FML : Today, I ate something really sticky so I had to wash my hands and mouth. I saw a tea towel on the bench so I was wiped myself with that. Then I noticed...

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Today, I ate something really sticky so I had to wash my hands and mouth. I saw a tea towel on the bench so I was wiped myself with that. Then I noticed it smelt really bad. I had just cleaned my face with turps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Anonymous - / Friday 4 March 2011 13:39 / Australia

Health

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Top comments

By Zebidee | 8

#2149849 - Friday 4 March 2011 06:08

I'll post this up here, because everyone gets a chance to read it that way (and it also answers #1's question). 'Turps' is an Australian abbreviation for turpentine, either wood turpentine, or the mineral kind that is called 'white spirit' in other places. It's the stuff you use to clean paint brushes. Although it can be used as slang for alcohol, in this context, it can only mean turpentine. It's the word you'd use 99% of the time when referring to the product. There - now no-one has to ask again, and we can all get on with our lives. Oh, and OP - WTF?! How could you not smell that a mile off?

By Honesty4U | 0

#2151669 - Saturday 5 March 2011 09:32

Here in the Southern USA we just call them dish rags and countertops.

Comments

By SassiestLemon | 2

#2149510 - Friday 4 March 2011 04:04

What, if I may ask, is a Turpin?

ktdad07 | 0

#2149524 - Friday 4 March 2011 04:06

You may not ask, you may use Google.

lerouxmaster | 7

#2149527 - Friday 4 March 2011 04:06

Yeah, WTF is a Turpin --' A turp is something else though, you dumbass. Google the shit out of it.

fadingaway | 16

#2149537 - Friday 4 March 2011 04:07

Turpentine -_-

SassiestLemon | 2

#2149542 - Friday 4 March 2011 04:08

Dude chill, it was the autocorrect, I meant to type turp. "Dumbass"

SassiestLemon | 2

#2149545 - Friday 4 March 2011 04:10

Anyway, thanks 10.

lerouxmaster | 7

#2149565 - Friday 4 March 2011 04:21

Hihi ! I luvz trollin...

lerouxmaster | 7

#2149585 - Friday 4 March 2011 04:23

But use Google anyway.

EmoGiana | 0

#2149686 - Friday 4 March 2011 05:00

19, You be trollin'???? XD I love Ray William Johnson

zinoxity | 23

#2149726 - Friday 4 March 2011 05:19

35 - Where does Ray William Johnston come into the picture?

zinoxity | 23

#2149731 - Friday 4 March 2011 05:22

Johnson* Stupid autocorrect.

D4NNY1990 | 2

#2149739 - Friday 4 March 2011 05:26

Co za asy

zinoxity | 23

#2149842 - Friday 4 March 2011 06:08

45 - Dumb foreigner.

Zebidee | 8

#2149849 - Friday 4 March 2011 06:08

EmoGiana | 0

#2149866 - Friday 4 March 2011 06:18

Co za asy!!! I love that one. :)

MrSassypants | 31

#2149872 - Friday 4 March 2011 06:23

RWJ is not the only one who uses the term trolling. Also #56 your a dumbass. You don't even know why he is saying that.

zinoxity | 23

#2149882 - Friday 4 March 2011 06:33

62 - You're*. I do know where it's from, I was trolling and it worked, because a dumbass responded according to. Hahaha. Moron, I win. Good game, no re.

fadingaway | 16

#2150225 - Friday 4 March 2011 09:56

South African too.

jess2gd4u | 0

#2150320 - Friday 4 March 2011 10:33

you should be able to smell that when u walked into the room. bloody hell mate.

SarahStarzz | 0

#2150836 - Saturday 5 March 2011 01:50

#57 I am glad there r people in FML who don't tell pplz "google it" cuz I hate when they do that, just answer it if u kno the question :D thanks even though I knw the meaning hehe

Zebidee | 8

#2151627 - Saturday 5 March 2011 08:51

Oh, while we're at it, judging from the questions below... Tea towel: Dish towel or dish cloth. The thing you use to dry off dishes after you've washed them by hand. Bench: Kitchen counter. The surfaces in your kitchen where you prepare and serve food. Man, I never thought such simple terms could possibly cause such confusion. You people really need to get out more.

Shokz992 | 0

#2151648 - Saturday 5 March 2011 09:10

Whilst - being a Brit - I call "dish cloths" tea towels, i've never come across anyone refer to a kitchen surface as a bench... Just actual benches and tables for woodwork/metalwork etc.

Honesty4U | 0

#2151669 - Saturday 5 March 2011 09:32

Here in the Southern USA we just call them dish rags and countertops.

springer937 | 9

#2151699 - Saturday 5 March 2011 09:52

140- ikr

DaveOnDope | 4

#2151900 - Saturday 5 March 2011 12:25

To #140 My lady needed me to explain what a "warsh rag" was and after 22 years together, she still can't fry taters or eggs! Thank gawd her Okie momma moved in with us, that old sweetheart knows how to fry 'em right! (Yes radical FML'ers, I done used that word "sweetheart" again!)

attatood | 7

#2152211 - Saturday 5 March 2011 06:37

Thanks #57, because my Google search came up with "Trans-urethral Resection of the Prostate" and I was thinking WTF??

rudysayshi | 4

#3464856 - Friday 21 October 2011 06:40

that's completely inspiring coming from what I'm assuming is a cute young lady ayame dear. and if your curious as to what I'm talking about its her interesting bio thing

NoFlippinWai | 24

#5643227 - Sunday 25 August 2013 05:24

I am Michigan. (the northern pennisula) and there is completely different slag for somethings that people from the lower pennisula have no idea what we are talking about and we are just a bridge away. Most of it is insults but some aren't. like washrag, wash (used instead of laundry), file 13 or bin (trashcan), hamper (laundry), tube (television), interwebs (internet), PocketFruit (Apple products) or saying youre traveling "up" no matter where you are going ( going up to Canada, going up to Mexico or Europe.)

Lagalette | 19

#6105420 - Friday 31 October 2014 12:01

Wow this is so nice because i'm french and theses comments help me to understand better thank you hehe :D

By green_tetris | 2

#2149512 - Friday 4 March 2011 04:05

:-x

By tylerjs12 | 0

#2149514 - Friday 4 March 2011 04:05

that sucks

Immersion | 0

#2150142 - Friday 4 March 2011 09:15

I know. turps killed all the sperm...

By gunmania0 | 12

#2149517 - Friday 4 March 2011 04:05

ouch White spirit.

EmoGiana | 0

#2149874 - Friday 4 March 2011 06:24

Yeah XD

ImaginaryFoe | 0

#2150010 - Friday 4 March 2011 07:55

How do you not smell that before actually applying it to your face?! YDI

By jordanprodigy023 | 0

#2149521 - Friday 4 March 2011 04:06

Always check before you use idiot

By irokyoursox | 6

#2149529 - Friday 4 March 2011 04:07

oh that is quite indeedly terribleriffic

By DocBastard | 38

#2149534 - Friday 4 March 2011 04:07

You cleaned your face with a Transurethral Resection of the Prostate? That makes no sense.

thejacl | 0

#2149548 - Friday 4 March 2011 04:12

lol... he's right though it does not make sense.

ktdad07 | 0

#2149553 - Friday 4 March 2011 04:17

Ya know, I thought from my Google search that turp meant turpentine, but I should probably listen to you Doc. After all, you are a doc(tor).

BWill9014 | 4

#2149556 - Friday 4 March 2011 04:18

Turpentine is also known as "turps" according to wiki

BelleElle_fml | 5

#2149646 - Friday 4 March 2011 04:42

Doc is that a real X-Ray???

DocBastard | 38

#2149709 - Friday 4 March 2011 05:10

Belle - it is indeed a real X-ray of a real patient of mine. It was a 12-ounce glass Coke bottle.

beccusmaximus | 0

#2149759 - Friday 4 March 2011 05:31

Wow! Where does one find Coke in glass bottles anymore?!

kaceemae | 7

#2149807 - Friday 4 March 2011 05:50

we actually had a pt with the same issue a year or so ago.

Zebidee | 8

#2149816 - Friday 4 March 2011 05:54

#47 - of all the possible FAQs Doc's picture brings up, I never would have guessed someone would have asked that one!

OCDC | 9

#2149869 - Friday 4 March 2011 06:19

Is it even possible to insert a Coke bottle that far up your ass? Shouldn't it have punctured something by now? Unless of course you're trying out a new type of urinary catheter...

DocBastard | 38

#2149925 - Friday 4 March 2011 07:03

OCDC - it is quite possible, as you can clearly see by the picture. The butt of the bottle (no pun intended) was lodged over his sacrum, so I had to take him to the OR and put him under anesthesia to relax his rectum and anus enough to get it out. Sometimes people insert things so far that we have to actually go into the abdomen and make an incision in the colon. Fortunately, that's rare.

OCDC | 9

#2149951 - Friday 4 March 2011 07:20

That must have been embarrassing for him. What exactly was he doing with a bottle shoved up his rectum? Besides the obvious, of course

BelleElle_fml | 5

#2150089 - Friday 4 March 2011 08:40

Wow... Was he really calm about the whole thing? Cause my cousin helped out at an ER in her town's hospital and said people would come in and say they swallowed huge nails and stuck pins in their ears like it was completely out of the ordinary.

DocBastard | 38

#2150507 - Friday 4 March 2011 11:58

OCDC - his exact words were, "Doc, I'm not gay, but my wife is out of town with the kids, and I did a stupid thing."

Zebidee | 8

#2150518 - Saturday 5 March 2011 12:04

He said he wasn't gay, but he clearly forgot to say "no homo", otherwise it would have been OK, and you guys could have laughed about it over a couple of brewskis.

1989mustang50 | 0

#2150540 - Saturday 5 March 2011 12:13

wow how do you go from talking about turps to talking about putting a glass bottle of coke in your ass then going to get an x-ray of it??? that makes absolutely zero sense

OCDC | 9

#2150608 - Saturday 5 March 2011 12:50

I wish I could see the look on his wife's face when she finds out :) Do you get a lot of patients like him, who couldn't wait for their significant other to get home and then ended up getting something surgically removed?

erongetti | 2

#2152122 - Saturday 5 March 2011 04:46

HAHAHAHAHAHaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... this is the funniest trail ever!!! Doc, your patient is hilarious! I wonder if he knows you've immortalized him on fml.

chogle | 8

#2152192 - Saturday 5 March 2011 06:04

115, it makes perfect sense.. Someone saw his profile picture and asked a question about it. There, mystery solved.

doglady | 16

#2178475 - Monday 14 March 2011 04:37

from one doc to another: LMAO, seen such things before, not for a while though. The same thought wen thru my head as I read that fml, "what does a TURP [procedure] have to do with this?"

By Ranger16266 | 0

#2149552 - Friday 4 March 2011 04:15

Turps is Aussie slang for alcoholic beverages.

jess2gd4u | 0

#2150322 - Friday 4 March 2011 10:38

not always u dope. it's clear in this instance thats it's the product turpentine.

Babblez | 0

#2151011 - Saturday 5 March 2011 02:46

I can't recall having ever referred to one of my beverages as "turps". Although, I suppose I've called certain vodka home brews paint thinners, same thing. But never turps, and never as an everyday description of a cruiser or a beam or something. Where do people get these ideas from??

jess2gd4u | 0

#2151957 - Saturday 5 March 2011 01:34

it's older slang. "we gettin on the turps tonight" is how u might use it. my dad often uses the term. lol bloody soak!

Babblez | 0

#2161244 - Tuesday 8 March 2011 08:16

I have heard it used in like movies that poorly depict the Australian lifestyle...but pretty much only ever in the outback or whatever >.> never really in towns and cities.