/11/2015 02:32 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my brother was playing one of those old street fighter games. He suddenly asked me what "K.O." meant. I told him it meant "Knocked Out," but he started getting mad at me because "'knocked' isn't spelled with a 'k'". He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 261

You deserved it 1 532

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 07:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 82

By Jibber96 - 14/11/2015 13:31 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I was walking with a friend to tell him how excited I was for college and even motivating him to apply for the same school, until I found out later that I got rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 149

You deserved it 2 475

By Nora - 12/11/2015 21:21 - United States - Fargo

Today, I went to the doctor for the second time, because I've had a cough for about six weeks. In my first appointment, the nurse said it was just allergies and condescendingly gave me a brochure with a recipe for salt water. Turns out it's pneumonia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 094

You deserved it 1 651

By Anonymous - 12/09/2014 21:36 - United States - New York

Today, I found out my fiancée's been cheating on me. Her excuse? Her ADHD made her do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 827

You deserved it 3 517

Shocking!

By Toasted - 29/04/2019 20:00

Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 2 613

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 23:56 - Canada

Today, I went into a haunted house. Around 30 seconds into the adventure, I couldn't stop screaming at the top of my lungs from all of the scares. Suddenly, the little girl ahead of me, who was all by herself, turned around and told me to "suck it up and grow a pair, loser." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 165

You deserved it 42 095

Fresh start

By LifeInShambles - 10/05/2019 10:00

Today, I decided to turn my life around by finding a job, going to a gym, and getting counselling. Counselling is £145 a month. A gym would be £50 a month minimum, and there's an 8-year gap in my resumé, and everyone says no one will hire me because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 796

You deserved it 548

By royallymessedup - 21/08/2014 16:36

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 674

You deserved it 7 894

By brittney242 - 17/12/2016 10:03 - United States - Stow

Today, while at a night club, I was wearing a brand new outfit that I absolutely loved. I was enjoying myself until I felt something wet drop onto my head and body from above. It was puke from a drunk guy in the V.I.P. section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 669

You deserved it 650

By Dogsbody - 27/05/2019 02:30

Today, I noticed that my dad scolds me in the same tone of voice that he uses to scold our two dogs. Gives a whole new meaning to being treated like a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 618

You deserved it 252

On the down-low

By IrialNiall - 08/02/2021 07:42

Today, I tried to quit my job of almost 6 years so I can date the man of my dreams, one of my bosses. When I gave my 3 weeks notice so they can try to replace me, they refused to accept it. My potential boyfriend won't see me anymore until I quit and can't tell my other managers why I need to quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 1 326

IrialNiall tells us more.

IrialNiall 12

Monday 8 February 2021 2:55

I have another job lined up, no problem, and am already hired in. It made more sense for me to be the one to leave since I'm hourly and he's salary. I love my job, but I hate it at the same time, so it's a bit of both. He never asked me to leave though, I offered to be the one to go somewhere else. He's never struck me as controlling or anything like that before, and still doesn't now. But neither of us wants to be fired. I don't think you're cynical at all, by the way, and actually appreciate you're honesty and POV

By sydneybourgeois - 13/08/2011 04:06 - United States

Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 538

You deserved it 16 159

By irishbubble - 04/06/2013 12:35 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after finally seeing a psychologist about the death of my dad and spending the longest hour of my life confessing every thought I've experienced in the 6 years since his passing, my psychologist asked me if I was walking home or if my dad would be picking me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 182

You deserved it 4 122

By Miriam - 10/12/2016 08:44

Today, I attended a white elephant party at work and the box I picked had whisky and beer. Since I am a Muslim, I took it to my Christian friend's house and gave it to him. As I was walking there, I passed my imam on the street. Awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 814

You deserved it 1 285

Not now

By Wife - 08/08/2011 00:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 496

You deserved it 6 660

The eyeball zone

By crazylobster - 14/11/2009 16:52 - Australia

Today, I noticed that in my cover letter I wrote, "I also have an eye.", instead of, "I also have an eye for detail", and I have been sending it out for the past few weeks. No wonder I haven't gotten any replies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 552

You deserved it 31 628

Thanks Susan

By ZombieGirl0417 - 30/09/2015 21:13 - United States - Jupiter

Today, my aunt asked to see my new airsoft pistol. Not thinking anything of it, I handed it to her. She shot me in the leg. I was standing next to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 235

You deserved it 4 508

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The Top

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Today, my uncle is on vacation with his friend, who sent us a video of their hotel room. He captured a glimpse of my uncle in the shower. Naked. This can't be unseen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 058

You deserved it 304

Today, I'm babysitting. The kids have only been home at the same time together for 15 minutes. Two of them have punched each other and the other is running in circles screaming. What is wrong with this picture? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 313

You deserved it 334

Today, I went on a hike. About two miles into the five mile trail, my stomach started to bubble and I realized there were no bathrooms nearby. My only options were to literally shit my pants or shit in a bush. Well, I shit in the bush and had no tissue to wipe. I hate having stomach issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 155

Today, I was at a party when I saw a guy I vaguely recognized. I walked up to him and said, "Hey! Long time no see!" He looked confused and said, "Sorry, do I know you?" After an awkward pause, I realized I didn't know him at all - I had mistaken him for a character from a TV show I'm currently binge-watching. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 525

Today, my boss told me that he is really getting scared of Covid-19. He's too cheap for tests. His solution? He'll work from home for 2 weeks while I meet with all employees 1-1. If I don’t get sick, he'll feel OK coming back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 585

You deserved it 135

Today, my mother gave my daughter a behavior chart. I noticed that "drinking beer" was at the top of one of the columns. It's a chart for my daughter to use on me so my mother can judge my parenting skills. I am currently losing a sticker right now for being on the computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 731

You deserved it 4 992