Today, I've been on a dating site for a while and I'd been doing great. Then I got really fucking drunk and sent messages like I wanted to eat their shit while it was coming out. One of them reported me and I got booted. I have decided to drink less. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend a few dirty messages at lunch time and told him how badly I wanted him home. He texted back lecturing me on how I shouldn't be so drunk so early. I was totally sober, but now I need a drink. FML
Today, I got this beautiful girl's number at a bar. After the night was over, I was pretty drunk and sent too many drunk Snapchats. When I'd sobered up, I deleted them. She asked why I deleted them, so I said because I was drunk and didn't remember what I sent. She hasn't messaged me back since. FML
Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, my latest date ended so badly that I was back home by 8 p.m., drunk on cheap wine, and screaming at myself in the mirror, “What is wrong with you?” FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML
Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML
Today, I got the chance to hook up with the girl of my dreams, but I had whiskey d*ck and couldn't perform. I'm so embarrassed and now she's not messaging back. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Wadlaen 24
Sounds like a wise decision...
Justkidding100 41
not getting kicked off should be the bare ******* minimum and in fact 99% don't even have to worry about it. maybe you should spend some time in reflection about your actions and either shape up or join a fetishist scene.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (2)
Justkidding100 41
not getting kicked off should be the bare ******* minimum and in fact 99% don't even have to worry about it. maybe you should spend some time in reflection about your actions and either shape up or join a fetishist scene.
Wadlaen 24
Sounds like a wise decision...