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By NJ <3 - 10/01/2012 15:34 - United States

Today, while trying to prove a point to my mom, I learned that bird seed tastes better than her cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 263

You deserved it 3 698

By pinchy - 07/03/2011 03:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was taking me out to eat to his favorite restaurant. He said I could order whatever I wanted and he'd pay for it. He took me to Red Lobster, knowing full well that I'm allergic to seafood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 010

You deserved it 4 650

Compassion

By Anonymous - 21/05/2020 20:00

Today, my mum screamed that there is nothing wrong with me, after I literally coughed up blood in front of her. This all started over me getting my medications delivered to our house, as I’m not allowed out due to Covid-19 as I’m high risk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 206

You deserved it 257

Badass

By Boyufd - 30/08/2021 18:01

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after 3 years. Why, do you ask? Turns out her dad used to bully my dad in highschool and my dad kicked his ass after all this time and sent him to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 235

You deserved it 106

Unfit

By naagodinho - 09/01/2012 14:56 - Portugal

Today, I applied to a new gym. Now I have a hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 931

You deserved it 4 784

By LLCK - 10/12/2012 10:13 - United States - Owatonna

Today, a lady on the bus came up to me and asked if she could sit down. Thinking she meant the seat next to me, I said sure. She meant my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 599

You deserved it 2 262

By Anonymous - 04/03/2011 13:39 - Australia

Today, I ate something really sticky so I had to wash my hands and mouth. I saw a tea towel on the bench so I was wiped myself with that. Then I noticed it smelt really bad. I had just cleaned my face with turps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 968

You deserved it 10 376

Healthy lifestyle influencer

By Pickle - 03/03/2011 06:58 - United States

Today, my friend and I taught a very involved healthy nutrition program to underprivileged youths at a local center. We even made them a healthy snack at the end of the program. Within minutes of the program being over, we caught some of our fellow volunteers feeding the kids Oreos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 268

You deserved it 5 367

By Moose - 07/12/2012 17:06 - United States - Charleston

Today, I found out that storing a partially empty bowl of ice cream in the freezer overnight along with the spoon, and then trying to take a bite the next day, can have the same effect as sticking your tongue on a flagpole in the middle of winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 603

You deserved it 31 511

By Owned - 29/01/2009 00:32 - Taiwan

Today, me and a friend I met in the club were sandwiching this blonde girl dancing, when 5 minutes later she turned around and said that I should get another girl and gently brushed me aside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 934

You deserved it 28 410

By jada - 04/01/2012 23:29 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend over and over again and he never answered. His mom just called me and asked how I was holding up. I asked her what she meant and she had to tell me he checked himself into rehab because he was addicted to heroin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 396

You deserved it 3 773

By whatismydadthinking - 06/08/2009 08:45 - Australia

Today, I was introduced to my future stepmother, but it turns out that I already know her. Not only are we the same age and went to the same high school, when we were in the same math class together the teacher would often confuse our names because "we could pass as twins". FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 894

You deserved it 3 344

By hypebeast - 28/01/2009 15:00 - United States

Today, I posted on a forum asking if I could be a moderator. Instead, I got banned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 077

You deserved it 32 269

In a galaxy far, far away

By fuck Star Wars! - 31/05/2020 08:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a massive argument. I suggested we have a movie night. He suggested an all day/night Star Wars marathon. I’d be OK, if it wasn’t for the fact that we’ve done that at least five times in the last two months. He says I’m the one being unfair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 008

You deserved it 239

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 05:40 - United States

Today, I was pushed over and robbed in a parking lot by a man in an ugly Christmas sweater. When I looked up, I was too distracted by the sweater to even look at his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 609

You deserved it 8 731

Ups and downs

By Kirstie Campbell - 08/06/2020 08:08

Today, I finally realized that my bipolar depression gets worse in hot weather. I live in Hawaii. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 206

By Anonymous - 01/12/2012 00:31 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 199

You deserved it 21 683

Oh no…

By Elle - 23/02/2011 21:07 - United States

Today, my therapist told me to write down my secrets in an envelope and symbolically burn them. My secrets included stories of my rampant sex life, drug use, a suicide attempt, and the overpowering hatred I have for my family. I've managed to misplace the envelope somewhere back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 528

You deserved it 22 448

Nice timing

By whitneyy - 03/08/2009 12:04 - Australia

Today, I went to my grandfather's funeral. As I stood there, bawling my eyes out, my aunt came over and put her arm around me. She leaned her head close to mine. I assumed she was going to say something comforting. Instead she asked where I'd bought my shoes from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 183

You deserved it 3 285

Drunken antics

By Anonymous - 21/04/2024 20:00 - United States - Alvarado

Today, I've been on a dating site for a while and I'd been doing great. Then I got really fucking drunk and sent messages like I wanted to eat their shit while it was coming out. One of them reported me and I got booted. I have decided to drink less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 1 174

By Sleep Walking - 23/01/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 940

You deserved it 9 250

You OK mom?

By today - 09/09/2021 20:01 - United States - Denver

Today, I woke up in a good mood, and I excitedly shared with my mom that I was in a "wonderful mood." Her response was to yell at me because she’s "had it with my fucking sarcasm." She refuses to believe I wasn’t being sarcastic. Day ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 152

By gtfoocd - 27/12/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, my extremely OCD girlfriend wouldn't have sex with me because my bedroom wasn't "properly symmetrical." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 865

You deserved it 7 299

By weezer - 21/02/2011 13:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me in the bathroom. That's how he found out that I wax my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 274

You deserved it 30 481

By Rachel247 - 01/08/2009 23:13 - Israel

Today, we had a hike at my camp. We hiked in a line. I suddenly felt things hitting me at the back of the head. After a few minutes I finally turn around, only to discover a bunch of older guys throwing tampons at my head. They were my tampons, falling one by one out of my unzipped bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 544

You deserved it 10 058

You tried… Yay!

By twat - 23/01/2009 06:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to give things a go with the guy that has fancied me for three years, based purely on my looks. After getting to know my personality, he has decided he no longer fancies me at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 062

You deserved it 7 879

By unifail - 22/01/2009 10:48 - Canada

Today, I drove to my university to pick up forms and books. When I parked at 2:58 there was 30 mins on the meter. I returned at 3:32 only to find a parking ticket issued at 3:31. The worst part is, the books were not available until next week and I could've got the forms online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 759

You deserved it 4 839

Disappointment

By nevergoingtopeeagain - 07/11/2013 00:16 - United States - Richmond

Today, I went to the bathroom on the way to class. After washing my hands, I couldn't figure out how to turn off the water. I finally resorted to asking a professor for help. She turned it off, looked me in the eyes and said, "Please don't tell me you're here on a scholarship." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 665

You deserved it 36 062

By Anonymous - 18/02/2011 21:36 - United States

Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 012

You deserved it 3 578

By shininghayley - 15/02/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to take me out bowling. My mom was going to take us. My parents ended up bowling with us. I had a double date with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 835

You deserved it 6 330

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The Top

Today, I'm getting married. A few months ago, I allowed my mother in-law to take care of catering. She begged to be a part of the wedding, so I gave her the caterer's number and order info. It appears that I will not be eating at my own wedding because she decided to order food I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 164

You deserved it 6 904

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315 607

You deserved it 174 183

Random

Today, I had to stand up on a train for my 4-hour journey. Why? Two pregnant women flew into unbridled rage with me over sitting in the priority seating, saying I was selfish. I'm recovering from spinal surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 442

You deserved it 2 289

Today, I put my boyfriend's t-shirt on and took sexy pictures with nothing else but panties. I then sent him the pictures. His reply was, "Can you wash that when you're done?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 806

You deserved it 8 080

Today, my cousins and I were bored so we began talking about weird dreams we've had. My little cousin turns to me and says "I had a dream you were in a beauty contest. You lost badly". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 485

You deserved it 5 051

Today, I sat next to an attractive punk-rock guy on a plane. I tried impressing him by playing music I thought he would like. I clicked on The Who and opened a large window with the album cover so he could see. The track then shuffled, and he was faced with a giant picture of Miley Cyrus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 709

You deserved it 117 599

Today, my apartment was flooded due to a broken pipe, which caused a huge family of cockroaches to disperse. Did you know they can fly? FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 947

You deserved it 338

Today, my smart toilet analyzed my “data” and sent a health alert to my entire family group chat. With charts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 437