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Hey everyone! OP here. Just registered my account.Thank you so much for your comments.. Yes I know it's good that they care... but it also was quite embarassing... As to better handcuffs, I've learnt my lesson.. No more cheap deals from ebay!

Man vs Boy

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 19:00

Today, it was my first day at a new gym, which cost a fortune. Some skinny teen who had clearly never lifted in his life dropped a weight while I was stretching and broke my ankle. Money down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 999

You deserved it 312

Random access memory

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Newcastle

Today, it's my 7-year anniversary with my boyfriend. I was excited so I asked him what day it was and he said, "Wednesday?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 703

You deserved it 2 740

Death Grips

By Anonymous - 03/03/2020 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I knew my girlfriend's dad owned a security company. What I did not know was that he treats his employees like family, so my girlfriend has about 40 scary uncles who’ve known her since she was a baby, and most of them are ex-military. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 119

You deserved it 411

By mom - 26/01/2014 04:29 - United States - Spring

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 955

You deserved it 10 148

Desperate times, desperate, dumb measures

By WTFiswrongwithme - 03/03/2020 00:01

Today, I was so desperate for human interaction that I asked a deaf girl in my class if she liked music. I actually signed it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215

You deserved it 935

By great - 25/01/2013 20:36 - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 794

You deserved it 6 588

By Anonymous - 20/04/2011 02:21 - United States

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 616

You deserved it 8 671

Riches to rags

By ashleeylynn - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got mugged. They wanted my phone and wallet. The most important thing in my wallet was my fully punched Smoothie King card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 689

You deserved it 4 058

By CockroachCluster - 02/06/2018 01:30

Today, I turned on my A/C for the first time in a couple of months. A family of ginormous cockroaches climbed out of the air vent and a few clumps of dead cockroaches fell to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 130

You deserved it 488

By Ants everywhere but my pants - 19/05/2016 02:35 - United States - Sun City Center

Today, I left the windows open because I live in Florida without air conditioning because the asshole landlord won't fix it. There was nice cool air from the rain. I've killed about 100 flying ants that have made their way inside. Now I have a hot house with closed windows and flying ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 112

You deserved it 1 551

By Anonymous - 26/01/2012 04:18 - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be "funny" to put laxatives in the cakes for my son's 7th birthday party. Over 40 kids came to the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 615

You deserved it 4 120

By malebonding - 17/08/2009 13:50 - United States

Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 357

You deserved it 14 936

Spooked

By broke - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I started my new job as a dishwasher, and was very excited since I've been broke for weeks. A few people dined and dashed, apparently for the first time in the restaurant's history. My boss is superstitious. She fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 898

You deserved it 2 407

By AnnaMuffin - 26/04/2016 22:08 - Netherlands - Leiden

Today, my mother showed me a picture of a dog in need of a home. Excitedly, I asked if we were getting it, having wanted one for a few months now. She said, 'No. I'm not even sure why I showed you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 057

You deserved it 1 047

AnnaMuffin tells us more.

AnnaMuffin 19

Thursday 12 May 2016 14:06

Hiya, I'm the OP. So this is a while ago already, but my mother knows how much I want a dog and then naively showed it to me. It's not like she was intentionally trying to be mean, she just wasn't really thinking. The reason I can't get a dog is because I'm 18, and only have 1 year of high school to go. I plan on moving to another country for my university, which would mean I'd have to take the dog through customs and everything, and then have him or her spend most of the time in a stuffy student room. It's far from ideal. Also they don't want to walk the dog, and we have three cats. I understand why we can't get a dog, but it still made me sad. As for my mom, she too loves dogs. She had two before she had me and my brothers, even. We get along well and I can confide in her a lot (mostly because I'm a loner(which is one of the reasons why I want the dog)). She's really not that bad, just forgetful sometimes. Hope this cleared it up!

By mom - 06/12/2012 19:23 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I was visiting my daughter, whose husband was still asleep at noon. I made a point of stomping around on the hardwood floor and speaking loudly to wake his lazy ass up. Turns out he's now working a 14-hour graveyard shift, and it has no negative effect on his shoe-throwing skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 772

You deserved it 85 931