By Anonymous - 11/7/2020 17:02

Everybody needs good neighbours

Today, I live on the second floor and my neighbor from below banged on my door, telling me I sounded like a giant elephant and needed to learn to be quiet. I was eating ice cream in bed. I also live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1415

You deserved it

104

Favorite

Walk on the wild side

Public transport FTW

Knock off

By 5minsolder - United States

Today, I found out that even though my sister and I are identical twins, I'm known as "The ugly one". FML

I agree, your life sucks

41266

You deserved it

3607

Favorite

By Yo mom - United States

Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8662

You deserved it

54860

Favorite

By hannax - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I was spending the night at my fiancé's house. He knew my period was about to start, so he asked if he needed to put a tarp down on the bed. He was dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15222

You deserved it

1671

Favorite

By CatBlock - United States - Decatur

Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54032

You deserved it

7935

Favorite

By Anonymous - Iceland

Today, my mom made me go shopping with her. It was freezing out, but she didn't wear a coat, boasting that she doesn't feel the chill like I do. By the time we drove home she was whining about freezing to death, and now I'm stuck in a house whose heating is set to "inferno". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43188

You deserved it

4166

Favorite

By Juju Bear - France - Paris

Today, my girlfriend woke up, and half-asleep, muttered: "What time is it? Did the neighbours start drilling again?" I'll try harder to keep my farts in from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18004

You deserved it

3522

Favorite

By ohtheirony

Today, the man who hit on me in a store and asked for my number showed up on my doorstep to inquire about my couch for sale. With his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35623

You deserved it

2766

Favorite

By maddy - France

Today, I'm looking for a job, and the employer I spoke to by phone was busy, but before hanging up he said "we will call you soon". I still wonder how he plans to do so without even having asked for my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22715

You deserved it

2598

Favorite

By AnnieTheKitteh

Today, I came up with a new system: If I want to buy something, I must do a chore first. I thought my laziness would keep me from impulsive shopping. Instead, my entire apartment is sparkling clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3768

You deserved it

1014

Favorite

By dwek - United Kingdom

Today, while checking through the graphic novel section of my library, I noticed a gay manga porn comic. While I was wondering who in the world would ever RENT such an item, I realised I had been staring at it for a full five minutes and people were watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18835

You deserved it

61217

Favorite

By kallens - United States

Today, I was putting a wristband on a little boy's wrist so he could swim in the waterpark. Just before I finished, he coughed all over my hands and arms. I finished and looked up at the boy just in time for us to make eye contact and for him to cough directly into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24691

You deserved it

2473

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Kent

Today, after years of bad blood, my husband decided to invite his parents to dinner. After making rude remarks about my pregnancy, his dad eventually muttered that I'm a slut. My husband punched him, his wife called the police, and now I'm all alone while he sits in a jail cell for battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33500

You deserved it

1981

Favorite

By Droolgirl - United States

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant. I was drinking some water when I noticed a hot guy eating alone at another table waving at me. I smiled back, but had forgotten to swallow the water so it dribbled out of my mouth all over my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20139

You deserved it

46369

Favorite

By screamo - United Kingdom

Today, my alarm went off at 6.30. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21805

You deserved it

46693

Favorite

By beardedlady - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said "It turns him on." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49918

You deserved it

5207

Favorite

By alittlepersonal - United States - Lewis Center

Today, my mom decided to subtly bring up her desire for grandchildren. "You really need a girlfriend. I'm surprised you don't have a crippling case of Carpal Tunnel by now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22025

You deserved it

3067

Favorite

By Mangler - Belgium

Today, my grandfather died. The last thing he said to me was "You smell awful." I work in a fish store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47099

You deserved it

5217

Favorite

By Tokany - Romania

Today, when I came home from work, my computer was drenched with water. My sister claimed there was smoke coming out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33007

You deserved it

2741

Favorite

By ohshat - United States

Today, I was on Facebook chat with my boss, talking about holiday hours. I had to go to my doctor's appointment, so I said, "G2G, love you" accidentally. Not only did he say it back, but he also requested a relationship with me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34873

You deserved it

12954

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was having trouble sleeping, and I was almost asleep when I got a call from one of those spam places. They left a voicemail, which I made the mistake of listening to. The voice was so slowed down, it was very creepy, especially late at night. I don't think I'll be sleeping at all tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1297

You deserved it

222

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I accidentally knocked over a mall Santa on his way to meet some children. I've never had that many hate-filled eyes on me at once. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30773

You deserved it

6268

Favorite

By Crushed

Today, I finally got past my anxiety and confessed my feelings to the guy I like and have been intimate with. He responded that he just still wants to be close friends with me and still bang me monogamously but with no relationship... FML

I agree, your life sucks

2977

You deserved it

488

Favorite

By Frazzled - United States

Today, after three days of hospital camping with my very sick husband, he was finally out of danger when I left last night to get my first good night's sleep in almost 96 hours. He woke me at 5 a.m. with a phone call asking me to bring him comic books because he's bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29432

You deserved it

11232

Favorite

By Delicious - New Zealand

Today, I found out that the shower sponge I've been using for a while now is the very same sponge my friends used to wipe up my vomit when I was drunk. I have been exfoliating a puked on sponge for more than a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11373

You deserved it

31748

Favorite

By Liz - United States

Today, I took a bike ride to enjoy the weather and stopped for a break on the sidewalk of an overpass, taking in the view of the beautiful hills. I was approached by a cop, who said to me: "Ma'am, I know your life is crap right now, but I'm sure it'll get better. Please don't jump." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56325

You deserved it

5215

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my family attended the funeral of an old family friend's baby, who died in childbirth. Afterwards, my husband went around snickering and quietly telling dead baby jokes to the other attendees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57565

You deserved it

6214

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me out to dinner, which we never do. While at the restaurant he gets down on his knees, looks me in the eyes, and pulls out a little box. He opens it and inside is a note that says 'We're Done.' He then leaves me at the restaurant with the bill and the $2.00 box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

82986

You deserved it

6168

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was trying on a shirt and asked my boyfriend if he liked it. He replied, "If I say no, can we still have sex tonight?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34214

You deserved it

6606

Favorite

By needlessly hungry

Today, when I tried to give blood, I was turned down before I even made it through the information packet. Why? Because I had thought I was supposed to fast for 24 hours beforehand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

918

You deserved it

3331

Favorite

By loveyouson - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my son got his first tooth, and is enthusiastically biting everything. I breastfeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38111

You deserved it

6766

Favorite

By ApparentlyaPotato - United States - Coeur D Alene

Today, I was called a "Potato" for at least the 30th time by people online for living in Idaho. I've lived here my whole life, I have yet to see a potato farm. None of these people has even left the East Coast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18456

You deserved it

2188

Favorite

By MeowApp - Australia - Melbourne

Today, in my early morning haze, I tried to find the setting on my phone that would stop my cat meowing for his breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6171

You deserved it

1335

Favorite

By nayahbear24 - United States - Trenton

Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said "Oops." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42084

You deserved it

3904

Favorite

By babasheep - Canada

Today, after dieting and working out for almost 3 months, I sit down on my chair to finish off some work. It broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43576

You deserved it

4719

Favorite

By madd_dizzle - United States

Today, my crush finally let me drive his truck for the first time in a empty parking lot, after he told me he liked me. It was so dark that I ended up driving into and pole and totaled his car. Now he hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10704

You deserved it

43203

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58589

You deserved it

3593

Favorite

By lilipalmer - France

Today, I awoke after 4 hours of surgery. The male nurse taking care of me is cute, very cute. I'm trying my best to seem fine and dandy when he tells me that I can't eat anything before my next poop, adding, "And don't flush it, OK? I need to check." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36410

You deserved it

3397

Favorite

By Ouch - United States

Today, I thought it would be sexy to cook dinner in lingerie. Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was cooking. I jumped and burned my boobs with boiling cooking oil. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53380

You deserved it

15440

Favorite

By kiki - United States

Today, I realized that in French, my name means "penis." This wouldn't be so bad if my dad wasn't fluent in French. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46234

You deserved it

3866

Favorite

By bugger

Today, I looked my boyfriend in the eyes and said "I love y-" He cut me off with, "Babe, a blowjob's worth a thousand words" and held eye contact until I awkwardly excused myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40844

You deserved it

5132

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7921284 - Saturday 11 July 2020 18:19

Well then start eating that ice cream while couch surfing! ;-)

By bloopaloop | 27

#7921315 - Saturday 11 July 2020 20:38

Don’t eat so much ice cream and you won’t sound like that

COMMENTS

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7921284 - Saturday 11 July 2020 18:19

Well then start eating that ice cream while couch surfing! ;-)

By bloopaloop | 27

#7921315 - Saturday 11 July 2020 20:38

Don’t eat so much ice cream and you won’t sound like that

By Brightside86 | 21

#7921389 - Sunday 12 July 2020 0:57

Maybe put down some carpets.

By genuinegoodguy | 9

#7921391 - Sunday 12 July 2020 1:07

Seriously, carpet in bedrooms is a great idea.

By AstroTurf Matador | 6

#7921479 - Sunday 12 July 2020 12:14

So, how did you get the ice cream from your freezer to your bed without walking on the floor? Or do you keep a freezer at your bedside?

By Jaymail | 17

#7921517 - Sunday 12 July 2020 15:47

F*ck him. If someone doesn’t want to hear other people then DON’T move into an apartment/condo. Duh! What’s wrong with people? Now that he’s complained you need to either get a mini trampoline or a pogo stick!

By diraven | 10

#7921883 - Monday 13 July 2020 23:54

So are you a giant elephant? You didn't specify