Intimacy: Today, I was taking a leak in the mall bathroom. A kid no older... - FML

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 07:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was taking a leak in the mall bathroom. A kid no older than thirteen strolled in and paused next to me at the urinals. He took one look and laughed, "I feel sorry for your wife, man." All I could do was stand there as he casually disappeared into one of the stalls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 598

You deserved it 4 453

Vulture

This Charming Man

Fake it til you make it

By Nick - 05/04/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend of almost 5 years (who broke up with me only a week or so ago) told me that she's been speaking to one of my best friends and sees a future with him instead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 176

You deserved it 167

Narcissistic parents

By wendy - 01/04/2021 10:59

Today, my mom told an entire room full of people about the time I almost died from severe diarrhea as a toddler. When I told her that it was embarrassing, she simply told me to “grow up”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 207

Racketeering

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 04:01

Today, my car was damaged in an accident. At the garage, I happened to find out that if some big insurance company is paying for the repairs, they only charge half the hourly rate they charge people who have to pay from their own meager salaries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 77

Poor old Raymond…

By LJ. - 13/03/2009 02:20 - United States

Today, my mother finally had her beloved Siamese cat cremated. The cat has been dead for over a week and she has been keeping it on her bed, stroking its fur and saying, "She looks like she's sleeping" and "She's so cold." To top it all off, she's been calling me by the cat's name for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 290

You deserved it 4 276

By Tori - 30/12/2017 19:00

Today, I got news that I had "delighted a customer" so I looked at the review online. It says, "The fat girl up front was nice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 448

You deserved it 451

By man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 074

You deserved it 23 326

By Anonymous - 30/03/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 250

You deserved it 4 533

By Anonymous - 13/04/2016 23:46 - United States - Cary

Today, I'd like to thank the genius who scheduled my class in a building which is actively being torn down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 553

You deserved it 1 219

By Pseudo - 21/06/2016 05:33 - France - Vitry-le-fran?ois

Today, I asked my little cousin if he had a girlfriend if he had a girlfriend. “Yes,“ he said. “Two, but I’m going to keep the one with the biggest boobs.“ He’s 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 253

You deserved it 1 525

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 18/01/2014 18:16 - United States

Today, after three weeks of fighting with my husband, I found out that he really didn't create an account on a website for cheaters and charge the bill to his credit card. Our daughter did it as a prank, and only confessed because our fighting was stressing her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 000

You deserved it 6 460

By anonymous - 04/09/2014 01:31 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, it was report card day at swimming lessons. Because it was the last day, a little girl brought me flowers. She was the only kid in that class who didn't pass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 093

You deserved it 4 084

By the_dog_sitter - 13/03/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I was walking my friend's dog around the neighborhood, as I was walking I noticed a little girl fall off her bike. I let go of the dog and ran over to help. The girl was ok but the dog ran into the street and got hit by a truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 531

You deserved it 24 516

By jseid2 - 15/01/2014 05:54 - United States - San Leandro

Spicy

Today, my students unanimously agreed, in front of me, that the only reason they take my course is to look at my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 752

You deserved it 15 393

Freudian slip

By MollyMadamme - 01/02/2011 00:33

Spicy

Today, I decided to wake my fiancé up by giving him a blowjob. When he finally started to wake up he called me by his ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 820

You deserved it 6 318

By sad child - 27/08/2011 07:45 - United States

Today, I went to my doctor for a check-up. It started with the doctor lifting my shirt up to check my heartbeat, and ended with my gran starting a fistfight over his "perverted ways." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 679

You deserved it 2 690

By gassy - 15/07/2015 11:15 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 223

You deserved it 3 996

By Eisenhorn - 10/06/2015 17:55 - United States

Today, our mouse problem finally started to go away. Now we have a snake problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 560

You deserved it 2 119

The only one who could ever reach me…

By MeOhMy23 - 25/11/2020 07:59 - United States - Tazewell

Today, I went to have a vaginal ultrasound. The nurse walked me back and I got undressed. She said the tech doing the procedure would be right in. It was my preacher's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 104

By Anonymous - 17/10/2010 04:28 - United States

Today, I proudly gave my grandma a picture I had drawn for her. She didn't seem thrilled with it, and afterwards the rest of my family seemed upset. Nobody could fathom why I drew grandma a picture of a graveyard for her 85th birthday. It was suppose to be a bridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 894

You deserved it 6 860

By Meagan smith - 24/08/2011 20:33 - United States

Today, I started my new job as a teacher. Worried about how I looked, I asked a coworker if I looked okay. She said, "You look fine. Just like a normal high school kid." I spent the next half hour convincing her that I was not a student, but a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 181

You deserved it 3 644

Fishy

By Anonymous - 17/03/2021 00:01 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is trying to get her ex-boyfriend to move up here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 59

By foreveralone - 09/06/2015 15:15 - Australia - Perth

Today, someone finally told me that they couldn't live without me and that they love me more than anything. It was a student in my year 1 class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 215

You deserved it 2 210

By Alexander - 30/05/2010 16:53 - Russian Federation

Today, I found that my cats somehow managed to pull the plug of my fridge out of the socket. Several days ago. Now I have to get rid of a ton of stinking food and clean the stinking fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 666

You deserved it 7 319

Great boyfriend, part 2

By thanks a lot - 04/05/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend made me a latte. It tasted off, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I drank it. Turns out he put laxatives in it as a prank. The idiot couldn’t just use one or two. He used so many that I had to go to the ER for severe dehydration after puking and shitting for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 779

You deserved it 183

By Anonymous - 13/01/2016 07:46 - Netherlands - Overveen

Today, I dreamed a rat crawled up from the toilet and attacked me. Now I'm afraid to even enter the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 139

You deserved it 3 758

By V - 09/02/2009 07:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I visited my 78 year old grandmother. She thanked me for visiting and gave me a magazine before I left telling me I might find something I like in there. When I got home I looked at the magazine only to realize it's full of dildos and sextoys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 272

You deserved it 3 397

By Ariella - 29/08/2011 04:06 - Singapore

Today, I found out that I was adopted. I'm 46 years old with 11 real siblings and no one bothered to tell me until I found the documents in my dead adoptive father's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 763

You deserved it 2 446

By Skyhopee - 24/12/2012 19:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because I'm too "high maintenance" during the holidays. Not to worry, though; he's willing give me another chance sometime after Valentine's day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 922

You deserved it 6 272

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 23:37 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I came home to my wife packing a bag. We had been fighting recently and I understood why she was leaving, but then I noticed she wasn't packing her stuff. She explained that I was the one who was leaving, she was just packing my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 617

You deserved it 2 232

By Caroline - 24/02/2013 09:34 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I went to the doctor to get a blood test and I started crying when I saw the needle. I planned on becoming a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 074

You deserved it 13 495

By denise - 23/11/2009 05:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was feeling a little racy and decided to send my boyfriend some naked pictures of myself. He responded, "That's OK, but does your face have to be in them?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 789

You deserved it 4 927

By essay2 - 24/09/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, I found out that the double spacing format in an essay refers to the space between each line, not the words. I've been pressing the space bar twice between each word all through high school and halfway through college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 186

You deserved it 83 185

By divingconfidence - 22/12/2012 11:21 - United States - Maple Grove

Today, it was my first time at the club. I saw a really cute girl. I finally worked up the courage to ask her to dance. Before I even got within five feet of her, she looked me in the eyes and vehemently shook her head. I did a 180. My friends saw everything. They are still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 505

You deserved it 4 735

By CollegeStudent - 26/11/2016 05:55

Today, after being excited and trying to make plans with all my friends, they all turned out to be busy. After watching Netflix most of the night, I check my Snapchat stories only to see them all hanging out without me at one of their houses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 270

You deserved it 851

By tallguy - 29/08/2013 13:40 - Australia - North Adelaide

Today, I finally received the bicycle I ordered months ago. It was an expensive custom-made bike which perfectly fit my 6'9" frame. Today, that bike got stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 505

You deserved it 4 380

By Anonymous - 26/06/2016 13:12 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had to politely nod and say "Ah okay..." as my grandpa told me that he's not racist; he just doesn't think it's right for black men to associate with white women. He's well aware that my boyfriend is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 367

You deserved it 1 898

All over the place

By meowitzer - 22/04/2020 05:02

Today, a close, funny friend who has quite the attitude, received a long email from a long-time friend of hers, telling her how difficult she is. When I told her it doesn’t matter, that she is still wonderful, she went off on how bad a friend I am for saying that, and then deleted me off WhatsApp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 356

You deserved it 181

By TheNotSoGoodDay - 25/04/2016 23:29 - United States - Charlestown

Today, my brothers thought it would be funny to put me inside a huge luggage bag we got for a trip to Canada. It was all fun and games until they dragged me outside, kicked me down a few steps, and left me stuck in the bag, locked outside with the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 786

You deserved it 1 617

My chocolate

By oops - 31/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 1 701

By Anonymous - 23/02/2016 05:16 - United States - Davis

Today, I realized that I will be leaving for the US Marine Corps in June, and the presidential election is in November. I could potentially be serving with Trump as my Commander-in-Chief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 336

You deserved it 4 908

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

thesunsetglow_fml 8

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 17:00

You should have peed on him.

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 17:01

Hopefully you're just a grower, not a shower. At least you don't go around looking at other dudes' dicks like that kid.

Comments

thesunsetglow_fml 8

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 17:00

You should have peed on him.

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 17:04

kids say the darndest things

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 19:03

im a kid and they are really imature

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 21:42

he was probably going to say that to anyone who was in there no matter what their junk size was. babyteen kids think that stuff is funny. no worries, OP. if nothing else, your wife probably thinks you have a bombastic personality despite your Weimar.

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 22:23

No he shoulda grabbed him by the back of his head, inserted his mini penis into his mouth, and finished peeing.

Send a private message

Sunday 26 December 2010 9:33

wow lol

Send a private message

Sunday 26 December 2010 14:46

47- my friend's father did that to him. the father got in jail for 2 years. and btw ur pp is gay, looks like bruno -_-

Send a private message

Monday 27 December 2010 2:17

hahah heck yes!

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 December 2010 1:12

Well I think it says something that he had to go into a stall to pee. I'm assumeing he peed.

ProfessionalTrol_fml 14

Send a private message

Friday 8 June 2012 20:23

Just wait till it gets hard

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 17:01

Hopefully you're just a grower, not a shower. At least you don't go around looking at other dudes' dicks like that kid.

UrTheWorstCharac 0

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 20:09

Lol. Touché!

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 23:32

yea that kid must have been gay, straight guys do everything they can to keep from seeing another guys stuff.

Send a private message

Sunday 26 December 2010 3:38

^^^ Not really. That sounds like a closet case, hahaha. I don't look at other guys' dicks, but I don't close my eyes when I go into a bathroom or lockerroom, or when I watch a movie that happens to have male nudity. Seeing a dick won't kill me or make me gay, lol.

Send a private message

Monday 27 December 2010 14:00

Protip: "not closing your eyes" and "staring at a guy's dick while he's pissing" aren't the same thing.

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 17:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 19:17

LOL^

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 17:04

Woah he broke the urinal rule, never look down. Kids these days...

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 December 2010 4:19

That kid will be gay I know it

TungstenLildog 10

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 17:06

He was going to say that no matter who was in there when he walked in.

Send a private message

Friday 23 March 2012 1:44

Not if the guy was black

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 17:07

probably a dare

Send a private message

Sunday 26 December 2010 9:52

nope it's the retardation of that kid

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 17:08

do him in the ass

xavier1623 4

Saturday 25 December 2010 18:17

And scream DOES IT FEEL SMALL NOW?!

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 18:59

lmao thats funny

Send a private message

Sunday 26 December 2010 15:29

this comment makes it so much better

Send a private message

Sunday 26 December 2010 16:56

just imagine the kids gay and he screams, "OH YESSSSSSS!!!!"

xavier1623 4

Monday 27 December 2010 16:38

Mine? xD

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 April 2011 3:21

HAHAHA

HereToRuinFun 16

Send a private message

Thursday 19 May 2016 1:06

That would be rape since it wouldn't be consensual. Wtf dude?

KebbyWebby 9

Monday 4 March 2019 17:51

That’s some pedofile/rapist ass shit! You need your head checked out.

DoubleEdgedBlade 4

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 17:09

The kid's just self-conscious. He didn't have the balls to whip it out for a full size comparison. My Rule: If you're going to make fun of someone's size, you have to prove yours is bigger first.

Send a private message

Sunday 26 December 2010 9:11

I didn't think the same applied to the prepubescent and early adolescent?

RKftw 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 December 2010 12:30

it is a prank because most people can't stop peeing

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 17:15

Why was he looking at your dick anyway?! Beware, he may have got your wife to leave you so he could have you...

ckjacques53198 0

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 17:19

Getting crap from an emo teenager. He would have said that to anyone that was there. Kids need to fear a beat down.

LuxAeterna_fml 0

Send a private message

Saturday 25 December 2010 18:38

I must of missed the part where it says the kid is an emo.

Send a private message

Sunday 26 December 2010 3:21

wow..stop judging people like that. not every teenager is emo and you shouldnt just throw that out there...the FML never said the teenager was emo anyway.

Send a private message

Sunday 26 December 2010 9:56

lol I took a pic of me in that same headband at rue21

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 85

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 87