The Top

My skirt was knee-length and flowy (Im am artist and am therefore not required to dress like a square) and yes i was in-between waxings so it wasnt a jungle down there...just...neglected as I said haha And I dont think Im gonna get that job...you shoulda seen her face!

By greeple - 10/09/2012 16:19 - Singapore

Today, I decided to clean my face of unwanted visitors, and spent my shower popping the pimples on my cheeks. Twenty minutes later, I remembered that I was showering ahead of a date with my girlfriend. My cheeks now look like the crater-filled surface of Mars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 783

You deserved it 12 799

Bad sign

By TJ AJ RJ / IV the V - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Diego

Today, my boss flipped me off in traffic on my way to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 125

You deserved it 4 219

Get out of there

By Foxflame - 30/01/2022 08:01 - United States

Today, my family is supposed to be enjoying a day with my in-laws. The drawback? I have to spend time with my stepmom-in-law who is a conspiracy theorist, and my stepsister-in-law who has an unvaccinated 3 year-old who’s been sick a lot lately and looks like death. I have a 4 year-old and a newborn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 317

By kte - 30/12/2009 10:36 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 347

You deserved it 2 669

They're probably right

By FML1994 - 14/06/2009 17:20 - United States

Today, my family was discussing the new rules of the house we are moving into. They told my sister she couldn't have any boys in her room. They didn't tell me I couldn't have any girls in my room. Even my parents think I can't get a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 311

You deserved it 4 995

Do you even lift, bro?

By Anonymous - 11/08/2013 04:24 - United States

Today, while working out in the gym, I spotted a very attractive girl. I decided to pick up the heaviest dumbbell to show off how much I could curl. She ended up driving me to the hospital because I burst into tears after tearing up my bicep and deltoid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 581

You deserved it 66 971

By FastFoodWaiter - 03/09/2012 23:43 - United States - Saukville

Today, a woman came up to me at work and screamed at me for "taking forever" to come and wait at her table. I work at Wendy's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 538

You deserved it 1 966

The sweet smell of success

By Anonymous - 29/10/2020 11:02

Today, my dad decided to make home-made popcorn. He accidentally used old fish oil instead of mazola oil. Now the house reeks of fish and we can't even throw the popcorn out for fear of attracting wild animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 122

Wanker

By fired - 09/08/2013 22:17

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 355

You deserved it 7 515

By Lucas79 - 08/10/2011 01:23 - Australia

Today, I was walking down the street on my way to work, when an old lady's walking stick caught my leg and sent me crashing to the ground. She apologised for the accident and watched me stumble to my feet. I said not to worry. Just as I turned to leave, I could swear a smirk crept over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 270

You deserved it 3 440

Messy

By chuchie - 12/06/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my 5 month-old nephew, who hasn't pooped in two days according to his mom. Well, he pooped. I accidentally stuck my finger in it. While I was wiping my finger off, he rolled over and peed on my new carpet. I rolled him over to clean the pee and he opened fire and pooped again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 608

You deserved it 6 668

Freudian intensifies

By mouthwash - 11/11/2014 05:05 - United States - Gallipolis

Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 767

You deserved it 4 619

By (._. ) - 06/08/2013 20:35 - United States - Alburnett

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd have to ask his dad if it was OK. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "Come on, Dad" and "But why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 800

You deserved it 5 132

By Anonymous - 30/08/2012 18:33 - United States - Auburn

Today, I had to explain to my teacher that Czechoslovakia is no longer a country. She kicked me out of class when she found out I was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 339

You deserved it 2 155

By eyeleanify - 10/12/2010 08:12 - United States

Today, I hit a car while trying to park. Assuming that no one saw, I moved my car and parked somewhere else. Hours later I get a call from the university police. While backing up to go to the police station I hit another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 752

You deserved it 56 063

By bureaucracy - 29/01/2017 22:00 - United States - Bellingham

Today I went to the bus station to pick up a lost phone. Even after calling ahead the day before, I was turned away because I hadn't e-mailed. The website says to call and doesn't list an e-mail. I still don't have the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 658

You deserved it 474

By Ergon_Talfo - 09/11/2014 00:43 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, after moving to a new neighbourhood, I went to meet my new neighbour. When she opened the door, all she said was, "Oh not you again!", and shut the door in my face. I have no memory of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 651

You deserved it 2 990

Ergon_Talfo tells us more.

Ergon_Talfo 16

Sunday 9 November 2014 22:36

I knocked on the door again and she yelled for me to go away saying she didn't want to buy anything. At this point I understood what was going on. As it turns out, for the past couple days she's been getting salesmen knock on her door and try to sell her something. We talked it out and is clarified that I was actually her new neighbour an not someone trying to sell her something. In the end everything turned out alright and she actually brought me fresh baked cookies later on. They were good. Anyways just wanted to clear up that it was a misunderstanding and she didn't mean any harm.