Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright...

By shutupandsmile18 - 18/4/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright purple. I checked the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to my ring, I'm hot for my cat. FML

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Intimacy

Business savvy

Not a cheating!

Time for the ER

By kiwi023 - 14/2/2012 06:50 - Canada

Today, I spent an hour cleaning my already-clean house to avoid any form of conversation with my boyfriend. FML

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By Disturbed - 30/12/2009 20:27 - United States

Today, I just found out that my brother in law and his wife frequent a swingers establishment that me and the wife have visited. Which is OK I suppose (providing we never see each other there) but he told me his parents go there too. FML

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By TimeForANewJob - 16/1/2017 17:47

Today, at work, my colleague started to look for a new job. For me. FML

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By cupcakemonsteryu - 8/2/2010 05:21 - France

Today, I found out that the man I met online was a fake Facebook account, made by my daughter and her friends. FML

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By Joel - 28/10/2018 15:30

Today, I got a ticket for doing 38mph in a 45mph zone. Apparently you can be cited for "impeding traffic" even when you're the only car on the road. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2013 07:09 - Australia

Today, I received 5 missed calls from a florist stating that they were having problems delivering a bouquet from my ex. I was thrilled at the idea of a reconciliation. Turns out however that he just got mine and his new girlfriend's phone numbers confused. FML

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By Max - 9/4/2014 18:32 - United States

Today, due to my wife saying I never cook and we always order pizza, I spent a good hour preparing dinner. While serving it to my kids, they started complaining. My wife told them to shut up. When she took a bite, she looked up at me, smiled, and said, "Do you, you know, want to just order pizza?" FML

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By toazt - 10/10/2010 08:45 - United States

Today, after my marching band's performance, the girls had to change out of our uniforms in a very dark school bathroom. Someone turned on the lights and I realized that more than a dozen roaches had crawled into my skinny jeans. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2010 18:23 - United States

Today, I got ice cream with a guy I'd met at a wrestling match a few days ago. When I got home, I found out that my mother had been sitting in the parking lot and watched us through the windows. FML

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By o_O - 23/6/2013 17:26 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML

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By fiftyshardsofbroccoli - 26/10/2012 17:58 - United States

Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML

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By smokin - 26/7/2011 21:22 - United States

Today, someone had the unique opportunity to be able to say to me, "Excuse me, your pants are on fire." FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2009 18:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a horrible day at work, came home early and burst into tears as soon as I was in the door. I curled up on the sofa, still bawling, and my cat came over and jumped up for a cuddle. I gave her a hug and she threw up down my back. FML

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By wow. - 6/5/2009 20:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I got into my driving instructors car for my first lesson. He looked at me, then said, "I'm sorry, but I wasn't told about your disabilities, what do you have?" I'm not disabled. FML

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By John - 22/8/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I took my 15 year old daughter driving. I yelled at her for not going safely around corners. On the way home, while demonstrating how to drive right, I went around a corner and hit a cement truck. FML

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By romea244 - 14/8/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

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By ouchieouch - 7/1/2011 18:14 - United States

Today, I burned myself while cooking, so I asked my mom to get the burn cream while I waited in the kitchen. While I was waiting, I absentmindedly set my hand on the hot stove, earning myself a second burn. FML

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By meikd423 - 10/9/2010 16:36 - France

Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, with only a Santa hat on. FML

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By Sod's Law in action - 17/3/2018 01:30

Today, I turned up to my job interview ready for any question, with impeccable references and previous work experience. Then I saw that one of my interviewers was the lady I accidentally hit with my bicycle last week. She still has stitches in her cheek. No job for me. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2013 21:27 - United States - Foxboro

Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML

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By Grounded - 5/9/2011 11:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother offered to pay for my tickets to go see my girlfriend who I haven't seen for 6 months. She was happy to pay for the £130 flight, but then refused half way through the purchase because she wasn't going to "let the buggers charge £13 extra" for using her credit card. FML

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By JavitheWrestler - 13/2/2016 23:06 - United States - Stockton

Today, I got a new phone. Only after berating the Sprint employee and Apple support desk because I could not call, text, or access the Internet did I find out that I didn't need to buy a new phone. It was just on airplane mode. FML

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By hurt - 30/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Boise

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of our differing skin tones. The contrast weirds him out during sex. FML

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By kingpig - 2/2/2012 18:00 - Sweden

Today, I was on a date with a guy I've been crushing on. In the middle of the dinner, he said he had to go get something from his car. When I asked what it was, he smiled and said it was a surprise. I waited for my surprise for half an hour. Then I decided to pay the bill and go home and cry. FML

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By oh my soul - 14/3/2018 01:30

Today, it's been 1 month since I've accepted that I'm gay, 1 week since telling my strict, southern baptist, bible-thumping parents, 1 day since my mom stopped crying and my dad finally spoke to me, and 1 hour since discovering that I'm pregnant. FML

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By drucle - 18/3/2016 12:49 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I found out that my sister's kids refer to me as their 'Druncle'. I guess I have to admit to myself that I'm an alcoholic. FML

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By thegoldenboy3 - 12/2/2009 12:14 - Spain

Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML

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By Noname - 2/3/2009 18:52 - Canada

Today, I decided to be a good driver and not run through the yellow light. As soon as I stopped my car another came and rear-ended me. The guy told me to go in the parking lot so we can exchange information. So I drove into the parking lot, I turned my head and watched him drive away. FML

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By Interrupted - 27/11/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, while I was making love to my fiancé, his mom walked out of the hotel bathroom and sat in a chair less than two feet away from the bed. She made idle conversation with us for the next 15 minutes. My fiancé was still inside me the entire time. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2015 00:16 - United States - Oak Ridge

Today, my mom called me into the living room to say that she had something important to tell me. She then explained how she and my dad had "talked things over" and wanted me to know that they accept me and love me no matter what. Apparently my mom thinks I'm lesbian. I'm not. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, my ceiling fan was rocking violently so I turned it off. I stood under it trying to figure out what the problem is, it fell on my face. FML

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By sochunky - 5/1/2016 22:23 - United Kingdom - Bromham

Today, someone had thrown up onto the last remaining seat on the train. Guess who accidentally sat in it. FML

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By WhyICantHaveNiceThings - 15/3/2018 19:00

From the bottom of my... stomach?

Today, I had the once in a lifetime opportunity to interview someone I’ve greatly admired for years and grew up watching. I was naturally nervous, but I didn’t expect to be so nervous I would throw up on him in the first 5 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2017 18:00 - United States - San Francisco

Chill out, dude

Today, I was lectured about how emotionally immature I am by someone who, afterwards, promptly threw a chair out of anger. FML

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By Little Miss Fucket - 13/6/2014 21:07 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I found out my husband has a fake Facebook account that he uses to add guys and live a double life as some kind of "gamer chick". This would be disturbing enough, even if he hadn't used pictures of me to give a face to his alter ego. FML

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By pabj208 - 22/12/2015 16:53 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me during what was supposed to be a romantic getaway at a remote log cabin. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2017 16:00

Today, I've been yawning every few minutes. Which would be fine, except every couple of yawns my jaw dislocates, and I have to put it back in place. FML

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By blaahh - 19/2/2011 01:35 - United States

Today, I was asked out by a guy I've liked since the beginning of the year. All I could say was, "I have to pee", and ran into the men's bathroom. FML

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By jobless - 9/7/2014 05:02 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I heard back from a company that I recently interviewed with. They told me I didn't get the job because "it was obvious that I had been coached." I wasn't. Sorry that I actually researched the company unlike the rest of the nit-wit candidates. FML

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By letmefallasleep - 1/4/2020 14:00

Checks and balances

Today, I found out my husband has racked up $3000 on our credit cards, and ruined my credit score. When confronted, all he had to say was, "Well you didn't tell me when you bought that ten-dollar t-shirt, so I guess we're even." FML

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Top comments

By Scribble | 0

#121872 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:06

I'm hot for a nice pussy

By LilRed | 0

#121889 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:12

Mood rings work by body temperature all that means the friction from rubbing your cat made the ring hotter.....tard.

Comments

By Scribble | 0

#121872 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:06

I'm hot for a nice pussy

troyboyd05 | 0

#887833 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 6:35

You do know all it does is change color with the temperature right? Leave it out in the cold, it'll turn black.

polarice24 | 2

#922779 - Sunday 7 March 2010 22:26

I'd like a cock :)

zac12345 | 0

#943108 - Saturday 13 March 2010 19:46

Yes like 152, the mood ring is changed by heat, such as petting fur..... so if you actually were hot, your body temp. would increase

cameron194 | 9

#5170285 - Wednesday 21 November 2012 9:56

I voted YDI, just because OP is childish enough to 1. Wear a mood ring and 2. Actually be stupid enough to judge his mood based off its colour..

By Eponine_fml | 0

#121873 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:07

This is hardly FML...=/

By 0___0 | 9

#121885 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:12

If you're a straight girl/gay man then that's a FML, if you like girls then it's okay. Pussy! ^_^

By jjofearth | 0

#121886 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:12

serves you right for wearing a mood ring :P

EvilCupcake8361 | 9

#3576999 - Saturday 12 November 2011 18:30

Bestiality FTW!!:D.. jk that nasty as all hell.

By LilRed | 0

#121889 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:12

Mood rings work by body temperature all that means the friction from rubbing your cat made the ring hotter.....tard.

GrapeJuice67 | 17

#6724071 - Sunday 18 December 2016 3:28

Like....does OP not know this?

By Alex_DeLarge | 0

#121892 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:13

Awesome. Admitting it is the first step.

1. Admitting your hot for your cat.
2. ???
3. Profit!

Orange01028 | 0

#679175 - Thursday 19 November 2009 10:43

LOL Underpants gnomes ftw

x_HELLo_tHERE_x | 0

#829066 - Saturday 6 February 2010 3:00

@Alex: #2. Create online videos.

Xobubblyxo | 23

#6257885 - Thursday 9 April 2015 22:53

Cards against humanity. Anyone?

By junjouromantica | 0

#121894 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:15

#5 took the words out of my mouth.

By Via_Baudelaire | 0

#121899 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:17

Its probably because when one feels passion or arousal their skin becomes warm and flushed.
The cats body heat and yours combined tricked the ring into thinking you were horny or hot or passionate or whatever.

By Rockey | 3

#121900 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:17

Hippie Fail.

By Flying_Pink_Lulz | 0

#121921 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:34

Bestialist :)

spenceroone3 | 0

#1349738 - Saturday 4 September 2010 11:26

Fuck. No.