Love: Today, I told my parents I wanted them to meet my new partner....

By alicemassie - 15/05/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I told my parents I wanted them to meet my new partner. My mom went into a rant about how she had known I was gay for a while and asked how I was going to tell my husband. I am straight, madly in love with my husband, and was referring to my business partner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 399

You deserved it 3 718

alicemassie tells us more.

alicemassie 0

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Friday 15 May 2009 22:07

Okay, (it's OP) I need to make a couple of clarifications. I didn't include this part because there wasn't enough room in the FML submit thing, but after I told my mom I was referring to my business partner, she told me that she thinks I'm a lesbian not because of her fantastic maternal intuition, but because she thinks my husband is too much of an "ass bitch" for me to actually love him, and because I'm athletic. I wanted her to meet my business partner because my parents are involved in my business

Love

Commando

Our house, in the middle of our street

Dysfunctional

By Can2 - 08/01/2014 19:03 - United States - Houston

Today, I called my auto insurance company to try to get some discounts and lower my rate. I ended up adding $30 to my monthly payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 445

You deserved it 14 301

Opening old wounds

By Anonymous - 28/08/2021 12:01 - United States

Today, I was cleaning out the garage and found one of my old science fair projects. It was disqualified for outside help and cheating. I didn't do either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 56

By Anonymous - 10/04/2012 14:39 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, it was the only time in my life that I have ever received an A+ for something. Thank you, eBay buyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 723

You deserved it 19 847

By UnSupported - 14/08/2014 15:28 - United States - North Kingstown

Today, I excitedly told my family that, after years of studying and dedication, I've been awarded a full scholarship to Germany. My mom's reaction was to start sobbing about me becoming a "heathen" and my dad and brother started telling Nazi jokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 950

You deserved it 3 889

By anonymous - 17/05/2011 17:34 - United States

Today, I won the lottery. My ex-girlfriend has the ticket. I just broke up with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 730

You deserved it 28 340

By ooops - 04/08/2012 16:06 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I went to have dinner with my girlfriend and her family. It got silent, so, noticing her legs were darker than they were a few hours ago, I wanted to ask her if she used tanning lotion. I ended up asking her if her legs were fake. Her dad has prosthetic legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 574

You deserved it 7 255

By Anonymous - 06/09/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, my doctor told me I had "abnormally large breasts." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a 20 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 433

You deserved it 7 714

By strongjon60 - 07/02/2012 15:07 - United States

Today, at my internship, I was told we were going to do something fun. I was excited, until I found out that this "fun" thing was labeling 500 folders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 088

You deserved it 3 620

By ashamed - 20/01/2016 19:00 - Germany

Today, I realized how much of a nutter my mother really is as she decided to write on a high visibility vest a "warning" that all foreigners, especially refugees, want to rape German women. She now wants to wear it each and every day in our hometown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 167

You deserved it 1 677

Thief

By anonymous - 28/10/2014 03:40 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at, and put them in my vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 837

You deserved it 39 678

By leelee50 - 10/02/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, my on-and-off boyfriend of 8 years asked me to cheer him up. I told him that I'm in love with him. He said "Oh, I just wanted a blowjob." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 084

You deserved it 9 549

By mirandatheunicorn - 17/10/2018 12:00

Today, I was having a beautiful lucid dream when a telemarketer called at 5AM, waking me up. I silenced my phone and went back to sleep, and was somehow able to resume my lucid dream. Then my phone vibrated me awake. It was the same telemarketer, this time calling at 7AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 163

You deserved it 253

So sorry I called you a dingdong

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 17:01

Today, I sent a draft email to my boss. The receptionist, thinking they were being helpful, forwarded it straight to the client. It's not ready for the client. I mean, it is NOT ready for the client. Really, really not ready for the client. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 450

You deserved it 196

By MadMax - 16/07/2009 14:59 - United States

Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 389

You deserved it 5 327

By Grosssss - 15/07/2016 16:08 - United States - Harrisonburg

Today, I found out that whenever my roommate's friend-with-benefits comes over, he uses my bikini trimmer to shave his pubic hair. I've been using that trimmer for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 985

You deserved it 1 245

Halved

By Anonymous - 04/09/2019 14:00

Today, I went to the hair salon to get a fresh trim before receiving my master's diploma. The hairdresser managed to shave off half my eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 100

Family portrait

By a816090 - 26/09/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend sent a picture of me posing with our dog to his family via a group text. Along with our 25" bong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 1 230

By Bawsack - 22/11/2016 09:45 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I missed an important meeting at work because I was vomiting from painful cramps. Just last week I was recommending that everyone get the implant because I hadn't had symptoms in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 605

You deserved it 1 316

By Jean - 22/12/2011 08:09 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend told me love is like a drug. I started tearing up because this is the most romantic he has been in a while. He then went on to break up with me, telling me that my "prescription is up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 180

You deserved it 3 647

By KindaLooksLikeCocaine - 23/09/2015 23:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my drunk roommate grinding up stale marshmallows and attempting to snort them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 651

You deserved it 1 732

Weird kid

By Anonymous - 30/04/2021 21:30

Today, and for the last 4 days, my 19-year-old son has been wearing a metal full face skull helmet and a black robe, and has renamed himself Beast. He also bought a sword from god knows where and refuses to leave the house, because the outside scares him. I may need an exorcist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 202

Yummy

By EwwwwYuck - 03/08/2020 02:02

Today, I set my parrot in the bathroom while I cleaned his cage, thinking he would be safe there. He was in fact safe, but not so the used maxi pad he chewed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 312

By dripping sink - 30/12/2009 16:34 - United States

Today, I was getting ready to go out when I noticed that after several months of annoyance, the faucet stopped dripping. I started to dance around my bathroom when all of a sudden I slipped and hit my head on the sink. The faucet is dripping again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 343

You deserved it 14 560

By ThanksDog - 05/06/2016 21:26

Today, after months of planning the perfect night with my brother, who was coming home for 2 weeks from the military, he cancelled because he "missed his dog". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 410

You deserved it 1 490

Size Queen

By Anonymous - 11/11/2019 05:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she took the shower head and started spraying my penis with it. I asked her, "What are you doing?" Her response, "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 995

You deserved it 14 790

By Anonymous - 10/01/2010 02:20 - United States

Today, while arguing with my boyfriend about how I wasn't a bad driver and could parallel park, I decided it was easier to just let him do it. Unfortunately, while getting out of the car to switch seats, I forgot to take the car out of drive and it ran into the car in front of us. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 295

You deserved it 31 785

By SierraDiaz2097 - 23/03/2013 05:44 - United States - Vardaman

Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 538

You deserved it 9 639

I'm here!

By handygirl - 31/01/2020 14:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I tried fixing my bedroom lock because the push button hadn't retracted. When I closed the door, I couldn't open it again because the spring isn't attached to the latch, so that didn't retract either. I'm locked in my own room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 614

You deserved it 519

No sleep for the wicked

By NightzGremlin - 12/09/2020 14:01

Today, I came home from work to find construction workers repaving my street. I work the graveyard shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 88

By lunarclips - 27/06/2016 14:08 - Canada - Brandon

Today, is the day I graduate. Today is the day I have explosive diarrhea and I haven't moved far from the toilet since I woke up this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 024

You deserved it 1 220

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 17:27 - United States

Today, I got called for a job interview. I didn't catch where it was, and in my excitement I forgot to ask. I now have no idea where I'm being interviewed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 656

You deserved it 35 079

By NC - 11/02/2010 07:32 - Malaysia

Today, I spilled some milk on my laptop. I was pretty sure it would be fine as it was only a bit of milk. While cleaning the residue, I knocked a whole bucket of water into the insides of the laptop. RIP Macbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 243

You deserved it 34 797

By healey16 - 03/04/2009 18:13 - Canada

Today, I left the iron and ironing board in my room. While I was at school, my mom decided to do some ironing, and did it in my room for convenience. The iron needed water, so she took a water bottle from my dresser and poured it in. It was my secret vodka stash, and the iron caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 646

You deserved it 78 741

By so romantic - 12/11/2011 05:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a promise ring. It was so sweet and romantic, until he said, "I want to marry you one day. But I want to date some other girls first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 654

You deserved it 3 505

By Anonymous - 20/06/2015 05:08 - United States - Portland

Today, I caught my mother-in-law trying to plant a GPS tracker on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 630

You deserved it 2 086

Yeet the kid

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 16:01

Today, my son no longer tries to sneak in and out of the house at inappropriate times. Now, he just brazenly walks out, ignoring me when I ask where he’s going, then walks back in at like 4 in the morning, and again ignores me because he’s still on his phone to someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 941

By kitkat1740 - 17/11/2015 00:21 - United States - Concord

Today, I called my boss to ask if my paycheck had been deposited yet. He said no, that my grandmother came in to work and picked it up. Confused, I called her. She is holding it ransom until I start calling home every day. I do, but she gets so drunk, she doesn't remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 145

You deserved it 1 898

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 19:22 - United States

Today, I found a parking ticket on my car. Out of five cars who were in violation of the same infraction, I was the only one who received a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 358

You deserved it 8 994

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 20:56 - United States - Collingswood

Today, I told my mom that I want to try out for a singing competition on TV, so I might be able to kick off my musical career. She convinced me to sing a song for her, so I did. Mid-way through, she lost it, burst into laughter, and told me to stay in school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 841

You deserved it 12 147

Whiff

By lizard - 18/12/2010 05:56 - United States

Today, the guy who got off when the elevator's doors opened had a very embarrassed look on his face. I didn't think anything of it till the doors closed. Turns out he was running away from his deadly fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 379

You deserved it 3 064

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Top comments

itsnotfair 0

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:21

oh how awkward!! i'm in a similar situation...my mum is waiting for me to come out of the closet and she keeps hinting at it aha

alicemassie 0

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Friday 15 May 2009 22:07

itsnotfair 0

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:21

oh how awkward!! i'm in a similar situation...my mum is waiting for me to come out of the closet and she keeps hinting at it aha

Crlnprz 11

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Friday 11 September 2009 5:24

wait im confused.. ur straight and ur madly in love with ur husband and your a guy?

nm22395 0

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Saturday 5 December 2009 20:26

Someone needs a braincheck...

MJforever_fml 0

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Saturday 16 January 2010 0:03

That's what I was thinking...it's doesn't make any sense.

crybabyreturns 0

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Thursday 11 February 2010 3:02

OP is a woman.

cfbeaner 0

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Wednesday 18 August 2010 4:04

well the gender is male so ya ....

kei1108 13

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Tuesday 14 June 2011 14:43

maybe she's on her husbands account?

kaegomay12 17

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Friday 11 November 2011 20:09

this doesnt even make sense how can u be in the sitiuation the user name is alicemassie is'nt that a girls name but * confused face* r u a dude op

chipmunkman 5

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Thursday 15 December 2011 4:34

I was thinking the same thing o__o

ButlerOfChaos 7

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Tuesday 19 March 2013 15:09

SHE is a girl.

Skylae 14

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Saturday 12 April 2014 0:27

54 no she's a girl ....

FoundManyLemons 0

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:25

That's one of the major problems with gay ppl's gfs and bfs and husbands and wives being called partners....

RockieGirl 0

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:25

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

dubbadee123 5

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Sunday 3 July 2011 8:24

PENIS

24788 6

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:29

lol, it's funny, but just explain to your mother what you meant.

redbluegreen 40

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:39

This could be easily corrected if you just explained yourself to her. But your mom thinking you're gay... I don't think this is that uncommon, honestly. As long as you're happy and secure with yourself, what others say or believe about you won't really affect you.

Cheatx 0

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:44

Hey, Mothers know their children the best. Maybe your hiding something from yourself?

onigiriqueen 0

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:47

That's why you always say "business partner", never just "partner", because people get confused, even the other way around-- a woman I know introduced her life partner and the people asked what their company was. YDI for not being specific and also for not having common sense. And why the hell would she think you were a lesbian? Maybe you should check that one out, too, and make some changes.

BenignScientists 0

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:47

I'd say she was just so worried that her fears replaced reality in her mind. It's not uncommon for parents to obsess over their children like that. She loves you and in her own, slightly homophobic way.

Jaywin 3

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Friday 15 May 2009 10:56

Your mom has homo issues.

boatiebanter 0

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Friday 15 May 2009 11:11

It's quite offensive that her mother would think she was gay while being married, and that she would introduce a new partner to her mother without having ended said marriage far earlier. Her mother basically thinks she has zero respect for her husband.