Intimacy: Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to...

By Ballhugger - 06/12/2009 20:42 - Canada

Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 549

You deserved it 11 135

Intimacy

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Same thing different taste

Spiked

By Kmcc - 22/04/2019 12:00

Today, while having sex with my wife, I got a sudden leg cramp. While sliding off the bed, I found a sewing needle. With my ball sack. I ended up with a one-inch gash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 674

You deserved it 265

By Anonymous - 10/07/2011 04:18 - United States

Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 793

You deserved it 8 188

Misunderstood

By Blah - 24/01/2010 22:24 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed throwing a football in the air and catching it. I missed a catch, and the ball hit me between the legs. I shoved my hands down my pants because it hurt, just as my step-dad walked into the room and saw me holding my crotch and moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 304

You deserved it 9 192

Agony

By Ouch - 22/12/2021 22:59 - Netherlands

Today, I had sex with a guy I really liked. His testicle spontaneous turned inside his sack and he blacked out from the pain. He peed my bed, and I had to rush him to the ER so they could turn it back. Had to explain to his family and doctors what happened. It was my first time meeting them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 040

You deserved it 199

By inpain - 20/11/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 277

You deserved it 40 606

By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 05:13 - United States

Today, after a long day, I energetically took off my belt to take my pants off and relax. In doing so, I whipped the belt around in the air, causing it to spin around and slap me right in my tender ballsack. I almost threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 828

You deserved it 5 801

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 579

You deserved it 7 710

By whoslade - 28/06/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 907

You deserved it 4 583

Panic!

By Bleach dat Blood - 20/07/2015 03:02

Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 103

You deserved it 3 806

By man-period? - 02/03/2016 06:48 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 421

You deserved it 1 625

hXcsoccerplaya 0

Monday 7 December 2009 2:40

those nightmares must suck balls! heh heh

perdix 29

Monday 7 December 2009 2:50

Whatever you do, don't go see "The Nutcracker!" You'll have another nightmare and completely crush your 'nads!

Comments

hXcsoccerplaya 0

Monday 7 December 2009 2:40

those nightmares must suck balls! heh heh

Kingdutch 3

Monday 7 December 2009 20:20

Win

canesul 0

Thursday 18 February 2010 14:04

why the hell did you have your hands in your pants

icall_BS 0

Wednesday 24 February 2010 8:07

This is painful to read. I usually wake up with my hands down my pants and a wet stain.

vtsocks 2

Tuesday 30 March 2010 1:04

are you even human to need to ask why someone would have their hands down their pants?

YDImate 0

Monday 3 May 2010 2:42

u walk with a limp. cuz ur an old school PIMP

MetallicaRules19 4

Sunday 19 September 2010 6:46

well i guess then that must be (puts on sunglasses) a pain in the balls

ddlovatolover 23

Thursday 29 August 2013 16:08

OP merely squeezed his walking stress balls! Those things follow him wherever he goes!

numzeh 0

Monday 7 December 2009 2:41

a bit extreme isnt it

ddlovatolover 23

Tuesday 8 October 2013 11:09

Male genitalia, the new stress balls to squeeze.

bubbles94 0

Monday 7 December 2009 2:43

Oh...damn.... That's horrible... FYL

7myname7 0

Friday 28 May 2010 4:36

eeeeugghhhh gave me the shivers!!!!

Starfire22 5

Monday 7 December 2009 2:43

Ouch, no sexy time for you, huh?

dontizzle 0

Monday 7 December 2009 2:44

thats got to hurt but why did u go to sleep with ur hands in your pants.??!?!?!?!?!!

marc_with_a_c 3

Monday 7 December 2009 3:34

Yeah.. that! why?! are you so boring when you play with yourself that you fell asleep doing it? no wonder you don't get laid ;p

caticaticati 3

Monday 7 December 2009 12:14

Why is everyone so confused about his hand being down this pants? Either his hand was cold (your crotch is like, the warmest part of your body) or he was really tired while jacking off and fell asleep in the middle of it (I'm a chick and it happens to me, and it's happened to my boyfriend, it's not that weird, it happens when you're really effin' tired), or he jacked off and didn't move his hand right away and fell asleep. OR he had and itch and didn't totally move his hand? Orrr he's like me and occasionally just sticks his hands down there because it's comfy and warm.