The Top

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By Maddie - 22/03/2011 15:39

Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 507

You deserved it 12 942

By hunnydoll - 18/08/2009 00:16 - United States

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I was frantically searching for my cell phone. He was curious as to what I was doing so I told him. There was long silence followed by laughter. He could hardly breathe as he told me, "Honey you're on your phone talking to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 196

Let me go home, for a start

By Anonymous - 05/11/2022 04:00 - Thailand - Huai Khwang

Today, I'm at a company seminar on the topic "Employee Happiness." The goal is to figure how to improve happiness in our workplace. The mandatory agenda runs for 14 hours straight and requires me to be away from my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 125

By Anonymous - 21/03/2011 06:20 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my friend's 18th birthday. She had invited us out drinking. I've never had alcohol before and was very excited. I got a call explaining that she had invited one too many and asked me not to come. People bragging on Facebook about what a great time they were having didn't help either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 514

You deserved it 6 268

By wth? - 13/12/2013 15:10 - United Kingdom - Rotherham

Today, my cousin started sending sarcastic love messages to me. I replied, with even cheesier lines. Then she rang me saying she was so glad I felt the same way. Turns out she wasn't being sarcastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 881

You deserved it 9 288

By Anonymous - 03/03/2010 06:37 - United States

Today, I got an allergic reaction to Nair. It was so bad I had to have my girlfriend take me to the hospital at 2am. Where was the allergic reaction? On my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 261

You deserved it 22 158

Love story

By Anonymous - 16/08/2021 02:01 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my wife quit her job, not wanting to go back to in person at her office, to be a stay-at-home mom. Tomorrow, for my birthday, I was going to tell her that I'm not in love with her, have found an apartment, and signed a 2-year lease. I can't afford the apartment, mortgage, and the kids' tuition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 2 874

Covert failure

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 20:01

Today, I failed school and ghosted all my teachers. Nobody knows, but I'm planning on telling my parents in a week. I'm fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 1 254

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 18:57 - United States

Today, after speeding home due to an overflowing bladder, I ran to the bathroom, forgetting that the toilet seat was broken. While doing my business, the toilet seat and I both slid off the bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 038

You deserved it 7 045

By menerethrr - 05/02/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name "Mom" is right next to "Mike" in my contacts list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 966

You deserved it 53 431

By Anonymous - 17/01/2012 06:13 - Canada

Today, I broke my wrist when I got into a disagreement with a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 180

You deserved it 11 283

Considering something?

By Alice - 16/08/2021 18:01

Today, as a single and ready to mingle mother, I was glad to be on a second date. All was going well, we started making out when he pulled away and said, "It's crazy that Casey Anthony got away with what she did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 122

Running a company into the ground? Huh!

By DeniseK - 13/11/2022 12:00

Today, I found out my boss was quiet-firing me on purpose. Apparently, his daughter who works at this same company is pregnant now and needs a promotion. I have a Master’s and have been here for 9 years. She dropped out of college because it was “too hard” and the other day she put a metal spoon in the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 97

By CA19oo - 16/01/2012 03:08 - United States

Today, I went to see one of my favorite bands. When they started playing my favorite song I whipped out my video camera and sang along. As I was reviewing the video later, I realized that I couldn't even hear the band over my horrible singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 696

You deserved it 42 634

Snitches get snitches

By komp6390 - 28/02/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, my roommate and I got charged $100 for having a cat in our apartment. I was only babysitting the cat so my neighbors wouldn't get caught and fined. We got caught because my roommate reported the people downstairs for having a noisy dog, so they reported that someone else in the building had a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 222

You deserved it 30 192

By dragonstooth257 - 21/06/2019 06:14

Today, I'm so bad at people skills when I got a call to set up a job interview, I weirded the lady out so much that she trailed off when talking about emailing me a time. This took 2 minutes to achieve. A new record. I still haven't got an email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 489

You deserved it 469

Smooth talking

By Anonymous - 07/05/2020 23:00

Today, I downloaded Hinge for the first time, only to have the first guy I match with to tell me, "I can’t wait to breed you and to knock you up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 279

Ah, teenage love…

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 02:00 - United States - Mineral

Today, I was sitting behind a cute girl in class. She said she liked musicals, so I played The Greatest Showman at full blast on my headphones. She turned around and moved seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 1 567

Can't win

By Rawrssa - 13/03/2011 05:52 - United States

Today, I came down with painful sores in my mouth, just after having gotten over a cold. Apparently I'm allergic to the cough drops I've been eating for the past week to make myself feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 472

You deserved it 3 476

BFF

By hairplease - 27/02/2010 19:03 - United States

Today, I brought my best friend to my uncle's birthday party. We were having a great time until my grandmother walked up to us and said to me, "You sure have a nice looking boyfriend." My friend is a girl. She has cancer and lost all of her hair due to chemotherapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 804

You deserved it 2 412

By Lasko - 12/08/2009 19:37 - United States

Today, I found out that just because you collapse from dehydration on the sidewalk, it doesn't mean people are going to stop driving to see if you're okay, even if they saw you fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 240

You deserved it 6 926

The wrong kind of banging

By BRELLA - 03/02/2009 19:58 - United States

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 160

You deserved it 3 963

Battery

By Anonymous - 11/05/2020 05:00

Today, at work, I was talking to a colleague about what the worst pain he ever experienced was. He said his was being bitten by a dog, and I said I didn't know. Next thing, I was kicked in the balls from a behind by another work colleague. She said, "What about that?" I agreed, it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 742

You deserved it 236

Fortunate son

By Elizabeth Ann - 24/08/2021 20:01

Today, I found out that this fall, I'll be living in a dorm with a communal bathroom, paying most of my way. My brother, a grade below me, will be living in a 2 bed 2 bath apartment, all expenses paid by my parents. Why? "It costs money to get rid of people” and “You can do school from home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 112

Who are you? Who am I?

By NoDaddyIssues - 24/03/2024 22:00 - Netherlands - Alphen aan den Rijn

Today, I finally received the phone call I had been waiting on for years. The agency who is trying to approach my father in an attempt for me to get in contact with him called me with the news that they found him. Too bad he died about 25 years ago, so he can't consent with making himself known. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 106

Bathtime

By LemmyIsWet - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took a relaxing bath, but got the book I was reading slightly wet when getting out. I put it on top of the towel dryer after delicately shaking it. Five minutes later, I heard a splash; I went into the bathroom to find that my book had toppled into the toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 962

You deserved it 27 950

Dreams never end

By Anonymous - 26/03/2024 14:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my wife had a dream in which I died while she was pregnant. This is troubling, especially since I had the exact same dream the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 97

By Akestarr - 02/12/2013 13:28 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I found out that my dad paid for my sister's friend's airplane ticket so she could attend my sister's wedding. I would have been there myself, but I couldn't afford the airplane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 399

You deserved it 3 664

By bewitched and bothered - 02/02/2009 13:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went into great detail over the Tiffany's jewelry he painstakingly selected for his previous girlfriends on their birthday. I got hand towels. In powder blue. From Target. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 540

You deserved it 2 627

By yulis - 30/11/2013 19:21 - United States - Hagerstown

Today, I got pulled over on the highway for going over the speed limit. The cop seemed nice, and I was sure he'd let me off with a warning, until my husband piped up with, "Didn't think you folks came out this far. What, the donut store got shut down or some shit?" I got the ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 479

You deserved it 7 304

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The Top

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room… where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 062

You deserved it 75 633

Today, I'm getting married. A few months ago, I allowed my mother in-law to take care of catering. She begged to be a part of the wedding, so I gave her the caterer's number and order info. It appears that I will not be eating at my own wedding because she decided to order food I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 164

You deserved it 6 904

Random

Today, I was having sex with a guy that I had been dating for a while, when I suddenly went into an anaphylactic shock. Instead of helping me and calling the emergency line as I was losing consciousness, the guy drunkenly slurred to me that I should "just calm down" and then went into a deep snoring sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 944

You deserved it 535

Today, my landlord called me to complain about me and my fiancée having sex too loudly every Friday night. Every Friday night I work the night shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 871

You deserved it 370

Today, my boyfriend hasn’t asked for sex in a while, like months, and when I asked him about it he admitted that every day I shout at him, snap at him or act bitchy about anything not his fault, he has a wank and goes to sleep rather than bother asking me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 8 377

Today, my wife told me to stop talking about my depression, in case the neighbours hear and think she’s a bad wife for not being able to keep me happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 138

Today, I was walking through a park when I saw someone running toward me. I thought he was jogging but quickly realized he was wearing nothing other than a grin. As he passed me, he yelled, “I’m freeeee!” I’m still trying to figure out why that was the moment I decided to take a sip of my coffee, because the shock made it come out of my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 95

Today, I tried to hang a new shelf in my apartment. I measured, drilled, and installed it perfectly level, only to realize a few minutes later I'd drilled into the side of a pipe. Water started shooting out like a geyser and almost flooded my bathroom. My shelf looks great, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 515