Love: Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and... - FML

By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 06:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 106

You deserved it 3 571

Batman

This Charming Man

Put your back into it

By Failoffel - 10/05/2009 02:05 - United States

Today, while working my job as a cashier, one of the customers that came to the register was a midget. As part of store policy, I had to ID him, and his driver's license said he was from Florida. So I asked, without catching myself, "How's the weather down there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 598

You deserved it 52 534

By Anonymous - 25/06/2009 06:00 - United States

Today, I went to the movies. After it was over I got up and noticed a designer purse sitting on the ground in the back row. I opened it to look for anything that could give me a address so I could return it. The owner came back, assumed I was robbing her, and punched me in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 720

You deserved it 6 355

By Whyme - 09/01/2012 06:14 - United States

Today, I went to the movies on a date. My chair made a fart sound while I moved around a little, so my date thought I'd let one rip. He then let out a really horrendously smelling one to make me feel less embarrassed, giving me a reassuring look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 216

You deserved it 6 473

Just love!

By Anonymous - 23/01/2020 18:00

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved his flaming red hair. He told me that he loved the fuzz on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 980

You deserved it 501

Gimme my stuff

By siciliano12594 - 12/11/2012 18:40 - United States - Harrison

Today, I learned that last week, the UPS man gave my package to my neighbor for safekeeping. It was over five-hundred dollars' worth of merchandise. My neighbor left for Canada on Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 068

You deserved it 1 942

By :-O - 14/04/2019 12:00

Today, I came home from work early only to find my naked roommate in the living room with his ass in the air. Apparently, he was doing an experiment to see if you can launch a ball of tissue paper into the air by placing it on your bare anus and farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 003

You deserved it 206

By Anonymous - 20/05/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, my husband was leaving for a long business trip to Germany. As he was leaving, my daughter started crying. "Don't leave me with her !' she said. 'Take me with you !' FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 743

You deserved it 8 898

By unproud - 15/11/2013 07:05 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, while my hometown mayor becomes a world-famous crackhead and douche-bag, here in the UK it has come to this: when people hear my accent and ask me if I'm American, it's less embarrassing just to say, "Yeah", rather than admit I'm Canadian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 046

You deserved it 7 011

By "lk07" - 27/10/2017 23:00 - United States - Midlothian

Today, after selling things on eBay all week to afford a nice weekend with my husband and kids, my car died. Now we have to spend the money on a battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 574

You deserved it 315

By Anne - 14/02/2012 20:50 - United States

Today, I returned home from college for the first time in a month. I went to my bedroom and found a nice gift bag on my dresser. Thinking it was a Valentine's gift, I opened it. My dog's ashes were in a tin inside. This is how I found out my dog died since I was away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 334

You deserved it 2 356

By squeak - 12/09/2011 13:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought my hamster might be lonely, so I went to the pet shop and bought a new one to keep him company. The new hamster killed the old one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 070

You deserved it 13 944

By 530gangsta - 25/04/2017 16:00

Today, while having sex I managed to chip my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 285

You deserved it 396

Happy Birthday to me

By Zebra - 30/12/2020 22:58

Today, my sister was meant to come over for lunch for my birthday. Turns out, she forgot about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 51

Differences

By Anonymous - 17/06/2014 15:28 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I almost got written up for insubordination by my boss. All I did was explain to him that I couldn't help a tourist out because I speak Japanese, not Korean, and that it's not in fact "the same Asian shit" as he seemed to think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 715

You deserved it 3 305

By ShandiPandiDerp - 20/05/2016 12:12 - United States

Today, my phone charger caught fire. I was thankful to be there to witness it. I was not thankful for having been holding it while this happened, as my shirt caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 686

You deserved it 1 104

By LucyLollipop - 03/01/2018 15:00

Today, I had my first glass of red wine after months of pregnancy and giving birth. Just as I sat down and started to relax, I spilled it all over myself and my in-law’s couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 773

You deserved it 774

By brownunderwear - 14/12/2011 03:45 - United States

Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 705

You deserved it 7 857

By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 05:42 - New Zealand

Today, I met up with a girl I've been talking to on the internet for a year and a half. Turns out she edits her moustache out of all her photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 276

You deserved it 35 308

By ninjapup - 02/01/2010 04:40 - Canada

Today, I was at a party, chatting up this guy while we were petting my friends dog. The dog had just been outside and was kinda wet, I assumed it was raining out. Just then someone came up and said "Um, that dog's covered in pee." Apparently someone peed off the deck onto the dog as it walked by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 068

You deserved it 2 953

SORRY!

By imsorry - 14/01/2015 23:57 - United States - Oakland

Spicy

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 089

You deserved it 7 765

By agnosticstudy - 14/01/2009 16:03 - United States

Today, I met a woman that I've been emailing and trading pics with for over a month. We had a face to face, she was surprisingly overweight, and the sun hit her face in a way that radiated all her facial hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 271

You deserved it 28 776

Unprofessional

By Allie - 26/08/2021 15:01 - United States - Tyler

Today, my youth pastor died and I was crying. My boss told me to dry my tears, because it was affecting my coworkers. Sorry I'm human and cry when someone I know dies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 135

Charming

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 23:00 - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, my chunky boyfriend told me that he'd be less attracted to me if I gained weight. I have low self-esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 105

By Anonymous - 13/06/2018 12:00 - United States - Bethany

Today, I started my first overnight shift at the penitentiary. This was also the night the offenders decided to riot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 287

You deserved it 216

By nerderer - 05/06/2015 02:17 - United States - Duluth

Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 760

You deserved it 11 304

By vlcardenx3 - 12/03/2011 21:11 - United States

Today, I was at Aéropostale with some friends when I noticed a woman glaring at me. When we got to the checkout, the woman still had her eyes on me, so I asked why she was staring. She snapped, "If you had kept your legs closed, you wouldn't be pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 513

You deserved it 6 131

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 18:23 - United States

Today, my six year old daughter discovered the family's pet rabbit in the basement freezer. The rabbit had died almost a year ago, and we'd stored it in the freezer, intending to bury it later. Here's to the trauma of losing the family pet. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 738

You deserved it 44 539

By nitwit - 08/09/2009 12:29 - Greece

Today, I spent hours consoling my girlfriend for getting dumped by the guy she was cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 274

You deserved it 79 224

By Raaar - 26/08/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I went to a concert. Knowing these concerts usually include a lot of black lights, I decided to wear a black T-shirt so I wouldn't glow. I was having a good time, but about halfway through I noticed someone pointing to my shoulder. I looked down to see my dandruff glowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 417

You deserved it 17 645

By oopsiecoffee - 09/04/2009 06:40 - Canada

Today, I went into a small coffee shop. In line, a guy came up to me and was like "I haven't seen you here before, are you new in town?" and I replied with "Oh, no I've lived here for years. The coffee here is crap, though, so I only come here when Starbucks is full" He's the owner of the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 282

You deserved it 76 564

Nostradamus

By mcdeez - 22/09/2009 02:06 - New Zealand

Today, I had to cover for a coworker who didn't turn up for work. He's always late for work and I was pissed off about having to cover for him again, so I said to my colleagues, "He better be either in hospital or dead." Turns out he was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 439

You deserved it 14 342

By Anonymous - 12/02/2011 18:40 - United States

Today, I went in to the doctor's thinking I had a bladder infection. I walked out knowing I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 261

You deserved it 16 646

By Anonymous - 09/02/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, it was my first day at work as a cashier. I was so nervous that my whole body got numb and my eye sight completely blurred. I ran to the bathroom blind while bumping into everything in the store, making sure that everyone knew I had a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 116

You deserved it 7 513

By Anonymous - 06/01/2016 15:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, let's just say it's not a good sign when your plumber yells "What the fuck?!" That is, unless you actually like your kitchen being swamped by sewage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 991

You deserved it 1 336

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 15/08/2010 05:24 - United States

Today, my mom called me to the laundry room after she saw a dead animal in there. I took a look and agreed we should call animal control. After ten minutes of freaking out, they finally arrived to confirm that the dead animal was the hood to my winter jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 207

You deserved it 42 099

By gotta love my momma - 28/08/2014 05:08 - United States - Folsom

Spicy

Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 126

You deserved it 11 228

By Anonymous - 21/03/2014 05:14 - United States - Phoenix

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 556

You deserved it 4 705

Bumbling

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 569

You deserved it 559

By Anonymous - 06/04/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I had a really cute waitress at lunch. I decided to leave my number and a $50 bill for a $15 check. When I left the restaurant I realized I still had the $50 but a $1 bill was missing from my wallet. I've been getting threatening text messages all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 470

You deserved it 63 492

By DrunkenMum - 20/07/2019 12:00

Today, I’m on holiday with my mum. She got so pissed, she fell over on the dance floor at the children’s disco, then had to rely on a stranger to keep her upright so I could go get the car to take her home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 457

You deserved it 89

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 16:03

Don't let that spoil the day! Congratulations :)

sarahannewrap 7

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 16:03

Evil wench...

Comments

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 16:03

Don't let that spoil the day! Congratulations :)

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 16:43

#1 is right, look at it this way: it's not a FML for you cause you have a very sweet soon to be husband, it's that woman's FML cause she is clearly so miserable that she doesn't like happiness for others!

doctorhook86 24

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 17:06

Customer is definitely not always right. In fact, often the customer is an idiot.

patrickalamo 47

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 17:09

Jealous C**T!!!

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 17:33

If I were him I'd be pissed and bitch the old evil wench out.

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 19:07

Congrats! Sounds like you work at a Starbucks too!! That's usually when I'd mention to the customer that you have the right to refuse service to anyone and she can leave now ;)

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Thursday 1 November 2012 18:58

You shoulda slapped a ho

sarahannewrap 7

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 16:03

Evil wench...

MormonPornstar 7

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 18:24

Wrenches be hatin

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 18:34

Lol... Wrenches... XD

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 22:13

Yay! I'm not the only one who read it as wrench! My day got slightly better!

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 16:04

Congrats! I hope she didn't spoil it for u

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 16:04

Kick her ass.

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Thursday 1 November 2012 0:55

With the wet floor sign.

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Thursday 1 November 2012 3:21

Doused in gasoline.

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Thursday 1 November 2012 12:59

You guys got it all wrong. She just needs to touch her heart, while it is still beating her her chest that is.

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 16:05

Gratulation :) Well there are a lot of angry and bitter people out there.

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 16:05

Just another normal day in the retail/food service biz...

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 16:11

People in the retail/food service biz get proposed to daily!? Hot damn, where do I sign up?

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 17:39

Bakarra your profile pic is fucking hilarious!!!

TheWindowLicker 13

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 19:37

You go to any retail store or restaurant, 13. But I must urge you to reconsider your decision; getting proposed to daily gets old after about the 14th day.

ManInTheMachine 19

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 16:06

Ask her "If we're wasting your time, why are you still here?" And let her stomp off in her pompous bitch-huff. Enjoy your moment, OP. I doubt much wil ruin it after that.

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 18:12

That's a great idea, I mean, op doesn't need a job. Like I get that it's a special moment, the old hag was a bitch, and that op didn't do anything wrong. However, op's bf could have chosen a better time that would have been just as special and hag-free. Op was at work to do a job and by ignoring customers wasn't doing it, albeit for only five min.

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 19:14

52- so I see you're a buzzkill university grad. What class?

ManInTheMachine 19

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 19:21

thatonename: I suppose the dripping sarcasm indicates you didn't like my comment. Oh dear, I'm so sorry I couldn't please you! Follow your own advice and get the fuck over it.

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Friday 2 November 2012 2:41

I hope she has kids waiting in the car too! What kind of horrible person has things to do?

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 16:06

"Ain't nobody got time for that"

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 18:37

Proposals.

MrThumbsItUpMan 8

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 22:46

Hahaha I literally laughed out loud as soon as I saw your comment and I know exactly where you got that from hahahaha

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 23:25

Hey, Arnold!

skittle_QUEEN_YO 15

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Friday 2 November 2012 4:48

YOU JUST ROCKED MY WORLD

astoryofroses 9

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 16:09

some people are just so heartless. congratulations OP! :)

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 16:09

Don't let anybody ruin your special moment! Congratulations to both of you OP :)

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Wednesday 31 October 2012 17:57

Nice pro pic lol

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 16

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 28

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 70