Miscellaneous: Today, while trying to prove a point to my mom, I learned that... - FML

By NJ <3 - 10/01/2012 15:34 - United States

Today, while trying to prove a point to my mom, I learned that bird seed tastes better than her cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 166

You deserved it 3 671

BO Central

Batman

Moving day, grandma

By Anonymous - 11/03/2014 00:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 652

You deserved it 7 423

By Anonymous - 21/12/2016 23:13

Spicy

Today, I went to my parents house to secretly collect all of their home videos and convert them to DVDs as a Christmas gift. Among them I found a sex tape my parents had made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 645

You deserved it 3 578

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 04:34 - United States - Thibodaux

Today, I watched my high school crush pull into the parking spot next to me, and then almost immediately he started backing out once he saw me parked next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 091

You deserved it 1 614

By Anonymous - 19/10/2015 21:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to bribe my cousin with Monster Energy Drinks and Halo 5 so he wouldn't tell my mom I snuck out to meet a boy. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 280

You deserved it 8 481

Herpes goes to Monaco

By amethyst334 - 24/08/2021 18:01

Spicy

Today, after receiving a negative herpes test four months ago, my doctor called me and told me it was a false negative and I’ve been living with herpes for four months. I then had to tell everyone I’ve slept with about it, and worst of all my new boyfriend broke up with me. All in one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 420

By Anonymous - 22/12/2016 05:03

Today, I bought a rather unique shirt for my boyfriend, planning to give it to him for Christmas. He showed up wearing the same shirt. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 423

You deserved it 659

By ugly - 11/06/2012 12:01 - Australia

Today, I was telling my best friend that I was feeling unattractive, and that I never get asked out. As she was trying to make me feel better, we were interrupted by a stranger trying to hit on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 354

You deserved it 3 566

By ughhhh - 03/05/2014 21:10 - United States

Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 625

You deserved it 7 942

By Daemon - 27/10/2008 04:57 - France

Spicy

Today, after a party, I brought a girl to the flat I share with my 2 best friends. While we are doing it, she asks me "You're not afraid your friends could hear us?". The only answer that spontaneously came out of my mouth: "Don't worry, they're used to it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 475

You deserved it 88 995

Public Freakout

By Anonymous - 06/07/2021 15:01 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, my partner was driving. We were coming up to a sharp bend up a hill when suddenly a girl and a boy came speeding down the hill on a scooter. My partner stopped well before, but they fell off the kerb. We got out to check they were OK. The girl blamed us and kicked me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 72

By anonymous - 11/11/2018 13:30

Today, I broke my glasses. How did I break my glasses? A cow kicked me in the face at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 808

You deserved it 235

By blaahh - 19/02/2011 01:35 - United States

Today, I was asked out by a guy I've liked since the beginning of the year. All I could say was, "I have to pee", and ran into the men's bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 386

You deserved it 17 630

By Anonymous - 19/03/2014 10:34 - Australia - Greensborough

Today, I was sitting on a bench outside a supermarket waiting to be picked up, when a old lady walked out of the shop. She hadn't noticed me and sat on the bench beside me. She looked around and saw me, rolled her eyes, got up and moved to a different bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 539

You deserved it 3 823

By confusedbutloved - 08/07/2012 12:42 - United States - North Easton

Today, my boyfriend of seven months and I were looking at some pictures on his iPad. I saw a picture of a kid of about two years old that looked a little like him. I jokingly said, "What, is that your son?" Imagine my surprise when he said that it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 376

You deserved it 3 875

By Anonymous - 01/02/2016 12:00 - United States - Montgomery

Spicy

Today, I accidentally walked in on my sister shaving, naked. I don't know what's worse, the fact I've now seen her nude, or that she looks ten times better than any girl I've ever slept with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 094

You deserved it 6 005

By OMGWTF - 13/08/2009 02:01 - United States

Today, while biking home from work, a 12 mile trip, I was speeding down a long hill and my jean pant leg got caught in the chain. It ripped, and then the rest of my pant leg ripped off. I had to bike 10 more miles half naked along the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 070

You deserved it 6 126

By Anonymous - 30/10/2013 16:43 - United States - Houston

Today, I found out that I'm highly-placed in my wrestling competition this year. I also found out that I have mono and won't be able to take part for at least the first half of the competition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 383

You deserved it 3 933

By WhyGodWhy - 18/10/2016 06:33 - United States - Addison

Today, I spent the first night in my new home as a first-time homeowner. I was relaxing and enjoying the feeling of having my own space when I reached over to get my glasses and came back with a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 583

You deserved it 795

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 15:40 - United States

Today, I finally felt the effects of a laxative that I took last night. This morning, when I was in the dentist's chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 419

You deserved it 6 903

By Marie - 08/06/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I had a meeting at work with my board of directors for a potential promotion. When one of them told a joke, I politely let out an amused snort. Then, I noticed my director's white shirt and tie covered in red splatter. I nose bled all over the director of my company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 346

You deserved it 4 771

Pranksters

By dan - 09/05/2012 20:10 - United States - Laurel

Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the backrest came apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to, "Stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 074

You deserved it 2 162

By PrettySureItsReal - 09/04/2015 19:38 - United States - Saint Peters

Today, a parent of one of the students I teach called me to complain that I was teaching her child "lies" and "fairytales". I was teaching them about the Holocaust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 974

You deserved it 2 209

By Anonymous - 05/06/2012 18:47 - Brazil - Americana

Today, I was at work, reading some funny stories on my phone. Just as one of my co-workers decided to share that his father had passed away recently, I burst into uncontrollable, teary-eyed laughter at a story. They don't believe my explanation, and have branded me the office asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 854

You deserved it 9 116

By Anonymous - 14/01/2014 16:15 - United Kingdom - Chester

Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 886

You deserved it 4 951

By IT_4_Hire - 10/05/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, I received a list of employee names who were losing their jobs and I had to remove them from the system as I work for IT. I was on the list. That's right. My last responsibility as an employee was removing myself from the system for security reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 987

You deserved it 3 207

By Anonymous - 25/06/2015 03:55 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, as I was about to orgasm while my boyfriend was giving me oral sex, I tightened my grip on his hair and began shouting his name. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 314

You deserved it 4 981

By cock sauce - 09/06/2012 21:15 - Switzerland - Luzern

Today, I snuck out of the house for a night on the town. When I got back, I found all the doors and windows bolted shut. My sister's laughing face at my bedroom window suggests I'll be spending the rest of the night outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 341

You deserved it 29 551

By bdayboy - 11/01/2011 09:17 - United States

Today, some of my classmates brought cupcakes to celebrate my birthday. I took the leftovers with me after class, and when my mom picked me up from school, she asked, "What are the cupcakes for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 288

You deserved it 2 821

By why?? - 24/05/2016 13:29 - United States

Today, I think I've finally gotten past the food poisoning that caused me to puke so violently that I pulled muscles in my abdomen and chest. Unfortunately, some of that vomit hung around long enough to give me a sinus infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 511

You deserved it 1 346

By kimbo - 25/10/2010 08:28 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I woke up and had a flick through my camera photos. To my disgust my mother had taken pictures of herself, drunk out of her mind, naked with goggles on in our hot tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 369

You deserved it 2 856

Kinky

By marysparklez - 05/03/2021 22:59

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend is once again mad at me because I refused to have shower sex with him. I’m too embarrassed to explain to him that ever since I could remember, if I don’t take my showers sitting down, I vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 340

Fucking Facebook memories

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 23:03 - Canada

Today, Facebook showed me pictures from five years of a happy time I had traveling with a boyfriend, who later ended our 8-year relationship by telling me he had gotten an apartment and furniture in secret, and was moving out. No warning, no reason, no explanation. He never spoke to me again. I loved him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 730

You deserved it 187

AT&Twat

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 20:02

Spicy

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his best friend that the only reason he likes to sleep over at my house is for the sex and the fast internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 323

You deserved it 224

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 23:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. After about 10 minutes, while we changed positions, he shouts, "Power Rangers - It's Morphin' Time!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 785

You deserved it 12 591

By Anonymous - 08/11/2017 13:00 - United States

Today, during the birth of my first child, my epidural didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 110

You deserved it 453

By flatchested Sam - 01/12/2013 00:16 - United States - Radcliff

Today, my mom said I should start wearing push up bras to make myself look better. I was wearing one when she said that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 752

You deserved it 3 935

By dynomyte - 11/02/2009 20:04 - United States

Today, as I sat on the table in my gynecologist's office for my yearly checkup, I realized that was the most action I got in the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 888

You deserved it 8 133

By Anonymous - 14/08/2012 15:42 - United States

Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 861

You deserved it 1 749

By Biologyfacepalm - 03/03/2014 19:58 - United States

Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 630

You deserved it 4 901

By Anyom - 27/07/2016 00:46 - United States - Detroit

Today, my friend got her first car. I bought mine 3 weeks ago and haven't started making payments. She came straight from the dealer ship to pick me up. She backed in to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 568

You deserved it 945

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 18:52

Aww.. That's too bad! Normally, Mommas cookin' is always the best!! :)

Wozuh 5

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 18:54

Make your own food then.

Comments

daydreamer244 13

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 18:51

Cooking lessons?

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 19:42

If bird seed tasted better then her cooking, even lessons won't help.

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 20:09

than* OP- FYL, but how did you end up tasting the bird seed(s)?

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 20:36

#31: "Even bird seed tastes better than this cooking!" "Prove it."

TheFakeFamilyGuy 9

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 21:23

I know exactly how you feel OP.

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 22:45

I like fish food...

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 7:01

For OP? I agree. Why don't you cook instead of insulting your momma?

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Thursday 12 January 2012 5:22

Good answer ;)

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Sunday 15 January 2012 7:43

Be grateful she even bothers to cook, IMO. Ungrateful westerners. #Firstworldproblems, lol.

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 18:52

Aww.. That's too bad! Normally, Mommas cookin' is always the best!! :)

xicadelaspoesias 9

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 19:43

It's just not true in this case. Poor thing. lol

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 20:07

I'm 16, and I'm the only one in my house that can cook. It's kinda pathetic really

Dracoboxer357 35

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 21:49

Uh, I'm the cook in my family too. :p My mom's cooking is mediocre, but knowing she tries hard at it, I always complimented and thanked her for it growing up. It's the thought that counts right? Well, I hope OP wasn't too rude about making her bird seed point.

burtonbullet 10

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 21:49

I'm in the same boat as Eggers, I cook dinner every night in my house for 6 people, 20 years old and I'm the youngest one.

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 18:53

Are you bird man?

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 2:39

Birdman, daddy I fly in any weather.

FreshPrincess23 0

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 18:54

That's a great idea. I might just have to do that.

Wozuh 5

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 18:54

Make your own food then.

Wozuh 5

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 22:28

Yes, I do. How can you just assume I don't? You don't know me.

darlingdollie 24

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 23:56

you go to my school I think lol

swankmrpancake 8

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 18:56

Buy an industrial sized bag of bird seed and tell her to try cooking that instead

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 18:58

Do you eat birdseed typically? Maybe you should make your own dang food!

xicadelaspoesias 9

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 19:48

OP might cook for himself/herself at other times, but sometimes it's just nice to have some of Mama's cooking. (In this case, not so much) lol

evilteddybear 0

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Friday 13 January 2012 3:46

Well the stuff i but for my bird has mostly sunflower seeds soo

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 18:59

rude!

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 18:59

Maybe a cook book for her Birthday?

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 19:07

Don't encourage her

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 23:44

I think that may end with OP in the emergency room with a cook book stuck halfway up their ass

DontClickOnMe 28

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Tuesday 10 January 2012 19:02

Don't hate, appreciate. But no really, you should appreciate that she even cooks for you. Besides, I'm sure not everything she cooks is that bad..

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 15

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 144