Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked into the bathroom at work, and in the stall next to me I could hear someone pleasuring himself. I decided to let my boss know what was going on, but it turns out that it was my boss in the stall next to me. FML
Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML
Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML
Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML
Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML
Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML
Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML
Today, while in a public restroom, a man entered the stall next to me and began vigorously wanking. He finished quickly, but as he was leaving he peeped in at me through the crack in the stall door. FML
Today, I walked into the ladies' bathroom to find my male boss taking a dump with the stall door wide open. FML
Today, at work, my boss went to the single-stall bathroom on our floor. The next thing I know, I'm on suspension pending review because some asshole left an upper-decker in the toilet. Since I'm the office prankster, all suspicion is now on me. I've been framed by my own colleagues. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
iAlissa 34
What a shallow douchecanoe.
obnum 19
I'll never understand why some people feel the need to be asses.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (54)
themogsta7 5
wow, sorry dude lol fml I guess
assassinbanana0 20
They should make a button for that Oh wait..
starile 20
We ALLLL know what "funny stories" he was reading on the toilet, right FML? Half of you are doing it right now.
Bloodangel4ever 14
Of course I'm not... such an inconvenient place to read! But yeah I am.
blvcklvnd69 14
#1 you mean FHL?
imaginaryvoice 18
I'm sorry but if I hear weird noises in the bathroom, I finish my business and then leave. He'd be the same jackass to hear footsteps in the attic and decide it's a good idea to go up there and say "Hello?" with nothing but a match, because apparently cellphones are extremely unheard of in situations like that.
nurchok 15
#26, not half, bro/sis, whoever is reading your comment is doing it, so everyone is... :)
starile 20
...but on the toilet?
iAlissa 34
What a shallow douchecanoe.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
That's a new one.
PinkieKeen 20
I've seen douchenozzle and douchecandle. Now douchecanoe?
iAlissa 34
I also thought shitlord was highly entertaining.
girlbye23 15
That is an amazing concoction of words
bvb123 6
Douchecanoe comes from a YouTuber it's mattg124
Narcoterrorist 6
How is the coworker shallow? Unless you are referring to the dimensions of the douchecanoe.
iAlissa 34
Shallow for being an assuming asshole, making up a BS story to their boss, and getting OP fired.
skitzymew 19
Douchecanoe is all over. There's actualy a song called douchecanoe! I think this is a first that I've seen anyone type/say it outside my friends. :P
j_cat187 20
#2 I saw one of those on Craigslist if you want one.
iAlissa 34
#65 Wow I really could use one on my trip to ******** Lake. How much is it?
lisslyi 19
Douchecanoe and shitlord made my week! :P
iceshard01 10
Hurry robin, to the shit mobile!
obnum 19
I'll never understand why some people feel the need to be asses.
webbface 25
I don't understand why you would get into trouble if you masturbated in the bathroom.
whiteboy896 9
maybe he was in the food buissness :)
klutchh4 9
Hopefully karma kicks his ass
ryanthecheeseguy 18
Or Op could do it himself.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I'm with OP doing it himself. Just make sure to sport a ski mask and some Bane-ish speaking device so they can't describe you to the police. And with the Bane mask you can say ridiculous phrases to catch him off guard. You can thank me later, OP. Haha.
ArtinHopar 16
I thought OP was doing it himself.
isallwaysme 27
do you two have a history? or did he just do that because he wanted to ruin your day
themogsta7 5
thats also an invasion of privacy, and why was he looking over the divider? sounds like a creeeeeper
FMLbutYDI 17
But he didn't.
brittanycrush 8
How is that more if a downer on you than him? You chuckled, he looks under the stall, and You're at fault?
FelicityWishes 32
OP's name is fired.
MrSarary 26
Some people just have nothing better to do then ruin other people's days
JasonUMN 15
What a shitty co-worker. Hopefully your boss will flush this incident down and allow you to continue working.
michelleJ11 25
OP's name is fired.