Intimate moments: No chance

No chance

By Anonymous - 21/02/2020 14:00

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me over late at night. I got excited, assuming she finally wanted sex. No, she just wanted me to make her mac and cheese and talk to her because she was ‘restless’. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 535

You deserved it 903

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Same thing different taste

By tryon777 - 29/07/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, my girlfriend begged me to stay up late and video chat with her because she missed me. Even though I work early mornings, I reluctantly agreed. After waiting up until 2am for her to get online, I gave up. She had fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 317

You deserved it 5 088

By thanks. - 28/01/2017 04:00

Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 956

You deserved it 818

By Anonymous - 24/08/2014 05:51 - United States - Hicksville

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 935

You deserved it 7 025

By halza - 30/05/2016 11:03 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, after a long 16 hour shift, I was milliseconds from sleep when my girlfriend said she "wants to talk". I'm now writing this from the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 417

You deserved it 973

The best laid plans…

By Anonymous - 03/02/2023 18:00

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend by cooking her dinner. I spent hours preparing and making sure everything was perfect. I lit candles, set the table, and even put on some soft music. When she came home, she'd already eaten and wasn't hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 144

Foreplay

By Anonymous - 18/12/2022 09:00

Today, my girlfriend bitched that we spend too much money on food, and needed to start cooking to save money. I got home from work and started dinner. Halfway through, my girlfriend sighed and said, "This is taking too long, I'll order pizza." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 197

You deserved it 153

Feed me

By Anonymous - 16/04/2011 08:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked what I was doing. I replied, "What I'm always doing." She couldn't think of anything besides eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 633

You deserved it 33 478

What do you want from me?

By Anonymous - 16/09/2023 22:00

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend moaning that I never go anywhere, I went out with some friends. An hour in, she started blowing up my phone. When I answered it, she was screaming in rage because I wasn't home to cook dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 115

By Anonymous - 15/12/2015 18:10 - Germany - Munich

Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 963

You deserved it 2 596

The Reid technique

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 00:00

Today, I asked my girlfriend if maybe she wanted to actually leave the house for date night. All I got was, “Why? We have takeaway menus.” When I insisted we leave the house for once, she got suspicious, like I was trying to hide something bad. She’s not talking to me until I admit what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 129

kathryn13 17

Friday 21 February 2020 20:43

Hate to break it to you but that’s what a relationship is. She shouldn’t have to put out every single time you get excited.

hugtrees13 16

Friday 21 February 2020 20:52

If you’ve been together for two years why is this a FMl? You’re supposed to enjoy spending time with your partner...

Comments

Charlie Coffman_1920149595 18

Friday 21 February 2020 20:06

Sounds like she's got you pussy whipped without having to put out

E2dav 5

Sunday 23 February 2020 1:14

'pussy whipped'? No, they've been togetyer 2 yrs without sex...either they're really young or really religious

E2dav 5

Sunday 23 February 2020 1:16

'pussy whipped' is a bit much man. 2 yrs without sex? Either they're really young or really religious.

kathryn13 17

Friday 21 February 2020 20:43

Hate to break it to you but that’s what a relationship is. She shouldn’t have to put out every single time you get excited.

tounces7 27

Sunday 23 February 2020 4:50

If it's been 2 years and there hasn't even been a FIRST time, that's hardly even considered a relationship. That's a friendship.

Emma Koski 17

Wednesday 26 February 2020 0:42

Have you considered asexuals or people who want to wait until marriage?

kathryn13 17

Wednesday 26 February 2020 0:54

Um. I’m in a relationship and we haven’t had sex yet. It’s been almost four years and we are both fine with it. Nice try though.

hugtrees13 16

Friday 21 February 2020 20:52

If you’ve been together for two years why is this a FMl? You’re supposed to enjoy spending time with your partner...

Kennethtaylor377 12

Friday 21 February 2020 21:30

Honestly don’t take this for granted because she could be gone from your life at any given moment. Enjoy and cherish every second you have with her like it’s your last

Yolanda Patrice Evans 17

Friday 21 February 2020 23:21

Where’s the FML?🙃

WistayShlaio82 13

Friday 21 February 2020 23:25

When she’s ready she will let you know. Maybe wait until she’s adult.

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 22 February 2020 0:13

If you make the Mac and Cheese right, you'll get laid;)

fjvitt 14

Saturday 22 February 2020 2:39

Could probably stir that Mac and cheese with your rigid “spoon”...if only she wanted to fork...

Silverion Sairee 14

Saturday 22 February 2020 6:12

A mac & cheese date sounds great. Hanging out with girlfriend, spending time together, is the best thing, you don't need sex to have fun. You should be great friends with your lover before becoming lovers, and also communication is key. Have you talked with her how you want to take the next step in your relationship and start having sex, is she even ready for that kind of thing? Express your desires in wanting to make love to her, and also having sex is not the same as making love together. Remember it's not all about you.