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Gold digger

By Anonymous - 26/05/2023 06:00 - United States - Moscow

Today, I asked my boyfriend to help me with groceries, since the last of my money went to last week's groceries. His response was to start a fight, then tell me it's my fault my daughter acts the way she does, which is when he finally got me to break down and cry. I'm pregnant with his kid, and I also pay 90% of our bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 1 008

By erin3809483 - 23/05/2009 00:12 - United States

Today, while installing a deadbolt on my closet, I did it wrong. It closed but wouldn't lock so I had to re-install it. Sitting on the floor of my closet, I shut it to make sure it was installed correctly. I locked myself in for twenty minutes, home alone, before kicking the door down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 870

You deserved it 50 533

erin3809483 tells us more.

erin3809483 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 20:57

umm a deadbolt on my closet because i'm home from college and my sister steals all of my clothes. also, its not a deadbolt but like one of those doorknobs that have a key lock and when you install a new doorknob there is the piece that clicks into the wall when it shuts. I installed it backwards to decided to check and make sure it was right the 2nd time and it clicked therefore, i was locked in the closet because you install the knob after that.

He gets around

By Anonymous - 09/04/2022 00:00

Today, I did an actual double take when my son complained about having to block the phone number of his most recent one-night stand when she got pregnant, but luckily he gave her a fake name, so he doesn’t have to delete his Facebook. How many grandkids do I have out there you little prick? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 621

You deserved it 663

By *facefloor* - 24/07/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 114

You deserved it 5 429

By Anonymous - 23/09/2014 12:00 - United States - Tampa

Today, it's the first day of fall. It's also the day that over 20 people have made jokes about my name being "Autumn" like they're the funniest, most original people alive. It's not even 8 am. This is going to be a long day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 122

You deserved it 3 459

By Lola - 23/07/2012 04:31

Today, my boyfriend bought us three kittens. Today, I also discovered that I am allergic to cats. My boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted the cats more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 821

You deserved it 4 359

By wormsick - 06/12/2009 09:16 - United States

Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tapeworms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 002

You deserved it 3 160

Anyone would've ran

By Mike - 25/02/2022 15:59

Today, my friend is mad at me because last night at the midnight show, I “left him there” when he was drunk and thought it would be funny to take a dump in the theater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 106

Masterchef 2020

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 17:01

Today, I invented a new fusion cuisine delicacy: cigarette-flavored apple sauce. The recipe? Cram so many apple pieces in a pot that they will burn on the bottom, even with plenty of water in it, then go away for 30 minutes and wonder what the bad smell is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 2 287

By Chris75 - 01/09/2011 09:55 - United States

Today, my whole family piled into our station wagon just to watch my mom take part in an arm wrestling contest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 602

You deserved it 3 880

The R-word

By Anonymous - 08/11/2024 14:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I completely forgot the word "redeem", I had to Google search it. I was trying to look for the word that started with an "R" that was used when you use a coupon. All I could remember about the word was that it started with an "R". FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 120

By MitchellSully - 03/12/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I bought $300 worth of climbing equipment because I had lost mine six months ago, I hadn't gone to the climbing gym since I'd lost it. I went today because I was so excited to go climbing again. However, it turns out that I'd left my gear there, and it had been in the Lost and Found for the past six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 420

You deserved it 41 063

MitchellSully tells us more.

MitchellSully 0

Thursday 3 December 2009 21:59

You can't return allot of climbing equipment, it's against safety regulations because the gear is so fine tuned to make sure that it can hold even 8000lbs. The only gear that I had bought that I could return was the shoes and the chalk bag, but I still couldn't do that because I filled the bag with chalk and wore the shoes already. I didn't find my gear until I was done climbing for the night.

By _dopey_ - 17/05/2009 17:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I spilt boiling tea all over my stomach and left leg, so I went to the hospital to get it checked out. They said I wouldn't be able to expose it to the sun for the next two months. I'm going to Barbados tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 996

You deserved it 7 840

Battleground

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 04:00

Today, my son wants to go to Norway for our holiday and my husband wants to go to Disneyland, so of course they decide they can only choose by having a Nerf battle through the entire house. Meanwhile, I seem to be the only one taking anything seriously. This is why I despair of both of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 796

Get me out of this time loop!

By Anonymous - 10/11/2024 03:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I ran into an old friend at the grocery store and told them, "Let’s catch up soon!" We then ran into each other in every single aisle. It got awkwarder and awkwarder, and by the fifth time I was pretty sure neither of us wanted to see the other ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 148

Guess the FML

By Louis - 31/03/2017 21:20

What happens next to the poor fisherman dude? Check out the video find out.

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 172

By alex - 05/03/2008 15:17 - France

Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of his fingernails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 46

By arghgffhdfg - 15/07/2012 00:22 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mother screamed at my brother for ages for playing a Nicki Minaj music video. She said it's "terrible, demonic garbage" that'll get us "spitroasted in Hell". I don't even disagree with the first part, but she does this kind of thing every single day when I get home from my night job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 234

You deserved it 2 453

Shorty

By Romina - 12/03/2022 14:00

Today, I was mistaken for an 8th grader because of my height. I'm 32 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 109

Cropduster

By Sodge - 15/05/2009 10:20 - Australia

Today, I was impressing dinner guests by spinning my new baby in the air (something she loves), when she projectile vomited over the dinner table and the guests. My wife, who had spent three hours cooking was not impressed. Once of the guests was also a sympathy spewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 419

You deserved it 45 294

Priorities

By MacBook - 14/05/2009 19:43 - United States

Today, my dad was in town for a day. We only had about 3 hours to do something so we left right away. Right as we were about to leave my dad's slutty girlfriend came by for a "surprise visit". My dad told me he would be right back. They had sex for 2 hours and 45 minutes. In total, we talked for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 074

You deserved it 4 197

Happy anniversary!

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 18:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, our anniversary, is a disaster. The restaurant gave away our table, even though we were early, and the hotel we’d booked for three nights had a burst pipe, so we had to sleep in the only other hotel, which was so seedy the deskman openly assumed we were two cheaters meeting for a quick fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 134

Birth certificate

By figures - 29/11/2009 01:53 - United States

Today, I found out I've been misspelling my middle name for 25 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 415

You deserved it 40 584

Batshit soup

By Anonymous - 22/06/2023 18:00 - United States - St. Petersburg

Today, I was doing laundry and realized that my father had left dirty underwear soaking in a bucket outside for the last two weeks. I informed him that they needed to be thrown out, and they smelled like sewage. It's been over 95 degrees outside lately here. He then yelled and sweared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 108

By adeeri - 04/09/2014 01:24 - United States - Jackson

Today, a little kid accidentally ran into me at the pool. He apologized by biting my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 314

You deserved it 3 230

By anonymous - 20/06/2013 01:09 - United States - Houston

Today, I helped an elderly lady put a bookshelf in her car. She then thanked me by hitting me with her car as she drove out of the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 293

You deserved it 3 092

Empathy is a hell of a drug

By UmOk - 01/05/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, I ran into my former therapist. Still confused by her last email, I asked what she needed to "protect herself" from. She said she needed to protect herself from feeling sad and worrying that I'd get beaten up. I'm afraid I now understand why this country is so messed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 139

Let me down gently

By Anonymous - 30/06/2026 12:00 - United States - Corona

Today, you know how people say, “The worst thing she can say is ‘No’” when asking a girl out? I found out the hard way that that's a bold faced lie. I asked and she said, “Yeah, I’d rather use a freshly cut jalapeño as a tampon!” then burst into hysterical laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 68

By Biggie - 12/05/2009 07:49 - United States

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when she began skipping ahead of me and out in to the street. I saw a car coming right at her so I tackled her to the ground to save her. Turns out the car was stopping and was never going to hit her, and my girlfriend doesn't appreciate concussions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 844

You deserved it 12 949

The Leftovers

By Anonymous - 13/03/2022 02:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, my mom asked me why I barely talk to her anymore. Well, mom, maybe it's because you nicknamed my stepdaughter "Leftovers," and call her that in public, like at family gatherings or school events. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 91

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The Top

Today, I was shopping at my workplace, out of uniform, with my husband. A customer recognised me and wanted me to serve him, but I couldn't since we can be fired for doing so while off-duty. He complained to my manager, who wasted no time publicly bitching me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 323

You deserved it 2 671

Today, it's my birthday. I was excited because of all the wall posts I got on Facebook. Then I saw I got a "Happy Birthday" from the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 984

You deserved it 7 506

Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mario Kart, she decided to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 181

You deserved it 8 535

Today, I bought a new computer. I gave my old one to my mother. After handing it over and going home, I realised I forgot to change the background picture, a naked photo of my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 088

You deserved it 68 469

Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 269

You deserved it 90 517

Today, after having set up a date with a wonderful guy who seems to really like me, I caught a cold. I have also lost most of my voice because of it, so I now sound like an angry, deranged goose when I talk. This will be the first time he meets me in person. So much for a good first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 694

You deserved it 387