Kids: Today, my little sister asked me what she would look like when...

By Misty3242 - 06/02/2010 08:15 - United States

Today, my little sister asked me what she would look like when she got older. I told her that she would probably look a lot like me. She started to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 535

You deserved it 4 113

Kids

Dysfunctional

The smell detective is on the case

The step before rat-licker

By Anonymous - 04/05/2014 21:07 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 659

You deserved it 6 697

By charlie043 - 11/09/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, I met my fiancée's parents for the first time. Her dad was telling me how he's not rich but not poor either. I replied, "Well, as long as you're not a garbage man!" Guess what his profession is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 801

You deserved it 41 940

By Randomspaghetti - 15/09/2016 21:11 - United States - Lehi

Today, a cute guy complimented me on my legs. I, being the awkward person that I am, panicked and replied, "Thanks, I grew them myself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 097

You deserved it 2 303

By Anonymous - 03/10/2012 08:24 - United States

Today, after complaining that I had nothing to write about in my weekly journal for college, my professor suggested in front of everyone that I should get a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 844

You deserved it 6 703

Stable genius

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 02:02 - United States - New York

Today, I went on a short date with a new girl in the office, who everyone thought was a tad bit odd. Also today, she showed me the names of our future children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 207

By spark - 27/08/2014 17:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after my windshield wipers being stolen twice in a row, I decided to hide in my car to catch the thief. I fell asleep. When I woke up, the new wipers were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 870

You deserved it 10 018

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 00:15 - Brazil - Jacare

Today, my mom started her new job; she's now my new coworker. She's already told the other girl I'd said she talks too much, and has berated me for not calling her "mom" while at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 984

You deserved it 2 854

Wrong place, wrong time

By Anonymous - 23/08/2020 23:02

Today, my boyfriend are I are staying at his parents' while they are away. While having sex in their bed, the whole bed went crashing to the floor. We have no idea what to do, and we leave tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 2 179

Family ain't all it's cracked up to be

By frogface_fml - 20/05/2020 05:00

Today, I talked to my birth mother for the first time in over 26 years. Five minutes into our conversation, I remembered why I stayed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 187

By fmlcops - 22/05/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, my car died on a major road, a cop pulled over to help, he offered to jump me, while doing so because my battery was so dead he told me to put the gas on the floor, I did and my car roared to life, he then pulled me over five feet from where my car died to give me a ticket for a loud exhaust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 182

You deserved it 5 438

By jazzybell - 21/11/2011 00:29 - United States

Today, I found out that a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser will erase the paint right off your wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 203

You deserved it 6 710

By Bad Dancer - 05/07/2015 01:48 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, my friend and I went to a club. She said I look hilarious when I dance drunk. I was completely sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 938

You deserved it 3 506

The Phoebe Technique

By Anonymous - 28/02/2021 02:01

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of five years has been cheating on me with other women from all the hickeys and scratch marks he has. But to top it off, he's slowly been moving out for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 208

By Ethan_18 - 14/12/2012 05:10 - United States

Today, as my 12 hour shift was about to finish, a young boy came in wanting to buy a $200 gaming device. His mom said he was purchasing it with his own money, which I found admirable. That is, until he took his piggy bank out of his backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 914

You deserved it 2 486

By lonely - 31/07/2019 02:00

Today, not only can I not get a real boyfriend, I can't even get one on the Sims. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 404

You deserved it 271

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 07:44 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 219

You deserved it 4 582

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, I pretended to drunk text some friends. When in all reality I was sitting home all alone. I don't know what's worse: that I pretended that I was social and drunk, or that the friend I said I was with was actually with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 125

You deserved it 52 301

By THANKS4theINFO - 23/05/2010 23:15 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie at my girlfriend's house with her and her parents. There was a part where a brother and sister kissed, so I said "where'd they come from, Alabama?" Today is also the day I found out my girlfriend's parents are from Alabama. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 917

You deserved it 38 638

By Anonymous - 16/07/2016 17:53 - United States - Draper

Today, at the store, I didn't hear the cashier when she asked if I had a loyalty card. She took one look at my naturally bitchy-looking face and muttered "It's my JOB to ask, jeez." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 646

You deserved it 2 061

By BoldMoveCotton - 15/06/2016 21:30 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, I put in my two-week notice. My boss responded by saying, "Okie dokie" and hanging up. Guess they were glad to be rid of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 928

You deserved it 1 975

By relievedbutashamed - 22/02/2019 20:00

Today, I left a coffee shop abruptly to go to my car to let out some really bad and loud gas. My window was partly open because it's broken. A stranger was walking on the sidewalk in front of me. He looked terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 385

By Emmaraine189 - 28/04/2016 02:22 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I saw my cat licking something on the side of the road and went to check what it was. It was someone's old cigarette. I now know why she wants to be let out so often: She's addicted to nicotine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 307

You deserved it 1 285

By mikeycoco - 20/05/2011 14:39

Today, I got motion sickness while having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 207

You deserved it 6 874

By DaveAlmighty - 24/04/2012 23:59 - United States

Today, my son told me he needed a haircut. I was thrilled that he actually requested it, since he normally throws a fit over getting them. He described the cut he wants. It's a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 187

You deserved it 3 306

By recmonty - 17/05/2012 03:53 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, in a training class, I got to see a picture of what can happen when a man does not wear a safety harness correctly. For those of you who are unaware, male body parts are easily severed by loose straps. I cannot un-see that picture. It wasn't even a harness safety class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 620

You deserved it 2 073

By jordansquared - 21/12/2018 16:00

Today, I received a Christmas card from my husband’s parents and found for the 7th straight year I wasn’t included on the card. Instead they included a picture of my husband’s ex-girlfriend holding my baby. I’ve already received messages asking if he’s back together with her. No. No he’s not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 033

You deserved it 176

By Anonymous - 09/06/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend left me after I'd been supporting him for 9 months while he "finds himself." Why? Because I wanted to go grocery shopping instead of him eating out every day with my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 950

You deserved it 318

By Shampoodle - 11/10/2017 21:45

Today, I found out that my mom uses my incredibly expensive conditioner to wash her two dogs every single weekend. No wonder they smell so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 316

You deserved it 384

By Anonymous - 04/06/2015 12:26 - United States - San Bruno

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 386

You deserved it 4 382

By swim5 - 31/03/2012 12:22 - United States - Tempe

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me because he is moving. He's only moving 20 minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 438

You deserved it 3 482

By Anonymous - 23/01/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 417

You deserved it 14 700

By MikeyPeters - 13/03/2009 04:26 - United States

Today, I was using the elliptical when I got a bad wedgie. All the ellipticals are up against a wall so after trying to pick it I finally decided to just pull down the back of my pants and underwear. I then remembered there was a window to a yoga class behind me. I mooned them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 391

You deserved it 57 371

Four to the floor, I was sure…

By jalapeno_popper - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I learned the hard way why they say "four on the floor" at school. I leaned too far back while rocking in the chair and fell off. I grabbed the desk to save myself, and it came down too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 762

You deserved it 35 405

By Anonymous - 02/06/2017 11:08

Today, I accidentally covfefe

I agree, your life sucks 2 842

You deserved it 1 561

By Noah - 02/11/2016 14:24

Today, a friend pointed out to me that I bear a striking resemblance to Anne Frank. I'm a 16-year-old guy, and I'm inclined to agree with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 427

You deserved it 816

By amy1023 - 26/11/2009 10:18 - United States

Today, I complained to my boyfriend that I was stressed out. He asked me then "What do you have to be stressed out about?" I work 50 hours a week and go to school full time. I ask him what was stressful about his day, he told me that his "kill/death ratio went down on Call of Duty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 666

You deserved it 8 173

By stdpositivenow - 18/10/2011 14:16 - United States

Today, for our 3rd anniversary, I gave my boyfriend a watch, courtesy of Rolex. He gave me herpes, courtesy of his other girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 601

You deserved it 5 088

By koalaburr - 28/04/2015 15:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I dressed up sexy to cheer up my boyfriend after a bad day at work. Instead of being cheered up, he accused me of dressing up that way for the male DJs at the radio station where I work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 098

You deserved it 3 194

Economic abuse

By whyme - 16/05/2021 20:01

Today, I got my first tattoo. I felt good about it, until I told my mom, who was not happy. She responded by taking me out of her car insurance policy, family plan, and charging me for rent every month since I, "wanna be all grown up now.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 617

Big boomer energy

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 20:06

Today, my father-in law-shared his opinion that autistic kids should be beaten until they act normal. He saw fit to share this while my autistic son was having a meltdown because my father-in-law came to the house without warning, and my son violently hates visitors without prior warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 332

You deserved it 243

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Top comments

swaneh 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 16:10

Nothing like a cold dose of reality in your younger years, eh?

perdix 29

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Saturday 6 February 2010 16:15

Tell her if she learns to drink a lot, forget how to say "no" and make good sammiches, she'll be able to get by.

pepetto 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 16:05

oh no! fyl indeed

swaneh 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 16:10

Nothing like a cold dose of reality in your younger years, eh?

shelagirl1 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 16:12

that sucks

camraja901 5

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Saturday 6 February 2010 16:13

I'm ugly, and I smell. And I can't spell for toffee.

perdix 29

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Saturday 6 February 2010 16:15

Tell her if she learns to drink a lot, forget how to say "no" and make good sammiches, she'll be able to get by.

MadPercussion 0

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Monday 8 February 2010 4:45

YES! you win

IDOLGIRL 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 16:15

ouch...tell her it could be worse. she could have a moustache at 15

hunter989 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 16:54

Maybe she already has one haha

IDOLGIRL 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 16:59

good point! maybe she'll be blessed with back hair--I hear that's all the rage these days

poofiex3 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 21:41

hahaha!!

ble_fml 0

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Wednesday 10 February 2010 10:14

Would be end of the world then. hahaha

69Kitty 4

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Saturday 6 February 2010 16:22

maybe they were tears of joy?

FernandoTorres_fml 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 16:23

It's these moments of realisation that make life miserable. There's always plastic surgery, it might not just be the end of the world for her.

vinterhjerte 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 16:26

Uhh, little sisters tend to see Barbie as the "paragon of perfection"? This would be "FML worthy" if she was 20 and you were 45.

expen_dable 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 17:27

With all that make-up and Photoshop on your picture, I don't think you should complain about Barbie...

vinterhjerte 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 17:48

Ohhh, it hurts. Ahaha. Not. :D

infiniti_G 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 20:00

And you still look nasty.. FYL

vinterhjerte 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 20:13

Do I give a crap about your opinion concerning my looks? Nah. I don't think so. At least I have the guts to show myself. :D

Tripout 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 16:33

@ 11. HOW DO U KNOW SHE ISNT 20? OP only said my little sister she's didn't say any ages whatsoever and who knows maybe the lil sis isnt only 20 but emotional about her appearence