Today, I found out that I work with a bunch of sex addicts. One... - FML

By littl3storm

Today, I found out that I work with a bunch of sex addicts. One of them is my cousin, and she did NOT hold back when telling me her and her fiancé's plans about swinging. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1786

You deserved it

179

Tweet

Share

And today, on Dr Phil…

Cake is everything

Not gonna happen

By singingintherain

Today, ever since my boyfriend has seen A Clockwork Orange, he always suggests that we have sex by asking, "How about a little of the good old in-out-in-out?" and refers to his genitals as, "Yarbles". He seriously doesn't understand why this turns me off every time and our sex life has sunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5808

You deserved it

671

Tweet

Share

By Dirtbikesnowboard - United States - Cedar City

Today, my best friend got jealous that his dog likes me more. He told me I have to spank it whenever it cuddles with me so it will love him more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9501

You deserved it

634

Tweet

Share

By librarygirl - United States

Today, I was volunteering at the library. A kid came up and asked me to help him peel the back off his sticker. It took me so long the kid left. Determined, I still tried to peel it off. Fifteen minutes later, the librarian came over, looked once at it, and told me it wasn't a sticker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12136

You deserved it

41744

Tweet

Share

By patty - France

Today, I saw a friend in the street but he didn't see me, so as a joke I decided to ring him. He took his mobile out of his pocket, sighed and didn't pick up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37115

You deserved it

3435

Tweet

Share

By worst - Philippines

Today, my mom said I was the worst of her 5 children. My IQ is 130, an honor student, I don't smoke, I don't drink alcohol, or do drugs. I'm the "worst" because I don't go to church every Sunday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50965

You deserved it

10821

Tweet

Share

By onthetoilet - France

Today, I was supposed to go to Disneyland with my family, but I woke up with explosive diarrhea. So while they are at the happiest place on Earth, I'm stuck on this toilet left to imagine that the splash from my crap is a splash from splash mountain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34460

You deserved it

3290

Tweet

Share

By Charon - United States

Today, I asked a girl I like to homecoming. I brought her to my house beforehand for dinner with my family. My brother asked her whether we were just friends or dating, she shouts "Just friends!" and then starts flirting with him with me in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41263

You deserved it

3805

Tweet

Share

By Stephen - Sweden

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20200

You deserved it

3880

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I painted a kids room at my new nanny job while the dad "helped" by staring at my ass and telling me how hard it is to position your "junk" correctly when wearing a speedo. First day on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43136

You deserved it

3826

Tweet

Share

By BigBangrocksthenight - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. Things got kind of heated, so he decided to take off my bra. They cooled back down when a bug flew out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34468

You deserved it

10422

Tweet

Share

By IneedMaury - United States - Lowell

Today, the girl who broke up with me and disappeared 6 years ago wished me a happy Father's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56319

You deserved it

6291

Tweet

Share

By Dammit - Canada

Today, I decided to be safe and tested a small dime-sized amount of Nair on my inner arm before using it. I didn't react badly. But as soon as it was washed off from my down-there hair I sure as hell reacted, with small bumpy red dots that look like an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38389

You deserved it

13838

Tweet

Share

By goodgrief - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51747

You deserved it

8735

Tweet

Share

By notkatvond - United States

Today, at my job at my tattoo parlor, yet another client offered to pay for his tattoo by "letting" me sleep with him. This client happens to be my boyfriend's best friend, whose girlfriend is having me tattoo his name on her wrist next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54973

You deserved it

4067

Tweet

Share

By EverettA - United States - Lewis Center

Today, my "friends" pulled an elaborate prank on me. First, they changed my ringtone to a recording of someone saying "Allahu Akbar" on repeat. Then, they called me as we had a moment of silence in honor of the 9/11 victims. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33996

You deserved it

2974

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at the rehearsal for my wedding, my mother told my bride's mother to fuck off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81258

You deserved it

4180

Tweet

Share

By downlowtooslow - United States

Today, while eating with my kids at McDonalds, my son put his hand up and wanted me to give him a "high five." I went to give him a five, but he moved his hand at the last second and I ended up slapping him in the face. Now everyone there thinks I'm a child-beater. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58545

You deserved it

6834

Tweet

Share

By Brinty - Australia

Today, I found out that whenever a mistake is made at my work, my boss assumes that it was me, unless indicated otherwise, but he has never said anything to me about it because of my 'learning disorder'. I don't have a learning disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32401

You deserved it

2654

Tweet

Share

By its ok to cheat!? - United States - Brisbane

Today, I got my results on a recent, important midterm. During the exam, I'd noticed my instructor had accidentally left an answers page in the test packet, so being honest, I didn't look at them. It turns out she did it on purpose to help us pass. I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38615

You deserved it

15666

Tweet

Share

By confusedcatlover - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57110

You deserved it

6192

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had an interview for a college. The college is in Rhode Island. I live on the West coast. When I asked the interviewer if they got to the mainland by boat or by some other form of transportation, he told me Rhode Island is not an island. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6637

You deserved it

64576

Tweet

Share

By SeriouslyMakeItStop - United States - Waco

Today, three days before I take my bar exam, the biggest exam of my life, I got my monthly. And I get to bring my belongings in a clear plastic bag so the world knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47206

You deserved it

8999

Tweet

Share

By someoneelsessaliva - Australia

Today, my two friends and I went to the movies. One of my friends brought my crush. They started making out, leaning over the armrest, until they were practically in my lap. Saliva got on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45295

You deserved it

4155

Tweet

Share

By Aleena Rashid

Today, I bought a flatpack, easy to assemble cot-bed for my baby. I spent 5 hours building it, but when it was done, I realised I couldn't reach into it because I'm 5ft and my arms can't reach and lift the baby. I'd have to throw him in. I'm suffering from back spasms as a result, and I now need to disassemble and return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1569

You deserved it

312

Tweet

Share

By bakergirl - Australia

Today, my boss made me wear reindeer antlers to promote the Christmas spirit. There are still 5 weeks till Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28920

You deserved it

3962

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed I give myself pep-talks when I'm lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25917

You deserved it

6000

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - France

Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29449

You deserved it

4258

Tweet

Share

By alone in ND

Today, it's my 25th birthday. I closed at work, not one person wished me happy birthday, no calls or letters from my family. Even my boyfriend of 3 years didn’t remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2086

You deserved it

179

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my mom paid my best friend $20 to be my friend when we were 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks

143123

You deserved it

8135

Tweet

Share

By ouch - United States - Stockton

Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23785

You deserved it

3726

Tweet

Share

By baldintheback - United States

Today, my sister and I were reading the new FML posts. I sat close to the fan, and after a few minutes, I leaned against it for support. It immediatly sucked up my hair and started violently twisting it. My sister continued to read and shouted at me because my cries for help are distracting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51529

You deserved it

14314

Tweet

Share

By "vinyl_mermaid"

Exterminators are expensive

Today, in an effort to rearrange my bedroom, I planned to reroute my internet cables under my house. Then I found out about the black widow infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6487

You deserved it

443

Tweet

Share

By Ryan746 - United States

Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21636

You deserved it

46923

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Franklin

Today, I finally got the balls to ask the girl of my dreams out, but all I could talk about was my two cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6095

You deserved it

1633

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Lansing

Today, I took my girlfriend out for a romantic dinner, since we can't see each other this Valentine's Day. Halfway through, my aunt called, telling me my grandma had died. I had to leave because I was crying so much, leaving my girlfriend with a very pricey bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23886

You deserved it

4409

Tweet

Share

By fabs1171 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I caught the train into the city. Halfway there some kids hopped on smelling of marijuana and alcohol. Their topic of discussion? How much pubic hair they had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25558

You deserved it

3320

Tweet

Share

By Alex

Today my brother, instead of filming me during my very first musical presentation in New York, took 45 pictures of the sexy trumpeter that was two rows behind me. With MY camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3953

You deserved it

393

Tweet

Share

By cool trick buddy - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was tailgated on the highway. There was a car in the lane next to me, and my tailgater was WAY too close to risk slowing down, so I sped up in order to switch lanes, which bumped me over the speed limit. That's when my tailgater turned on the flashing lights. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2384

You deserved it

362

Tweet

Share

By Alec - United States

Today, I had a sore throat, and I'd read that drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue helps. I aimed the bottle at my tongue and the whole cap came off, covering my face and filling my mouth with Tabasco sauce, causing me to blow chunks all over the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17975

You deserved it

38054

Tweet

Share

By nixwolfwood

Today, I woke up to a fog. Literally. A pipe burst in my apartment and scalding water was everywhere. To make matters worse, when I called maintenance he told me he'd come by later, hung up on me, and turned his phone off. He did eventually show up, but it was 5 hours later, well after I'd paid a plumber $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7389

You deserved it

512

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7802366 - Sunday 12 May 2019 22:09

“Sex addict” means you’re bitter about not being in those plans.

By manb91gb | 14

#7802377 - Sunday 12 May 2019 22:57

Join in! The family that plays together... Gets AIDS.... Together..

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7802366 - Sunday 12 May 2019 22:09

“Sex addict” means you’re bitter about not being in those plans.

Reply

mas12806 | 21

#7802408 - Monday 13 May 2019 2:32

Boooo

Reply

chyiochan | 30

#7802680 - Monday 13 May 2019 23:06

He's not wrong, Addict is the incorrect term. It's more like 'Enthusiasts'!

By bloopaloop | 27

#7802369 - Sunday 12 May 2019 22:19

Game of thrones fans I’m sure

By manb91gb | 14

#7802377 - Sunday 12 May 2019 22:57

Join in! The family that plays together... Gets AIDS.... Together..

By Phil | 14

#7802665 - Monday 13 May 2019 22:08

How does a topic like that even come up at work? Unless you're employed in a family business, and even then.

By acmariner99 | 23

#7802707 - Tuesday 14 May 2019 1:12

Just beat it.

By Monkey16 | 7

#7803640 - Friday 17 May 2019 9:51

Ever heard of open relationships? Doesn’t mean they are sex addicts just more open about their sex life than most. 🤷🏻‍♀️