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By Anonymous - 4/3/2011 13:39 - Australia
Today, I ate something really sticky so I had to wash my hands and mouth. I saw a tea towel on the bench so I was wiped myself with that. Then I noticed it smelt really bad. I had just cleaned my face with turps. FML
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By  Zebidee  |  8

I'll post this up here, because everyone gets a chance to read it that way (and it also answers #1's question).

'Turps' is an Australian abbreviation for turpentine, either wood turpentine, or the mineral kind that is called 'white spirit' in other places. It's the stuff you use to clean paint brushes.

Although it can be used as slang for alcohol, in this context, it can only mean turpentine. It's the word you'd use 99% of the time when referring to the product.

There - now no-one has to ask again, and we can all get on with our lives.

Oh, and OP - WTF?! How could you not smell that a mile off?

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  JonaDona  |  2

Co za asy

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  Zebidee  |  8

I'll post this up here, because everyone gets a chance to read it that way (and it also answers #1's question).

'Turps' is an Australian abbreviation for turpentine, either wood turpentine, or the mineral kind that is called 'white spirit' in other places. It's the stuff you use to clean paint brushes.

Although it can be used as slang for alcohol, in this context, it can only mean turpentine. It's the word you'd use 99% of the time when referring to the product.

There - now no-one has to ask again, and we can all get on with our lives.

Oh, and OP - WTF?! How could you not smell that a mile off?

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  zinoxity  |  23

62 - You're*. I do know where it's from, I was trolling and it worked, because a dumbass responded according to. Hahaha. Moron, I win. Good game, no re.

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  SarahStarzz  |  0

#57 I am glad there r people in FML who don't tell pplz "google it" cuz I hate when they do that, just answer it if u kno the question :D
thanks even though I knw the meaning hehe

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  Zebidee  |  8

Oh, while we're at it, judging from the questions below...

Tea towel: Dish towel or dish cloth. The thing you use to dry off dishes after you've washed them by hand.

Bench: Kitchen counter. The surfaces in your kitchen where you prepare and serve food.

Man, I never thought such simple terms could possibly cause such confusion. You people really need to get out more.

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  Shokz992  |  0

Whilst - being a Brit - I call "dish cloths" tea towels, i've never come across anyone refer to a kitchen surface as a bench... Just actual benches and tables for woodwork/metalwork etc.

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  DaveOnDope  |  4

To #140
My lady needed me to explain what a "warsh rag" was and after 22 years together, she still can't fry taters or eggs! Thank gawd her Okie momma moved in with us, that old sweetheart knows how to fry 'em right!

(Yes radical FML'ers, I done used that word "sweetheart" again!)

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  rudysayshi  |  4

that's completely inspiring coming from what I'm assuming is a cute young lady ayame dear. and if your curious as to what I'm talking about its her interesting bio thing

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  NoFlippinWai  |  24

I am Michigan. (the northern pennisula) and there is completely different slag for somethings that people from the lower pennisula have no idea what we are talking about and we are just a bridge away. Most of it is insults but some aren't. like washrag, wash (used instead of laundry), file 13 or bin (trashcan), hamper (laundry), tube (television), interwebs (internet), PocketFruit (Apple products) or saying youre traveling "up" no matter where you are going ( going up to Canada, going up to Mexico or Europe.)

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  OCDC  |  9

Is it even possible to insert a Coke bottle that far up your ass? Shouldn't it have punctured something by now? Unless of course you're trying out a new type of urinary catheter...

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  DocBastard  |  38

OCDC - it is quite possible, as you can clearly see by the picture. The butt of the bottle (no pun intended) was lodged over his sacrum, so I had to take him to the OR and put him under anesthesia to relax his rectum and anus enough to get it out. Sometimes people insert things so far that we have to actually go into the abdomen and make an incision in the colon. Fortunately, that's rare.

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  OCDC  |  9

That must have been embarrassing for him. What exactly was he doing with a bottle shoved up his rectum? Besides the obvious, of course

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  BelleElle_fml  |  5

Wow... Was he really calm about the whole thing? Cause my cousin helped out at an ER in her town's hospital and said people would come in and say they swallowed huge nails and stuck pins in their ears like it was completely out of the ordinary.

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  Zebidee  |  8

He said he wasn't gay, but he clearly forgot to say "no homo", otherwise it would have been OK, and you guys could have laughed about it over a couple of brewskis.

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  1989mustang50  |  0

wow how do you go from talking about turps to talking about putting a glass bottle of coke in your ass then going to get an x-ray of it??? that makes absolutely zero sense

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  OCDC  |  9

I wish I could see the look on his wife's face when she finds out :) Do you get a lot of patients like him, who couldn't wait for their significant other to get home and then ended up getting something surgically removed?

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  erongetti  |  2

HAHAHAHAHAHaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... this is the funniest trail ever!!! Doc, your patient is hilarious! I wonder if he knows you've immortalized him on fml.

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  doglady  |  16

from one doc to another: LMAO, seen such things before, not for a while though. The same thought wen thru my head as I read that fml, "what does a TURP [procedure] have to do with this?"

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  Babblez  |  0

I can't recall having ever referred to one of my beverages as "turps". Although, I suppose I've called certain vodka home brews paint thinners, same thing. But never turps, and never as an everyday description of a cruiser or a beam or something.
Where do people get these ideas from??

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  Babblez  |  0

I have heard it used in like movies that poorly depict the Australian lifestyle...but pretty much only ever in the outback or whatever >.> never really in towns and cities.

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