The Top

Clear some things up. I had been working there for 4 1/2 years. Everyone at the store eats on the job and I was the only one to get fired. Never had any disiplinary problems before. The Store owners 14 year old son saw me eat the burger while working and told his dad who in turn told the DM. My regular manager didnt even know about it and was as blindsided as me. I offered to pay for the burger even double or triple for it but my DM could not see it any other way and canned my ass. O well. FML

By somebody - 08/06/2012 23:13 - United States - Lexington Park

Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 393

You deserved it 2 092

By ringhider - 08/10/2010 16:55 - France

Today, I was working my shift at the restaurant as a waiter when the girl I've been in love with for 4 years came in with her boyfriend. He asked me to hide the ring in their dessert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 665

You deserved it 6 973

So young, so jaded

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 13:59

Today, like every day, I scrolled through my social media feeds, seeing happy couples, people buying houses and landing their dream jobs. I, on the other hand, am a single 23 year-old man in a dead end job, who still lives with his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 648

By hotelbound - 21/05/2013 00:37 - United States - Florissant

Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her for a few days. Her response? "I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I've been married to said man for almost a year now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 408

You deserved it 3 000

Special announcement

By tired - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad woke me up 3 hours early, after I'd been up very late the night before, because something "awesome" happened. Apparently the cashier at Dunkin' Donuts and I share the same first name. Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 447

You deserved it 3 699

Mindfullness

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 07:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend, who held me and promised it'd be alright, and he'd never leave me. One sandwich later, he'd forgotten about the whole thing, and dumped me when I reminded him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 566

You deserved it 6 113

No pain, no gain

By SailorVenus93 - 26/02/2021 08:01 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I woke up with a sore clitoris. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend for weeks, but I did masturbate yesterday. I guess I can't get horny without feeling pain afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 219

Broadcasting

By Anonymous - 16/01/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, at 1 a.m., I had my headphones on trying to watch porn. I live in an apartment with thin ass walls anyway, and I didn’t realize my headphone jack had come undone. The volume was terrible on the video so I raised it louder, not realizing it until like maybe halfway through the video, and my window was also open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 588

By familyhatesme - 18/07/2014 16:30 - United States - Kingston

Today, I was at my grandma's funeral. While giving the eulogy, I accidentally mixed up "You will be missed" and "You won't be forgotten" and instead said "You won't be missed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 539

You deserved it 7 935

By lez probs - 18/05/2013 12:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 560

You deserved it 21 761

By ugh - 05/10/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, I asked my mom why she decided to be a parent. She replied, in all seriousness, "Everyone else was doing it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 736

You deserved it 3 855

By Nicked - 25/04/2009 11:50 - Israel

Today, I was on a bus and a man was feeling up my butt. I was just about to step on his foot when the bus stopped and he slipped out. Only then did I realize he'd stolen my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 031

You deserved it 15 806

By LostSoul - 01/07/2019 22:00

Today, I found out why you never leave wet leather shoes in a van when it's over 90 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 1 288

Sting operation

By Anonymous - 11/08/2023 08:00

Today, my husband cheated on me 8 hours into our marriage with one of the barmaids serving drinks at the party. He claimed he was drunk and thought she was me. Kind of hard to claim that when I clearly heard him moaning her name right before I caught them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 106

By krt - 03/10/2010 23:29 - United States

Today, my dad found the ugliest picture my mom has ever taken. I show it to her laughing. She said it looks like me. I looked again and it kind of does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 117

You deserved it 7 819

By MissBeEyeTeeSeeH - 08/11/2009 11:46 - Canada

Today, It was pretty nice out, so I decided to walk to work. Not twenty minutes after leaving, it started to pour. I was soaking when I got there and had to change. My boyfriend works next door, so I asked him if he could give me a ride. His reply? "Sorry Babe, I just can't be seen with you like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 667

You deserved it 4 448

By dogggg - 14/07/2014 02:10 - India - Pune

Today, I caught my dog drinking from the toilet. After yelling at him, his apology was licking my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 754

You deserved it 9 644

By buiuuum - 27/07/2011 16:35 - United States

Today, my 8 year old son cut his own hair. He did a better job than I ever did. I'm a hairdresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 528

You deserved it 34 207

By hunnybaby0319 - 02/10/2010 22:07 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my car from where I parked it last night. I walked over to my parking spot only to find a vegetable stand there in its place. Apparently, that's the location of the Saturday Market and they had my car towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 902

You deserved it 25 641

By sumhub94 - 14/05/2013 16:48 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 688

You deserved it 3 925

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be funny to change my ringtone to some guy crooning "Thank heaven for little girls" and then call me during today's teacher-parent conference. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 998

You deserved it 1 982

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 982

You deserved it 17 944

Today, my mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 472

You deserved it 3 566

Today, I discovered that when you're the maid of honor giving a toast at your best friend's wedding, it's important to make sure the zipper on your dress is secured. Otherwise, your bare breasts and Hello Kitty panties could end up exposed to a wedding party of 600 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 129

You deserved it 9 178

Today, I was making one of those microwavable pizza kits. Realizing I had no crushed red pepper to put on it, my mom suggested using a chili pepper she had dried. Thinking it was a great idea, I cracked it open on my pizza and out popped some fuzzy white mold and two maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 706

You deserved it 269

Today, I slipped out my bedroom window at night in an attempt to rebel against my parents. Then I realized that I have no friends and nowhere to go, so I tried to climb back in. I fell, broke my ankle, and laid in the dirt until my parents found me in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 720