It's not the size that counts

By Leo Scofield - 29/08/2020 02:00

Today, I came home to find out my roommate had sex in my bed, because he didn't want his date to know he has a smaller bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 042

You deserved it 151

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Same thing different taste

By Arizonagirl - 06/11/2016 07:31 - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 318

You deserved it 840

By anonymous - 08/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Noblesville

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 131

You deserved it 3 368

By Anonymous - 10/08/2018 06:00

Today, I found out my roommate has been using my bed for months because he didn't want his sheets to "smell like gay sex" when his mom washed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 841

You deserved it 328

By awkward O_o - 24/04/2013 21:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 799

You deserved it 4 923

By itsemilyc - 02/02/2015 19:34 - United States - Byron Center

Today, my boyfriend "accidentally" had sex with my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 861

You deserved it 4 311

By yourstruly - 11/02/2010 19:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 713

You deserved it 2 361

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 11:15 - United States

Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 583

You deserved it 24 332

By Anonymous - 27/11/2015 06:42 - France - Cateri

Today, I had a boyfriend who wanted to wait until marriage before having sex. When I came home, I realised he must have married my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 566

You deserved it 2 192

By Username - 03/02/2011 18:27 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy, who decided to rudely text message his friend the whole time. When I got home, I realized he'd been texting the girl he was going to hookup with after our date; she happens to be my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 288

You deserved it 3 748

Twisted

By sleepwalker - 22/11/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 775

You deserved it 4 725

kfchicken 31

Saturday 29 August 2020 9:18

cum on his bed in retaliation, it would only be fair

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 29 August 2020 2:04

Can you blame him? Lots of guys are worried about size. Wait until his date finds out that it's you that really has the big one.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 29 August 2020 2:04

Can you blame him? Lots of guys are worried about size. Wait until his date finds out that it's you that really has the big one.

Sherry_Cherry_ 2

Sunday 30 August 2020 0:38

I like big beds to sleep in... By myself 😉

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 30 August 2020 4:52

And you like to have sex on an army cot just for the challenge?

kfchicken 31

Saturday 29 August 2020 9:18

cum on his bed in retaliation, it would only be fair

bombdeecee 4

Tuesday 1 September 2020 14:05

Yeah we would have to fight

Keywords

DIY Cats Family Miscellaneous Management Awkward Poopoo peepee Work Coworkers Relatable Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Dogs Animals ADHD Transportation Love Dating Anxiety Technology Health Mental health Sleep Roommate Clumsy Noise AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 484

You deserved it 38 928

Today, I asked my son to keep my new girlfriend secret from his mom until our divorce was final, and he ran straight to her. She told the judge I was unfaithful and wants more money from our settlement. My son doesn't give a shit about snitching on me, because she's giving him a percentage of the new settlement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 1 840

The Top

Today, after my shower, I went to clear off my fogged-up mirror. Doing so, I noticed a handprint on it. I compared it to my hand, but it was much too small. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 055

You deserved it 2 763

Today, my boss told me I may lose my job due to underperformance. I was shocked, as he'd previously mentioned that I was performing well, and that I was safe from the current company wide layoffs. I asked him what I need to improve on. He said that my instant messages to him are sometimes too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 125

Today, I had a problem with my email verification in FML. I contacted support, and they were super helpful and fixed it. But I used my spam email, which automatically sends an immature message to anyone that contacts it. So instead of a, "Thank you", the nice staff member got a, "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. Go away cheese face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 1 335

Today, I went to the doctor for a suspicious lump under my armpit, so he suggested a breast examination. While pressing all over them he said, "We're gonna have to send you for an X-ray because you have the most lumpy breasts I've ever felt in my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 864

You deserved it 595

Today, after swimming in the pool, I went into the shower. Little did I know that my niece was hiding in there. She excitedly yelled "I saw your boobs!" Now my nephew won't stop crying because he didn't get to see them as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 392

You deserved it 4 397

Today, I found out my dog's new favorite game to play: "If you don't stop petting me, I'll bite your balls as hard as I can." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 614

You deserved it 3 992