Transportation: Today, a lady on the bus came up to me and asked if she could... - FML

10/12/2012 10:13 - United States - Owatonna

Today, a lady on the bus came up to me and asked if she could sit down. Thinking she meant the seat next to me, I said sure. She meant my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 486

You deserved it 2 245

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Walk the line

Leave us alone

03/02/2011 16:42 - Sweden

Today, my phone decided to delete all my numbers. I posted on Facebook that people should message or text me if they felt like I should have their number. I didn't get a single reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 728

You deserved it 6 623

19/11/2014 20:56 - United States - Victoria

Today, my supervisor was watching a video of his son. I heard a voice in the background and asked if it was Elmo. It was his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 626

You deserved it 5 886

16/06/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's parents' house for dinner, and I thought no one was looking, I picked my nose and put it underneath my chair. Turns out she has a little brother who found it appropriate to point at me and scream, "Booger monster, Booger monster!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 713

You deserved it 76 571

23/05/2011 14:35

Today, my AP teacher once again accused me of plagiarism. Apparently the words "demise," "ultimately," and "rural," are too sophisticated for an 11th grade AP student to use and MUST have been copied from the Internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 453

You deserved it 3 172

15/05/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, I went to a store to buy pants for a new job. A really hot guy helped me get a pair down from a high shelf so I could try them on. He had flirted with me so I hurried in the fitting room so I could go talk to him. Note to self: Check to see if you have pants on after trying on clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 979

You deserved it 53 890

09/11/2011 21:52 - United States

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 442

You deserved it 24 571

24/12/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I found out my mom is getting rid of cable TV. My dad and I bought her a 700 dollar plasma screen TV for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 687

You deserved it 3 392

12/09/2012 07:03 - United States - Saukville

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 252

You deserved it 4 183

03/02/2010 17:58 - United States

Today, I got married. My mother told me to stop being difficult, because she was the mother of the bride, and it was her day to shine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 671

You deserved it 3 023

26/01/2011 05:07 - United States

Today, I let my friend borrow my car. She parked it in a towing zone, and it was towed. The best part is, it was towed by a bogus towing company. The cops assure me it's safe in a chop shop somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 964

You deserved it 4 542

28/07/2018 15:00

Today, I went to the dentist and found out I still have a wisdom tooth. I got all four out last summer... or at least I thought I did. Now I have to go back and get it removed. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 262

You deserved it 181

15/08/2016 15:09 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I went to the chiropractor for a check up. She was going through some of the ways to help my posture and mentioned something that I've never heard before. My fat ass thought it was a type of food. Turns out it was a sports routine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 562

You deserved it 2 945

31/05/2011 05:50 - Australia

Today, I read my university's newsletter. Apparently we're starting up a "buddy" system for international students. I'm signing up, because this will help me complete my goal of making my first friend at university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 949

You deserved it 5 657

20/11/2010 05:49 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. The only person that remembered was my creepy stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 124

You deserved it 3 277

27/10/2015 03:41 - United States - Kent

Today, I learned the hisses of my 3 cats so I can tell who starts the fights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 541

You deserved it 3 379

11/07/2009 23:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years proposed to me. Less than two minutes later, he decided he wasn't ready for the commitment. After I had already said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 554

You deserved it 2 716

16/01/2019 22:00 - United States - Hendersonville

Today, I have had 4 nosebleeds. Four of them, full-on, almost passing out nosebleeds. It's only noon. I think I need to see a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 532

You deserved it 208

10/11/2018 22:00

Today, a few years after getting mugged inspired me to start hitting the gym and taking karate classes, I was mugged again, this time in front of my girlfriend who I actually met at the gym. I was knocked out with one punch. It was the same mugger with the same neck tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 604

You deserved it 328

08/03/2016 11:56 - Australia

Today, a fly flew into my ear canal and got stuck. It was the most horrifying 2 minutes of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 549

You deserved it 1 558

Money!

By Sheezey - 24/02/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer. While doing arm exercises he commented on how impressed he was with the size of my triceps. That really boosted my self-confidence, until he leaned in to feel them and said, "Oh, it's just fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 313

You deserved it 6 757

22/10/2018 15:30

Today, I was planning to ask a guy at school out since I had mustered up the confidence to finally tell him how I really felt. I ended up puking on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 925

You deserved it 334

07/02/2014 01:32 - United States - Salinas

Today, while cleaning a carpet in my house, something in it sliced my foot. I couldn't find what it was, so I went to clean the wound. 10 minutes later, I sliced my foot again on the same thing. I still can't figure out what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 184

You deserved it 5 865

14/04/2016 05:13 - United States

Today, after a long day, I energetically took off my belt to take my pants off and relax. In doing so, I whipped the belt around in the air, causing it to spin around and slap me right in my tender ballsack. I almost threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 774

You deserved it 5 767

12/08/2010 06:53 - United States

Today, my band got booed off stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 321

You deserved it 47 475

24/11/2010 02:37 - Canada

Today, I was forced to go to the mall with my dad. He wore a bear suit the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 151

You deserved it 5 139

24/06/2019 14:12

Today, I'm finally dating the girl I've been fawning over for years. So what do I do? I accidentally call her by her sister's name during a conversation, which might seem like a small mistake, except I used to sleep with her sister and she's been having a hard time getting over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 3 051

07/03/2019 20:00

Today, as planned, my dad confirmed that he would be flying up to visit me for the weekend. Not planned, however, was that my whiny and high-maintenance sister invited herself along too. There's no way I can dis-invite her without offending my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 037

You deserved it 216

07/07/2009 18:33 - United States

Today, I saw a spot on my computer screen. I tried to use my finger to rub it off. Then, I tried using my nail. Then I tried to windex it off. I continued scratching at it with my nail. A half hour and one scratched screen later, I realized the spot was part of the webpage I was looking at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 739

You deserved it 68 444

17/04/2014 19:59 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I had my teacher look over my essay before turning it in. He said it was extremely well-written, so I handed it in. When I got it back, the feedback he left said it was one of the worst essays he'd ever read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 020

You deserved it 4 573

26/02/2010 10:23 - Japan

Today, I realized explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the alter while my husband said his vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 355

You deserved it 3 264

03/08/2009 11:45 - United States

Today, I had misplaced my cell phone. I decided the best course of action would be to dial the number from my house phone and wait for it to ring to locate it. Somebody answered when I called. It wasn't the wrong number and I had a brief conversation with the man that stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 359

You deserved it 3 761

Stay away from us!

By KingSnow03 - 31/03/2020 20:00

Today, because I have a coughed a total of 2 times in a row, I'm now banned from seeing any of my family until I get tested for coronavirus. The earliest available appointment is May 3rd. Looks like quarantine is going to be a lot worse than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 185

06/04/2009 08:35 - China

Today, I had a softball team dinner, and I was sitting with a bunch of girls who were talking about how far they've gone with guys. One girl goes "I must be the least experienced one here, I've never even kissed a guy!" Surprised, I said "me too!" and high-fived her. She was joking. I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 429

You deserved it 9 820

Evil always wins

By Anonymous - 21/03/2021 20:01

Today, I was in the Walmart parking lot listening to some music in my car and some lady comes up to me and say, “Boy, the music you listen to is so unholy, I think you need some Jesus in your life.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 285

11/12/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, my roomate's cats pooped on the floor again. He refuses to clean it up saying it will be easier to clean in 48 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 855

You deserved it 2 683

Call the cops

By sammatthews2007 - 25/02/2009 03:21 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 302

You deserved it 7 479

13/11/2010 05:12 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I had a picnic on the beach. It was so romantic and perfect. He leant forward to kiss me. Once we had kissed he said, "We haven't even started eating yet", and passed me a mint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 007

You deserved it 9 579

29/12/2010 18:13 - Australia

Today, I was taking my earrings out and thought I had lost the back of one. Turns out my ear infection has caused the flesh of my ear to grow around and engulf the back of my earring and it is still stuck in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 769

You deserved it 13 605

07/08/2011 08:08 - Reserved

Spicy

Today, after being kept awake all night by my house-mate and his girlfriend, they woke me at the crack of dawn to apologize for being so loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 229

You deserved it 2 587

Stranger danger

By Dani - 12/01/2012 10:35 - Australia

Today, I happened to make eye contact with a stranger standing on a balcony of the apartment building across the train tracks from mine. He ran his finger across his neck like a knife and winked at me. I'm afraid to go out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 945

You deserved it 2 601

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Top comments

StormfrontX33_fml 24

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Monday 10 December 2012 18:53

The problem with society today is that people take some things too literally. In this case, just way beyond the norm. I will ask the inevitable question that will follow from others to save some space, "Was she at least hot?"

IDontKnow10101 14

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Monday 10 December 2012 18:52

that's what all ladies want, right?

Comments

IDontKnow10101 14

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Monday 10 December 2012 18:52

that's what all ladies want, right?

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Monday 10 December 2012 19:14

Perhaps she wanted to take a ride on his disco stick.

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Monday 10 December 2012 19:48

The lady on the bus goes up and down, up and down, up and down, the lady on the bus goes up and down, all through the town.

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Monday 10 December 2012 20:00

It is. I had this happen to me when I was in high school.

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Monday 10 December 2012 20:26

well, maybe she thought he was Santa?

MrNiceGuy569 18

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Saturday 20 June 2015 4:15

Giving her a "present"

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Monday 10 December 2012 18:53

How is this an FML? You usually have to pay for that.

alwaysbored13 14

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Monday 10 December 2012 18:55

Imagine that the lady is 60 years old.

StormfrontX33_fml 24

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Monday 10 December 2012 18:53

The problem with society today is that people take some things too literally. In this case, just way beyond the norm. I will ask the inevitable question that will follow from others to save some space, "Was she at least hot?"

Send a private message

Monday 10 December 2012 20:40

Wouldn't be an FML if she was hot, would it?

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Monday 10 December 2012 20:55

which might be why he left that out. Because he wanted to post the FML... Also, we assume OP is male. We can't be sure.

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Monday 10 December 2012 21:20

Maybe op is gay, that theory if op is a guy. If op is a girl then it probably doesnt matter if she was hot or not, because obviously from this, op would not be a lesbian

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Monday 10 December 2012 22:49

t55. You lost me.

GhettoXmuffin 7

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Monday 10 December 2012 18:54

Maybe you looked like Santa Claus to her.

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Monday 10 December 2012 19:24

And she's a-- ho ho ho

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 20:58

Your comment. It's epic

andiewithlove 21

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Monday 10 December 2012 18:54

Tell her that seat isn't free. She's gotta dance for it.

Son_of_a_biscuit 4

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Monday 10 December 2012 22:45

Or bring out the classic, "Seat's taken."

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Monday 10 December 2012 18:54

She probably found you attractive, be proud of that!

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Monday 10 December 2012 18:55

Boing! Lol

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Monday 10 December 2012 18:56

I think old is missing in there! "an lady" doesn't quite sound right.

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Monday 10 December 2012 18:59

I was thinking the same thing! Unless they just meant to put "a" lady but worded it wrong

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Monday 10 December 2012 18:56

Hey old ladies need loving to Op. She just wanted to talk about the first thing that popped up.

AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12

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Monday 10 December 2012 19:08

How do you know the lady was old? o.o

ALlamaOnFire 20

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Monday 10 December 2012 19:10

It did say old lady, but OP edited it:)

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Monday 10 December 2012 20:43

Thanks #21. I could of sworn it said old lady too.

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Monday 10 December 2012 20:55

You win the entire internets.

Hannahbanana95 8

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Monday 10 December 2012 18:58

Haha sorry OP!

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Monday 10 December 2012 20:17

Yeah, you should apologize for sitting on op's lap! How rude! :)

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Monday 10 December 2012 21:00

If 11 was her then this FML wouldn't exist.

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Monday 10 December 2012 21:47

You know I'm joking, right gc? Lol. Please tell me you're being sarcastic.

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Monday 10 December 2012 23:10

53- If op were your age.

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Tuesday 11 December 2012 21:20

Yea 59, I caught the sarcasm. Most often, I don't need tilde marks.

Hannahbanana95 8

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 0:44

#59 :) haha ur funny!!

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 20

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 441