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By tahneee - 31/05/2019 20:00

Today, I went to a function with my dad for a football team. Handing my dad the camera, I finally worked up the courage to ask for a photo with my favourite player. The guy was looking at my boobs in all three photo attempts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 760

You deserved it 242

Right place, wrong person

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 05:01

Today, I came home and heard a noise in the bathroom. I figured it was my girlfriend, so I went over and as the door closed, I told her not to close the door as I've seen her beautiful body before. Turns out it was our roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 1 169

Alf Garnett

By Anonymous - 30/03/2022 02:00

Today, and up until now, I never knew my dad had a racist streak until he found out his usual fish and chip shop had been turned into an Indian takeaway. The language he was using, I had to google what half of the names even meant, since I wasn't born in the '70s. The neighbours definitely heard him, because now they won't talk to us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 139

In pain

By Khail Lozano - 02/04/2022 00:00

Today, I was making my bed and had an armload of pillows. One slipped and I tried to catch it between my arm and leg. I missed, sending my fist into my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 267

Crime doesn't pay

By honest mistake! - 21/07/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I was humiliated, detained, and questioned by police when I tried to leave a store with an unpaid item. I honest to God didn’t see the item because it'd slid under my toddler daughter's leg while she sat in the basket. The store refused to believe me, even when I tried to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 175

By gabby - 16/06/2012 20:36 - United States

Today, I'm driving cross-country with my parents. As if the stifling heat isn't bad enough, they keep stopping to admire, comment on, and practically do a photoshoot in every corn field we pass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 232

You deserved it 2 507

By ziatenaj - 15/10/2010 10:52 - United States

Today, at work, I was trying to repeat an order back to this guy, when his drunk girlfriend started to interrupt me. Whenever I would open my mouth, she would say "Blah blah blah." Literally. Eventually, I gave up. I got his order wrong, and got yelled at by my manager for not repeating his order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 276

You deserved it 2 964

By bakergirl - 16/11/2009 10:40 - Australia

Today, my boss made me wear reindeer antlers to promote the Christmas spirit. There are still 5 weeks till Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 073

You deserved it 3 987

By Tim - 07/08/2011 02:49 - United States

Today, I found that there is nothing worse than coming home to a snake slithering across your kitchen floor. Except when it disappears into your cabinets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 746

You deserved it 3 358

By tman - 14/10/2010 08:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 513

You deserved it 3 340

Love is Hell

By StraightAF - 05/04/2022 00:01

Today, I’ve been single for so long that my mom’s friends ask her if I’m a lesbian, all because I’m 35 and not married yet. Truth is, my last relationship fucked me up so bad that the thought of falling in love with someone again makes me physically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 130

By fuck you retail - 27/05/2013 20:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 630

You deserved it 4 554

By your mother - 13/10/2010 09:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went out for ice cream. We somehow started talking about which of our relatives had died. Right when she was talking about how her grandfather had died, I started laughing. She had gotten ice cream all over her face. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 230

You deserved it 40 509

By dasbooot - 30/04/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 765

You deserved it 4 594

Craigslist time

By middleagednurse - 19/04/2022 02:00

Today, I tried to contact a support group for parents of mentally ill adult children, because I’m at the end of my rope. Turns out there are none in my area and if I want one I’ll have to start it myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 114

By voltumna - 29/04/2009 12:38 - United States

Today, at 4 AM, I locked myself out of my apartment. After calling friends in vain, I decided to just sit on the doorstep and wait for someone to come in. I sat for 10 minutes before a homeless man insisted threateningly that I move. I was kicked off my own front doorstep by a homeless man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 707

You deserved it 7 476

voltumna tells us more.

voltumna 0

Wednesday 29 April 2009 22:25

As the OP, a few extra points: I'm female, he was about a foot taller than me, I'd come home from an 8 hour shift, and I called the cops once I'd moved down the street to a safe distance. If there had been people around, I'd have stood up to him, but I didn't want to add mugging to an already shitty day. But, at #29, I'll totally try that next time!

Busted

By Sometimes you gotta get tough - 02/01/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, after the seventh morning in a row where my son threw a fit because he wanted to wear summer clothes, I put him in shorts and a tank top and put him outside. He got the message and changed into long sleeves and pants. Ten minutes later, cops pull up. My nosy neighbor called CPS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 115

By yeyt209 - 10/06/2012 07:46 - United States - Bismarck

Today, I passed out in my car in a McDonald's parking lot. I got woken up by a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 607

You deserved it 10 145

You dodged a bullet

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me it wasn't working out and he was breaking up with me. The reason? I have the same first and last name as a very unpopular girl, and he gets embarrassed when people mistakenly assume he's going out with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 169

You deserved it 3 381

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, while working at Wendy's my boss approached me and told me the District Manager wanted to talk to me. I had been given a substantial raise the day before so I thought he was going to promote me to manager. Wrong, he told me I was being fired for eating a 99 cent cheeseburger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 996

You deserved it 16 691

pokandy tells us more.

pokandy 0

Tuesday 28 April 2009 16:52

Clear some things up. I had been working there for 4 1/2 years. Everyone at the store eats on the job and I was the only one to get fired. Never had any disiplinary problems before. The Store owners 14 year old son saw me eat the burger while working and told his dad who in turn told the DM. My regular manager didnt even know about it and was as blindsided as me. I offered to pay for the burger even double or triple for it but my DM could not see it any other way and canned my ass. O well. FML

By somebody - 08/06/2012 23:13 - United States - Lexington Park

Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 393

You deserved it 2 092

By ringhider - 08/10/2010 16:55 - France

Today, I was working my shift at the restaurant as a waiter when the girl I've been in love with for 4 years came in with her boyfriend. He asked me to hide the ring in their dessert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 665

You deserved it 6 973

So young, so jaded

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 13:59

Today, like every day, I scrolled through my social media feeds, seeing happy couples, people buying houses and landing their dream jobs. I, on the other hand, am a single 23 year-old man in a dead end job, who still lives with his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 648

By hotelbound - 21/05/2013 00:37 - United States - Florissant

Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her for a few days. Her response? "I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I've been married to said man for almost a year now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 408

You deserved it 3 000

Special announcement

By tired - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad woke me up 3 hours early, after I'd been up very late the night before, because something "awesome" happened. Apparently the cashier at Dunkin' Donuts and I share the same first name. Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 447

You deserved it 3 699

Mindfullness

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 07:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend, who held me and promised it'd be alright, and he'd never leave me. One sandwich later, he'd forgotten about the whole thing, and dumped me when I reminded him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 566

You deserved it 6 113

No pain, no gain

By SailorVenus93 - 26/02/2021 08:01 - United States - Fredericksburg

Spicy

Today, I woke up with a sore clitoris. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend for weeks, but I did masturbate yesterday. I guess I can't get horny without feeling pain afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 219

Broadcasting

By Anonymous - 16/01/2025 20:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, at 1 a.m., I had my headphones on trying to watch porn. I live in an apartment with thin ass walls anyway, and I didn’t realize my headphone jack had come undone. The volume was terrible on the video so I raised it louder, not realizing it until like maybe halfway through the video, and my window was also open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 588

By familyhatesme - 18/07/2014 16:30 - United States - Kingston

Today, I was at my grandma's funeral. While giving the eulogy, I accidentally mixed up "You will be missed" and "You won't be forgotten" and instead said "You won't be missed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 539

You deserved it 7 935

By lez probs - 18/05/2013 12:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 560

You deserved it 21 761

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Today, I came back from a holiday and the friend who'd been looking after my cats returned my spare key. When I wanted to put some relaxing music on, I noticed that he'd switched most of my CDs around in their cases. I have over a thousand of them. Very funny, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 402

You deserved it 4 599

Today, the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with posted pics of them kissing on Facebook, and tagged me in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 115

You deserved it 4 215

Today, I was cutting a little boy's hair at the hairdressers where I work. While cutting his bangs, I noticed his forehead was surprisingly warm. When I asked him if he felt OK, he threw up all over my gown. I think he had some broccoli today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 977

You deserved it 3 308

Today, my sense of smell is severely impaired by a bad cold. As a result, I inadvertently ate some highly questionable dairy. I figured this out after my roommate sniffed my yogurt and gagged, just before my bowels had their opportunity to object to my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 084

You deserved it 504

Today, I was on FaceTime with my sister. She remarked that my living room was a mess, and that she didn’t know how I kept a man with a place like that. I retorted, “He’s not with me for how well I can clean, when I can polish his knob like a marble floor!” I had no idea my dad was off camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 1 776

Today, in a holiday cottage, I was a little horny so I decided to watch some porn. An hour later, the owner barged in, screaming that I was not to use her internet for such things, that I’m a "loose slut" and that I'm "going to hell". The bitch must somehow have been illegally spying on my internet usage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 792

You deserved it 320