By fired - 09/08/2013 22:17

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML
I agree, your life sucks 48 236
You deserved it 7 478

Same thing different taste

Top comments

I'll never understand why some people feel the need to be asses.


assassinbanana0 20

They should make a button for that Oh wait..

We ALLLL know what "funny stories" he was reading on the toilet, right FML? Half of you are doing it right now.

Of course I'm not... such an inconvenient place to read! But yeah I am.

I'm sorry but if I hear weird noises in the bathroom, I finish my business and then leave. He'd be the same jackass to hear footsteps in the attic and decide it's a good idea to go up there and say "Hello?" with nothing but a match, because apparently cellphones are extremely unheard of in situations like that.

nurchok 15

#26, not half, bro/sis, whoever is reading your comment is doing it, so everyone is... :)

I've seen douchenozzle and douchecandle. Now douchecanoe?

I also thought shitlord was highly entertaining.

That is an amazing concoction of words

bvb123 6

Douchecanoe comes from a YouTuber it's mattg124

How is the coworker shallow? Unless you are referring to the dimensions of the douchecanoe.

Shallow for being an assuming asshole, making up a BS story to their boss, and getting OP fired.

Douchecanoe is all over. There's actualy a song called douchecanoe! I think this is a first that I've seen anyone type/say it outside my friends. :P

#2 I saw one of those on Craigslist if you want one.

#65 Wow I really could use one on my trip to ******** Lake. How much is it?

Douchecanoe and shitlord made my week! :P

I'll never understand why some people feel the need to be asses.

I don't understand why you would get into trouble if you masturbated in the bathroom.

whiteboy896 9

maybe he was in the food buissness :)

klutchh4 9

Hopefully karma kicks his ass

CallMeMcFeelii 13

I'm with OP doing it himself. Just make sure to sport a ski mask and some Bane-ish speaking device so they can't describe you to the police. And with the Bane mask you can say ridiculous phrases to catch him off guard. You can thank me later, OP. Haha.

ArtinHopar 16

I thought OP was doing it himself.

do you two have a history? or did he just do that because he wanted to ruin your day

thats also an invasion of privacy, and why was he looking over the divider? sounds like a creeeeeper

brittanycrush 8

How is that more if a downer on you than him? You chuckled, he looks under the stall, and You're at fault?

Some people just have nothing better to do then ruin other people's days

What a shitty co-worker. Hopefully your boss will flush this incident down and allow you to continue working.