Everybody needs good neighbours - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 69

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 1 123

Everybody needs good neighbours

By Anonymous - 11/07/2020 17:02

Today, I live on the second floor and my neighbor from below banged on my door, telling me I sounded like a giant elephant and needed to learn to be quiet. I was eating ice cream in bed. I also live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 110

Batman

Leave us alone

Keep up!

26/12/2013 06:48

Today, nothing said Christmas quite like my dad taking 18 shots of vodka, falling on the Christmas tree while holding our 3-year-old cousin and denying it ever happened when he woke up later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 283

You deserved it 3 139

14/08/2009 14:09

Spicy

Today, I was helping my brother clean his room. While putting clothes away, I found a box of thongs. They were mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 152

You deserved it 3 909

20/09/2017 04:30

Today, while playing ping pong, my brother got mad that he lost and threw the paddle at my head, causing me to fall backwards into the TV mounted on the wall. Now I have a concussion and have to pay to replace the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 324

You deserved it 203

15/09/2018 14:30

Today, my girlfriend's parents asked if I could move their car. I started the engine and began to accelerate, not noticing that the automatic transmission was on R. I drove right into a wall behind me, shattering the rear lights. Now I owe them $150 for repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 3 100

09/10/2013 05:21

Today, I asked my friend to crop me out of her profile picture on Facebook because I look terrible in it. She responded that she wasn't going to, because it made her look better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 809

You deserved it 5 481

Stable genius

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 02:02

Today, I went on a short date with a new girl in the office, who everyone thought was a tad bit odd. Also today, she showed me the names of our future children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 205

15/05/2009 18:49

Spicy

Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They then had sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 280

You deserved it 4 843

28/04/2016 01:46

Today, a new girl showed up at my school and everyone really seems to be intrigued about her. I've been told at least five times today that she is the hotter version of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 023

You deserved it 1 161

02/09/2015 20:13

Today, I agreed to stay a week with my wife's parents, who she told me were traditional Japanese. I was prepared for having to wear Japanese clothes while in the house, but I wasn't prepared for communal bathing in the same huge bath with her father, grandfather, uncle and two brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 638

You deserved it 2 471

31/03/2015 09:35

Today, I got in an argument with an ex-girlfriend who kept tactlessly bragging to me about her new boyfriend. I told her to read what she'd sent me, then pretend her boyfriend was telling her that. Fifteen minutes later, her boyfriend calls me, yelling for making her feel sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 236

You deserved it 3 826

19/12/2011 07:35

Today, while sleeping, my foot was stabbed by something in my bed and I woke up to it bleeding. I looked around for the cause and found nothing. Now I'm afraid to go to sleep because it might happen again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 856

You deserved it 2 762

31/05/2010 00:27

Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 929

You deserved it 8 054

14/02/2011 01:18

Today, on the bus, water kept dripping on my head so I stood up to move. As I got up, the bus turned round a corner and I fell over into a man's lap. When I tried to get up, I slipped down between his legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 241

You deserved it 3 540

23/06/2019 06:45

Today, I learned in my child development class that lying in toddlers is a sign of intelligence. I clearly remember that I didn’t even understand the concept of lying until I was 6 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 189

26/12/2011 04:52

Today, a guy rang my doorbell, yelled "Happy Halloween" and then threw a bunch of leaves that he'd lit on fire at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 925

You deserved it 2 752

02/07/2011 21:28

Today, I was having a driving lesson. I ended up driving so badly that my instructor asked me to stop the car. Not so he could explain my mistakes to me, but so he could get out and vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 235

You deserved it 18 121

01/06/2009 23:12

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 833

You deserved it 66 969

27/05/2011 03:05

Today, I had to give a 63 year old man a shot. He started bawling before I even brought out the needle. I tried to get him calm down. Then he grabbed the needle, threw it at me and ran out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 709

You deserved it 3 211

21/01/2017 16:00

Spicy

Today, my wife and I drove to the other side of the country to attend a swingers party where we thought no one knew us. So did my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 797

You deserved it 2 390

25/10/2018 13:30

Today, my husband started a new job as an OTR truck driver. He was assigned one week of home time each month, which happens to be the same exact week my period comes every month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 072

You deserved it 227

18/03/2009 22:42

Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 507

You deserved it 27 013

09/11/2016 19:06

Today, I got into a car accident that was my fault. The other driver was my professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 492

You deserved it 1 698

19/04/2017 00:00

Today my best friend called me at 6 a.m., ranting and accusing me of sleeping with her husband. I live two hours away and haven't seen him in person in over six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 362

You deserved it 319

15/10/2017 01:30

Today, my dad's face flushed when I introduced him to my new boyfriend. I live in a small town, and it turns out my dad recognized him. He's the secret child from an affair two decades ago. He's my half-brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 046

You deserved it 307

17/09/2016 16:18

Today, I found out the 28-year-old I am dating is actually 48. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 948

You deserved it 2 547

23/05/2009 14:03

Today, I was straightening my hair when I heard this crunching, sizzling sound. Taking the flat iron away, I realized that I had just fused a spider to my hair with the heat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 881

You deserved it 6 621

20/06/2009 05:17

Today, after dieting and working out for almost 3 months, I sit down on my chair to finish off some work. It broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 601

You deserved it 4 739

Deep-seated resentment

By Boyufd - 14/05/2020 17:00

Today, I found out why my dad doesn't want my girlfriend coming to our house anymore. Apparently, her dad used to bully him a lot during high school and he's never gotten over it. He's threatened to disown me if she comes back over here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 054

You deserved it 190

08/08/2013 23:03

Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 670

You deserved it 6 778

16/04/2009 16:53

Today, my family and I ran into an older man my parents knew. He continually asked me questions like do you play football, have you started shaving yet, etc. I thought he was joking. He told my parents I had grown into quite a young man. I am a girl and he wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 369

You deserved it 4 853

Romance is dead

By xlees - 18/08/2021 10:01

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went back to Germany. He lovingly said to me, "I will never find another girl like you. Unless I rip off her leg and tear out her eye." I’m an amputee, and was born with a blind eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 81

Who's a good boy? Not you.

By Anonymous - 21/02/2017 22:00

Today, while walking my dog in a cemetery, she stole a stuffed animal off a child's grave and began to play with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 608

You deserved it 3 359

27/10/2012 12:43

Today, I was writing out palm cards and didn't know if I'd spelled a word correctly, so I stared at it for about 10 seconds waiting for spell check to tell me if it was right or not before I realised I was writing on paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 712

You deserved it 34 669

21/02/2010 19:34

Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 127

You deserved it 49 314

11/10/2012 05:56

Today, I was placed firmly in the friend-zone. By my wife. We've been married 10 years. She doesn't want a divorce, she says it'd be too "time-consuming." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 594

You deserved it 2 491

27/07/2009 13:49

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend when I said "I wish all the weight I gained just went to my boobs." His reply was, "They'd be HUGE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 273

You deserved it 25 918

06/08/2009 15:40

Spicy

Today, I found what I assumed was my laptop, though my mother has the same one. As I opened it, I was greeted by a video of my father waving. He wasn't using his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 592

You deserved it 4 890

16/01/2011 01:34

Today, I hit a deer with a rental car... which I had to rent because I hit a deer with my car last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 057

You deserved it 21 728

Support

By CallmeTokey - 12/07/2016 03:21

Today, as I was laying on the bottom part of my bunk bed, I noticed a beam on the underside of the top bunk that seemed to have no place being there, so I tried to find out what it was. I soon discovered it was to support the bed after it promptly collapsed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 626

You deserved it 15 232

26/04/2019 04:00

Today, while trying to sexily wash my man in the shower, I dropped the body wash bottle. The pump grazed my nipple, making it bleed. As if that didn't kill the mood, I now have a Star Wars bandaid on my boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 913

You deserved it 301

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Top comments

jbuckets_404 38

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Saturday 11 July 2020 18:19

Well then start eating that ice cream while couch surfing! ;-)

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Saturday 11 July 2020 20:38

Don’t eat so much ice cream and you won’t sound like that

Comments

jbuckets_404 38

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Saturday 11 July 2020 18:19

Well then start eating that ice cream while couch surfing! ;-)

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Saturday 11 July 2020 20:38

Don’t eat so much ice cream and you won’t sound like that

Brightside86 28

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Sunday 12 July 2020 0:57

Maybe put down some carpets.

genuinegoodguy 9

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Sunday 12 July 2020 1:07

Seriously, carpet in bedrooms is a great idea.

AstroTurf Matador 8

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Sunday 12 July 2020 12:14

So, how did you get the ice cream from your freezer to your bed without walking on the floor? Or do you keep a freezer at your bedside?

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Sunday 12 July 2020 15:47

F*ck him. If someone doesn’t want to hear other people then DON’T move into an apartment/condo. Duh! What’s wrong with people? Now that he’s complained you need to either get a mini trampoline or a pogo stick!

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Monday 13 July 2020 23:54

So are you a giant elephant? You didn't specify