Money: Today, I found out that FedEx delivered my $700 package to the...

By bob - 07/02/2011 06:52 - Canada

Today, I found out that FedEx delivered my $700 package to the wrong person. The person who signed for it didn't even spell my name right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 349

You deserved it 2 598

Money

Leave us alone

Bad boys, bad boys, what ya gonna do?

A new enemy

When the cat's away…

By F*ckyouRoss - 06/03/2021 20:30 - Brazil - Sao Paulo

Today, I went back home after a break with my live-in boyfriend. I had to spend some time at my distant father's place in another city until we talked it over, and he asked me to come back. I guess he should have mentioned he'd had sex with someone else before I came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 232

By kp - 03/09/2015 16:30 - United States

Today, my mom called me a druggie after she found out I smoked weed once. She's now threatening to sell my car, tell my boss, and ban me from seeing my fiancée. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 184

You deserved it 3 904

By Anonymous - 07/04/2011 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, a guy who annoys me walked over. To avoid speaking to him, I pretended to be on the phone and he walked away. A few moments later, my phone rang. I looked around to see if he'd seen me. He had. He was the one ringing me from down the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 576

You deserved it 39 853

By why me - 24/10/2017 01:30

Today, someone broke into my house and stole all of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 241

You deserved it 274

By YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK THE CUSTOMER - 20/07/2013 17:47 - United States - Sherwood

Today, at work, a woman came up to the snack bar and ordered a pretzel with no salt. When I served her the food, she angrily complained about it having no salt, followed by her throwing the whole thing in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 140

You deserved it 3 450

By thyella87 - 21/08/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, my hours got cut because I couldn't make it into work when they called me in. Why couldn't I make it in? I was in an interview for a better job. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 679

You deserved it 18 013

Golden child

By Dina - 15/07/2021 14:01

Today, I found out my mother would rather sleep than attend my soccer games, volleyball tournaments, or see me win any awards. However, she was present to see the dog get potty trained, filming the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 80

By Watchingmyfigure - 06/12/2016 17:55 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I was so hungry and broke that I resorted to drinking salad dressing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 919

You deserved it 1 214

By Anonymous - 02/01/2010 22:27 - United States

Today, my mom informed me that my entire family puts their dirty towels on the towel rack in the bathroom instead of the hamper. I've been using their dirty towels after showers for as long as I remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 068

You deserved it 6 461

By bigbum - 04/11/2012 09:50 - Australia - Glenroy

Today, my boyfriend of two years proposed to me. It would have been great if he weren't drunk with a naked girl next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 029

You deserved it 2 364

By sadgirl - 24/08/2019 09:00 - United States - Edmond

Today, I brought my boyfriend home to meet my family. The first thing my mom said to him was, “Oh, you can do so much better. Like a paint huffer or a crack whore.” She was serious, and my entire family nodded in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 805

You deserved it 163

By EpicMayonnaise - 26/08/2011 07:35 - United States

Today, I went to a club. The only guy who asked me to dance introduced himself as "Bird Dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 359

You deserved it 3 653

By DrtySnchez - 18/08/2013 09:37 - United States - Statham

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 883

You deserved it 3 634

By ElemTeacher - 02/01/2018 15:00

Today, a student's parent yelled at me because they had to pay for school equipment their son had stolen from my desk. Apparently, it's my fault because the item was just too tempting for him not to steal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 644

You deserved it 246

By bachelor - 26/09/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, was my bachelor party. The only people that showed up were my best man and my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 674

You deserved it 3 663

By No thanks - 20/05/2016 00:06 - United States

Today, I was called a bitch and "freaky as hell" because I don't like watermelon. I'm sorry, but just because I'm black doesn't mean I like watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 554

You deserved it 1 482

By lostmystuff - 07/07/2013 06:35 - United States - Livermore

Today, I was moving to my new apartment. I left some furniture outside as I drove to dump the first load at my new place. When I got back, everything was gone. Apparently, today is the day the donation truck was coming around to take everything we don't need. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 624

You deserved it 25 089

By andrew - 04/04/2018 06:00

Today, I broke a world record on third-wheeling with my friend and his girlfriend. As we were driving back from the beach, I took a nap and woke up to my friend receiving head in the front seat. They knew I was awake, but they continued and finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 189

You deserved it 915

By Anonymous - 18/11/2015 13:47 - United States - Roxboro

Today, my girlfriend cornered me and asked if I'm gay. I said no and asked why she even had any doubts. Apparently me being depressed and crying over my grandmother's death is "faggish" and means I want to have sex with men. Who knew? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 026

You deserved it 1 889

Cat vs. pancakes

By demix_fml - 06/10/2019 02:01

Today, it's my birthday, I knew I would be on my own, so I brought some pancakes, only to come down and find that not only had my cat eaten them, but also that I’d have to clean his barf up. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 446

You deserved it 238

By SingleStrongArm - 03/05/2013 05:16 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, marks the third week in which my girlfriend has gone without taking a shower. She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month. She's convinced baby wipes will "hold her over". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 618

You deserved it 9 744

Metal

By TiredBird - 05/09/2021 17:01

Today, I'm exhausted. My neighbours across the street had an argument about loud metal music. After a threat of, "Turn the heavy metal off or I’ll burn your house down," the music changed to Katy Perry’s "Firebird". For two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 141

By Anonymous - 01/05/2016 04:56 - United States - Sandown

Today, my boss sent me a message about a project, via WhatsApp. It's my day off, so I figured it could wait till I was able to give a flying fuck. Literally a minute later, he was spamming me, demanding to know why I'd left him as read and reminding me that he has firing powers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 769

You deserved it 1 503

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 05:54 - United States

Today, my brother asked if he could borrow my razor, since he recently hit puberty and wanted to have a shave. I decided to be nice and let him. When he returned it half an hour later, I couldn't help but notice his facial hair was untouched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 722

You deserved it 8 253

Let's go for a walk

By jonloran - 14/08/2015 09:08 - United States - Incline Village

Today, my friend and I were getting picked up by his dad after a carnival. As I put my stuff in the back of the car and shut the door to walk around to get in the other side, his dad drove off, thinking I was in the car, leaving me to walk up their hill. It was midnight and I ended up lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 737

You deserved it 2 269

The nerve of some people

By evecharneco - 25/05/2021 14:01 - United States

Today, it's been a few months since got fired from a job I'd spent two years at. Before getting fired, I trained the entire new staff, and to this day they still message me for help, even though I was fired months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 78

By Epiphany - 19/07/2012 09:01 - United States

Today, I finally realized how depressed I am when I found bubble wrap and didn't feel like popping it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 019

You deserved it 3 018

By Lisa - 23/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Tupelo

Today, a woman came knocking on my door. Not to sell something or to chat, no. To punch me in the mouth. Apparently, I stole her husband and I'm a homewrecker. We don't have a clue who she is. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, and were high school sweethearts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 989

You deserved it 219

By Uh oh.... - 05/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 2 676

By latenightbite - 16/03/2010 23:17 - United States

Today, I found out why my roommate and best friend comes home late three nights a week. She goes to get drunk with some guy, then goes back to his house to hook up. Who is this guy? The guy I've been dating for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 083

You deserved it 3 078

By bloated - 04/11/2016 02:46 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I felt so self-conscious about my gut, I pushed it out and pretended I was pregnant rather than sucking it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 759

You deserved it 2 503

By Anonymous - 13/08/2014 11:33 - Australia - Rooty Hill

Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 583

You deserved it 4 001

By lacucarcha - 15/10/2015 21:47 - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, my boyfriend flamboyantly proposed to me in a packed restaurant. I promptly had a panic attack and fainted in front of at least fifty people and a full mariachi band. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 006

You deserved it 2 253

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, I held my cousin's new baby, whom I have nicknamed Canteloupe Head. He then reenacted the Exorcist by projectile vomiting all over my lap and shirt. His mom is a firm believer in karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 044

You deserved it 35 333

By ICanExplain - 22/06/2015 20:46 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, after parking in the handicapped spot of a lot with my placard, an older couple with their 7-year-old grandchild came up and yelled at me for being a lying asshole and taking the parking spot. When I showed them my prosthetic leg, the kid started crying and guess who got yelled at again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 995

You deserved it 1 548

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I logged on to Facebook to find that my boyfriend's relationship status had changed to in a relationship with his ex. I asked him about it, and all he said was, "I guess I forgot to break up with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 003

You deserved it 2 764

By IHaveTwoOwies - 06/10/2017 13:00

Today, I pinched a nerve in my shoulder while pulling the bedcovers higher in the morning. After excruciating pain all day, I climbed back into bed at night, twisting my knee in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 014

You deserved it 371

Lonely, so lonely…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Scarborough

Today, I held hands with a male mannequin in a department store, just to remember what holding hands felt like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 074

You deserved it 6 970

By PISSED OFF - 17/05/2015 13:09 - Australia

Today, I bought an expensive video game and decided to show it off and post a photo of it on Instagram. When I got home to play it, it rejected my activation key. I then realised it was showing in the Instagram post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 773

You deserved it 47 626

By badsister - 10/01/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, I made a batch of "special" brownies for a party I was going to tonight. I wrapped them up and put them on the counter with a note that said DO NOT EAT. Later on I came home from some errands to find a tray of half eaten brownies and my ten year old sister passed out on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 129

You deserved it 59 368

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Top comments

Lounia_fml 8

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Monday 7 February 2011 12:41

He misspelled Bob? How? Did he write it backwards?

DocBastard 38

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Monday 7 February 2011 14:21

So someone else got your John Holmes Commemorative Dildo 8-pack? Before you ask, yes they are $700. Every1luvsboners told me.

pdp_fml 21

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Monday 7 February 2011 12:06

OMG yes your life sucks!

Perksofbeingawal 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 4:46

Represent Canada all day er-daaay.

Levini 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 5:54

someone smells lawsuit ... double or nothing the price ... name it in the suit

The_Moustache 6

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 6:13

Three words. Sue. Everyone.

RedPanda900 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 17:12

I like turtles

fugachumi 0

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 23:42

What the fuck was in there???

wildmonkey 16

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Wednesday 20 February 2013 5:35

That's two, #86.

singaman96 0

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Monday 7 February 2011 12:06

first

bellaec825 4

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Monday 7 February 2011 12:06

woops fail lol

shaneac 0

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Monday 7 February 2011 13:43

This is a repeat, I've heard this before, with the exact same wording.

Zmeilerr 22

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Monday 7 February 2011 16:48

Then go tell one of the moderators instead of sitting here bitching about it.

x_Cupcakes 0

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Monday 7 February 2011 12:07

Oops. I hope you get it back!

PeteyPablo12308 20

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Monday 7 February 2011 12:07

That's fucked. Well obviously FedEx knows where it went so I suggest you do something about it.

Froz3narr0w 0

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Monday 7 February 2011 12:18

You could say OP should 'deliver' the bad news to FedEx.

MyChemical_fml 0

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Monday 7 February 2011 13:15

Or OP could accidentally go to the UPS.

mmmskittles 3

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Monday 7 February 2011 21:43

at least OP gets his packages *cough* USPS.

Rhianikki 0

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Monday 7 February 2011 23:21

actually skittles, OP DOESN'T get his packages, that's what the entire FML is about, lol

Altosax 4

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 5:21

Plus getting the united states postal service to deliver to Canada is a real hassle.

nommnom_fml 0

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 6:24

74 - quiet time for you. skittles was obviously joking hence the "*cough*".

srgsk9 9

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Monday 7 February 2011 12:07

Not a huge deal, your life is not fucked.

MrBond007_fml 6

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Monday 7 February 2011 12:10

wow that was fast, I didn't even get to read it^

Mirorbo 26

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Monday 7 February 2011 12:07

Sadly, no one actually double checks the signing anymore. Just the other day I had a package come in with my name clearly on it, and the man allowed Folly to sign for it. It's nowhere near close to my name!! Sure, I trust my boys with my mail, but what if it had gone to someone else? So sorry, I'm ranting and rambling!~ Fuhohohoho!~

docscientist 9

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Monday 7 February 2011 13:15

I once signed a package, Bob Loblaw.

newjerseyguy 0

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Monday 7 February 2011 14:33

here in new jersey they dont even try to get a signature, thet just drop the package at the door and leave

FMLephant 2

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Monday 7 February 2011 15:03

Arrested Development was an awesome show.

maronofhearts 19

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Monday 7 February 2011 19:09

@41 Actually they do that everywhere if the package doesnt say "signature required" then they are allowed to leave it at the door or wherever they think is the safest though at least for UPS its common practices to know the neighborhood first if there is known crime in that area generally they wont leave it because the driver can get in trouble. they drop and go mainly because they are on a time and gas mileage clock so its pretty hectic

eissirk 2

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Tuesday 8 February 2011 5:18

Were you signing for a law blog?

jonathanpwns 0

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Thursday 24 February 2011 9:20

When I was hanging out with my friend a package came in for his mom, and he didn't want to sign in her name, so he signed it as "Batman".

vinzk_fml 6

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Monday 7 February 2011 12:13

insurance?

kcrnpl 0

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Monday 7 February 2011 16:21

like^

meowmeowwkitty 0

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Friday 18 February 2011 4:32

what if it was bud? can't insure that

Emrysa 1

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Monday 7 February 2011 12:17

FedEx SUCKS. I hope you had some kind of insurance. I usually go with U.S.P.S., not always better, but I know they have insurance. I called the FedEx hotline one time and the help person just hung up on me. I wasn't yelling or anything. They're pretty ridiculous. Good luck.

englishdweller 3

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Tuesday 31 July 2012 21:26

USPS delivered my $830 iPad to someone in a different state and just left it on the their porch, no signature. nothing.

marinus_fml 19

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Monday 7 February 2011 12:18

If your name is Bob, FYL, not because of the wrong FedEx delivery, but because your parents failed to be original and put effort into giving you a name.