Love: Today, my boyfriend called me over for dinner. When I walked... - FML

By Anonymous - 02/10/2010 13:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me over for dinner. When I walked in the door, he asked why I was here; apparently he dialed the wrong girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 841

You deserved it 3 147

Late term

Is that even legal?

Are you a wizard?

By bullseyed - 08/12/2010 04:20 - United States

Today, I planned to drop a water balloon on my visiting prankster brother from my new apartment's balcony. As he crossed the street, I launched the balloon, and sent it right behind him. It hit an eight year old on a scooter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 563

You deserved it 36 294

Stuck with you

By Anonymous - 21/07/2021 04:01

Today, I sent my abusive girlfriend a text, explaining I was breaking up with her via text because I was afraid for my physical safety if I broke up with her in person. She video chatted me less than five seconds later from our doctor's office, where the doctor confirmed she is in fact pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 256

By Broken - 29/06/2018 19:00

Today, the ex of my boyfriend of 18 months called me and put her phone in her purse. I heard my boyfriend say he's sick of me, he hasn't been happy for a year, and he's afraid to leave because he feels sorry for me. He bought her a ring. I got earrings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 447

You deserved it 330

Questionable parenting

By Anonymous - 14/11/2021 05:00

Today, I found out my son is getting bullied. His stepdad doesn’t care, in fact he’s all for bullying because he thinks it will force my son to stop being smart, or "a dork" as he calls him, and fit in with the normal kids for a change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 138

By Anonymous - 19/09/2015 05:24 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I'm travelling across the country with my family. My grandma thought it would be a good idea to take her shoes off. It's been 5 minutes and my eyes are watering from the stench. We still have over 200 miles left until we get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 894

You deserved it 1 552

By steph - 31/05/2016 20:12 - United States - Helotes

Today, I was trying to go for number 2 while drying my hair so that my boy friend won't hear me do it. The lock on the door was broken, and he saw how good I am at multitasking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 135

You deserved it 2 689

By deadmedia - 30/08/2009 00:39 - Canada

Today, my best friend informed me that I could not be her maid of honour because I "wasn't as pretty as the other bridesmaids" and she wanted her wedding photos to have "consistency". FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 897

You deserved it 3 848

Foot-in-mouth syndrome

By Anonymous - 26/05/2010 12:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was talking to this guy I liked at work. He was flirting with me, and everything was going great, I was so happy, until he started talking non-stop about the extent of his foot fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 128

You deserved it 5 615

Geography for Dummies

By SMRT - 22/10/2019 06:00 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, I had an argument with my dad about Venice being in Italy, not Spain. He wouldn't believe me, and had to Google it. He's an engineer for an aerospace company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 152

By theassman - 11/03/2009 04:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 098

You deserved it 80 417

By lisa321 - 02/04/2009 02:36 - United States

Today, I went to Starbucks to get coffee. The employees told me that there was no more coffee. I started cursing at them and told them that I am in a really big hurry, and that I need coffee every day. They had been yelling back the whole time. Little did I realize, they were saying April Fool's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 505

You deserved it 116 208

By bitchasshonky - 11/08/2010 04:09 - France

Today, I had a fancy dinner date with a really hot guy. Near the end of our meal, he asked if I wanted to go back to his place. As soon as we walked in the door, he started a religious debate with his room mate. It's been 45 minutes and its still going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 876

You deserved it 5 537

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 04:49

Today, I set up a date between my roommate, who I'm in love with, and his crush, who I'm jealous of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 957

By Username - 21/12/2010 05:09

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 467

You deserved it 4 405

Not now

By Anonymous - 25/09/2021 23:00

Spicy

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 204

By charmed - 12/08/2016 08:53

Today, after being single for over five years, I was chatted up at the airport. Sadly, Prince Charming was a homeless guy who had very strong body odour, soiled trousers, a can of cheap beer and bugs in his dreads. He kissed my hand. I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 212

You deserved it 1 904

By Malcolm654 - 29/09/2016 03:20 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years in front of the sell-out crowd at the baseball game, but at the security checkpoint, the security guard made me take the ring out and open it after I walked through the metal detector. No need to say it, worst proposal ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 884

You deserved it 1 850

By Ouch - 29/07/2009 05:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I look better in different kinds of light. I asked him which kind of light I looked best in. His reply? "No light at all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 183

You deserved it 6 790

By Lady Vulva - 19/09/2015 02:56

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 749

You deserved it 3 034

By mellielynnemily - 26/10/2014 22:46 - United States

Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 619

You deserved it 4 423

Friendly advice

By babydoc - 03/07/2020 23:00

Today, I visited a friend and her new baby. The baby had a tight constrictive headband and a clearly wet cloth nappy on. I tried to give some friendly advice on why this was bad, but she shot me down, saying what would I know, I don't have a kid. She's 17 and I'm a 26-year-old practicing midwife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 773

You deserved it 150

Good boy

By Anonymous - 17/02/2013 06:01 - United States - New Bloomfield

Today, I was riding my bike, when I saw a large dog sitting in front of a house. I started to really crank the pedals, figuring that by the time it saw me, I'd be long gone. My chain popped off, I lost control and crashed onto the side of the road. The dog hadn't moved. It was a statue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 377

You deserved it 21 004

By Anon - 13/06/2013 02:40 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am feeling freezing cold and soaking wet. It turns out that my dad had opened my window when I was sleeping, and rain water had been pouring in on me all night. My hair, face, pillow, blankets, alarm clock, and homework were all soaked as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 420

You deserved it 3 609

By shewhopoopsinlitterboxes - 25/07/2014 15:54 - United States - Downingtown

Today, there are people working in my bathroom. I have the shits. The only place I could think to go was in my cats litter box. I've used it twice and am now contemplating using it a third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 896

You deserved it 7 641

By Kira - 24/04/2015 17:09 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I was spending some time alone out in the countryside, when I glanced at my boot. I saw a snake, screamed, ran like hell for my car, tripped over my own feet, and smashed my kneecaps. Upon further inspection, I realized the "snake" was my loose shoelace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 872

You deserved it 13 512

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 01:54 - United States

Today, I started speaking gibberish in the middle of the conversation with my mom to see if she would notice. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 027

You deserved it 3 095

By RckRagman - 30/04/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room. I took the 4th stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I hear "Hey, how's it going?". I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 174

You deserved it 11 453

By rainastartree - 23/12/2013 21:10 - United States - Crum Lynne

Today, my husband and I were fighting over money. As we were arguing, our 13 year old daughter stole $250 dollars from my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 974

You deserved it 14 828

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 14:34 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, after a fight, I caught my sister rubbing my toothbrush on the inside of our grimy toilet. This is why I have trust issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 064

You deserved it 1 538

By Anonymous - 13/10/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 497

You deserved it 2 250

By oblivious idiot - 12/02/2016 07:50

Today, I was playing Badminton in P.E, and I was paired with a particularly pretty girl, who for some reason kept asking stupid questions that we both knew the answers to. I've only now just realized that she was trying to initiate conversation with me. This is why I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 525

You deserved it 7 160

Seize the means of production

By Anonymous - 11/09/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, my boss told me that he is really getting scared of Covid-19. He's too cheap for tests. His solution? He'll work from home for 2 weeks while I meet with all employees 1-1. If I don’t get sick, he'll feel OK coming back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 94

By Furry - 02/12/2009 18:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I looked outside with a grimace at the very heavy rainfall through which I had to trudge a long way. I waited ten minutes for it to let up, only to find it was getting heavier. So, I started walking anyway. After getting soaked to the bone, I walked through my door, and it stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 237

You deserved it 3 451

By Janice - 07/11/2011 05:12 - Canada

Today, while jogging, I realized my face jiggles more than my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 403

You deserved it 7 911

Thanks, dad

By idk.man® - 01/01/2021 22:54

Today, I got yelled at by my dad again for being inside so much instead of outside doing stuff. We are still in a lockdown and are not allowed to leave the house unless its for work or to go to the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 97

By Anonymous - 24/05/2014 19:31 - United States - Round Rock

Today, my grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer. We're very close, and I called my boyfriend, really needing some support. I'd barely told him what had happened, when he replied, "Babe, I'm in the middle of a game here. Call me later." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 222

You deserved it 6 598

By mistake - 11/05/2009 09:09 - United States

Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 983

You deserved it 5 710

By freakingow - 14/02/2010 18:05 - United States

Today, I opened the freezer for some Poptarts and a giant block of meat fell and broke my toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 922

You deserved it 6 832

By Anonymous - 05/07/2019 22:00

Today, the speaker I ordered from the distant country of America arrived. This is after it was held up by local customs, who demanded I pay no small amount for the import duty. Upon unboxing, I found out it was actually made in my own country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 637

You deserved it 309

By squishyboy - 26/05/2009 08:23 - New Zealand

Today, I weighed myself for the first time in a while and confirmed that I have put on a few pounds. I was feeling a bit down about it. I went to work and on arriving a workmate I hadn't seen in a while gave me a hug. She said, 'I love hugging you, you're so nice and squishy.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 607

You deserved it 7 820

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Top comments

Schizomaniac 24

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Saturday 2 October 2010 19:33

You should have made sure that he had the right girlfriend, you irresponsible bitch.

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Saturday 2 October 2010 19:53

I hope you stayed until the "right" gf showed up and had a nice chat. After all, you have to work out a schedule.

Comments

Schizomaniac 24

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Saturday 2 October 2010 19:33

You should have made sure that he had the right girlfriend, you irresponsible bitch.

moonstarbabe6383 0

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Saturday 2 October 2010 19:45

haha definitely

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Saturday 2 October 2010 21:05

You should call him and invite him for hot sex, when he arrives do the same to him. See how he likes it.

Icyyy 0

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Saturday 2 October 2010 23:23

I agree with 24 <3

impatientkarma 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 0:41

Lmao.

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Sunday 3 October 2010 6:11

#1 win! lol

lol_ironic_life 9

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Tuesday 5 October 2010 7:13

#24 Comment is WIN hehe. dump his sorry behind girl :)

BlackMoon_fml 9

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Monday 18 October 2010 21:52

Hahaha. That is a superb idea!

writergirl23 19

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Saturday 27 August 2011 0:22

It wudnt work. What I'd do is say I 4got my phone n use his to call the gf and tell her >:D

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Friday 18 October 2013 17:22

#1. Best comment!

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Saturday 2 October 2010 19:33

FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Saturday 2 October 2010 19:38

first fail

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Saturday 2 October 2010 19:39

Haha I love it when idiots like you fail miserably.

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Saturday 2 October 2010 21:38

#1 was just joking..

HahaHokayThen 10

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Sunday 3 October 2010 0:26

haha what'd he say? it was moderated.

HahaHokayThen 10

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Sunday 3 October 2010 19:33

Hahahah ohh that would make sense

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Saturday 2 October 2010 19:36

lmao! fyl that dude fails

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Saturday 2 October 2010 19:37

Ouch

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Saturday 2 October 2010 19:38

Could have been his mom.

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Saturday 2 October 2010 19:39

Make sure you dump the man whore :P

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Saturday 2 October 2010 19:50

haha sucks 4 u!!!

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Saturday 2 October 2010 19:53

I hope you stayed until the "right" gf showed up and had a nice chat. After all, you have to work out a schedule.

Send a private message

Saturday 2 October 2010 20:04

BF: Why are you here, I meant my other girlfriend? OP: Oh ok never mind then have fun. By the way you have a stain in your crotch. BF: "looks down" OP: "kick to the nuts" We're through bitch! Good luck using your junk tonight!

moonstarbabe6383 0

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Saturday 2 October 2010 20:15

hahaha i love this!!!! i might have to use it sometime

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Saturday 2 October 2010 20:50

awesome response :) he totally deserves a kick in the balls

W4X 0

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Saturday 2 October 2010 21:51

You my friend are a level 35 Rambo. Another epic comment and you are leveled up to a level 36 Rambo!

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Sunday 3 October 2010 6:12

lmfao <3

xXSillyLoveXx 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 7:44

LMFAO ! thank you and goodnight;P

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Saturday 2 October 2010 20:23

13 win!!

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 72

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 2 522