Intimacy: Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright...

By shutupandsmile18 - United States

Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright purple. I checked the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to my ring, I'm hot for my cat. FML

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Intimacy

This Charming Man

Dementia or hate? You decide

OCD

By anonymous - United States - Casper

Today, I let my dad put my dollar in the slot machine for me because I'm not old enough to gamble. I won $200 but he kept it because he "put the dollar in the slot machine." FML

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By legit247 - United States - Moscow Mills

The Voice

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was cleaning dishes in the back. I started to sing to myself. During the chorus I heard the echo of my voice in my ear. My boss had pushed the talk button on my headset so every staff member and everyone in the lobby could hear me over the intercom. FML

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By xXx3mi_MuffinxXx - United States

Today, I had to tell my best friend that I couldn't make it to the lake today or tomorrow because I'd been called in to work. She won't believe me and thinks I'm simply avoiding her. I got called in to bathe and clean dogs' anal glands. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Conover

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

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Too stupid

Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML

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By goingup? - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it stuck mid-floor. Being supportive, I went to hug her and tell her we'll be OK. Today I also learned that my girlfriend is deathly claustrophobic and her predominant reaction is to vomit. In this case, all over me. We were stuck for 2 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Jefferson

Today, I found out what it's like to drive seven hours home with a woman who just brutally rejected your marriage proposal. FML

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By brentkd - United States

Today, I found my lost iPhone earbuds. In the cat litter box. I am 100% sure that they passed through my cat to get there. FML

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By Screw My Parents - United States - Barrington

Today, my parents confirmed we were going to be taking a Disney World trip for Christmas vacation. I already knew that we were taking a trip, but I was now missing a week of school. Being in 3 honors and an A.P. class, I said that I didn't want to go. I got called an "ungrateful, little prick". FML

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By bbb

Today, I wasn't able to reply to Facebook chat message immediately, so my friends planned holiday and bought flights without me. FML

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By lalala_hahaha - France

Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML

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By njh - Ireland

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

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By Oh hells no - United States - Los Altos

Today, my girlfriend came home with a huge bouquet of roses. They were from an admirer, brainwashing her to think I'm a terrible boyfriend for not buying her flowers like he did. FML

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By Hairdresser On Fire - United Kingdom - Bristol

Bad hair day

Today, I mistook a little girl for a boy. Unfortunately, I only realised my mistake until after I'd cut her hair. FML

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By webcammistake - United States

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks were lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

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By notmyrealname123 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML

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By random0605 - United States

Today, the clerk at Walmart asked me if the stretch mark cream I was buying was for my wife. I wish I could've said yes. FML

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By Seriously - United States

Today, after having just cleaned my office at work, I sat at my desk and opened a can of Diet Coke, which then exploded all over my desk, keyboard, and everything else in its path. FML

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By roadrage - Australia

Today, I missed my University entrance exam because of heavy traffic. I was stuck at one intersection for over an hour. The real kicker? It took me less than 10 minutes to drive home. FML

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By NotSatan

Today, my husband refuses to stop answering my phone calls with, "Haaaaail Satan!" FML

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By breadcrumb - United States - Kansas City

Today, while at work, a customer, who was also on his phone, rudely asked what kinds of bread we had for his sandwich. After I told him we had many different kinds to offer, he cut me off, told me to stop playing stupid, and stormed out after holding up a long line of people. FML

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By RedHatKat - United States - Burr Hill

Today, my dryer broke in the middle of drying my essential work clothes. This resulted in me wearing partially-dried pants to work today. As a nanny I have encountered diaper rashes before, just not on myself. FML

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By Joey - United States - Reno

Today, my mother was digging up our Halloween decorations, and found the Christmas decorations as well. She's shoddily decorated the house already in half-Halloween and half-Christmas style to save time. I guess we'll be celebrating Christmasween for the rest of the year. FML

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By Anonymous

Smash the Patriarchy!

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that yes, girls do get armpit hair, we just have to shave it. FML

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By Killme

Today, as a birthday present, my friends threw a surprise party for me. I was so surprised, I pissed myself in front of everyone, including my crush. FML

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By Caroline - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I went to the doctor to get a blood test and I started crying when I saw the needle. I planned on becoming a doctor. FML

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By kids

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, on the school bus, I rapped on a window in an attempt to get my friend's attention. A guy sitting behind me took this as an opportunity to shove my face into the window, breaking my nose. FML

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By speechless - United States

Today, I have laryngitis and can’t speak at all. I went to make myself some breakfast and my mom kept asking me questions, to which I replied with nods and head shakes. She said, in a condescending voice, that I need to use my “big girl words” and will keep using her “baby voice” until I do so. FML

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By uneek_3225 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML

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By hatedatwork - United States - Shreveport

Thanks mom!

Today, my CEO called and spoke to me like I'm a child. Apparently, she has a surprise for me, "but only if I clean up my office first." She hasn't been to my office in months because she works in another state. Turns out, someone texted her a picture of my messy office. FML

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By UghCats - United States

Today, one of my cats peed all over the back of my couch, so I put her outside for a while. When I let her in, she ran straight to the couch and peed on my laptop. This has been going on ever since I accidentally stepped on her tail, several months ago. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my mum put up a sticky fly trap to try get rid of our fly problem. My phone started ringing and I jogged to answer it, but my hair got suck in the trap. My mum had to pull my hair out of the sticky mess and pick dead fly bodies out of my hair. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got in a car accident on the way to the DMV to take my drivers test. FML

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By lilmatchgirl - 4/5/2021 00:59 - United States - Godley

Creepy

Today, during a Zoom meeting, my 6 year-old daughter comes into my office, bloody all over, acting like nothing's wrong. She looks me dead in the eye and says, "Matilda's dead," and just walks out. Matilda is the neighbor's chicken. FML

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1271

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By Anonymous - 5/1/2021 19:59

Iron Chef America

Today, I thought about trying something "new", so I put raspberry preserves and maple syrup on my waffles. It tasted like cough medicine. FML

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496

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By fail - United States

Today, my parents left early in the morning to run some errands, and I thought it would be nice to shovel our rather large driveway for them while they were out. An hour later, they returned from the store with a snow blower. FML

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By jking2z - United States

Today, I tried to boycott an 80's theme party by wearing my regular clothes. Everyone said they loved my costume. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for 'anti-social behavior'. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2021 00:01 - Australia - Melbourne

Can it, now!

Today, I learned that I've married into a family that talks to movie characters as they’re doing stuff in the movie. Good luck hearing the dialogue now. FML

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Top comments

By Scribble | 0

#121872 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:06

I'm hot for a nice pussy

By LilRed | 0

#121889 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:12

Mood rings work by body temperature all that means the friction from rubbing your cat made the ring hotter.....tard.

COMMENTS

By Scribble | 0

#121872 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:06

I'm hot for a nice pussy

troyboyd05 | 0

#887833 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 6:35

You do know all it does is change color with the temperature right? Leave it out in the cold, it'll turn black.

polarice24 | 2

#922779 - Sunday 7 March 2010 22:26

I'd like a cock :)

zac12345 | 0

#943108 - Saturday 13 March 2010 19:46

Yes like 152, the mood ring is changed by heat, such as petting fur..... so if you actually were hot, your body temp. would increase

cameron194 | 9

#5170285 - Wednesday 21 November 2012 9:56

I voted YDI, just because OP is childish enough to 1. Wear a mood ring and 2. Actually be stupid enough to judge his mood based off its colour..

By Eponine_fml | 0

#121873 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:07

This is hardly FML...=/

By 0___0 | 9

#121885 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:12

If you're a straight girl/gay man then that's a FML, if you like girls then it's okay. Pussy! ^_^

By jjofearth | 0

#121886 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:12

serves you right for wearing a mood ring :P

EvilCupcake8361 | 9

#3576999 - Saturday 12 November 2011 18:30

Bestiality FTW!!:D.. jk that nasty as all hell.

By LilRed | 0

#121889 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:12

Mood rings work by body temperature all that means the friction from rubbing your cat made the ring hotter.....tard.

GrapeJuice67 | 17

#6724071 - Sunday 18 December 2016 3:28

Like....does OP not know this?

By Alex_DeLarge | 0

#121892 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:13

Awesome. Admitting it is the first step.

1. Admitting your hot for your cat.
2. ???
3. Profit!

Orange01028 | 0

#679175 - Thursday 19 November 2009 10:43

LOL Underpants gnomes ftw

x_HELLo_tHERE_x | 0

#829066 - Saturday 6 February 2010 3:00

@Alex: #2. Create online videos.

Xobubblyxo | 23

#6257885 - Thursday 9 April 2015 22:53

Cards against humanity. Anyone?

By junjouromantica | 0

#121894 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:15

#5 took the words out of my mouth.

By Via_Baudelaire | 0

#121899 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:17

Its probably because when one feels passion or arousal their skin becomes warm and flushed.
The cats body heat and yours combined tricked the ring into thinking you were horny or hot or passionate or whatever.

By Rockey | 3

#121900 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:17

Hippie Fail.

By Flying_Pink_Lulz | 0

#121921 - Saturday 18 April 2009 12:34

Bestialist :)

spenceroone3 | 0

#1349738 - Saturday 4 September 2010 11:26

Fuck. No.